So Much Left to Learn
The diner wasn't as busy as usual, which Justin appreciated because it meant he wouldn't have to deal with the usual catcalls and remarks he had grown accustomed to. He scanned the room and sighed happily when he didn't see any signs of the boisterous, red wig wearing, pseudo-mom who was always prowling for her cubs. Justin slid into the nearest booth he could find and waited until one of the newer waiters came and took his order. Ten minutes later, the food arrived and Justin munched absentmindedly. It wasn't until he heard the ding of the bell above the door that he realized his food was only half-eaten and cold.
"Sunshine!" Justin winced when he heard the all too familiar voice.
"Deb." Justin groaned and slid his plate to the other side of the booth.
"Whatcha doing, kiddo? You don't work today."
"I know." He motioned for her to sit. "I needed some air and this seemed like the place to come."
"Oh, shit." Deb grew serious and narrowed her eyes. Justin was familiar with the scrutiny and knew that questions weren't far behind. "What's going on? You can tell me."
Justin laughed to himself. "Life's complicated right now, and I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it."
"Well, if that ain't the truth. Life's always complicated, Sunshine."
"I mean more so than usual. I went and talked to Ben today about enrolling in college." He stopped when he saw the smile spread across her face. "I haven't committed to anything, yet. I don't know if I want to get a dorm or stay with Brian, I don't even know how long he'll want me there. Don't get me wrong, Brian and I are well, we're doing alright, but I don't want to invade his space, and I don't want him to invade mine."
"Sunshine, can I ask you something?"
Justin nodded.
"Are you happy here? I mean, when you wake up in the morning and you open your eyes, what's the first feeling you get?"
Justin closed his eyes and tried to picture himself when the alarm rang and he traipsed out of bed, pulled on some clothes after a quickie in the shower, and waited for Brian to take him to school. He frowned because the feeling he got was elated, like soaring above the clouds, and that scared him. He'd never had that feeling before and didn't know how to deal with it. He had told Brian everything about the accident, but the man didn't know about his life afterwards. He didn't know that Justin had had to trick to make ends meet. That he had faint track marks that ran the length of his arms. How long could Brian be kept in the dark, and what would he do if and when he found out?
"Yes." He stated mournfully. "I am happy here."
"Then, you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. If staying here makes you happy than you should stay, don't let Mr. Wonderful ruin it for you. Vic and I would be glad to have you back in the house if staying with Brian isn't an option. My brother misses your conversations, you know." Deb stood and patted Justin's hand affectionately then proceeded to start her shift. Justin watched her leave, his thoughts ringing through his head. He was happy here in this place. This city that he'd been so reluctant to come to in the first place. He grabbed his backpack and rushed out the door. Justin knew what he needed to do and he wanted to get done before Brian got home.
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"Hey, Sunshine." Brian called from the loft doorway. He had been waiting for this moment all day. Silence was all that welcomed Brian's call. So, he tried again and was met with the same non-answer. Brian placed his briefcase on the island before making his way towards the bedroom. There wasn't any sign of Justin in any of the rooms. The boy's tattered backpack was missing along with his sketchbooks, and Brian didn't even want to begin to think about what that meant.
Brian began to think of anything that might give a hint as to where Justin was; he didn't have to work today, and he shouldn't be at the school. Brian's options were seriously limited.
'Let's start simple.' Brian thought scanning the room. 'At the beginning.' There weren't any notes or random pieces of paper, but the answering machine light was blinking. Brian listened as the machine played message after message each meaning nothing to him at the moment. He'd call Mikey back later and fuck the solicitors. He had no desire or reason for a home equity loan. Lindsay's message, though, was vague enough for him to play it again.
"Hey, Bri." Her melancholy voice rang through the loft. "I've found something you might have lost. Come on over when you get home from work."
Brian decided to do just that; it couldn't hurt.
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"It was supposed to be a surprise." Justin whispered to Lindsay.
"Honey." Lindsay began sighing softly. "He was bound to be worried sick about you, and I couldn't not tell him where you were." She patted Justin's shoulder softly. Gus took that moment and started to cry in hunger or sleeplessness, Justin wasn't quite sure which. He had left the diner and went back to the loft, grabbing his sketchbooks in a hurry. He didn't mean to worry anybody; he was just caught up in the moment.
"What do you see in him?" Mel's voice broke through the blonde's thoughts bringing him back to the present.
"Excuse me?"
"Brian? What do you see in him?"
"The sex." Justin grinned wickedly. "It's all about the sex."
"I should've known." Mel sighed. "Nobody sees him the way I do."
"And what way is that? A scorned lover who thinks a person isn't allowed to love more than one person?" Justin grew serious, knowing that he'd probably crossed a line that he knew nothing about.
Melanie chuckled and slid next to him on the couch. "He'll hurt you; he always does. Either intentionally or not, but he does and who will be there to pick up the pieces? Just something to think about." They sat together in silence, each pondering what the other had said. Justin didn't understand what it was about these people that made him think so hard. He didn't know them, but somehow they seemed to think they knew what was best for him.
"He's right here." Lindsay whispered, showing Brian into the living room where Mel and Justin were sitting.
"What are you doing here?"
"It was supposed to be a surprise." Was all that Justin said. He handed Brian the sketchbook off the coffee table and watched while his lover flipped through and reached the last page. A sketch of Gus. The baby was grinning broadly, nestled between two large hands, which Brian assumed to be his. He'd never gotten anything like this before.
"So, this is why all your stuff is gone?" Brian questioned, closing the book and placing it back onto the table.
"All my stuff isn't gone. Just the sketchbooks and my bag." Justin answered matter-of-factly. 'The rest is packed up.' Justin thought. He stood and wiped his hands on his thighs not knowing why he was suddenly so nervous. Maybe it was because he was about to tell Brian something imperative to the furthering of their so-called relationship.
"Whatever." Brian said, taking Gus from Lindsay. "Are we finished here?"
Justin grabbed his books and bag and led the way out to the car so that Brian could have some time with his son. While waiting in the jeep, he idly flipped through his sketchbook, which was filled to the brim with charcoal drawings of various things. He'd finally begun to break away from the Brian-mold he'd found himself in, and liked to visit the park to sketch the children that played. Justin shut the book and shoved it into his bag when Brian hopped behind the steering wheel.
"I was going back to the loft, you know. You didn't have to come and rescue me." There was slight hostility in Justin's voice. He didn't like that Brian may think he wasn't capable of taking care of himself.
"I wasn't rescuing you, Sunshine. Don't flatter yourself." Brian's eyes never wavered from the road ahead. "Lindsay merely left a message on my machine that I found interesting and decided to check out."
Justin didn't know what to say and so opted not to say anything at all. Instead, the duo road back to the loft in silence. Justin fiddled with the strap on his bag while Brian jerked-off the gearshift.
"Here, this is yours." Justin said, thrusting the picture of Gus into Brian's chest once they were back inside the loft.
"What's the occasion?"
"It's my farewell present." Justin answered, walking into the bathroom. "I got my check today and it was enough to finish off my payments. I can leave first thing in the morning."
"You're not even going to finish school?"
"The reason being?" Justin hated that Brian just assumed the worst of him and immediately took the defensive.
"We already went through this." Brian sighed.
"I remember, to make something of myself. Is that what you said?" Justin spun on his heels and faced Brian. "That's not the life for me. My life was over before it even began."
"So." The older man paused. "You're just going to give up? Abandon everything that you've put together and for what? Squatting in abandoned warehouses, sleeping in the streets, and drinking yourself into a stupor?"
"You don't know anything about that." Justin hissed. "You wouldn't want me here if you knew what I went through."
"And you don't know anything about me if that's what you believe." Brian walked up to the blonde and reached for him.
Justin flinched and pulled away. "It's late and I'm tired."
Brian watched Justin turn and slam the bathroom door. His mouth gaped open and his mind whirled with what had just happened. Did he fuck everything up as usual?
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