Lost Sister

Part 2

 

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Justin almost chocked on his water at Caitlin’s statement, “What?”

“I want you to take me to America.  It seems to me all the answers would be there, and if your theory is correct, I have a family there that I want to meet.”

“Cait, look, I’m not sure about this.  First, we don’t know if you are related to the Kinneys that I know …”

“That’s bullshit Justin, and you know it!  I know in my heart it is true, and I believe you know it too.”

“You don’t want to know your family.  Your father is dead, but he was a drunk and a child abuser.  Your mother is a sanctimonious, religious bitch, who never fails to tell someone they’re going to hell if they don’t believe her.  Your sister is a cunt, excuse my crude language, who allowed her son to accuse Brian of molesting him when Brian caught him stealing money.  I don’t know about your family here, but they’ve got to be better than that.”

Caitlin noticed he left someone out, “What about Brian?”

Justin felt unshed tears flood his eyes, “If you want to meet Brian, I can’t be a part of it.  I can’t see him.  He’s the reason that I am here.  Besides, I don’t think my ass would be welcome in Pittsburgh anytime soon.”

“Why?”

“When I came to Dublin for school, I left Brian … again.”

“What do you mean, again?”

Justin laughed and looked at his watch, “How much time do you have?”

 

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He began to spin the tale of Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor.  He told Cait about meeting Brian when he was seventeen, and how he fell in love that first night.  He talked about how relentlessly he pursued Brian, until the older man could do nothing but give in.  Caitlin had tears in her eyes when he told her about the Prom, and how everything changed after that.  Brian blamed himself so much for the bashing that he closed himself off in ways he never had before.  He talked about those painful weeks before he left with Ethan.  Caitlin saw the love in his eyes when Justin talked about their reunion.  She felt the pain when Justin described how he needed to leave Brian again.

“I never wanted to.  I really believed that we would make it.”

“What happened?  It sure sounds like you guys loved each other a lot.”

“I got tired of fighting.”

“What do you mean?”

“I knew that Brian loved me, but he would never fight for me.  When I wanted to leave, he let me go … both times.  He may have loved me, but he never cared enough about us to fight for it.  I know he loved having me around, in his life, in his bed, but it was all too easy for him to let go of if need be.  I always fought for us, our relationship meant that much to me.  Finally I knew that it would never be what I dreamed of.  I felt terrible.  I had lied to Brian again, I didn’t mean to, but it happened.  I knew it would just be better if I left.  That way I couldn’t grow bitter and resentful and hate him.  I could just love him from afar and dream about what could have been.  My plan was to take this year abroad and then figure out a way to stay for my senior year, and then settle in Europe somewhere, maybe Paris.  It took me a long time to earn the forgiveness of my ‘pseudo-family’ the first time I left Brian, I wouldn’t be so lucky a second time.  But then I come here, and meet you, and everything gets fucked up again.”

Caitlin laughed, she sounded so much like Brian when she did that.  Brian didn’t laugh much, but when he did, it put Justin’s ‘sunshine’ smile to shame.  Justin loved to hear Brian laugh, and his heart was warmed everytime he heard Caitlin’s laugh.  Being with Caitlin was like being with the best of Brian.  The Brian who existed without walls, the Brian who was funny and smiled and laughed.  Caitlin didn’t have the childhood that Brian did, she was raised by parents who loved her.  Justin wondered what Brian would have been like if he had been raised by Cait’s parents.

“Justin, I think fate brought us together.  For me, it’s the chance to find my brother that I’ve missed my whole life.  For you, it’s the chance to finally settle things with Bri.”  Caitlin had started referring to Brian as ‘Bri,’ the way that Justin did.  “I think we met because we both hold the missing pieces of each other’s lives.  You have the power to reunite me with my twin, and I think I have the power to bring Brian back to you.”

Justin looked at Caitlin with tears in his eyes, “Maybe you’re right Cait, maybe you’re right.”

 

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Brian missed Justin more than he thought possible.  He had been floored when Justin left him … again.  He thought they were stronger this time.  He thought Justin finally understood him, and he did.  That was the problem.  Brian’s problem was that Justin was stronger this time around.  He tried to settle in order to be with Brian, but he couldn’t.  Brian had to give the kid credit, this time he didn’t lie or screw around, he was honest.  He wanted something Brian wouldn’t give, and he would no longer settle for anything else.

Something Justin said to him the day he left stuck with Brian.  He said he didn’t want to fight.  Brian knew there was a double meaning in that statement.  He didn’t want to have a knock down argument, but also he was tired of fighting for them.  Brian knew it was Justin’s resolve and strength that kept them together.  Brian never fought to keep them together.  If Justin wanted to leave, Brian was always willing to let him go.  He loved Justin, but he always told himself that he could live without him.  He was learning the hard way that he couldn’t.

When he went to Jennifer’s condo to find Justin, he was ready to fight.  It never crossed his mind that that he wouldn’t be able to.  When Jennifer told him that Justin left to spend his junior year abroad, his heart shattered.  He sensed that Jennifer wanted to tell him where Justin was, but she had made a promise to her son.  Brian knew the time had come to come clean with the “family.”

 

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They were having dinner at Deb’s, a couple of days after Justin’s departure.  Brian was immediately bombarded with questions when he showed up without Justin.  For the first time in his life, Brian decided to be honest, and let his family into his life.

“Justin’s gone.”

His statement was met with surprise and shock.  Deb was the first one to speak up, “What do you mean gone?  What have you done this time?”

“Ma!” Michael was indignant that his mom would assume that Justin’s departure was Brian’s fault.

“Michael,” Brian’s tone stopped him, “it was my fault.  He was tired.  After I lost my job, I started pushing him away again.  In some subconscious way, I blamed him for what happened.  Even though I was responsible for my own actions, I still found it easy to blame him.  If I hadn’t been with Justin, all those things wouldn’t have happened.  I think he sensed it too.  He was willing to take the blame, but he got too tired to fight.  He was always the one to fight for me, to fight for us.  I never did, I let him shoulder it all.  I figured he knew what he was getting into when he came back, so I never expected him to get tired of it.  When he left, there was no dramatic blowup, he just told me he couldn’t do it anymore, and was sorry that he lied to me.  He blamed himself.  Then he was gone.”

The voice that spoke shocked everyone, it was Michael, “Well go get him back, and start shouldering your part in that relationship.”

Brian was defeated, “I would if I could.”

Mel spoke up, “What do you mean?”

“Jennifer told me that Justin left to spend his junior year abroad, and he doesn’t want me to know where.”

“Well, I’ll find out where he is!” This came from Deb.

“No Deb, I don’t think so.  I think Jennifer wanted to tell me, but she promised Justin.  So we just have to hope that he’s ok, and I just have to hope that he will come home.”

For the first time in their lives, everyone felt sadness for Brian Kinney.  He had lost the best thing that ever happened to him, and he knew it.

 

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Justin loved living in Dublin.  There was so much art and culture that his artistic nature was over stimulated.  The best thing though was Caitlin.  They had come together because she was Brian’s sister, but she truly became his best friend and after a while it had nothing to do with Brian.  When she told him she wanted him to take her to America, he was reluctant.  He never planned to go back, but he knew that she needed to.  She needed to find Brian.  Justin told her he needed to finish the school year, but once that was done, they would go.  He wouldn’t promise her that he would stay, but he promised to take her.

Caitlin embraced him to her heart so openly, that Justin sometimes had a hard time believing she was related to Brian at all, let alone his twin.  She introduced Justin to her entire family, aunts, uncles and cousins.  Brian had a whole family that he never knew about, a wonderful family.  A family that loved each other, and didn’t hurt each other.  He knew that Brian would thrive if he ever came here, and Justin believed that he would.  The most important people that Justin met were Caitlin’s parents.

It was about six months into his stay that he let Caitlin drag him to her parents.  Justin had been very reluctant.  He didn’t have a lot of experience with adopted families, but he knew it had to hurt Caitlin’s parents that she was so enthusiastic about a connection to her biological family.  She finally convinced him to come to a family dinner.  It would just be the four of them, Caitlin, Justin and her parents, Bridgit and Seamus.

Justin was a nervous wreck when he found himself standing on the doorstep of a modest house in a Dublin suburb.  The door swung open, and he was pulled into a hug by an over enthusiastic Bridgit.  Justin felt like he was at Debbie’s.  Bridgit was short and stocky with long wild red hair.  She embraced him like a mother who hadn’t seen her son in a long time.

“Well it’s about time you graced our doorstep Sunshine.  Caitlin has talked about you so much, we were beginning to think you were a figment of her imagination.”

“Well Mrs. Kinney …”

“Oh no, you will call me mom, or if nothing else, Bridgit.”

“Ok Bridgit.”  Justin was led into the house, he saw Cait standing with her father.  The man was an older version of Brian.

“Hello Justin, I’m Seamus Kinney, it is a pleasure to meet you.  Caitlin has told us so much about you.”

The evening passed by in such a blur.  Justin opened up about the Pittsburgh family.  Seamus and Bridgit were particularly interested in hearing about Brian.  Justin didn’t know if it was the ale or the company, but he shared what he knew about Brian’s childhood with his and Cait’s biological parents.

Bridgit’s green eyes filled with tears and she held her husband’s hand, “If they really didn’t want them, why couldn’t they have given Brian to us too?”

 

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Caitlin and Justin went for a walk after dinner.  Caitlin sensed the silence in her friend, “What are you thinking about?”

“You’re parents are really great.”

“Yeah they are.”

“I just think about how different things would have been for Brian if he had been raised by them, and raised with you.”

“But if he had, he never would have met you.”

“That would be ok, he would have been loved and maybe he would have been happy.”

Caitlin was amazed at the love her young friend had for the brother she had never met.

 

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Time passed quickly, and Justin’s school term was coming to an end.  He knew the decision to go back to Pittsburgh had been made when he filled out the course schedule for his final year.  Caitlin was not very subtle about Justin taking her to Pittsburgh.  They hadn’t talked much about it, but when she helped Justin select his senior year courses, she knew they were going.

Justin only kept in touch with his mom and Daphne.  He didn’t tell either one of them about Caitlin, or his adoption into the “Irish Kinney” family.  He wasn’t sure why, but his relationship with Caitlin and her family was something he wanted to keep to himself as long as possible.

He and Caitlin began preparing for their return to America.  Justin e-mailed his mom and told her he was coming home with a friend of his that he had met, and could she stay with them for awhile?  Jennifer was so ecstatic that her son was coming home she wouldn’t deny him anything.  She also wanted him to come home so he could be reunited with Brian.  Jennifer hadn’t seen Brian since the day he had come looking for Justin, but Deb kept her posted.  She knew Brian was a wreck without Justin.  All he did was work.  He never went out to the clubs.  His life was consumed with work.  Jennifer’s heart broke for the man her son loved.  There was so many times she wanted to tell him where Justin was, but she was bound by her promise.  All she could do was hope that when Justin came home, he and Brian would find there way back to each other.

 

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Justin and Caitlin made their plans to go to Pittsburgh.  Seamus and Bridgit were heartbroken at their imminent departure, but they understood that Cait was doing what she needed to do.  Their hearts and prayers also went out to the young man they had come to love like a son.  He was the soul-mate of their lost boy.  Since they had met Justin, and learned about Brian, they considered him their lost son, and prayed for the day he would come home to them.

The day finally came when Justin and Cait were to leave.  Seamus and Bridgit took them to the airport.  Neither one of them tried to hide their tears.  They hugged Justin and then Caitlin.  Caitlin whispered to her parents, “Mommy and Daddy, I love you, and I will bring my brother home.”

 

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