No Wonder

Part 4

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            Brian stayed on the floor of his office for several hours after Justin and Jenny left.  He was numb.  He couldn’t feel anything.  He just knew that his entire world had walked out the front door.  Brian needed to process the last few hours.  Justin had told him in New York that he had hustled a few times.  Sure, Brian was upset, but could accept it if it had been only an occasional incident.  Having Justin confirm that he had sold himself on a regular basis made Brian sick to his stomach.  Not because he thought Justin a whore, but because it was his fault.

            Brian had to come to terms with the fact that his illusions about what happened to Justin were just that … illusions.  Justin had never been reunited with his family.  His beautiful, golden boy had been thrown to the wolves.  Miraculously, he had not only survived but thrived.  Brian knew that just proved Justin’s strength of character.  He had never been beat.  The way Justin stood up to him tonight was proof of that.  Justin never lowered his eyes in shame, he took Brian head on.  He fought back and refused to apologize or make excuses.  Brian was devastated but proud at the same time.

 

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            Daphne woke up early and was surprised to find Justin sitting on the patio.

            “What are you doing here?”

            “Gee Daph, I thought I lived here.”

            “Very funny.  You and Jenny weren’t supposed to be back until Sunday.”

            “I took care of what I needed to in Pittsburgh.  I went and visited my parents’ grave, saw the gang, came clean with Brian and came home.”

            “Justin, don’t bullshit me.  What happened?  I take it Brian reacted badly when you told him.”

            “I didn’t tell him Daph.”

            “But, I thought you said …”

            “Michael told him.”

            “How the fuck did Michael know?”

            Justin sighed and gestured for Daphne to sit down.  She sensed this would be a long story.  “Well, Brian and I arrived at Deb’s for dinner last night.  Apparently, she’s taken in a kid she found living on the streets.  His name’s Hunter.  He’s had some tough breaks but he’s a good kid.”

            “What does that have to do with Michael telling Brian you were a hustler?”

            “Can I finish?”

            “Go ahead.”

            “Gee … thanks.  Anyway, this kid used to be a hustler.  That’s how Deb found him. He was hustling near the diner.”

            “Poor kid.”

            “Yeah.  Apparently, Michael enjoys tormenting the kid about his less than stellar past.  He was taking potshots at him all night.  It pissed me off, so I talked to Hunter after dinner.  Basically, I just told him not to let other people make him feel worthless.  There’s nothing shameful in doing what you must in order to survive.  We talked for a little longer.  I realized later that Michael must have been eavesdropping.”

            “What happened?”

            Justin hesitated, “Brian was really quiet until we got back to his house.  Then he started asking weird questions.  He was all of a sudden really curious about where I had worked when I first got to New York, how I made enough money dancing etc.  I knew right then that he had found out.”

            “He must have been really pissed if it sent you home.”

            “I don’t know. I just went on the offensive.  Confirmed his suspicions, and told him he had no right to judge me.”

            “What did you mean by that?”

            “Look at his sexual activity.  He fucks a different guy every night.  The only difference between him and me was I made money for it.”

            “How did he react?”

            “He looked like he wanted to hit me.  So I left.”

            “Wow,” Justin nodded, “I would have hit you?”

            “What??”

            “Well, Jesus Christ Justin, how could you say that to him?  It sounds like he was just trying to understand what happened and you attacked him.  What did you expect?”

            Justin couldn’t say anything.  All he could do was wonder what he had done.

 

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            Brian could barely sleep that night.  His mind kept running over the events of the previous night.  He felt raw from Justin’s accusations.  He knew the younger man was hurting and trying to protect himself, but Brian never expected Justin to attack him.  For the first time, Brian realized he was going to have to face the past.  There would be no future for him and Justin unless they could make peace with the last ten years.

            Brian heard a soft knock on his bedroom door, “Daddy.”

            “Come in, Sonny boy.”

            Gus came through the door and jumped onto Brian’s bed.

            “Where are Justin and Jenny?  Their rooms are empty.”

            “Something came up and they had to go back to New York last night.”

            “Without saying goodbye?”

            Brian saw that Gus was hurting.  Even though, Gus didn’t remember Justin from when he was a baby, he always knew about him.  Brian would tell Gus stories about the young man who named him the night he was born.  To Gus, Justin was always a member of the family who didn’t live in Pittsburgh.  Seeing Justin again had been a dream come true for Gus.  Brian hated that his son might be disappointed.  He also knew how much Justin loved Gus, and believed that Justin would not have left the young boy without saying goodbye.  “You were asleep when they had to leave, but he kissed you goodbye before he left.”

            Gus smiled at those words.  “When are they coming back?”

            “I’m not sure, Sonny Boy. We’ll have to see.”

            “Ok, Daddy.  Can we go to the diner for breakfast?”

            Brian groaned inwardly.  Going to the diner meant facing Debbie and the gang, including Michael.  However, Brian could never say no to his son.

 

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            The diner was pretty busy for a Tuesday morning.  Brian and Gus found Ted and Emmett in their “usual” booth.

            “Hey sweeties!”  Emmett called out.

            “Auntie Em!!” Gus ran over to Emmett and was immediately enveloped into a warm hug.

            “Hey!” was all Brian had to say.

            Emmett looked around, “Where’s the blonde bombshell and his princess?”

            Gus spoke up first, “Justin and Jenny had to go back to New York, but they’ll be back.”

            Gus was so sure of this. Brian feared his son would be disappointed.

            Debbie was listening to the exchange between her boys and she knew that something had happened.  She walked over to the table.

            “Brian, come take a walk with me.”

            “Excuse me?”

            “Emmett and Ted can watch Gus, you come with me.”

            Brian recognized the look in Deb’s eyes and knew not to argue.  He followed the red head outside.  They started walking down Liberty Avenue.  Brian thought if he kept silent everything would be ok.

            “So what happened?”

            “What are you talking about?”

            “Last night I was under the impression that Sunshine was supposed to be here all week, and now he’s gone.  So I ask again, what happened?”

            “Nothing Deb, he had to get back to New York.  That’s all, nothing exciting.  Drop it.”

            “I will not.  You brought him back to us after ten years.  He was home, happy, and loved … by you.  Now you tell me why he’s gone?”

            Brian sunk down on a bench at a bus stop and held his head in his hands.  Debbie sat next to him.  “Kiddo, what’s going on?”

            Brian just sighed.  He looked at the woman who had been more a mother to him than his own had been.  “When Justin first got to New York, after I cancelled my credit card, and after his dad wouldn’t let him come home, he was on the streets.  I don’t know all the details, but he lived by hustling.”

            Debbie gasped.  She was not expecting this.  “Oh, poor Sunshine.”

            “He glossed over it when I found him in New York. I guess, I didn’t really want to hear it.  I preferred to think he spent the last ten years in the WASP fold of the Taylor family.”

            “Reality sucks.”

            Brian smirked at that statement.  “Yeah, it does.”

            “So what happened when he finally told you?”

            “He didn’t, Michael did.”

            “What?”

            “Michael overheard Justin talking to Hunter and decided it was his duty to inform me of the illustrious career of my former boy toy.”

            “He never could accept you and Sunshine.  So what did Justin say?”

            “He went on the offensive and came out swinging.  By the time we were done, he left.”

            “There’s more to it than that, I know both of you.”

            “I was trying to ask him about what happened. He knew where I was going and just went crazy.  He called himself a whore and how could I judge him.  He threw my past sex life in my face and said the only difference between the two of us was that he made money doing it.  I was shocked and couldn’t say anything.  That’s when he decided to leave.  He said he never should have come back, never should have seen me again, and walked out.”

            “Oh Brian …”

            “The thing is, I’m not upset about the hustling.  I mean I’m upset, but only about the fact he found himself in a situation where that was his only option.  It doesn’t change how I feel about him.”

            “How do you feel about him?”

            Brian didn’t hesitate, “I love him.”

            “Then go get him.”

 

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            Brian arranged for Gus to stay with Debbie and Vic while he went to New York.  He wasn’t sure what course of action to take.  Based on their last conversation, Brian knew Justin wouldn’t be very happy to see him.  He knew there was only one person who could give him the answers he sought.

            Brian checked himself into the Plaza Hotel.  Then he headed over to Mt. Sinai where Daphne worked.  He went to the main information desk.

            “May I help you?”

            “Yes, I would like to speak with Dr. Chanders.  Could you tell me where I may find her?”

            “One moment.” Brian heard Daphne paged over the intercom system.  Within a few moments, Daphne appeared in the lobby.

            “Brian?”

            “Hi Daph.”

            “What are you doing here?”

            “I was hoping to speak to you.”

            Daphne looked at her watch.  “My shift is done in an hour.  There’s a coffee shop around the corner.  I’ll meet you there.”

 

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Eight years earlier

 

            Daphne arrived in New York two weeks ahead of schedule.  She knew Justin was hiding something, although she didn’t know what it was.  Every time she made plans to visit, Justin would come up with some reason why she couldn’t.  He told her stories about the clubs he was working in.  According to Justin, life in New York was great.  She never believed a word he said.  She and Justin had been friends since pre-school.  Every success he had he shared with her.

            The fact he wouldn’t share his New York life with her spoke volumes.  When Daphne arrived in New York, she was ready for some answers.  She went to the address Justin had given her and waited for him.  She saw him walk out of a building with a good looking young man.  For a moment Daphne thought that Justin had a new boyfriend.  Then she saw them take place on the street corner.  Within ten minutes she saw Justin pick up a guy in a Jaguar and drive away.  Daphne felt sick to her stomach.  She just watched her best friend pick up a trick on a street corner and drive away.

            She waited for two hours until Justin returned.  Once again, he stationed himself on the street corner.  Immediately, she approached him.

            “What the fuck are you doing here?”

            “Well, I live here now, and I thought I would seek out your sorry lying ass.  And what do I find?  You, peddling said ass on the street.  What the fuck is going on?”

            Justin’s shoulders slumped.  Daphne immediately felt bad for speaking so harshly, but she knew there was no other way to get through to Justin.

            “Justin, talk to me.”

            He wouldn’t meet her eyes.  “Daph, there’s nothing to say.”

            “No, Justin there is a lot to say.  You’re coming with me.”

            “Excuse me.”

            “Look, my parents rented me an apartment.  You can live with me.  Get off the streets, get a job, and make something of yourself.”

            “Look Daphne, this is my life now.  There’s nothing else for me to do.”

            “That’s where you’re wrong.  You still have so much ahead of you.  Please don’t throw it away.”  Daphne had tears in her eyes.  It was those tears that Justin finally reacted to.

 

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            Brian was waiting in the coffee shop when Daphne arrived.  She sat down across from him.  For a few moments the two spoke no words.

            “I have to say I’m surprised you agreed to see me.”

            “Why?”

            “Well, I’m guessing you heard the outcome of Justin’s trip to Pittsburgh.  I can’t imagine that I’m one of your favorite people right now.”

            “Well, I think both of you are idiots.  When Justin told me about your conversation, I wanted to smack him.  I think you should have hit him.”

            “What?”

            “He said some pretty nasty things to you.  If it was me, I would have hit him.  I guess you’re a bigger person than I am.”

            “I’m sure I deserved it.”

            “I don’t know.  Maybe, maybe not.  Why did you want to talk to me?”

            “I need to know what happened.  I can’t imagine Justin would be very forthcoming right now.  You’re my best bet.”

            Daphne looked deep into the hazel eyes across from her.  “I can only tell you what I know.”

            “It’s a start.”

            “I was in touch with Justin right after he left.  He contacted me after you cancelled your credit card and his dad wouldn’t let him come home.  We talked by phone and e-mail, but he balked every time I wanted to come and see him.  He kept telling me stories about how great his life was here.  He was supporting himself, had a great place to live, and was living a great life.  I didn’t believe it for a second.”

            “Why not?”

            “Justin loves to show off.  If things were as great as he was saying, he would have wanted me to visit in a heartbeat.  Yet, he always brushed me off.  I finally decided to go to school at Columbia.  I figured I could keep an eye on him that way.  I had my parents rent me an apartment.  I decided that I would move Justin in with me and get him away from whatever it was he had gotten himself into.  I found him hustling on the streets with James.”

            “James, his partner?”

            “Before James was his partner in the gallery, he was helping Justin cope with life on the streets.  I believe James was the one who kept him safe until I got here.  James kept a lot from me too.  I used to try and push, but it never got me anywhere.  He’s the only one who can give you the rest of the story.”

            Brian nodded.  He knew that Justin was the only one to give him the answers he needed.

 

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            Brian made his way to the brownstone Justin and Daphne shared.  He stood outside for several minutes.  For the first time in his life he was terrified.  He wanted to make things right with Justin.  He wanted the blonde artist back in his life.  What if Justin had moved on?  What if Justin didn’t want him anymore?  So many what ifs. Brian decided to face his fears.  He raised his hand and knocked on the door.  Within a few seconds the door opened and Brian was faced with the blue eyes that had haunted his dreams for ten years.

 

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