No Wonder
Part
3
************************************************************************
To:
jtaylor@taylorgalleries.com
From:
bknney@libertycomics.com
Subject: Re:
Visit
J,
I think a visit would be well in
order. Make sure you bring my
girl. Let me know your travel
plans.
B
************************************************************************
Kinney.
Hey Brian?
"Justin, I was hoping
youd call.
Really?
Of course, you twat. Are you still
coming next week?
Yeah, I just wanted to give you the
details.
Ok, spill it,
Well, Jenny and I will be coming on
Saturday.
Liberty Air flight
627. We get in at
Nonsense, youll stay with me.
Brian, you have Gus, I cant imagine that theres
room in the loft for two more.
J, I dont have the loft
anymore. Did you really think
that after seven years, I would be raising Gus in the loft with a makeshift
bedroom? I own a house, and I
have two guest rooms. There will
be plenty of room for you and Jenny.
Justin paused for a second, J?
Yeah, Im here Brian, ok, well stay with
you. Does anyone else know we
are coming?
Brian paused before answering, No, I havent told anyone
that we have been in contact.
Why not?
I wasnt sure what to say. Its been so
long.
I guess. Well, I
will see you on Saturday. Can you give me your address so we can take a
cab?
No, Gus and I will meet your plane.
Justin paused. Oh, ok.
Well, Ill see you then.
Bye, Bri.
Later,
Justin.
************************************************************************
Justin looked at the disarray on his
bed. He had about three hours
until he had to leave for the airport and he was nowhere near
packed. He had no idea what to
bring, he didnt know what Brian had planned and he was extremely
nervous. Daphne helped by getting
Jenny packed and ready. She knew
Justin was having a tough time mentally preparing for this trip, but she
knew he needed to do it. There
was so much he needed closure on and Brian was only part of
it.
Do you need me to pack your bags too?
Justin turned and looked at Daphne and stuck his tongue out at
her. It was such a childish gesture
that Daphne dissolved into giggles.
Her laughter was infectious and Justin started laughing
too.
I think I can pack my own bags. Thank you very
much.
Well, you wouldnt know by looking.
Ha
ha.
Seriously J, its going to be ok.
How do you know that?
I havent been back in ten years.
I didnt say it would be easy, but it will be
ok.
Well see.
Daphne wisely held her tongue.
She knew what Justin was facing.
Not only was he going to have to face Brian, he was going to have
to face his parents. Justin had
refused to attend their funeral and had never visited their
grave. He had said goodbye to
Molly at the hospital and knew his sister would understand his absence at
her funeral.
Daphne was worried that Justin wouldnt come clean with
Brian. She knew Brian left
************************************************************************
Justin spent the flight going over some figures for the new gallery
that he was opening. James had
sent over the latest proposals before Justin left for
Jenny kept herself occupied with her coloring books and
headphones. Justin was thankful
for the break. He didnt
want to think about what was waiting for him in
Father and daughter came through security, immediately spotting Brian
waiting for him. Brian raised
his hand in a small wave. Justin
nodded to indicate that he had seen him.
Jenny saw Brian and ran over to
him. She launched herself into
the older mans arms, Hi Brian!
Hi princess, how was your flight?
It was cool. Ive never been on a plane
before.
Well Im glad it was
fun. Jenny, this is my son,
Gus. Brian introduced the
little girl to the boy standing beside
him. Gus was the spitting image
of his father. He carried
Brians detached demeanor, but Jenny was Justins daughter and
she started talking a mile a minute.
Within seconds, the two were talking like old
friends.
Hi Justin.
Justin gave Brian a small smile, Hi
Brian.
The two men didnt know how to greet each other, so a small smile
would have to suffice. They walked
silently to the baggage claim. The
two kids were chattering away, covering the awkwardness their fathers
felt.
Bags secured, Brian led the three to his
car. Justin was surprised to
see Brian driving a Lexus sedan instead of the
jeep. No jeep
Bri?
No, it wasnt exactly conducive for driving a three year
old and all his shit around.
Justin laughed at the comment.
Brian Kinney, family man, who would have
thought? Justin felt the knots
build in his stomach as they began to drive the streets of
Brian pulled up to the house that Melanie and Lindsey had lived
in. Justin looked at Brian with
silent questions in his eyes.
I thought it would be easier for
Gus. This was his home and he
was already distraught enough losing his mommies, I didnt want him
to lose his home as well.
Justin didnt know what to say, so he just
nodded. Brian led them into the
house and began to walk up the stairs.
Come on, Ill show you to your
rooms.
Brian led the three upstairs.
He stopped at one of the rooms.
Jenny, this is where youll be
sleeping.
He led her into a nice room that had a double bed with an oak
dresser. It was decorated very
nicely with mauve wallpaper and a floral
trim. Why dont you
unpack, you can put your clothes in the dresser.
The two men left Jenny unpacking, and Brian led Justin to the bedroom
next door. This room was more
masculine, with navy blue walls and cream
accents. Ill leave
you while you unpack.
Ok
umm
thanks, Brian.
Brian just nodded to Justin as he left the room.
************************************************************************
Brian sat on the patio smoking a
cigarette. He needed a few minutes
alone to collect his thoughts. He
really didnt expect things to be so awkward with
Justin. He knew that ten years
had passed between them, but he thought the revelations they had made that
night in
Justins voice interrupted his thoughts, Can I join you,
or is this a solitary brooding session?
Brian smirked at that remark, I am not
brooding.
Whatever.
The two men laughed, maybe things wouldnt
be so awkward after all.
So how does it feel being back in the
Pitts.
Strange. Its
harder than I thought. I dont
know what I expected. I guess
I just thought enough time had passed that it wouldnt be so
bad.
Is it that bad?
Im just nervous.
Thats understandable.
Debbie is having a family dinner on
Monday. Do you think youll
be up for it?
Justin knew Brian was being considerate of his
feelings. Do they know
Im here?
No, I didnt want to put that pressure on
you. If youre not up to
it, Gus will miraculously develop a cold.
No, I think it should be ok.
Brian nodded. What
else do you want to do while youre here?
Justin was silent for a moment.
I want to go to my parents
grave. I never went to the funeral,
and Ive never been to their grave.
I think its time.
It would probably be good for
you. Do you want to take
Jenny?
No, I dont think that would be a good
idea. At least,
not this time, maybe in the future.
Well, Ill keep the kids, you can take my
car.
Thanks. Brian
noticed the younger man still very
subdued. Im going
to get Jenny ready for bed.
Shes had a big day.
Good night.
Brian watched Justin walk into the house, and wondered if they would
ever find their way back to each other.
************************************************************************
Justin stood staring at the grave
stones.
Jennifer Carolyn Taylor,
1962-2003
Beloved wife and mother.
Craig Daniel Taylor, 1960-2003, Devoted husband
and father.
Is that true, dad?
Were you a devoted husband and
father? Or did it only count
because you disowned your son and were devoted to your
daughter? The one who didnt
disappoint you, or did
she? How did you react when you
found out she was pregnant at fourteen?
Did you ever find out that she intended for me to raise her
child? Thats right dad,
your queer son is raising your
grandchild. I hope for Jennys
sake, I do a better job than you did.
I know one thing for sure, I will never reject
her. There is nothing on this
earth that she could do or be that would ever cause me to reject her, to
turn her away.
Justin felt tears fall down his
cheeks. His memories were so
mixed up. He remembered being
a kid playing little league with his dad as the
coach. He sucked at baseball,
but it was fun because he was with his dad, his dad holding him and reading
him a story when he was sick. Then
he remembered his dad hitting him when he found out he was
gay. His dad
hitting and kicking Brian.
His dad telling him on the phone,
As long as you are a fag, you
are not welcome in this house.
Justin fell to his knees as the sobs wracked through his
body. He looked over at his
mothers name. He traced
the letters on the cold stone. Did
she ever miss him after he ran away?
Did she even try to look for him?
Or did she write him off like his father
had? He never knew.
He was always too afraid to ask
Molly, and his sister had never volunteered any
information.
He remembered his mom giving him his first box of
crayons. He pictured their
refrigerator always covered with his art.
He remembered his mom trying to be so understanding about his
sexuality. His
mom giving him away to Brian.
His mom telling him she had to consider her whole family and not just
his desires. Justin gently
lay the bouquet of roses under his mothers
name. Sterling silver roses,
those were always her favorite.
Molly Kathryn Taylor, 1989-2003,
beloved daughter. That was
it, just daughter, not sister. Even
in death, Justins existence had been erased from his
family.
Hey
Mollusk. This is the first
time Ive been here. Im
so sorry I didnt come to the funeral, but I think you
understood. Jenny is so beautiful,
I brought you a picture.
Justin placed the framed picture of Jenny under Mollys
name. She is so much like
you. She drives me crazy just
like you always did. She understands
about you as best a seven year old can.
Daph and I tell her that the mommy that
gave birth to her is an angel in heaven so she can always watch
her. You would be so proud of
her. I really miss you, I wish
you were here. I feel so
alone. Ive been erased
from our family. Did mom and
dad ever talk about me? Did they
ever wistfully wonder if I was ok?
Did they ever look for me? I
guess Ill never know, but maybe I dont want
to.
************************************************************************
Justin got back to Brians house around
seven. He just sat at the cemetery
for hours. He walked in and found
Brian and the kids having dinner.
Brian heard him come in, and turned
around. Hey, we were just
getting started. The kids were
hungry so we couldnt wait anymore.
Thats ok, Im not
hungry. Im going upstairs
to lay down.
Will you get Jenny to bed for me?
Brian nodded, Of course.
Justin walked over and gave Jenny and Gus a kiss on the top of their
heads and then placed his arm on Brians shoulder, and silently thanked
him.
Brian watched Justin slowly walk upstairs,
he knew the days activities had to have worn the younger man
out. He hoped Justin had found
the closure he was looking for.
************************************************************************
Several hours later, Brian couldnt
sleep. He wasnt sure why.
He usually had no trouble sleeping.
Keeping up with Gus and running Liberty Comics usually wore him
out. He hated to admit it but
he wasnt as young as he used to be.
He stopped in front of Justins
door. He was going to peer inside
the bedroom to make sure Justin was ok, but stopped himself.
He didnt want to force
himself on Justin. Brian hoped
Justin knew that he could come to him if he needed to.
Brian went downstairs and was surprised to see the candle burning
on the patio table. He saw
Justins silhouette in one of the
chairs. The artist was wrapped
up in a blanket smoking a cigarette.
Brian quietly slid the patio door
open. Justin looked
up. Brian gestured to the empty
chair, silently questioning whether Justin wanted to be alone or
not. Justin just
nodded.
Brian sat across from him.
In the candle light, Justin looked almost
ethereal. Brian lit a cigarette
and the two sat in silence for several
minutes. Brian was just about
to leave when Justin spoke softly.
I wonder if they even missed
me. At the cemetery, Mollys
headstone says beloved
daughter. Thats it,
not sister, just daughter.
Its like I never even
existed. I started to wonder
if the post Justin Taylor family was the stuff greeting cards
were made of.
Perfect
family.
Loving
parents. No faggot for
a son. Ill bet it was
nice.
Justin dont
Dont what Brian?
Im not like you. You
sliced your family out of your life and never looked
back. Im not like
that. I had a great
family, one that I thought was
perfect. Until they found out
I was gay. Then I was hit by
my father. My mother pawned me
off on you. And when I told her
I wanted to come home, she told me I couldnt.
This surprised Brian, You asked to go
home?
Justin chuckled, Yeah, ironic isnt
it? I told her I wanted to come
home on the same day the loft was robbed.
She told me she had an entire family to think about, not just my
desires. I actually lost both
the homes I ever had on the same day.
Poetic justice isnt it.
I left home because I wanted to be with
you. But then when I wanted to
go back, I lost everything.
Brian wanted desperately to go to Justin, but he didnt know
what to say. He saw tears falling
from the pools of blue, suddenly Justins entire
body was shaking as he sobbed.
Brian got up from his chair and kneeled in front of
Justin. He simply held the younger
man as he cried.
************************************************************************
On Monday, Brian had to go to work for a few
hours. He let Justin take the
car again. Justin wanted to show
Jenny around his hometown, so he was going to take both kids and would pick
Brian up after work. Brian knew
that Justin was nervous about going to Debbies for
dinner. The younger man hid his
feelings almost as well as Brian, but Brian was the master.
Justin was emotionally spent after the previous
day. He couldnt believe
he had fallen apart in Brians arms the night
before. Brian had held him
so gently as he
cried. Justin had never felt
so safe. How could he possibly
tell Brian the truth?
Justin and the kids had a fun day going around
Justin and the kids picked Brian up at
five. They werent due at
Debs until eight, but Brian wanted to go
early. He didnt want to
throw Justin and Jenny into the boiling
water. He figured gradual
reintroduction would be better.
Justin was silent on the ride to
Debs. Brian laced his fingers
through Justins in silent support.
Justin gave Brian a warm smile.
Not quite his sunshine smile, but it was a
start.
They pulled up to Debs.
Justin noticed there were no other cars there.
Brian, are we early?
It looks like no one else is here.
Well, I figured we should get here before everyone
else. That way you get to see
everyone one at a time instead of a big production.
Justin was amazed at Brians
consideration. It was so out
of character for the Brian Kinney he had known ten years
ago. He was starting to realize
that this Brian was very different.
************************************************************************
Brian walked in the front door.
He never knocked going into Debs
house.
Deb?
Brian, honey is that you?
Yeah.
In the
kitchen.
Brian led Justin into the kitchen.
Deb had her back to them.
Deb, I brought you
something. Its really late,
but here, nonetheless.
Deb wiped her hands on a towel, but before she could turn around,
she heard a voice she hadnt heard in ten
years.
Hi, Deb.
She whirled around and stared in
disbelief.
Sunshine?
Before Justin could say anything, he was engulfed in a warm
hug. He could barely
breathe. Umm
Deb
She released him and yelled, Vic, get down
here!
She hugged him again and Justin saw tears running down her
face. Vic came into the kitchen
wondering what the commotion was.
He saw Debbie hugging Justin and was
speechless. Debbie let Justin
go and he turned to Vic.
Hi, Vic.
Well, Ill be
goddammed.
Look what the cat dragged
in. Vic hugged Justin
tightly. For the first time since
arriving in
Justin noticed a young boy walking into the
kitchen. He must have been about
sixteen. He hung back from the
commotion. Brian was the first
to notice that he had entered.
Justin, this is Hunter.
He lives here with Deb and Vic.
Justin smiled warmly at the kid.
Hi, its nice to meet you.
Hunter just nodded. He
had only lived with Deb and Vic a few
months. Over the years, Deb had
taken in many strays and Hunter was the
latest. She had found him hustling
on
One by one, the rest of the gang
arrived. Emmett and Ted were
the first. Justin was surprised
to hear they had been a couple for about eight
years. Emmett hadnt changed
at all. He shrieked for joy when
he saw Justin and immediately started
crying. Ted had loosened up a
lot since Justin had known him and warmly hugged
Justin. So many questions were
flying around, but Brian was successful at deflecting
them. He knew there were a lot
of questions that Justin wasnt ready to
answer. Michael and Ben were
the last to arrive. Shocked would
have been an understatement to describe Michaels reaction to seeing
Justin. He greeted Justin warmly,
but the old animosity was still there under the
surface. Michaels boyfriend,
Ben, was very nice and hot too. The
shock of seeing Justin was doubled when everyone was introduced to
Jenny. She was introduced as
Justin and Daphnes daughter and no further explanations were
given.
Dinner actually went very
smoothly. Everyone had lots of
questions about Justins life in
The opportunity came after dinner.
Everyone was heading into the living room for
coffee. Justin said that he and
Hunter would do the dishes. Debbie
started to protest but Justin silenced her.
When you cook, you dont clean
up. Well handle
it. Come on,
Hunter.
The boy followed Justin into the kitchen
silently. The two stood at the
sink while Justin started doing the
dishes. He looked around to make
sure they were alone.
Hunter, the boy looked up at him,
dont let any one treat you like youre
worthless.
The boy started to cop an attitude, I dont know what
youre talking about.
I know what its like.
Doing whatever you have to do to
survive. Sometimes, we have to
do things we never dreamed we would do. Its called
survival.
Hunter looked at Justin in shock and leaned over to
him. Did you hustle
too?
Yeah, in
Hunter nodded and smiled at him.
The two continued doing dishes.
Neither noticed Michael standing in the doorway.
************************************************************************
Brian was outside smoking.
He was so relieved that dinner had gone
well. It was very relaxed and
everyone was content to hear stories about Justins life in
Hey,
Bri.
Mikey.
Can I ask you a question? he said,
innocently
Whats up?
Whats up with Justin?
What do you mean?
Well hes the trick that made you break all your
rules. Then he steals from you
and runs away. Fast forward ten
years and hes back.
Obviously, with
you. So Ill ask
again, whats up?
Brian rubbed his hand to the back of his
neck. I dont know.
Were just seeing what happens.
Well, you might want to think about what youre getting
into.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
I mean it seems he and the littlest hustler
have a lot in common.
What,
What?
I mean they share a common profession.
Oh, god no. What the
fuck are you talking about? Justin
owns two art galleries.
Well, Im sure they were comparing art galleries when Hunter
asked Justin if he hustled too. And
Im sure they were talking about art galleries when Justin said he
did.
Please, please no, not Justin,
please god, please dont let me have pushed him into
that. Brian spoke menacingly,
Dont you dare repeat this to anyone.
Michael recognized the look in Brians eyes. He was
serious. Michael turned and walked
in the house satisfied. That would squash Justins plans.
Brian felt his world begin to crumble at his feet.
************************************************************************
Brian and Justin were silent in the car on the way
home. Once again, Jenny and Gus
talked enough for everyone. Brian
knew he had to ask Justin about what Michael had said, but he was terrified
of the answer. Terrified to hear
that it was true, terrified to find out the lengths Justin had been pushed
to because Brian was such a coward.
They got to the house and quickly put the kids to
bed. The two men met again in
the living room. Brian got a
couple of beers from the fridge and handed one to Justin.
Thanks. Brian
just nodded and sat down.
That went really well.
It was really great seeing everyone.
Well, I know they were really glad to see
you. Brians voice
held no emotion.
Bri, is everything
alright?
Yeah, just
tired. You know I was
thinking.
Well, that cant be a good
thing. Justin was starting
to feel like himself again. Baiting
Brian had always been fun.
Brian rolled his eyes at him.
I was thinking on my next visit to
What? Justin
felt a sense of dread creep into his stomach.
I would just like to see where you
worked. I mean they have to be
pretty posh places to pay enough to live in the Big
Apple.
He knows, but how could
he? Yeah, they paid
pretty
Brian continued as if Justin hadnt even
spoken. I know the dancers
at
How did he find
out?
Hunter? No, the kid
wasnt alone with Brian the entire
evening. Justin replayed
his conversation with Hunter in his head, and then remembered
something.
Michael
fuck.
Justins defensive walls snapped back into
place. What do you want
to know Brian? That I never danced
in the clubs. I couldnt.
I was too young. What do you
want to hear? That I pedaled
my ass in
How could you be a
A
whore? Thats the
word youre looking for, isnt
it? Someone who sells their body
for money? Well fuck you,
Brian, I did what I had to.
You could have asked for
help! Brians temper
was starting to rise.
From
who?
From my
parents? I called them
and they basically told me to fuck
off! Justin was practically
screaming.
From
you? By canceling your
credit card, you basically told me to fuck off
too. So you tell me, who should
I have gone to?
Justi
Besides, who are you to
talk? The bitterness, anger,
and hurt that Justin had been burying for ten years
was coming out in full force.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
You fuck a different guy every night, sometimes more than
one. How is that any
different? At least I made money,
what did you ever get from it?
Brians face was frozen in a mask of
steel. He looked ready to strike
at any second. Justin held up
his hand to stop him. This
was a mistake. I never should
have come back here. I never
should have seen you again.
Im going to get the next flight back to
With that, Justin went upstairs.
Brian grabbed a bottle of Jim Beam and stumbled into his office slamming
the door.
************************************************************************
Justin got him and Jenny on a red-eye flight to
But daddy, I thought we were staying the whole
week?
Sweetie, we cant.
We need to get home.
Justin started to head downstairs but turned and went into Gus
room. He gently kissed the young
boy he had named all those years ago.
Goodbye, Gus.
He heard the taxi honk. He
tried to hustle Jenny out the door.
Daddy, I have to say goodbye to Brian.
Sweetie hes
working. He had seen Brian
storm into his office downstairs with a bottle of whiskey.
Hell be sad if dont say
goodbye. Not waiting for
an answer, she opened the office door.
Brian was sitting on the floor.
Jenny leaped into his arms.
Brian, daddy says we have to go home, but I wanted to say
goodbye.
Brian looked up and saw Justin in the
doorway. He hugged Jenny,
Goodbye,
Princess.
Jenny, come on the taxis
here. Jenny pulled away
from Brian and left the room. The
two mens gazes locked for a second.
Justin didnt recognize the look in Brians eyes, so he
just turned away and walked out.
Brian just sat there as his world shattered around
him. After they were gone, and
he was unable to sleep, he replayed the conversation they had had that first
dinner at Justins place. Shit! He had told me
and I had responded, and then I just ignored it, glad he had switched topics.
I had heard but I didnt want to accept it then. Why did I now?
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