No Wonder
Part
2
************************************************************************
Justin watched the door for several minutes after Brian
left. He didnt even hear
Daphne come up behind him. She
wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his
shoulders. She spoke softly in
his ear, but her words and her meaning was clear. Before you make any
decisions based on an unresolved crush or teenaged memories, I want you to
remember how far youve come to get where you are, and remember, a large
part of what you had to overcome was because of
him.
Daph, I
Daphne led Justin over to the couch, and the two old friends sat across
from each other. Daphne knew
that a little bit of tough love was in
order. Justin had never been
rational when it came to Brian Kinney.
She knew her best friend, sometimes better than he knew himself, and
right now, he was being overly romantic about the older
man. She didnt want to
completely derail the fact that Brian and Justin might have a future, but
she knew the two men would have a long road and a lot of obstacles to get
over in order to get to the other side.
Without interference, Justin would gloss over everything that had
happened to him because of Brian.
She wasnt going to crucify the older man, Justin certainly had
his part in the whole situation, but Justin would gloss over all of that
just to be in Brians arms again.
That led Daphne to Brian.
She didnt spend a lot of time with Brian during the time he
had been with Justin, but she had inferred a lot about the other
man. She knew that unless Brian
was forced to deal with the past, he would gloss over it
too. She figured out a lot about
Brian Kinney over the years.
Between what she learned from Justin and the clinical psychology classes
she had taken, she knew the man would never express feelings or emotions
unless he had to. He would jump
back into a relationship with Justin without facing the
past. She knew both men would
want to take the easy road, and while that may prove good at first, it would
end disastrously.
Justin, I know that you love Brian, or at least the idea of
Brian. He was your first, and
that is always important in someones
life. But lets be honest
here, you knew nothing about him.
Sure you learned some things about him in the time you spent together,
but you didnt have enough time to truly develop a real
relationship.
Fuck you, Daphne!
Shut up and listen to me. I am your best friend and I love you,
but Im not going to sugar coat the realities of the situation, of the
past, like Im sure you did to
Brian. Im sure you gave
the sugar coated version of your early
Daphne, you dont understand
What dont I
understand? Have I said anything
that is not true?
No, but Brian hasnt had it easy
either. He lost his job at the
agency, Melanie and Lindsey are dead, and he is raising Gus
alone. He told me he regretted
never going after me, that he has been haunted by it, and by me for ten
years. Did you know that Melanie
and Lindsey died the same night, in the same hospital that Jenny was born
at?
Daphne didnt know how to respond, No I
didnt.
So dont talk about things you dont
understand.
Bullshit Justin, all of that just makes your situation more
complicated. Not only do you
have your ten years to work through, you have his as
well. All I am saying is
dont take the easy way
out.
The easy
way? You think this is
easy?
The easy way is by you not being honest with Brian about what
your life has been like. The
easy way is by Brian not being honest with you about what his life has been
like. You can go ahead, jump
back into each others bed, and pretend nothing ever happened, but it
will be a disaster.
Justin started to get up from the couch, Daphne stopped him, and got
up to get a book from the shelf, Before you run away, I want you to
listen to something. Daphne
opened up the book she had pulled down, and began to read,
Two roads diverged
in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as
fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
You were the first person who ever read this to
me. Do you
remember? It was when I was in
my first year of medical school and I was going to chuck it away because
it was too hard. You wouldnt
let me take the easy way out, and I am not going to let you do it
either.
Justins face lost the hard edge it had taken on; he nodded to
Daphne and hugged her before heading upstairs.
************************************************************************
Justin lay down on his bed, and finally let the tears he had been
holding inside fall. He knew
that Daphne was right; he and Brian had no chance for a future until they
could face the past. Justin
didnt know if he could do it.
He had barely faced the past himself, he wasnt sure if he could
share it with Brian. Damn, Daphne
knew him too well. He knew it
was a mistake encouraging her to pursue her minor in psychology. It was coming
back to bite him in the ass. How
could he tell Brian the truth? Sure
in some ways he blamed Brian, who
wouldnt? But in moments
of clarity, it was his own stupidity about his relationship with Brian that
put him where he was. He knew
relationship wasnt even the right
word. All they had done, really,
was fuck a few times, and Justin thought it was
more. He pushed that on Brian.
Hell, he was still pushing when he took off for
************************************************************************
Justin was still holed up in the hotel room he had checked into after
he arrived. He knew he was waiting
for Brian to come and get him, but it had been three days, and no one
came. There was a knock at his
door. Justin went to answer it
and found the hotel manager.
Mr. Taylor, we have been informed that the credit card you used
when you checked in has been cancelled.
The current charges will be covered, but no additional charges will
be authorized. So unless you
have an alternate form of payment, you will need to check
out.
Justin felt like he had been punched in the stomach. I will
check out today, sir.
The manager looked at him with sad eyes. He had a feeling this kid
was in trouble, but there were limits to what he could
do. He just nodded to the young
man and left.
Justin looked around the room.
He slowly packed his small bag and prepared to
leave. Before leaving the room,
he decided to place a call to his parents, maybe,
just maybe they would be able to
understand. He used his calling
card since no other charges would be placed to the
room. His dad answered the
phone.
Hello Dad?
Justin?
Yeah.
What do you want?
I wanted to know if I could move back
home?
Are you still a fag?
Justin held back a second, Im gay dad, thats not
going to change.
Well, until you get over this phase you are not
welcome in this home. Before
Justin could respond, his father had hung
up. Justin held back his tears
and contemplated his next move.
He had two hundred dollars that he had saved, but he knew that
wouldnt get him far in
***************************
Three weeks later, Justin was barely
surviving. He could earn enough
from his sketches to eat, but he found himself sleeping on the
streets. There were secluded
spots in
Hed been in contact with
Daphne. She freaked out on him
when she found out he wasnt coming
home. She was cursing Brian when
she found out he didnt come after Justin, and she was shocked when
Justin related the phone call to his
father. Daphne wanted Justin
to come home and stay with her family, but he
refused. He was going to take
care of himself and somehow make it work.
One afternoon, about three weeks later, Justin found himself by the
docks. He was wandering around
aimlessly when he was approached by a young man about his
age.
Hey, whats up?
Justin looked at the young man skeptically, Excuse
me?
I was just making conversation. No reason to get
skittish.
Sorry, I havent been in the city too
long.
Thats ok, I was the same
way. Im James, by the
way.
Justin.
Its nice to meet you.
So, you living on the
streets?
Justin felt a blush creep onto his cheeks, Umm,
yeah.
How have you been making money?
Drawing, Im an artist.
Making any money?
Just enough to eat, I sleep in the park a
lot.
Yeah, I tried doing that.
I play the sax, and I thought I would be able to make enough money
doing that, but it didnt work out that
way.
So what did you do?
I started hustling.
Justin felt bile rise in his throat. I dont think I could
do that.
Justin, I thought the same thing, but you do what you have
to. I make enough money for a
small apartment. Its honest
work. I can show you the
ropes.
I dont know
Look Justin, Ive been where you
are. Ive slept on the streets
and tried to make it with art, but it doesnt
work. The hustling, its
hard to accept, but you are always the one in
control. You run every interaction,
you provide the condom, and you set the
rules.
Does it ever get out of hand?
Ill be honest with you, sometimes it
can. Ive been roughed up
a few times, but never too bad.
Its still better than being on the
streets. Look, you can stay with
me, help with expenses, and Ill help you
out. I know its not something
you ever planned on doing, but life doesnt always work out the way
we plan.
Thus began Justin Taylors career as a
hustler. He lied to Brian, he
never worked in any of the clubs, he made his money
hustling. Justin knew if he told
Brian that, the man would never look at him the same way
again. He figured by sugar coating
the truth, Brian might be able to forgive
him. Maybe, if Brian thought
Justin only hustled occasionally, he would be able to forgive
him.
James was true to his word, and showed Justin the
ropes. He showed him what areas
were better, places you would meet people looking for a little
pleasure. Justin found himself
in some precarious situations a few
times. He was roughed up sometimes,
but nothing too serious. James
was adamant about condoms and regular
testing. It wasnt the life
he pictured, but he was surviving.
He had a roof over his head and food to
eat. He still spent his days
drawing in
Justin kept in touch with
Justin was also in contact with
Molly. Daphne had told him his
little sister was devastated when Justin went
away. He and Daphne devised ways
for Justin to contact Molly. Daphne
set her up with an e-mail account through
Daphs internet
provider. They didnt want
to risk Craig or Jennifer finding out their daughter was in contact with
Justin. They also talked on the
phone whenever they could.
The shit hit the fan when Daphne arrived in
************************************************************************
Justin clutched his knees to his chest as he
cried. How could he ever tell
Brian he had been a whore? Brian
would never forgive him. That
was one thing Brian had scruples about.
He never paid for sex, and he felt disdain for those who
had. Justin had tested the waters
by telling Brian he hustled occasionally.
Brian had been furious, but Justin quickly downplayed the truth and
the older man had accepted it. How
would Brian react if he had ever learned the
truth? He would never look at
Justin the same way again.
Justin decided he could never tell Brian the
truth. He figured he could bluff
Daphne and skate around Brian. Deep
down, he knew he would never be able to pull it off, but he could fool himself
for a while.
************************************************************************
Ten Years
earlier
Daphne knew that Justin was not being honest with
her. The fact that Justin would
not allow her to visit spoke volumes.
Daphne decided she would apply to
She knew that Justin was shocked when she told him that she would
be attending
Daphne arrived in
What the fuck do you think you are
doing?
Justin whirled around,
Daph?!?
What are you doing here?
You dont really think Ive believed all the shit
youve been dishing out over the last
year. I have to say, I never
thought I would find yourself peddling your ass on a street
corner.
Justin was visibly angry. What choice did I
have? Brian didnt want
me. My parents didnt want me. Its called survival,
Daph.
Well, it stops now!
What are you talking about?
I knew you were bullshitting me, so I convinced my parents I
needed to live in an apartment rather than a
dorm. Youre moving in with
me ASAP and youre going to find a real
job. With all the galleries in
this city, you can find something. The majority of our living expenses will
be covered. My parents dont
know anything about this. It will be between you and
me. I know you, Justin. I know
this is killing you. Please,
well work it out
together.
Justin looked into Daphnes eyes. He saw the love his best friend
had for him and he just broke down.
He collapsed into her arms and just
cried. Daphne just held him until
he was all cried out. He moved
in with Daphne that day. He explained
it to James and his friend understood.
Justin promised James, when the opportunity arose, he would get James
off the street. Justin never
forgot James and the two remained friends.
************************************************************************
To:
jtaylor@taylorgalleries.com
From:
bkinney@libertycomics.com
Subject: Hey
This is kind of weird. To
be talking to you after so long.
Today was a pretty shitty day.
Two of our writers missed a
deadline. Everything always goes
to shit when that happens. It
throws everything off. Mikey
is good about a lot of areas in this business, but when people are missing
their deadlines, he is useless. I
always have to be the bad guy in this situation, but I guess I am the best
at it.
Hows the Big Apple?
How are my girls?
Love,
Brian
************************************************************************
From:
jtaylor@taylorgalleries.com
Subject Re: Hey
Well in every situation, someone has to be the bad
guy. Not to insult you, but you
are definitely the better candidate.
You can separate business from emotions, thats an important
trait.
The Big Apple is fine, the girls are fine.
J
************************************************************************
Justin Taylor.
Hey.
Hey Brian, whats up?
Does something have to be up for me to call
you?
I guess not.
Brian paused before answering, he pinched
the bridge of his nose. This
was Justins idea to keep in touch, become friends, Is
something wrong?
No.
Well, I feel like Im pulling teeth to get anything out
of you. I thought you wanted
to become friends?
Im sorry, I do.
Its just weird, you know.
Yeah, I know.
Theres an ocean between us, Brian. I guess I just wonder
if theres any way across it.
Brian was silent for a moment, Only if we want there to
be.
I do, Brian, its just
hard.
I know.
************************************************************************
Correspondence between the two continued in this awkward
manner. Both men wanted to try,
but both were afraid of opening up too
much. Brian kept pushing Justin
to come home. Justin sensed the
older man was pushing for them to jump back into their old routine, mainly
sex, and Justin knew that would not work.
He sensed that Brian knew it too, but wasnt willing to admit
it.
After the original confrontation, Daphne wisely kept her thoughts
to herself. She didnt want
to push Justin. She knew she
pushed a lot that first night, but it was important to
her. She knew the two men loved
each other immensely, but they had to work through the past, not ignore
it.
************************************************************************
So, have you talked to Brian
lately?
A few phone calls, a few
e-mails.
Hows it going?
Its awkward.
Well, what do you expect?
Justin heaved a huge sigh, Daph, I
know you want me to come clean with Brian, but tell me how to explain to
the man that I love, that I have always loved, that circumstances he contributed
to forced me to become a whore. You
tell me how to tell him that.
Because I dont know
how.
Daphne ached at the anguish in her best friends
voice. She hated to see him in
this much pain, but she truly believed he needed to go through
it. You just tell
him. Its your history,
its your past, and its your
truth. If he truly loves you,
hell understand.
Daphne, do you have your head in the
clouds? What if a guy you met
and fell head over heels in love with, told you he used to turn tricks in
Daphne couldnt answer him, I thought
so. Look
Daph, you had a really great point that Brian and
I need to face the past in order to have a future, but maybe the past is
just too ugly.
Theres only one person who can make that determination
Justin.
I know.
************************************************************************
From:
jtaylor@taylorgalleries.com
Subject: Visit
B,
I was thinking about paying a visit to the Pitts in the next couple
of weeks. What do you
think?
J
Return to No Wonder