Misapprehension

Chapter 3

Author's Note: Okay, I hope this makes sense. All the things in italics are in the past and all things in italics and starred are in the present, being said by an enigmatic party. I have to thank Carly for staying up with me, and helping me to carry on (this chapter was kicking my ass). This chapter would have taken forever without her. I also have to thank Pepsi; I couldn't have finished without that sweet caffeine, LOL.

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Mrs. Shane knocked on the door, she resisted the urge to pound and demand entry. She would not be irrational and overreact. She waited until she heard the invitation to enter.

"Come on in, the door is open," the voice called from the other side.

Mrs. Shane turned the knob and walked in. She loved Mr. Henry's office, it was decorated with the children in mind, toys and different therapy tools littered the bins along the wall and various books, blocks and crayons littered the floor and small table. The walls were painted white and various segments held the eager paint induced handprints of children, the carpet was red and had multi-colored circles of different shapes and sizes scattered throughout its design.

"Anna, nice to see you, how was your day? I know you're glad it's over," he said with a laugh as she sat down in front of him.

"You have no idea," she said as she ran a hand over her face, stopping to massage her forehead. Mr. Henry picked up on the nervous movement immediately, he worked in the school system now but he was also a child psychologist with a partnership in a very well known clinic.

"Something wrong Anna?"

"I am not sure actually, but I thought I should run it by you," she told him as she stopped the nervous twitch and sat forward in her chair, practically leaning across the desk. He leaned forward, a gesture that told her she had all his attention and could continue.

"I have a new student, Gus, Gus Peterson," she told him. "He had an assignment to draw a picture and say something interesting about his family. He said that his daddies died," she told him. Mr. Henry looked at her, he did not understand the urgent problem or why he would be needed.

"Anna, it is perfectly normal for a child to try and shock…," he said. Anna shook her head from side to side quickly.

"He said that he still sees them and talks to them, he said they color and play together and that his daddy kisses him goodnight," she told him in a hurried breath. "I am not talking about a shock factor story here Bill; he was not trying to shock anyone. He was just talking about what he says he does with his daddies, he even said that his daddy said not to tell anyone," she said. Bill scrunched up his eyebrows and sat back. "I figured you could see him and then see if his parents need to be contacted."

"Wow… sounds interesting, I tell you what, I'll pull his file, look it over and then I'll talk to him. If his parents need to be brought in I'll handle it," he said. Anna felt a surge of relief run through her, the ball was no longer in her possession.

"Thanks Bill, I feel better knowing you'll look into it," she said as she got up and started back to her classroom to gather her things and head home. She had had an eventful day and it was time to relax, so she could get up and do it again tomorrow.

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"Gus, just eat the damn vegetables, they are gonna make you eat them anyway," Brian said to his son as he sat at the dining room table, Melanie at the head and Lindsay on the other side, opposite him. Brian sat in the seat to his right.

"I don't like them, they taste like grass," Gus said to his father as he pushed the broccoli with his fork.

"How do you know what it tastes like? You've never had it before," Melanie reasoned. She was rocking Jenny slowly back and forth.

"Jenny doesn't have to eat it," he said as he tried to negotiate.

"Jenny is six months old and doesn't have any teeth," Mel said as she laughed. "Eat it Gus, now."

"Broccoli tastes like shit; you shouldn't make him eat it if he doesn't want it. It's not like he is going to fall apart," Brian said as he sat back in his chair and looked over at Lindsay. She had small specks of sadness behind her eyes and in a flash her head snapped to attention, staring directly at him. It was unnerving to say the least. Brian stopped all his movements and looked at her looking at him, or rather in his direction. She blinked a few times and then turned her attention to Melanie and Gus.

"Mel, maybe just this once we can let him go," she said.

Melanie looked over at her and frowned, "Fine, but next time you're going to battle with him about eating his vegetables," she said. "Gus, take your plate to the kitchen and put it in the sink, then go and get ready for your bath," Melanie said as she placed Jenny on a blanket on the floor.

"You know Gus, your daddy didn't like broccoli either," Lindsay told him as a tear fell; she quickly wiped it away as he took his plate and disappeared into the kitchen and then up the stairs. Brian stayed where he was and watched the two women.

When Gus was safely out of hearing distance Lindsay piped up. "Mel, do you think that Gus is taking Brian's death a little too well?" she asked.

"Of course he's not taking it well, he just puts up a brave front for you," Brian said from his place across from them. "He does have a little of my lovely personality."

"Who's to tell, people handle things differently Lindsay. I mean he is five and to him life goes on, plus Brian only died a couple of months ago, it might not have hit him fully yet," Melanie told her.

"Yeah, I guess you could be right."

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"This is bullshit, pure bullshit," Jennifer yelled into the phone. She had been on the phone for over an hour fighting with Craig over the bill for the funeral. "I can't pay for this on my own and I shouldn't have to, you are his father," she screamed. She was fighting back the tears; she would not give him the satisfaction of hearing her cry.

"I told you that I was not going to pay for his funeral, it was long overdue in the first place if you ask me," he said. He said it without thinking, he had said something to her that was supposed to stay in his thoughts forever and he knew, he knew, it was too late to take it back. She had heard him and he couldn't take it back, damn his temper.

"You son of a bitch," she croaked as the tears traced their familiar path down her cheeks. She slowly took the phone away from her ear and returned it to its cradle.

"I'm sorry mom," Justin said as he sat on the sofa, curled up in a little ball watching his mother. She was holding it together out in the open, the perfect W.A.S.P, but Justin knew that she cried at night, hard and long. He couldn't blame her, it had not been that long and he missed her too.

"I miss you Justin, it was not supposed to be this way. You were not supposed to go yet," she said. She sat down next to him and shuddered, she could never manage to keep the house warm anymore it was always cold now. She sat staring straight ahead, engulfed in silence and as fast as light her head was in her hands and she was crying uncontrollably. It was all just too much for her to take, he had been her baby and she wanted him back.

He tried to go and see Jennifer more often but he just couldn't stand to watch her missing him, he couldn't stand it and yet he couldn't force himself to stay away. The silent cries boomed in his ears, like a small room filled with fluttering butterflies, the wings beating against each other, assaulting the silence and quickening the pulse. To some it would be beautiful but to him it was more than he could take, he couldn't breath when she cried. Justin vanished, he couldn't take it.

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"Gus, let's go, it's time for school," Lindsay said as she gently shook him awake. She went over to the drawers and started to pull out clothes for him to wear. "Okay, put these on, wash your face and brush your teeth," she said as she put the clothes on the bed and kissed his head before going to get herself ready.

"Okay mommy," he said as he got up. He did as he was told and got all washed and dressed. He picked up his book bag, carried it downstairs and threw it by the front door.

"Gus, don't throw that bag," Lindsay yelled from the kitchen.

"Sorry mommy," he said as he sat down in his chair. She placed a bowl of cereal in front of him; he grabbed the spoon and dug in.

Half an hour later they were loaded in the car and Gus was on his way to school, Jenny sat next to him in her car seat, Melanie already gone to work in her own car. Gus watched the scenery through the window, the cars and the trees, houses and lives seemed to slip by quickly, existing just outside his reach.

"Okay, here we go sonny boy," Brian said as he stopped in front of Gus' school. He was in a hurry and the last minute call from Lindsay to pick up Gus and take him to school was not working into his plans very well.

"I don't want to go to school today, I want to go with you to see Justin," Gus said as he folded his arms and sat back in his seat. Brian slowly rubbed the back of his head, easing the tension headache that was starting to form at the base of his skull. He rubbed until the roots of the headache started to die, until they crawled back into their crypts and went to sleep.

"Gus, you can't go see Justin right now, you have to go to school. Justin would not be very happy if you did not go to school, he wants you to grow up and be smart and to do that you have to go to school and learn," Brian told his son hoping that would be enough.

"If I go to school now can I see him after?" he asked. He loved to try and negotiate; it was a skill that Brian was sure came from Justin.

"Of course you can sonny boy, I'll come and get you myself," he promised. That seemed to be enough. Gus smiled and began to climb out of the car. He slammed the door of the SUV shut and stepped up onto the curb.

"You promise daddy, right?"

"Yeah Gus, I promise," he told his son as he watched him walk away, up the stairs and into the building.

The car suddenly stopped, flinging Gus back to the present. He gripped the door handle tightly and looked at his mother in the front seat.

"Okay Gus we're here," she said as she placed the car in park and climbed out. She opened his door and he jumped out, dragging his bag behind him.

"Sonny boy, don't drag your book bag," Brian yelled.

"Gus, sweetie, don't drag the bag," Lindsay said again.

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Mr. Henry sat on the steps by the double doors, close enough to hear Gus talking and far enough away that he was not an immediate threat. He scribbled notes quickly and efficiently, mesmerized by the anti-social nature of the young boy and even more concerned that he was talking and laughing vividly all by himself. He leaned in closer as the young boy swung upside down with surprising ease.

"It is my opinion that dogs are fucking stinky ass animals, and they take too much fucking work. You gotta clean up after them and take them to the vet and take them on walks. Yup, too much fucking work," Brian said as he stood under his son, watching intently just in case he fell.

"You say lots of bad words daddy," Gus said with a laugh as he flipped down and started to climb back up and do it again. "Mama says that you shouldn't say bad words."

"Yeah, well," was all he offered his small son.

"I still want one," Gus said as he reached the top and prepared to turn upside down again.

"That's because you think that you won't have to do any of the work, but, I think that mommy and mama would make you do something," Brian said as he took in the rich sun, it was almost enough to make it all worth it, it was almost freedom.

*You'll have to choose, soon, you'll have to choose.*

Brian shook off the voice and focused on the sun, the warmth…the reality, reality?

"Daddy, daddy, are you listening to me?" Gus asked. He was still upside down, gripping the bars tightly and taking in the air, the feeling of weightlessness.

Brian was in his own world, the walls crashing in on him and swallowing him whole. Gus fell from his view and piercing white walls expanded around him, the fragrance of impending death and corpses penetrated the air, deceiving his nostrils. The white walls seemed to stretch beyond the limits of space, twisting and turning with the souls of those who had gone before. He knew better than to venture to the end of this space. He stood rooted, fixed to the ground. His legs were made of steel, encased in cement.

*You'll have to choose, soon, you'll have to choose.*

He couldn't move, didn't even know if he even desired to move. The decision was made for him as he saw a figure appear far off in the distance, black blazer staining the vast expanse of white; it was close and so far away. He reached for the figure, never more sure as to whom it was. He tried desperately to move, to reach Justin before he disappeared. He couldn't reach him, he never could. Something was weighing him down, the cement, it was the cement.

*You'll have to choose, soon, you'll have to choose.*

He looked down, there was no cement. Hands… desires, multitudes of people, they were pulling and groping him, each one wanting their own piece. One person stood separate from them all, wanting not a piece but the whole. No not wanting, demanding. The hands were too much; they climbed higher, pulling him into their sweet oblivion as Justin looked on. Brian reached out to him, barely touching the ends of the white collared shirt that hung loosely under the black blazer. The heat and pain that seared through him when his hands made contact sent a scream through him that came out without a sound. The burning was so intense that his skin seemed to boil with the touch.

"Justin, help me," he breathed. The words sounded so weak, so strained. They were coated in lead, falling to the floor before they had a chance to live. Justin stepped closer and moved so that his eyes stood level with Brian's. He reached a hand up to his face and caressed him, slowly and steadily, slowing Brian's heartbeat and washing him in calm. No words were spoken; they weren't needed, never had been needed.

Blue eyes swirled with Hazel, the light illuminating from somewhere within them both. "I can't help you, you have to choose," Justin said, though his mouth never moved. His eyes however, spoke volumes.

The hands gripped tighter, pulling, yanking…desperate.

*You'll have to choose, soon, you'll have to choose.*

The scene disappeared, as quickly as it came it disappeared and Brian was once again standing under his son.

"I said did you hear me daddy?" Gus asked as he swung down from the jungle gym.

"No, no…sonny boy. I didn't hear you," Brian said as he focused on his son. His heart was racing, desperately trying to achieve escape and finding none available.

"Daddy, you don't look so good. You look like you did when Jus'n was…," he started to say, but before he could finish he noticed Mr. Henry on the steps watching him.

"Hey Mister, it's not nice to listen to other people," Gus said as he pulled himself up to a sitting position. Bill knew that there was no point in pretending anymore, he had been spotted. He got up from his spot on the step and walked over to Gus.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to listen, you just seemed to be having so much fun over here by yourself," he said as he looked up at Gus. "My name is Mr. Henry. I work here at the school. Do you think we could talk for a while?" Bill asked.

He waited for Gus' answer, the sun beating onto his back making sweat pool on his skin and betray his appearance of calm. He watched as the little boy's eyes seemed to wander to the space just below him.

"You can talk to him if you want, I am not going to stop you," Brian said as he shifted uncomfortably. He was fighting off his own demons and swallowing the fear he felt, he would not let Gus see that fear.

"What if I say something that you don't like and you get mad? I don't want you to be mad and not talk to me anymore," Gus said quietly. Bill could hear him and he was trying to appear as if you did not hear the exchange.

"Maybe you'll feel better if I go away while you talk to him," Brian said. "Don't worry, you can say whatever you want to him, I won't get mad. Maybe you should tell him that those shoes and that shirt could be exchanged for something better," he said and with that he was gone. Gus turned his attention back to Mr. Henry.

"My daddy left, he said that your shoes and shirt could be exchanged for something better," Gus told him. Bill looked down at his shoes and shirt and mentally shrugged, he couldn't see the problem.

"Your teacher told me your name is Gus," he said as Gus flipped himself upside down again.

"Yeah."

"She also said that you love to draw pictures and that you're very good at it," he asked gentle, slowly. He did not want to push, he was afraid of pushing him too fast.

"Yeah, my 'love you' daddy loved to draw too. We always draw together, he loves my pictures," he said as he flipped down and off the jungle gym.

"He did? What's his name?"

"Jus'n," Gus answered as the bell rang signaling the end of recess. "I gotta go now, the bell is ringing," Gus said as he scrambled from under the jungle gym and went to get in line with his class.

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"Brian, I know you're there, don't try to sneak," Justin said as he wiped the tears from his eyes and looked up at the tall brunette.

"What happened? Did you go and see Jennifer again?" Brian asked as he sat next to Justin, leaning his back against Justin's headstone. "Why do you always have to come here Justin? It's so real in the daylight," he said as he looked around. He looked at his own headstone and marveled at the choice that Mikey had made.

"She talked to my dad, he made her cry again," Justin said as the tears streamed down his face, fresh and unchained. Brian took him into his arms and held him tight; no words were spoken between them. Justin needed to cry and Brian needed to be there for him, he always would be.

*You'll have to choose, soon, you'll have to choose.*

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