Long Way Home

Part 4

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Justin

I sat on my stool, Brian and, Daphne both starting at me, my leg throbbing because I should have put it up for a rest a long time ago, and tried to breathe. Daphne had been right when she kicked my ass earlier in the day. I had spent too much time feeling sorry for myself, and I know that Brian was worried as hell about me.

I had once told Brian that to create something was the way I let the assholes know that they didn't win. I've been letting my attacker win for a month now, and Daphne was right, it was time to stop being pathetic.

So I went into my studio and started to paint, and paint. I don't know if it's any good or if it will ever go in one of my shows, but there's a lot of myself in that painting, and maybe some healing too. But the thing is, with all the emotion and angst I was throwing onto the canvas, my brain kicked into gear and I had a revelation.

I started back to reality and realized that my friend and lover were still waiting for me to say something. "Brandon," I said as I stared straight ahead. "It was Brandon." I lifted my gaze to look at Brian, and braced myself for whatever reaction he was going to have.

"Fuck!" Brian ran his hand through his hair.

"Who the fuck is this Brandon?" Daphne asked.

Before either of us could answer her, Brian's phone rang. He looked at the screen and immediately answered it. "Kinney." We watched him listen. "You're sure?" He nodded. "It's his, Carl," Brian answered, and I tensed, knowing that he was talking to the detective. "I had the duvet cleaned a month ago and there hasn't been anyone else at the loft since then." He turned around and lowered his voice, but I could still hear him. "Justin knows who it is." He actually walked out of the room for a few minutes, to tell Carl it was Brandon without upsetting me probably, and then came back, still on the phone.

"Yeah…yeah, all right. I'll bring him in first thing in the morning. Later." He closed his phone and turned back to us. "That was Carl. They found fluid on the duvet that doesn't belong to Justin or I. It must have spilled when he took off the condom." He looked at me. "We need to go in tomorrow so you can make a statement."

"But I never saw him. I just remember his voice. They can't convict him on that alone."

"They have his DNA now, Justin." Brian wasn't looking at me, and I wasn't surprised.

He was wondering how the fuck I know Brandon's voice that well. "It will just be a matter of matching the sample to him, now," he finished explaining.

I stood up from my stool and stumbled as my sore leg almost gave out. "Shit."

Brian moved to my side and grabbed my arm. "C'mon, Sunshine." Brian's tone was light, and I knew he didn't want to discuss this in front of Daphne. "I brought dinner home. Let's go eat."

As he led me past Daphne she whispered to me. "Who the fuck is Brandon?"

"The bet guy," I whispered back through clenched teeth.

"Not fucking now." Brian's grip tightened on my arm, and we went down to dinner.

 

* * *

After a tense dinner where we didn't talk about anything, but our silences said it all, Daphne excused herself, and Brian and I went up to our bedroom. I got ready and crawled into bed, listening to Brian get ready, thinking about what the hell I was going to say to him.

The thing is, I fucked Brandon. I know, right? It was right after I broke up with Brian that last time. I found out about the bet that Brandon and Brian had going that was a race to fuck through a list of guys first, and it pissed me off royally. I mean I know it wasn't my business, and I wasn't on their fucking list because not even Brian is that stupid, but it was so fucking cocky and dumb, and I missed Brian and I wanted him to really want me, and be done with playing stupid games.

So I went out and got drunk one night, and guess who happened to be at the bar? Yeah, it was Brandon, and I let him take me home and I even let him fuck me. All pretty much to spite Brian, even though I don't think Brandon really even knew who the fuck I was at the time, and as far as I knew Brian never found out about it. And now here we are.

Brian came out of the bathroom and climbed into bed. He was naked as usual, and fuck if he didn't still make my heart skip a beat, even after all the bullshit I was going through. I looked up and realized he was staring at me expectantly.

"I fucked him," was all I said, as I studied the fingernail on my right index finger. "Or, I let him fuck me, I should say."

"When?"

"Right after I left you."

"After you found out about the bet." It was a statement, not a question, and I didn't answer him because he already knew. "We had to ban him from Babylon a few months ago."

This got my attention and I looked up sharply at him. "Why?"

"He was getting too rough and insistent with the customers. They were starting to complain."

Too rough indeed. I felt the tears well up in my eyes. "I'm so sorry, Brian. This whole mess is all my fault. I was angry, and I did it just to spite you, and look what happened. I don't blame you if you hate me."

Brian gently pushed me away, and looking into my eyes with the most raw expression I'd ever seen from him, said something that made me completely break again. "Justin, I'm so sorry if my actions with Brandon helped to fuel this, just like I'm sorry if me showing up at your prom helped provoke Hobbs, but we're both going to stop taking the blame for any of it. I wallowed in that shit for too long after the bashing and I refuse to do it now. Brandon is sick, and Chris Hobbs is sick, and that is not your fault and it's not mine, we just happened to be in their way."

"Fuck, Brian," I sobbed before I collapsed in tears again, because forget the fact that Brian Kinney just used the word 'sorry,' twice in one sentence, but Christ, he had managed to grow up a little, while still managing to be the fuck-em all Brian I adored. It's like finally all those layers of shit that his fucked up parents painted all over him were finally peeling away, leaving behind the true essence of everything I loved about him. It took my breath away, and frankly I don't know if I was crying more over that, or the fact that some whack job raped and stabbed me.

I finally pulled myself together and wiped my snot and tears with the tissues Brian handed me. He turned off the light by his side of the bed and laid down, pulling me with him. "Get some sleep, Sunshine. We've got a long day tomorrow."

As I was beginning to drift, I remembered something Brian had said to Carl on the phone. I raised myself up on my arms and peered down at Brian's face, which was bathed in moonlight . He opened his eyes and looked at me questioningly. "Have you really had no one in your bed since I was visiting you last month?" I asked him.

His expression looked pained, but I just stared expectantly, not letting him off the hook. "Fuck," he grumbled. "No, I don't bring tricks home anymore, and now since you're back, I won't. But," he continued before I could say anything. "That doesn't mean I don't trick. I'm not going to promise monogamy this time, Justin. Not right now, at least."

I smiled at him. "I'm not asking you too, Brian. I don't want pod person Brian again. I just want you." With that I leaned down and kissed him.

I meant it to be a light, non-threatening kiss, which was all I had really been up for lately, but the moment my lips touched his, I was overwhelmed with need for him. I opened my mouth and turned the heat up, and we just lay there and basically made out for a long time.

Brian didn't push anything further with me, letting me set the pace until I reached down and took his cock into my hand. He groaned with pleasure, but gently pulled my hand away, keeping it held in his own. "Not yet, Jus," he whispered softly to me. "I can tell you're not ready. There's no rush, okay?"

I nodded feeling a little bit relieved and a little disappointed at the same time. "I love you," I breathed out as I lay my head against his chest, still holding his hand.

"You too," he replied, letting his fingers gently card through my hair as I fell asleep.

 

* * *

Brian

Okay, so, yeah, I can talk a good line, and seriously I know it's not my fault Brandon's a crazy fuck, I really do, but fuck, it's hard not to feel partially responsible. Between letting Justin go that last time and that fucking bet, then Justin being so pissed that he actually slept with the fucker, and then rejecting Brandon after I had won...well, fuck, like I said it won't help to wallow. I can play the 'What If' game all damn night and it still won't change what happened.

Fucking Brandon! Carl said they were going to bring him in tonight based on Justin's initial ID, and hopefully have the DNA results by tomorrow. All I want to do is kill that fucker, and if Justin didn't need me so much, I probably would.

Justin stirred and I tensed up ready for another nightmare, but he just sighed and settled back down against my chest. He is so amazing, and strong, and God, how much is he expected to endure?

Well, fuck it, we're doing this right this time. I'm a smart man, and you don't go through PTSD once without learning a few things. We're going to talk things through, and we're going to be honest and open with each other so there will be no room for anything like the fiddler incident to happen again. Oh, and I can’t believe I’m fucking saying this, but I’m going to suggest he go to a counselor this time, and fuck, maybe I’ll even go too, but I don’t know if anyone really has that kind of time or money to figure out all my shit.

I love him, and I'm so fucking happy he's home, so I've decided I'm going to finally be the man he needs me to be; the man he deserves.

 

* * *

We walked out of the police station and I put my arm around Justin. Brandon was in jail and now they were awaiting the results of the DNA test to prove he was Justin's rapist. Justin and I had talked in the car on the way there and we both agreed we would pursue a conviction no matter what, something Justin had been emotionally unable to do when Chris Hobbs had been on trial for the bashing.

"You okay?" I asked Justin, pulling him in tighter to my side.

He seemed to ponder for a moment before answering. "Yeah," he looked up at me. "I really think I am. It feels good to take some of the control back, you know?"

"Yeah, I do," I replied, thinking about the first time I actually stood up to my father, and escaped without a beating. Justin's stomach took that moment to protest loudly. "Hungry?" I chuckled at him.

He blushed. "Yeah, actually I am." He took a deep breath. "Diner?"

"Really?" I asked in surprise. He'd been a hermit for the last month and now he wanted to go to the diner, where most of our family would likely be.

"I'm ready," he said with conviction.

It was a little early for the lunch rush so the diner wasn't horribly busy, but Deb was working and she was ecstatic to see her Sunshine again. I was worried about her over-exuberance, but she wasn't dumb and kept herself from completely freaking Justin out with her hugs and kisses.

Ted, Michael, Ben and Emmett trickled in just as we were finishing up, and they managed to behave as well, and I think that Justin was actually happy to see all of them. After visiting for a few minutes we excused ourselves and left.

Justin's limp was more pronounced as we made our way to his new car. "Tired?" I asked.

"Yeah, and my leg hurts a little."

"Will you survive if I make one more stop?"

"Sure, where do you have to go?"

"I have to pick up some files." I turned away from him to look out the windshield. "They're at the loft. You can wait in the car; it will only take me a minute."

"Sure," he replied simply.

After a few moments I spoke again. "I'm thinking about selling the loft now that we're going to be living at Britin full time."

He sucked in his breath, but was quiet until we pulled up in front of my building. When I made my way around the front of the car to the sidewalk I saw Justin getting out of the car too. "Justin…" I started.

He didn't let me finish. "I'm not going to let him scare me from our home."

"You don't have to be so fucking brave. No one would fucking fault you if you never want to step foot in there again."

"Brian, quit being such a drama queen and let's go up to our loft." He reached for my hand.

"Fucking twat," I mumbled, and led him through the outside door, hoping this wasn't a huge mistake.

I unlocked my door and led him inside, his hand still tightly clenched in mine. He paused in the entryway, but steeled himself and moved further inside. He looked up toward the bedroom and gasped. "You got a new bed."

"I had to…I couldn't…" I trailed off, unable to finish.

He smiled at me. "You're so fucking sweet sometimes." He let go of my hand and moved to the bedroom. I had changed the color scheme and even the light fixture over the bed. He tentatively sat on the bed, which was now covered in all new neutral toned bedding. He looked up at me and smiled. "I like it."

"Good," I answered, pushing my tongue into my cheek. "Because it all cost a fucking fortune."

He laughed and reached his hand out to me. I took it and he pulled me down next to him. "I'm really all right as long as you're here with me, Brian. I'm not sure when I'll be able to stay here by myself, but with you, it's okay." He eyed me closely. "Do you really want to sell?'

I sighed, because fuck, I really didn't. I always thought that when Justin came back from New York we would move to Britin, but keep the loft. There was a lot of history for us here, and also it would be convenient to keep it to use for those times when it was easier to stay in town.

He took my silence for my answer. "Then we keep it.," he stated emphatically. "You know how I feel about this place, Brian. One bad experience doesn't change that."

I reached up and carefully cupped his cheek, leaning in to kiss him gently. He reached up to hold my head and deepen the kiss just as he had done last night. After another passionate make-out session, Justin pulled away a little and looked into my eyes. "Make love to me, Brian."

"Justin, no," I tried to protest.

He placed a finger to my lips. "I'm ready. Please, let's make this place ours again."
Okay, I've changed, but I haven't changed that much. I cradled his face and kissed him again. Sex is the one thing in our relationship that has always worked, and apparently that hadn't changed.

I offered to let him fuck me, but that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted us back to normal, and normal was me fucking him, though I'm not opposed to changing it up now and then. I grabbed the condom and lube and moved slowly between his legs. "How do you want me?"

"I want to see your face."

I nodded, and gently prepared him, watching his face carefully for any sign that he wanted to stop. He bravely smiled up at me as I placed my cock at his hole. "Sure?" I asked one more time.

He bit his lip and nodded, and then I pushed inside. "Brian," he gasped. "Don't stop."

It had been two months since I had last been inside him, the longest we had gone since we got back together after the bombing at Babylon. "Justin, God, so tight."

When I was all the way in I saw tears mingled with the sweat on his face and froze.

"Justin?"

He shook his head and smiled again. "No, I'm fine. It's happy tears."

"God, Justin!" I huffed out a relieved laugh and pressed my forehead to his, and then began thrusting again. When I felt my orgasm start I grabbed Justin's cock and began to stroke in time with my thrusts.

It wasn't long before we both came, and I collapsed a little, but was careful to keep my weight off him. I reached down and stroked the sweaty strands of hair off his face, and his breath hitched out a tiny sob as emotion once again overcame him. He smiled into my eyes once again, and I kissed him gently on the lips and then pulled back a little.

"Welcome home, Justin," I whispered, placing my face in the crook of his neck even as I let a few of my own tears fall.

The End

 

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