Listen to Your Heart

Part 5

Brian stood behind Justin and wondered what to do. The young artist sat gazing at the pounding surf outside the window of the house in Malibu. The sketchpad in his lap was untouched and as far as Brian knew there had been no new entries in it since the accident over a week ago.

He had kept up a brave and cheerful front while his mother was here, but it was obviously just a front. As soon as Jennifer had left three days ago Justin had withdrawn further and further into himself. He barely acknowledged Brian’s existence and he had yet to speak out loud.

Brian was sympathetic to a point, but sympathy was not his strong point and he was thrown off by Justin‘s behavior. He was not used to being ignored, especially not by Justin. Usually he could barely keep the kid quiet and away from him for two seconds so he could get some time to himself.

No, Brian’s ego couldn’t take it anymore; he needed to get through to his young lover. For Justin’s sake and his own sanity he had to think of something fast. Not to even mention that they hadn’t had sex in ages, that alone was making Brian a desperate man. Even he wasn’t a big enough asshole to go out and trick while Justin was stuck in his silent world.

Brian took a deep breath, stood up straight and grabbed the Magnadoodle off the couch. He wrote three words in big letters as he approached Justin. Brian tapped him on the shoulder and when the young man turned around he held up the board; <talk to me! >

Justin looked defeated as he scribbled on his sketchpad; <no.>

Brian put a firm hand on Justin’s shoulder and pointed to his message again.

Justin slumped in his spot; <about what?> He wrote again.

Brian shook his head, erased his message and scribbled a new one, <I mean use your voice and talk to me; about anything you want. I miss listening to you.>

Justin stood up and moved away from Brian shaking his head violently. He pointed to his message again and underlined it; <NO!>

Brian rolled his eyes, quickly losing patience, <why?> He wrote. <It’s just me and there’s nothing wrong with your voice. You sound just like you.>

<It’s too weird and I don’t want to,> came Justin’s next message as he glared at his lover.

“Christ!” Brian yelled out loud. “All I want you to do is talk to me. I want to know what you’re thinking!”

Justin reached out and touched the Magnadoodle board in Brian’s hand, then pointed to his ear. He wrote on his own pad; <you’ll have to write that down Brian. I can’t fucking hear you remember?> Justin smirked slightly as he showed his message to his lover.

Brian fumed at Justin’s attitude as he scribbled some quick words, <just talk to me Baby. Please?>

Justin read the note and backed up a bit. Brian never called him baby, he didn’t like gooey nicknames. Sunshine was the closest thing he ever got to using a pet name and usually when he called Justin that he was being sarcastic about something. Justin didn’t have time to ponder this new turn of events anymore because Brian had moved into his space with his board in tow. He pointed to the <please> again as he mouthed the words as well.

Justin turned away as his emotions threatened to spill out of him. Damn Brian anyway. If the older man had stayed angry Justin could have resisted him. He was used to dealing with a pissed Brian, but this sweet man calling him affectionate names, well there was no resisting that. “I feel scared,” he whispered softly.

Brian turned him gently and searched his eyes, “what?”

Justin got the gist of the question; “Brian I’m so fucking scared,” God he hated not being able to hear himself talk. Well Brian wasn’t laughing at him anyway so he continued; “I don‘t want to be deaf, not for a day, a week and not for the rest of my fucking life. I know you don’t do pity and I don’t want you to feel sorry for me but right now I’m feeling really sorry for myself.” Justin felt his tears start to flow and he tried to pull away because Brian really doesn’t do tears, but he is relieved when Brian just pulled him in closer.

After a moment Brian let him go in order to write on his board; <I am sorry for you Sunshine, but I don’t pity you. You are strong! We will get through this together. Just keep talking to me Jus. It‘s so much easier. You sound beautiful.>

Justin snorts a laugh and tries to wipe his tears; “you still want to be together? I’ll understand if you don’t, I’m going to be pretty tough to live with.”

<Like you weren’t already?> Brian writes with a laugh, <if you can love me with my one ball I think I can put up with your deficiency. At least I won’t have to listen to you bitch about my music anymore.>

Justin lets out another short laugh, but as quickly as it came it turned into full-fledged tears as all the emotions he had been holding in since he woke up in the hospital came flooding out. Brian led him to their bedroom, laid them both down and held on tight as his lover released his grief.

******************************

Later as Justin’s sobs died down, Brian lifted the young man’s chin and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. The kiss turned more passionate as the spark that always burned within them ignited. Brian’s hands began to travel down Justin’s body, but the younger man began to feel self-conscious again and started to pull away.

Brian grabbed his arm as he snagged the board off the nightstand and wrote; <Baby please? I need you; I’ve missed us. Please.>

Justin nodded; he felt the same burning need for Brian too. It had been too long since they last made love, “I want to...I’m just...I don’t know, nervous I guess.” Justin blushed as he spoke, “I know that sounds stupid.”

Brian shook his head, <I understand you baby,> he wrote, <I always understand. We’ll go slow.> He leaned in to capture Justin’s lips in another sweet kiss. He pulled away to write again, <you’re so beautiful. Let me make love to you.>

God! Again with the sweet words of love Justin had always longed to hear. He didn’t know what had gotten into Brian but he would take it. He tugged Brian back down on top of him, “fuck me Brian. Fuck me now.”

Brian leered at the younger man as he tossed the Magnadoodle off the side of the bed and attacked his lips with a passionate kiss as his hands went to the opening of his pants. This was one activity that neither of them would ever need words for.

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