Listen to Your Heart

Part 17

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Brian stood and laid a hand on Justin’s shoulder motioning for him to go back to the bedroom with him. Justin stood up, flipped his sketchbook closed and followed with a puzzled expression on his face. Just an hour ago Brian had come up front to sit in one of the captain’s chairs behind Michael claiming that he was sick of lying in bed. Justin had settled across from him on the couch with his sketchpad not even bothering with trying to follow along with any conversation.

Brian pulled Justin into the bedroom sliding the door shut behind them; <“Christ, if I have to listen to one more story about Jenny Rebecca or the littlest ex-hustler I’m going to poke out my own eardrums,”> he paused shooting a look at Justin, <“no offense.”>

“None taken,” Justin replied with a smile, “apparently being deaf does have its privileges.” He helped ease Brian down on the bed; “come on don’t be so hard on them. I think it’s great they are such caring parents. We should all have such great parents.”

<“Look who’s talking Sunshine. You’re mom would still be wiping your ass for you if you let her. Christ, she goes on and on about you. It‘s worse than Ozzie and Harriet up there.”>

“Fuck off Brian, that’s not true. She’s just proud of me. Besides, I was referring more to my dad, and your parents.”

<“Well I’m in no position to argue with that.”>

Justin smiled slyly as he looked down at Brian, “well Mr. Kinney exactly what are you in a position to do?” Justin carefully straddled Brian’s hips as he climbed on the bed with his lover.

<“Just about any position you want Sunshine,”> Brian signed before leaning forward to capture Justin’s lips.

Justin accidentally pressed too hard on Brian’s ribs and Brian quickly jerked away, his face scrunching up in pain. Justin knew immediately what he had done; “oh fuck, I’m sorry Brian. Are you OK?”

Brian took a few deep breaths; <“I’m all right,”> he brought Justin’s chin up with one finger so they were sharing eye contact, <“quit looking like that Sunshine, it was just a little twinge.”>

“I don’t like hurting you. I’m always hurting you.”

Brian sighed getting the distinct feeling that Justin was talking about more than his jostled rib cage, <“what the fuck are you talking about? You are not always hurting me. In fact I seem to recall a time in the not so distant past where you saved my ass.”>

“But Brian you’ve been hurt so often because of me. First with my dad ramming your Jeep and attacking you, then the prom, Ethan, and then my accident in L.A. Christ why are you even still with me?”

Justin moved off Brian to the other side of the bed turning his back to him. Brian wasn’t sure he was ready to have this long overdue talk with Justin, but he figured after this latest little drama they had been through that it was time. He just wished he was more prepared, like when he pitched an ad campaign to a new company. He figured he would be a lot more effective as a boyfriend if he could use flow charts and storyboards, but unfortunately he didn’t think Justin would be very appreciative of these tactics. Oh what the hell, here goes nothing.

He reached out and gently but firmly turned Justin around to face him again; <“I know I’m a bit older than you, but my memory is not quite gone yet,”> Brian did his best to sign all this while Justin patiently followed. <“Correct me if I’m wrong but in a few of those examples you were the one that got hurt, not me.”>

“I realize that Brian,” Justin replied with a hint of annoyance coloring his voice, “but when you were getting beat up and all I could do was watch, and then later in the hospital when I had to sit there all by myself and wait,” Justin paused to wipe a stray tear away. “Fuck!” He exclaimed, wishing he wasn’t so fucking emotional all the time. “Sorry,” he gave Brian a small watery smile before going on; “I realized while I sat there that I was hurting too. It hurt so bad to not be able to help you, to not know how you were doing. I realized that’s how you felt in that parking garage and those days you waited to know if I was going to live. All of that hurt you just as much as me. I understand now why you never came to see me in the hospital after the bashing. It hurt too much.”

<“I did come. I was at the hospital every night.”>

“What?” Justin almost whispered.

<“I had to be there. I had to make sure you were all right. I just couldn’t handle everyone else and I admit I was too fucked up to let you see me. Fuck yes it hurt Justin. It hurt a lot, but I was there. You can ask your mom. She knew all about it.”>

“Oh Brian, I don’t even know what to say,” Justin didn’t even bother trying to stop his tears anymore; “I was so angry with you for so long and...oh God, all that shit with Ethan...”

Brian cut Justin off with a finger to his lips; <“stop it Justin. Stop it right now. That’s all in the past and it won’t do us any good to relive it all again. We’re partners Justin and that means there’s going to be pain along with the pleasure. We’ve both hurt each other, but we’ve both helped each other too. Christ we’ve even saved each other. That’s what it means to be someone’s partner.”>

Justin moved in to nuzzle Brian’s neck; “I love you Brian.”

Brian kissed the side of Justin’s head in reply and pushed him away slightly so he could brush away the rest of his tears with his thumbs and talk with him again; <“are we OK?”>

Justin nodded, “yes, always.”

<“Good,”> Brian signed while lying back, <“because I seem to remember we were having a conversation about positions and I have one in mind for you to get into.”>

“Brian!” Justin barked out a laugh, “what about your ribs?”

Brian pulled insistently on Justin until his lover was straddling his hips once again. He reached for the button of Justin’s jeans; <“you’ll just have to be more careful Sunshine,”> he said softly while pushing up Justin’s shirt until the younger man got the hint to take it off himself.

“You are so fucking impossible Brian,” Justin replied as he stripped his clothes off and went to work on Brian’s pants. “Beautiful...sexy...sweet...and totally impossible,” Justin punctuated each word with kisses as he made his way up Brian’s body.

<“I think that’s why you like me so much,”> Brian signed one last time before he pulled Justin to him taking his lips in an all consuming kiss.

“You’re probably right,” Justin breathed hotly against Brian’s ear when he pulled away from the kiss. Justin sat back, being very careful of Brian’s injuries and gently prepared Brian with a condom and lube. When the preparations were done he took Brian’s good hand and using it to keep himself steady gently lowered himself onto his lover’s cock. They slowly made love, never letting the grip of their hands loosen and never losing eye contact with one another.

After they both reached completion Justin cleaned them up, brought Brian pain pills that he knew he would need after such exertion then he settled into Brian’s right side and fell into a lazy post-coital doze. Brian lay letting his hands run through the soft blond hair that he was so happy Justin was letting grow long again. “I love you,” he whispered softly into Justin‘s hair, still only allowing himself to make that admission when he was certain his lover could not hear him.

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A few hours later Ben pulled the motor home into a rest area for the night. He managed to make one of his famous Asian themed dinners in the motor home’s well-stocked kitchen with groceries he and Michael had stocked up on before they had picked up Brian and Justin at the hotel that morning. Brian was able to grudgingly admit that it was nice to have a healthy meal and not have to eat out all the time. Not too mention the fact that neither he or Justin were feeling very social after the way their last night on the town had gone. Although Michael did assure Justin that he had picked out some of the groceries as well so they would have something to eat besides sprouts and tofu on the trip home. Brian and Ben rolled their eyes at the questionable eating habits of their partners while the two other men ignored them and waxed poetic about Deb‘s lasagna and the diner‘s lemon bars.

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In the middle of the night Brian was startled awake by a loud crash of thunder and a bright flash of lightning. Though his common sense told him they were perfectly safe from the storm inside the motor home it was still a bit unnerving to have so little between them and the powerful forces of nature. He lay and stroked Justin’s hair as he listened to the storm grow closer and closer to them. The storm must have awoken Ben and Michael as well because he could hear them talking quietly in between the claps of thunder.

He kind of wished that Justin were able to hear it as well. He could remember a few times at the loft when they would awaken in the night to a summer storm. Justin had taught him how to start counting in between the claps of thunder and the flashes of lightning to tell how far away the storm was. It was something Justin’s father had taught him as a child. Brian remembered as a child hoping that the thunder would not wake his own father for fear of it pissing him off even more in his drunken state. These were the things he and Justin talked about during thunderstorms and he had to admit that he missed it this time.

Brian was startled out of his reverie by a loud and long roll of thunder that sounded like it was directly overhead and almost hurt his ears. He was even more startled when Justin sat straight up in bed looking terrified clutching at Brian‘s arm; “Brian, what the fuck was that?”

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