Finally

Chapter 7

“What?” Brian shook his head, trying to make sense of what Justin was saying. He felt like he should know who Justin was talking about, but things were still a little fuzzy as far as his memory went.

“My friend from Rome…” Justin rubbed both fists over his eyes, and then moved his hands back down to look at his lover. “Brian, Tad and Chris were the two friends I lived with in Rome, remember?”

He paused for a moment and waited until Brian finally nodded. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Tad was on his way home from a business trip the night before last, remember I told you he was in advertising like you?”  Justin didn’t give Brian a chance to answer. “He was run off the road by carjackers and they…” Justin’s face crumpled again. “They killed him.” 

“God, Justin, I’m so sorry. Do you…do you want to go there and be with Chris?”

“No, I can’t leave you, and Chris has a lot of friends and a big family to help take care of him.”

 Brian reached out and pulled Justin against his chest. “I’d be okay here if you want to go,” he said quietly. “There would be people to help take care of me.”

Justin shook his head against Brian’s chest.  “I can’t leave you, Brian.” His voice was muffled by the soft fabric of Brian’s robe.

They stood for a few minutes and held each other until Brian swayed a little. “Oh shit!” Justin exclaimed as he began to lead Brian back to their bedroom. “You should be in bed.  Are you hungry? You must be starving. I’ll get you something to eat.”

Brian passively followed Justin, who kept up a steady stream of nervous chatter as they made their way to the bedroom. “Justin,” he finally tried to interrupt.

“What do you want to eat?” Justin asked, ignoring Brian and pushing his lover toward their bed.

“Justin, stop,” Brian took hold of Justin and pulled him with him as he sat on the bed.

“Brian!” Justin exclaimed as he narrowly missed landing on Brian’s bad shoulder.

“I’m not hungry, Justin. I don’t need anything. You need to just calm the fuck down for a minute though.”

“I can’t. I need to be doing something.” Justin tried to get up again.

“No, you need to stay here and let me hold you so you can cry for your friend.”

Justin shook his head. “No...no.”

“Why?” Brian cupped Justin’s face with his hand. “Just let me be here for you.”

“It’s too much!” Justin flung himself off the bed and across the room. “It’s too much to know that I’ll never see Tad again, that Chris will never hold his lover again, and that it was almost…” he began to crumble, but held back his sobs. “It’s too much that it was almost me. It’s too much that you almost died and left me alone like that, and I wouldn’t have known…I wouldn’t have known how you felt about me. You would have been dead and I would have found all of that stuff in that box…all of that sentimental crap that you kept and all that you left for me, but none of it would have mattered because you’d have been fucking dead!”  Justin slid to the floor and wrapped his arms around his knees as he began to sob in earnest.

“Fuck,” Brian dragged himself off the bed and hobbled over to Justin. He cursed again as he slowly lowered himself down to the floor. He awkwardly reached for his desolate lover. “I’m sorry, Justin. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Justin’s head whipped up and he started to scoot back. “Who the fuck are you? Please stop doing this to me.”

Brian snagged his wrist before he could escape. “What the fuck am I doing to you?”

“This!” Justin waved his arm around. “This house, the cute nicknames, the being nice all the time, and now you apologize to me? It’s like right before the wedding all over again!”

"Are you sure you got a fifteen hundred on your SATs because sometimes I really wonder if you're not retarded."

"Fuck you!" Justin looked indignant.

"No, fuck you, Justin. You want a commitment from me, and when I'm finally ready to give you that, you leave."

"But..."

Justin began to protest, but Brian put up a hand to silence him. "I know, it wasn't the right time for us to be together, and you needed to go to New York. That was okay with me because you're young and I want you to be your own man, but now I'm ready and you're ready, and you think I have fucking brain damage instead of just fucking accepting that I love you!"

"Fucking Michael." Justin shook his head as he wiped his hand across his eyes.

"Yeah, well, you know better than to confide in him. I can always get that shit out of him."

Justin looked up. "I love you, too. I've loved you since day one, which is stupid and inconceivable, yet true." He stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. "You're fucked up."

Brian laughed. "It's true, I am."

"So, maybe you can see why I get a little confused, and it's not you really, it's me I guess.  I fell in love with you and you were a certain way, and I love that Brian, and yeah, I want a commitment, but then that sort of changes the Brian I fell in love with in the first place..."

"Christ!" Brian exclaimed, cutting Justin off. "I'd call that a lot confused, you twat. And you think I have brain damage."

"Shut up!" Justin pouted.

Brian winced when he jarred his shoulder as he scooted closer to Justin. He placed a finger under his lover's chin. "Look at me." Justin's breath caught when he saw the depth of emotion in Brian's hazel eyes. "I'm giving myself to you, Justin. This is Brian without the bullshit, and without all the walls, okay? This is the Brian who I could have been if I had been shown maybe just one ounce of love or respect when I was growing up. I love you and I want to be with you, and only you, for the rest of our lives."

"God," Justin choked out as he tried to look away from the raw emotion written across Brian's face.

"Don't look away." Brian grabbed his chin again. "Don't look away, Sunshine, because you're the only person, except for maybe Gus, who gets this Brian. You're the only one that's ever been able to find him or believe in him."

"Brian." Tears flowed down Justin's cheeks as he gently framed Brian's face with his hands and pulled him into a passion filled kiss.

Brian's answering kiss held just as much heat and soon he was kissing down Justin's neck as his lover worked at getting them both naked. Justin moved his head down and began attacking one of Brian's nipples with his tongue. "God," Brian gasped. "Love you, Jus, love you so much."

Justin moved back up to kiss Brian's lips and slowly began to push him to the floor, but stopped suddenly when Brian winced. "We should move you up to the bed," he whispered against Brian's lips.

Brian shook his head. "No, I'm fine. Want you now...can't wait." Brian grabbed him and lay back until he was lying on their plush carpet with Justin hovering over him.

"Brian," Justin huffed out as he leaned down to plunder Brian's mouth again. He broke away only to crawl over to the nightstand where he dug some lube and condoms out of the drawer. When he moved back to Brian he straddled his lover's waist and began to prepare himself while Brian watched with heavily lidded eyes. "Want you to fuck me Brian," Justin whispered. "It's been too long since I've felt you inside me.  Want you,” Justin moaned as he finally maneuvered himself over Brian’s straining cock and lowered himself slowly. “God…so fucking…good.” He lifted up and slammed himself back down again before leaning down to take Brian’s lips in a heated kiss.

Brian strained to try and keep up with Justin, but had to concede and let his lover do most of the work. Justin set a steady pace, only slowing down when they both were on the edge. Finally, after being denied his release a few times, Brian had enough. “Fuck, Jus…just let me come...you’re killing me here.”

“Sorry,” Justin gritted out as he sped up the pace. It wasn’t long before they were both riding out their intense orgasms. Justin leaned down and pressed his forehead against Brian’s.  “I love you, Brian Kinney.”

“Love you, too,” Brian gasped out, trying to catch his breath.

Justin noted the crease between Brian’s brows was back and knew he had let his lover overexert himself. He sat up and slowly pulled off Brian, tying off the condom, and discarding it in the trash. “You need to get in bed. C’mon.”

Brian groaned as he took Justin’s offered hand and let his lover pull him up. “Oh, fuck, that hurts!”

“I’m sorry,” Justin looked contrite. “I never should have let…”

“Shut up.” Brian looked exasperated. “I’m a big boy. I get to make my own decisions.”

“But…” Justin started as he got Brian lowered onto their bed.

Brian reached up and grabbed Justin’s chin, interrupting him. “No buts. I wanted you. I always want you. I’m just a little sore. I’ll certainly survive.”

Justin searched Brian’s eyes, and nodded, seeming satisfied with what he saw there. He straightened up and gave Brian another pill. “Here, take this, and then lie down. You need to sleep.”

“Only if you’ll lay with me.”

“I don’t think I can sleep right now.”

The sorrowful look was back in Justin’s eyes, and Brian knew he was thinking of his Italian friends. He also knew Justin was still exhausted from this entire ordeal. “Please?” he opened his eyes wide and tried to make himself look vulnerable. It wasn’t too difficult considering how much pain he was in.

“Okay,” Justin nodded as he turned off the bedside lamp and carefully settled in next to his lover. 

After a few moments of silence, Justin sniffed loudly, and then his shoulders began to shake as he sobbed out his grief for his friend Tad. “Shhh,” Brian crooned softly as he stroked whatever parts of Justin he could reach with his good hand. “It will be okay,” he whispered.

Justin cried on until he finally ran out of energy and his breathing evened out. It wasn’t long before both men were sound asleep.

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