Brain Damage/Brian Damage

Chapter 9

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"Say it!"

"No! Never!" Justin giggled wildly as he tried to wiggle out from under Brian.

"Say it, little boy!" Brian tightened his hold on Justin's arms, blocking his escape. He threw them over Justin's head and pinned them to the bed with one hand. He used his other hand to tickle Justin mercilessly. "Say it!"

"Brian, please stop," Justin gasped out breathlessly.

"Not until you say it, Sonny Boy."

"All right, all right. You are the fucking king."

"Not good enough! Say it right." He resumed his tickling, holding tight to his bucking lover.

"Okay. You're the king of fucking!"

Brian immediately let go and grinned. "That's more like it."

Justin pushed him playfully. "You are so fucking high."

"So are you. Watch me do a handstand." Brian stood up and tried to make his way to the middle of the room.

"Brian, no." Justin grabbed his hand and pulled Brian back down on the bed. "No handstands right now."

"Okay," Brian pulled Justin into a steamy kiss. "Wanna fuck?"

Justin laughed. It was so nice to see Brian acting silly, for lack of a better word. It hardly ever happened, well, that he remembered anyway. Tonight at dinner, they had made a pact not to mention Justin's memories, or anything else having to do with the accident. Brian got his stash out and the two of them spent the evening getting high.

"Love to," Justin finally answered Brian's question, grabbing his dick and leaning over to lick at his collarbone at the same time.

"Fuck away," Brian smirked.

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"So are you ready to have the whole fucking gang here all weekend?" Brian and Justin sat in their breakfast nook munching on the fresh cinnamon rolls that Lily had brought over. Brian was actually eating one, much to Justin's surprise.

"Yeah, I can't wait to see Gus," Justin replied.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay with that? He's six now. Last time you remember seeing him, he was just a baby."

"I'll deal. I really want to see him. It's not like I totally don't remember him. I've gotten some flashes of him here and there."

"I'm excited to see him too. It's been months."

"What time are they coming in?"

"Three. I'm picking them up. Do you want to come?"

A slight cloud of fear passed over Justin's face. "I think I'll pass this time. Too many people."

Brian eyed Justin with concern. It had been two days since the memories of the bashing and Justin had seemed to be doing okay. Contrary to Brian's predictions he hadn't had another panic attack, but then again, they hadn't really left the house. "You all right?"

"I think so. It's just...forget it, it's stupid."

"Hey, I'm sure it's not stupid. Tell me."

"Okay, but please don't laugh, okay?" Brian nodded. "I'm afraid of being afraid."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You said you wouldn't laugh at me."

"I'm not laughing, I'm just not sure what the hell you're talking about."

Justin sighed. "Well, I remember the bashing and I remember how afraid I was afterward. You know, about crowds and being touched and stuff?"

"Yeah, I remember," Brian stated.

"Well, I remember the fear, but it's like I don't really feel it now, but I don't know, what if all that shit comes back when I try to be around people? If I'm going to lose it, I'd rather do it here at home."

"So, you're going to be some crazy old hermit the rest of your life?"

"Fuck off, Brian!" Justin exclaimed with a wry smile. "Just give me some time, okay?"

Brian's expression sobered. "As much as you need. And if you do lose it, then we'll just put you back together; just like we did before."

Justin reached over to hug him. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Sunshine."

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The Pittsburgh contingent of visitors arrived at two. The plan was for the Novotny-Bruckner clan and Deb to spend a long weekend at Britin together while Lindsay, Mel and the kids were visiting. It seemed easier than having to coordinate visits between all the various households in Pittsburgh. Ted, Emmett, their respective partners, and Jennifer would come for a big family dinner the next day. Molly was spending the weekend with her father.

Brian had left for the airport already so it was up to Justin to show everyone to their rooms and get them settled in. "Here you go, Deb." Justin dropped Debbie's bag on her bed. Carl had to work that night, but was planning on arriving on Saturday to spend time with the family.

"Thanks, sweetie," she kissed Justin's cheek. "How are you feeling, honey?" The last time she had seen Justin, he had been catatonic in the corner of their kitchen.

"I'm okay, Deb. Really. Brian and I had a really good talk and we worked through it all."

Debbie shook her head. "Who would have fuckin' thought? Brian Kinney working through his problems and talking?"

"He's changed, Deb." He looked wistful. "Sometimes I can't believe how much."

"Oh, honey. You remember more every day. Everything will be back to normal soon."

"Thanks, Deb." He smiled at her.

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"Justin!!" Gus undid his seatbelt and hopped out of the car, running up the steps and throwing himself at Justin.

"Gus?" Justin pushed the little boy back a bit to get a good look at him. "Oh, God, Gus! You've gotten so big!"

"I growed, Justin. I'm going to be a big boy like you!"

"You sure are!" Justin agreed. He knew Gus knew nothing of his accident or his memory loss. They all thought it would be too complicated to explain and Justin was sure he could wing it. Finally Lindsay and Mel, who was carrying J.R., made it up to the front door. "Hey, Linds, Mel. How are you?"

"Oh, Justin, it's good to see you," Lindsay gushed as she hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

"This must be J.R.," Justin said as he leaned over to kiss the toddler. "She's as pretty as her pictures. Hey, Mel," he added softly as he kissed her on the cheek as well."

"Hi, baby," Mel replied with a smile.

"Come on, let's go inside before Deb busts down my door trying to get to her granddaughter," Brian groused good-naturedly.

The girls and kids went in while Brian and Justin hung back for a moment. Brian winced when he heard Deb screech. "Fuck, it's going to be a long weekend."

"You'll survive," Justin assured him. "God, I can't believe Gus. He's grown so much."

"If it's any consolation, I was just thinking the same thing. I think it will be awhile before he's a 'big boy' like you though," Brian quipped as he grabbed Justin's crotch.

"Brian!" Justin laughed as he batted his husband's hand away. "Be good. Now come on, let's go inside."

"Yes, dear," Brian replied obediently, and followed Justin in.

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Brian and Lindsay were enjoying a walk through the grounds of Britin that evening. Brian had missed his heart to heart talks with his good friend. Judging by the sparkle in her eyes, he figured she must have missed them too.

"So how is Justin, really?" she asked Brian as she snatched his cigarette from his hand and took a long drag.

"He's good. He remembered the bashing."

"Is that good or bad?"

Brian smiled wryly. "It was actually good. We talked about it, if you can fucking believe that. He had a few nightmares and a panic attack, but he seems good now. Maybe just a little shaky."

"Did he remember your wedding yet? Oh, I'm sorry, your non-wedding."

"What the fuck, Lindsay?"

"I'm sorry, Brian, but I don't think I approve of you lying to him. I think it's only going to cause trouble for both of you."

"I'm not lying. We are mar..."

Lindsay didn't let him finish. "I know. You made vows at the hospital. Brian, it's a lie by omission at best. How is he going to feel when he remembers the truth?"

"We'll talk about it when the time comes. It will be okay, Linds."

Lindsay sighed. "I hope you know what you're doing."

"Tell me about things in Toronto." Brian replied, deftly changing the subject.

Lindsay knew he was done talking about Justin and regaled Brian with some stories of Gus and his school.

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"Can I help you with anything?" Jennifer smiled at Justin as she entered the kitchen.

Justin looked up from chopping his vegetables. "Sure. I could use some help with the salad."

"It smells delicious in here," Jennifer gushed as she took the lettuce to the sink and began to rinse it.

"Thanks."

They worked in silence for a bit. "I know you are probably sick of this question, but how are you doing?" Jennifer asked.

Justin thought for a moment. "I think I'm really doing okay, mom."

"You scared me the other day."

"I know. I'm sorry about that. The memory of the bashing really hit me hard. Brian helped me through it though."

Jennifer wore an unreadable expression on her face. "I'm glad he could help."

Justin studied her intently. "Did I ever thank you?" he asked suddenly.

"For what, honey?" Jennifer looked puzzled.

"For being there for me. For supporting me when Dad wouldn't. For being such a great mom."

Jennifer produced a noise that could only be described as half laugh, half sob. "Oh, right, I was such a great mom," she replied sarcastically.

"What do you mean? You are terrific."

"I let your father kick you out of the house when you were seventeen, Justin. I let another woman practically raise you, for God's sake. You were hurt and there was nothing I could do to help you. I shoved you at Brian so he could fix all your problems because I couldn't do it."

"Oh, Mom," Justin gasped as he moved to take her into his arms. "It was my choice to leave the house. You couldn't control what Dad did. I know you did your best and I'm thankful for it. I know I was a horrible pain in the ass."

"No, no," Jennifer protested, clasping Justin to her tightly.

Brian entered the kitchen to find out what all the noise was to find Justin and his mother sobbing all over each other. "I hope you two aren't getting snot in my dinner," Brian observed wryly.

"Fuck off, Brian!" they both answered in unison. They looked at each other and began to laugh hysterically.

Brian just shook his head and backed out of the kitchen.

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It had been a long, but satisfying day filled with friends and family. Justin's dinner had turned out to be delicious and Deb had produced many wonderful desserts. The evening had been full of good conversation and a lot of laughter. A lot of wine had been consumed and the whole gang had ended up spending the night in makeshift spots all over the house. Justin and Brian had topped off their evening with a gentle round of lovemaking before falling into an exhausted slumber.

Justin woke up suddenly and slapped Brian on the arm. "Idiot!"

"Huh?" Brian sat up. "What is it? A nightmare?" he reached for Justin.

"Why would you try to ride your bike for fucking miles with a broken collarbone? What the fuck were you thinking, Brian?"

Brian flopped back onto the bed. "These fucking middle of the night memory fests really need to stop, Sunshine. You're killing me."

"Hey! Don't change the subject!"

Brian rolled his eyes. It was going to be a long night. He began to plot ways to distract Justin with sex.

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