Brain Damage/Brian Damage

Chapter 6

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Brian stood in the doorway of Justin's studio for a moment and studied the young man as he sat and stared at a blank canvas. He noted that there were no supplies at the ready. No paint cans opened, no palette dabbed with colors, not even a pencil or charcoal. He watched as Justin sighed and dropped his head in his hands. His head snapped up when Brian cleared his throat. "Hey," Justin greeted his lover.

"Hey," Brian returned as he made his way into the room and over to Justin. He nodded to the empty canvas. "We've been home for four days now and I haven't seen you pick up a pencil or a paintbrush. Want to talk about it?"

"I don't know how."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't know how to do the art I've been doing. The art that Justin was doing."

Brian gave his head a quick shake. "Um, you are Justin, though."

"No, I'm like a stupid Justin clone that doesn't remember anything. How can I paint like that when I don't have the memories of those emotions?"

"Okay, that is so fucking stupid I don't even know where to start," Brian replied, his voice agitated.

"Thanks a lot, asshole," Justin retorted. He rose off his stool and brushed passed Brian, making his way to the door.

"Stop right there." Brian reached out and grabbed his arm, holding him firmly in place. "You are not running out on this. We are going to talk about it. Right now."

Justin looked like he was going to argue, but then he saw the look in Brian's eyes and the fight drained out of him. "Okay," he agreed quietly.

"First of all," Brian began. "You are Justin. You are not some 'stupid clone,' as you put it. Yes, you've lost some memories, but God, Justin, they're already coming back. Look how much you've remembered in the last few days. " He stopped and waited for Justin to acknowledge his statement. Finally, the younger man nodded and Brian continued. "Second, there is no fucking right way to do your art and you know it. Yes, your work has changed a lot over the last six years…"

"Because of the 'things,'" Justin interrupted with a slight smile.

Brian smiled back, knowing he was getting through to his lover. "Yes, because of the 'things,' but my point is, all you have to do is work with what you feel here and now. That's how you've always done it and there's no reason to change that. I had this studio fully stocked with everything you could ever want so go to town. Create from here and it will be amazing." He touched Justin's chest where his heart lay. "Whatever you do is always amazing."

Justin was silent for a moment as he looked into Brian's eyes. He reached a hand up and brushed a lock of hair off Brian's forehead. "Jesus Christ, Brian. Could you possibly sound more like a lesbian?" Justin began to laugh.

Brian opened his mouth to argue, but he just rolled his eyes and dropped his forehead down to touch Justin's and joined in his husband's glee.

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Any thoughts Justin had of working on art had disappeared when Brian had taken him into his arms. The two ended up making love on the large futon Brian had added to Justin's studio as a last minute idea. Turned out it was a good one.

After Brian fell into an exhausted slumber, Justin slid out from under him, sliding on his sweat pants. He rummaged around in the cupboards until he found a sketch pad and some drawing pencils. The urge to draw Brian was overwhelming. He smiled to himself; this was an activity he knew he would never forget or get tired of.

He made himself comfortable in an overstuffed chair that he pulled near the futon and began to sketch the outline of Brian's magnificent body.

The first thing Brian became aware of was the sound of a pencil scratching against paper. He smiled to himself, knowing exactly what his lover was doing. It was a sound he had woken to many times in the past. "Shit!" Brian was pulled from his musings by Justin's frustrated cry.

"What's wrong, Sunshine?" Brian sat up, focusing on his lover.

Justin had tossed the pencil down and was rubbing his right hand. "My hand started cramping up. Fuck, I must never draw like this anymore for it to get so stiff this quickly."

Brian's heart turned to ice. Fuck. The hand. He had forgotten about Justin's hand and the residual effects on it from the bashing that Justin still had not remembered. Shit. What did he do now?

He reached over and took Justin's hand in his own. He began to massage it gently. "This happens quite a bit, actually," he said softly.

Justin observed the practiced ease of Brian's ministrations and how he seemed to know just what to do to alleviate the pain. He also couldn't help but see the pain in Brian's eyes. "Brian, is this one of those 'things' you're not supposed to tell me about?"

"Yes."

"I deserve to know why I can't draw for more than half an hour without my hand cramping like a bitch. This is my livelihood."

"You do deserve to know and I'll tell you if you want."

"Against the advice of my doctors?"

Brian winced, but nodded. "Yes, if that's what you really want." No. No. Don't make me say this, Justin. Don't make me relive it again.

Justin studied his lover silently. After several moments, he shook his head. "No. Don't tell me. I'll wait."

Brian let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, but he tried to keep his face a cool mask. "Whatever you say, Sunshine."

Justin knew it was something big. He wanted to know, but at the same time, maybe he really didn't. He sensed that Brian didn't want to talk about it and so he decided to spare him for now. "I'm sure I'll remember it on my own." Justin smiled and stood up, reaching for Brian's hand. "How about we go to bed?"

Brian wrapped an arm around Justin's shoulders and pulled him close. "How about a dip in the hot tub and then bed?" he whispered lewdly into his ear.

"Let's go."

They made their way to the steaming tub out on the private balcony of their bedroom. Brian was already nude so he pulled at the waist of Justin's pants. When his husband was naked, he took his hand and led him into the tub.

Justin groaned with pleasure as he sat and sank to his neck in the steaming water. Brian sank into his own seat across from Justin, allowing himself to admire Justin's beauty.

Justin opened his eyes, catching Brian's lustful gaze with his own. "Come here," he whispered to the other man.

Brian was across the tub in an instant and Justin pulled him into a passion filled kiss. He deftly moved Brian into his own seat and straddled him, wrapping his legs around his lover so their cocks rubbed together. Not once did they lose the connection of the kiss.

Justin took hold of Brian's cock and stroked it with the sureness of a seasoned lover. "This is you, Justin," Brian whispered into his ear. "You love me like the man that you are, not the boy you were. You remember how to take me, I know you do." Justin groaned and nipped at Brian's neck. "Fuck me, Justin," Brian breathed out.

"Oh, God," Justin moaned. "Are you sure?" He looked into Brian's eyes. "You never…I mean…I don't…"

"I'm sure," Brian stood up and slowly turned around. "And yes, you have, and you do."

The sight of Brian so ready and waiting for him drove Justin into action. As far as he knew he had never topped Brian before, but it had always been his fantasy. He kissed Brian's neck and back tenderly and reached over to the side of the tub where they kept a bowl of condoms, suddenly quite sure of himself.

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Justin stood with his head resting on Brian's back. He hadn't remembered ever cumming that hard before. Being inside Brian like that had felt so good. Brian, too, had his head propped on his arms against the edge of the tub, trying to catch his breath.

"That was amazing, Sunshine," Brian spoke softly.

"Thank you," Justin smiled and kissed Brian's neck. Brian craned his head around so Justin could reach his lips and they shared a long tender kiss. Finally, Justin pulled out and tossed the condom over the side and into the garbage. Suddenly his eyes glazed over and his breathing became quick and uneven.

Brian sensed something was wrong and turned around. "Justin, what is it?"

"Something, I had a flash of…" he shuddered.

"Tell me," Brian said with a quiet sureness, gathering Justin into his arms.

Justin rested his head against Brian's chest for a moment and then spoke again. "I was at a party. At Sap's house I think?" There was confusion in his voice as he looked up to Brian in question.

Brian nodded. "You needed the money so you took a job at Babylon as a dancer for a while. Sap wanted you to work a private party for him."

Justin held Brian's gaze for a moment. "Yes, I remember now," he answered softly.

"What happened at the party, Justin?" Brian asked calmly.

Justin's eyes snapped up to his. "You don't know?"

"You never told me, but the next morning was the first time you topped me. You needed to be in control."

Justin moved away from Brian and out of the tub. He picked up a towel and made his way into their bedroom and then bathroom..

"Justin," Brian followed his lover. He found Justin turning on their shower and climbing inside. He followed. "Justin," he said again.

Justin turned into Brian. "I just needed a minute." Brian nodded and Justin studied him for a moment. "You said Sap skipped town, right? That you own Babylon now?"

"Yes."

"I think he drugged me that night. No, I know he drugged me; slipped it into my drink."

Brian sucked in a breath and waited for him to continue. He had known it had been something like that, but that didn't stop the burning anger inside him at Sap's audacity. He had know that Justin belonged to Brian. Come to think of it that was probably part of the attraction.

"There was another guy in a sling. They were…" Justin's gaze was turned inward as if he were watching the scene again. "They were raping him." He shuddered.

"Fuck!" Brian swore softly, but he let Justin continue.

"They wanted me, Brian." He looked up to his lover. "They wanted to do that to me."

"What happened?" Brian asked in a soothing tone that masked his mounting anger.

"I fought. I kicked Sap and then I ran. I was so fucking scared, but I got away."

"That's my boy," Brian pulled him close in relief. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Justin pulled away a bit and looked up. "I remember thinking on the way home that you would kill Sap and I didn't want you to go to jail."

"You were probably right," Brian smirked. He turned off the water. "Come on. It's been a long day. Let's go to bed."

Justin nodded and let Brian dry him off and lead him to their bed. "Brian?" he asked in a small voice as he pressed himself against his husband.

"Yeah?"

"This is so hard. I hate it."

"I know, but look how far you've come already. And I'm learning some new things too."

"Brian?"

"Yes?" he smiled.

"Fuck me now?"

"Certainly."

He quickly pulled Justin into his arms and for a while, they both forgot everything else.

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