Brain Damage/Brian Damage

Chapter 12

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Justin lay curled up in his bed. He was thinking about Brian. Maybe Daphne was right. Oh, fuck it, of course she was right. He shouldn't have left like that, but he was so confused about everything. Maybe he should fly back to the Pitts tomorrow. Maybe Daphne would come with him.

He smiled at the thought of Daphne. The two had stayed holed up in his apartment all day, eating take out and junk food, watching stupid television and just generally being silly. It was so nice to relive the old days of their friendship. Justin had made her swear that she wouldn't mention Brian today. He didn't want anything to ruin her visit. He started to yawn at ten and had wanted her to come to bed with him, but she had pulled a textbook out of her bag and sighed. Even though she had the weekend off she still needed to put in some study time, so Justin went to bed alone.

After two hours of thinking about Brian and berating himself, Justin finally began to drift off into a fitful sleep.

In his state of almost sleep, he heard his door creak open. Fuck, he should really fix that. Daphne must be finally done studying. He heard the swish of clothes being removed. Okay, that was a little weird, but she must think he was safely asleep so modesty wasn't necessary. Then it hit him. The scent of Brian. That heady combination of expensive cologne, Beam and cigarettes.

Before he could roll over, he felt a body move into bed behind him and pull him firmly to his chest. "Brian," he whispered sleepily.

"Shhh, don't talk," he whispered into Justin's ear. An involuntary shudder shot through Justin's body at the feel of Brian's warm breath against his skin. "Listen to me," Brian continued softly. "Just listen and then you can talk, okay?"

Justin nodded. "Yes."

"I don't know how much you really remember so bear with me through some of this, okay?" Justin nodded again and Brian continued.

"It's true that I asked you to marry me and you said yes."

"After the bombing," Justin spoke in a whisper.

Brian kissed his head and smiled to himself. So much for Justin not talking until he was done. He should have known that would be impossible. "You remembered that, did you?"

"Yes."

"You're right. I asked you to marry me after the bombing and you said no. You see, you had left me because, yet again, I couldn't...wouldn't give you what you wanted. But now that I was offering, you said I was only asking because I was freaked out, which was a little bit true." Justin stiffened a bit in Brian's arms. "But what is more true," Brian continued, "is that I asked because I love you and I want you in my life. I bought Britin and took you there, hoping to convince you that I was sincere. You finally accepted and we planned our wedding."

"I think I remember that."

Brian simply smiled. "Things were good with us, but something else was happening as well. You had a piece in a show at the gallery Lindsay worked at. A critic was there and he did a write up about you in an important magazine and I began to realize that maybe it wasn't the right time for you to settle down. That you should go to the hub of the art world where you could make a name for yourself."

"New York."

"Yes, New York. In the meantime, I had turned down a stripper at our bachelor party, and one night asked if you wanted to cuddle with me instead of having sex."

Justin turned to stare awkwardly at his lover. "Cuddle?"

"Yes, fucking cuddle! Anyway, you got angry that I was giving up too much of the man you had fallen in love with, and I don't know, maybe that was true. We decided to call off the wedding and you left for New York."

Justin sucked in a breath as images flipped through his mind. "It's only time," he said softly, repeating the words Brian had said to him on their last night together.

"Right."

"But why, Brian? If we weren't together why tell me we were married?"

"We were together, Justin. My little speech about it only being time lasted all of two weeks. I flew to New York because I had to see you. After that, we met up a couple times a month, sometimes even more than that. We made plans for remodeling Britin so we could go there together or with the family.

"But we never got married."

"No, not technically."

"You keep saying stuff like that, but I don't understand. If not technically, then exactly how are we married?"

"When I got the call from Fritz about your accident at the gallery, I was so fucking scared. Right after I got the flight organized and called your mom, I went to the bank and got our rings out of my safety deposit box. I swore to myself that this was it, Justin. I wanted you back here in Pittsburgh with me. I talked to Fritz and he said your career was in a place where you could work from anywhere you wanted."

"You kept our rings?" Justin asked.

"Yes, I did. You told me before you left that we didn't need them to know that we loved each other, but I wanted them. I wanted to put yours on you and say the vows we were going to say at our wedding. So when I got to the hospital that's exactly what I did, only..."

"Only, I was still out of it and then when I woke up..." Justin trailed off.

Brian's voice cracked a bit. "When you woke up, you didn't remember and I couldn't explain it all."

"I'm sorry, Brian, I saw the rings and I just...I automatically thought..."

"I know, baby, I know."

Justin sucked in a breath. Brian had never, ever called him baby. His initial reaction was to be offended, but he decided that he liked it. "Brian, I'm sorry I ran. I've been so fucked up about all of this. Everything in my head is so fragmented, and sometimes it's so hard to put it all together."

"I know, but Justin, what part of 'we'll get through this together' did you not understand?"

"I'm so stupid."

"Not stupid, just not playing with a full deck right now."

"Hey!"

"Daphne's words, not mine."

"Bitch."

"But she's your bitch and you love her."

"She called you, didn't she?"

"I called her first."

"You're both bitches."

"Then you're the Queen Bitch."

"I can't argue with that."

Brian rolled Justin over so they were face to face. "So, are we okay now?"

Justin gazed into hazel eyes and his heart stopped. He knew that no one could ever make him feel the way that Brian Kinney made him feel. "Yes, we're okay. I love you so much."

"I love you, too, baby." Brian pulled Justin into a tender kiss.

"Brian?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you marry me?"

Brian barked out a laugh. "Been there, done that."

"It doesn't count when one of the people is unconscious. Good lord, it's a good thing we were in a hospital. Who knows what else you would have done to me in my vulnerable state without the doctors and nurses there to protect me."

"Mmmm," Brian kissed his neck. "Who knows," he growled.

Justin pushed him away a bit. "Cut it out for a second. I mean it. Marry me."

"Justin, I don't know if I want to do the big weddin..."

"No! No wedding. I mean marry me right here, right now. Just the two of us. Please, I really want to be aware of it this time."

Brian smiled. "You'll move back home with me?"

Justin nodded. "Of course. I'm...I'm not sure about things here anymore."

"Then, yes."

Justin's smile lit up the room causing Brian's breath to catch. Justin reached down and took Brian's left hand gently in his. He removed the band that adorned Brian's finger and Brian did the same with Justin's ring. "You go first," Justin whispered with a slight tremble in his voice.

"I, Brian, take you, Justin, to be my husband. For better or for worse, for richer and richer still..." Justin raised an eyebrow. "I don't plan on being poor ever again, Sunshine." Justin smiled and nodded and Brian continued, "In brain damage and in health..."

Justin smacked him. "Hey!"

"Well, it seems to be a pattern. Now let me finish my vows, you twat! As long as we both shall live." He placed the ring on Justin's finger. Justin began to speak, but Brian put his finger to Justin's lips. "I'm not quite finished, Sunshine." He cleared his throat and began again. "I never wanted or ever thought I needed love in my life, Justin. Then you came along, and you wouldn't leave and soon enough I figured out I didn't want you to. I know it took me a long time to admit this, but I do love you. With every ounce of my being. You are the strongest, smartest, most beautiful person I know and I'm honored that you want to share your life with me."

Brian smiled and pressed a kiss to Justin's forehead while Justin wiped away his tears and tried to get his emotions back under control. "Your turn, Sunshine," Brian whispered against Justin's temple.

Justin nodded. "I, Justin, take you, Brian, to be my husband. For better or for worse. For richer or for poorer. For one testicle or two..."

Now it was Brian's turn. "Watch it!"

"Paybacks are a bitch." Justin smiled sweetly. "For as long as we both shall live." He slid Brian's ring on and then let his eyes meet his husband's. "Brian Kinney, you are the most vain, stubborn, calculating asshole I have ever met. Sometimes you make me so crazy that I want to kill you."

"Wow, feel the love," Brian cracked.

"Shut up," Justin retorted. He cradled Brian's face in his hands. "You are also the most loyal, honest, handsome, and generous person I know. I could never in my wildest dreams imagine a more perfect life partner than you. I am truly honored to share my life with you."

Brian didn't even try to hide the single tear that slid down his cheek. "I love you," he whispered breathlessly as he covered Justin's lips with his own.

The kiss soon turned passionate and the flame that always burned between them quickly ignited into a fire.

At the bedroom door, Daphne let out a silent squeal and hugged herself before going back to her spot on Justin's couch, leaving her two men to their wedding night. She rummaged through her bag and found her earplugs, inserting them with a small smile on her face as she lay down and drifted off to sleep.

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