Back in Baby's Arms
Part 2
Thanks to Lois - Super Beta, Susan - Story Editor Extrorandaire, and to Leah - who I poached the Cowlip Script lines off her clever recaps of the screeners...xoxox Jane
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Present Day - The Loft
Brian rolled over in his empty bed. Pondering early Justin-free days
was making him anxious. The delicious kiss this afternoon at Vanguard,
heated up by Justin's frustration and lust - Brian knew it wouldn't be long
before his world
took a turn for the better and his bed wouldn't be empty any more. But
for now, his mind kept looping back over everything that they had been through
in the past several months. 'They?!?!' Brian groaned
inwardly. Justin had so
infected him, his life, his heart, that nothing made any sense without him
and it was time to start admitting it to himself and Justin. Shit, it was
time to admit that he realized THAT a long time before Justin even left
him.
The loft - several weeks earlier
After being wrenched out of a deep sleep by the
insistent pounding on the loft door, Brian somehow dragged himself up out
of bed and across the smooth wooden floor for what seemed like miles to greet
his latest intruder. Wrenching open the big metal door, Brian stared through
the foggy lenses that were his eyes and tried to wake up and make sense of
his son and his mother standing at the door before him at the ungodly hour
of
He didn't touch his son. Knowing he reeked of sex and booze, he didn't want
to mark Gus with the scent of his unhappiness. Lindsay marched past
him with an exaggerated grimace on her face once she got a whiff of the remnants
of last night's tricks and the high octane leftovers of Jack Daniels.
"What the" Brian growled but stopped himself before the bad word slipped
from his cotton mouth and into his son's ears.
"Exactly!" Lindsay responded, heading for the sofa
and sitting down before Brian could usher both of them back out of the loft.
Lindsay launched into her proposal as Brian slumped gratefully onto a chair
before his legs gave way to gravity without his permission. Lindsay
wasn't going to go away. She was a lesbian on a mission - a mission
from the GLC - and she wasn't leaving until she got what she wanted. And
she wanted both Brian and his expertise. She and Mel were not going
to let those assholes at the GLC ruin the last fundraiser possible before
the Center's financial ruin. And there was more to the plan then she
let on. Somehow, she wasn't sure how yet, Justin would be drawn back
into the mix with this big event.
Lindsay's words bounced and echoed painfully between Brian's sensitive ears
as he tried to process what the fuck she was babbling about. His eyes
hurt - the lids, dried and crusty, blinked on their own accord and scratched
like rough sandpaper across his tender hazel orbs. 'If I kill her now,
Gus won't remember her as this age it might not be such a traumatic experience"
he thought to himself.
Gus smiled at his daddy and his daddy smiled back, mimicking his son's carbon
copy grin. Somewhere deep inside Brian fought the tug at his heart,
the urge to reach out and grab his son to him. Not sure what Gus would
do - cry, scream, or kiss him - Brian couldn't handle the idea of being rejected
by another soul on this painful, painful morning after a typical night of
self-medication.
Lindsay sat quietly watching the various emotions wash over her oldest friend.
She was convinced that if Brian kept up his current campaign of hedonism,
he might be lost to all of them - she, Gus and Justin.
Brian's hard protective
shell that Justin and Gus had slowly but surely broken through was back up,
stronger than ever. These days even Lindsay was having trouble
getting through to him, and she wasn't about to allow a repeat of what had
happened after Justin's bashing. Brian had shut down emotionally, hard
and fast, and had cut himself off from everyone and everything until he was
totally numb. He had separated from everyone who loved him, despite
all outward appearances of being himself - the same 'Do anything, say anything,
fuck anything' guy that he had been before. But that was NOT going to happen
again. Not on Lindsay's watch. No siree,
Bob!
The trick heard the knock at the loft door and rolled over to find
himself alone under the blue lights. He reached
back and rubbed his sore ass and smiled, slowly waking up to the sound of
a woman's voice and a child's laughter. He got up and relieved himself in
the bathroom, and not yet fully conscious from the effects of whatever yellow
pill Kinney had shared with him, walked into the kitchen to get a bottle
of water. The trick returned to the bed and found some porn and lit a joint.
He tried to consciously take mental pictures of everything that had
happened last night and this morning, hoping the memories would be enough
to hold him for a lifetime. He knew Kinney's rep and counted himself
lucky that he made it to the morning, most being tossed out after the first
fuck.
Brian tried to focus on what Lindsay was rambling on about, but found it
hard to concentrate when his laptop was open and still on the web page of
his latest desire a lean, green, fucking machine. Oh, yeah 'Prime
Condition'.
"Brian, are you listening to me?" Lindsay yelled, breaking him out of his
reverie.
When he first came across the picture of the 'Vette, he knew it had to be
his. At 27 thou and some change, he needed an infusion of cash to make his
latest dream come true. For a split second he thought about the Poole
Boy money he
had left over after paying off the loft. But that money was promised
to Justin for tuition and he didn't give it a second thought. Brian
wasn't one to owe anyone anything. While he lived an expensive lifestyle,
he tried to live as debt free as possible. Owe nothing to no one
- another tenant of the Kinney life philosophy.
Brian wasn't going to spend his life sitting at the kitchen table with
the monthly bills, wringing his hands about the electricity, stealing from
Peter to pay Paul like his mother did every month after Jack had spent his
paycheck at the bar.
Noting that nothing in life worth having is free, Brian agreed to help Lindsay
out on her latest lesbianic cause - as long as
there was something in it for him. Lindsay's proposal that he help
out the GLC with their fundraiser presented him with the potential to 'eat
the cake' so to speak. Lindsay hemmed and hawed and lectured about
selfishness and the value of giving back to the community, but by the time
she stopped whining, Brian had already formulated a plan to raise more money
then the GLC had ever seen. The plan included the acquisition of the
'Vette, and Lindsay left the loft with Gus in tow
and a glimmer of hope that the fundraiser would be a success.
On Monday morning, Brian emailed the owner of the Corvette Stingray with
an offer he didn't refuse. After a call to the bank to set up a cashier's
check from his savings account, he made plans to pick the car up in
What is a boy to do other than show off his new
toy to his best friend? Michael stood outside in the cold, shuffling
his feet back and forth in an effort to remain semi-thawed as Brian pulled
up in his latest purchase. Michael chanted in his head, "Ben! Think
of Ben!" because he knew that along with showing him the new car, Brian was
going to try to lead him astray again. But today Michael was determined
- he wasn't about to blow it with Ben. Ben wasn't moving out, and Michael
wasn't going to run off with Brian. At least not
this time. Maybe next week when things calmed
down at home.
"
"I don't have a boyfriend," Brian snorted. "I never had a boyfriend."
'Yeah, right, whatever gets you through the night,' Michael thought to himself.
Instead, he said out loud, "Then it must be a mid-life
crises."
Try as Brian might, Michael wasn't in the mood to fall for his best friend's
charms that afternoon. There was Ben to consider and then there was
that 'live fast, die young' theme of Brian's conversation that freaked Michael
out enough to want to get out of the car. It had always upset Michael,
Brian's conversation about never living to see 30, let alone 40. He
used to think those were big words for a young man, but since the
scarfing incident on Brian's 30th birthday, Michael
worried that Brian had it in him to make sure he never turned 30 and now
40.
Brian couldn't believe that Mikey wasn't interested in escaping with him
to
If he had to put a finger on it - that point at which he thought that life
beyond 30 was worth sticking around for - it would have to be the birth of
Gus and meeting Justin, both events blazoning like rare comets into his life
on the same day. A unique synchronicity of events - never
to be repeated in his life time. And while he did try to end
it all in a blaze of glory on the night of Justin's prom, it was inevitable
that he would be around for Gus and Justin and to grow old.
Before Gus had learned to walk and talk, Brian loved him in an abstract kind
of way. 'My son, my boy, I love him'. But that night over a year
ago, when he was determined not to reach 30, there were no thoughts about
his son. Gus was too young. He would not have any bad memories of his
dad and their non-existent relationship, and Gus would be the luckier for
it.
But now Gus greets him by name. He runs at him and jumps up for a hug,
and is just Gus around him. The first time that Gus repeated a word
that Brian taught him, 'sunflower', Brian had to leave a stunned Lindsay
and Gus in the living room to hide and push back the tears of happiness and
pride that flooded his soul. Brian knew that no matter what it would
take, he would be sticking around for his child's life. He wanted to
see Gus grow up, and make sure he is happy, healthy and cared for. Which
in reality meant that he would live to be not only 40 but also well beyond.
Fuck.
Again, life wasn't working out on the Kinney timeline and plan. It
was the fucking ugly reality that if he kept up this lifestyle, ten years
from now he would be 40, tooling around in this car, looking for the next
trick. No matter how many visits to the gym and protein shakes he tried to
take advantage of, at 40 the tricks wouldn't be looking for him. No. Even
though he was 'Brian Fucking Kinney', he would be the one doing the looking.
Could he imagine himself at
Fuck.
Brian turned the car around at the next interchange and headed back to the
loft for some proper self-medication. Enough deep thoughts
for the day. 'And as the sun set on Pittsburgh, a young man's
fancy turns to poppers and a blow job,' he thought, losing himself in the
sounds of his new car and the oldies radio station, which happened to be
playing 'Born to be Wild'. How ironic.
The Diner - The Next Day
He will deny any conscious plan when the subject is brought up in the future.
He will deny it and anything that is associated with it, but he will
not deny his actions. He will tell those who ask that the motivation
for what he did
that morning must have been buried in his subconscious. Brian Kinney never
goes after anyone. Brian Kinney doesn't do boyfriends. Brian
Kinney doesn't do repeats or give second chances for that matter. He
doesn't remember names, doesn't kiss on the lips and is always
back in bed at his loft by
"I have a proposition.
A business
proposition."
"What'd you have in mind?"
"A poster. Something hot and
brilliant. And something by
tomorrow."
Justin sneered a bit. Sneered?
"I wouldn't ask you if I didn't think you could do it."
"And if you weren't desperate."
"Yeah, that too," he admitted.
"What's it for?"
"The Center Carnival."
"You fucking hate the Center!" Justin almost choked on a laugh of
disbelief.
"Not when they're paying me. So how much do you want?"
"It's for a good cause, so it's free."
"Christ, didn't I teach you anything?"
"$500."
"$200."
"$500, take it or leave it."
"I like the way you do business."
That's all it took. One conversation, less than 1
minute. Afterwards Brian felt good, calm,
happy. No problem.
None. He didn't feel smaller, ashamed,
or put off. No, it was just a simple financial transaction, a win-win
situation for both of them. For the rest of the morning Brian had Patsy
Cline on the brain
'How I miss those
lovin' arms.'
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