If It Made Sense, It Wouldn't Be a Mystery, Would It?

Chapter 9

POV: JUSTIN STILL

We continue to read the letters one by one as the minutes and hours pass. At one point, I see Brian shaking his head like he's had enough. "Fuck this! Who the fuck writes letters anymore? And smell this!" He holds the envelope that he has in his hand under my nose. I have to laugh. It smells like Old Spice. "I mean, Jesus! What a couple of nelly queens! Scented love letters! Stupid romantic bullshit…"

I let that last remark pass, and pick up another letter.

By 5PM, I realize we'd passed the whole afternoon perusing the letters, talking about the chronology of 'events' as best we could make out, and trying to determine what the mystery we were dealing with actually fucking was. My stomach had started growling at 4; now, it's fucking roaring.

Brian gets up, casting a sideways glance at my stomach, grabs a blanket from the foot of the bed, and heads into the living room. He spreads the blanket, goes over to the counter, picks up the box of food I had packed for lunch, and plops it on the floor. Sitting cross-legged next to it on the blanket, he looks over at me, arches an eyebrow, rests his elbow on his knee, and his chin in his hand. He waits expectantly.

"Well?" He says, finally.

I must be staring at him like an idiot because his expression is a mixture of impatience and amusement. "You wanted a floor picnic? You finally get one."

I grin, getting up from the bed with a grunt. My back is stiff from lying there so long. I walk over and sit next to him on the blanket. "Even if it is…"

"...Ridiculously romantic," we both say together. He snorts derisively, but I'm smiling. I grab the wine and the corkscrew and he sets out a couple of plastic 'frat party kegger' cups. "Lovely stemware," he comments as I pour the wine.

"Acme's finest."

"Jesus, it's already practically dark out- Justin, turn on that light. I can't see my fucking hand in front of my face, let alone my dinner."

I have a better idea, getting up to walk over to the kitchen. I come back with two emergency candles and a plate. Brian rolls his eyes. "Fuck, Justin… is this what you and Ian did every night? Did you read Danielle Steele to each other before sex?"

"Shut up, Brian. You can suffer a little candlelight."

"Candlelight is for 1803. ELECTRICITY is for 2003." He gets up and turns on the lamp over my head. Whatever the fuck. The candles are still lit. I'm happy.

After we eat our sandwiches (Brian bitches because I put a little bit of butter on his), we crack the second bottle of wine, and lay back on the blanket at an angle to each other, the tops of our heads touching. "So, what the hell do we do?" Brian asks finally.

"Fuck if I know," I reply. "But honestly, I don't think Michael and Hunter are in any immediate danger right now- no one knows where the fuck they are. I wonder if Hunter's talked to Michael and that's why he's being so secretive about where they are...? What's kind of weird is that Hunter knew Reikert before he fucked him- and Reikert knew him… and about this whole Kemp/Stockwell mess."

"Yeah. That IS weird. I wonder if Reikert ever did tell ol'Gair about fucking his kid." Brian pauses, thinking. "Still, I don't even know what it is I would ask Hunter if I did talk to him. I mean, okay," he raises his hand and starts counting off the few bits of information we know. "We know his dad and Reikert had a… a relationship," I can't help but glance over at Brian, who is practically gagging on uttering that word. He gets hung up on such small shit, I think to myself. He raises a second finger, "Moving on… Reikert had a thing on the side with that kid, Jason; it wasn't terribly serious, but I guess it was enough to piss Gary off. Not only because he considered it 'cheating', but the kid was a friend of his son's."

"Uh huh. Did you read that one drippy letter from Gary...? The one apologizing to his 'true love' for losing his temper about that?"

"Yeah." Brian sighs quietly. "Actually, to me, it sounded like he more than lost his temper- it sounded like he'd gone completely ballistic."

"Well, he was jealous."

Brian gets up on his elbow, takes a sip of wine, puts down the red plastic cup, and lies back down with a quiet 'umph'. "I guess their arrangement wasn't as copasetic as ours is..." He smacks his lips, emphasizing each consonant in 'copasetic'- 'co-pah-set-tick'. I don't say anything. While I accept our 'arrangement', I think I'd be pissed too, if Brian had a regular 'fuck-buddy'. But, he doesn't. He never has- except for me. Although, that's not what I am to Brian. I know that. But damned if I don't like to reinforce to myself- AND Brian- that I'm much more than that by teasing him, calling myself his 'fuck buddy'. He doesn't correct me, but inevitably he gets moody and short tempered and pissy as hell. All of which is typical Brian-speak for 'No, you aren't. So shut the hell up and stop fishing to hear whatever the fuck it is you're waiting to hear. You already know. Fucker.' It always makes me grin, even if it means I have to suffer through him being a complete asshole for the rest of the day.

But I haven't teased him about that lately- I don't know, maybe it's because he hasn't been tricking at all for awhile now, but he got genuinely angry the last time I ragged on him.

Michael and I should put together a dictionary of Brianisms, I think absently to myself.

"Jealous or not," Brian continues, bringing my mind back to what we're talking about, "It sounded like Gary had been... had been violently angry at Kenny boy...." He pauses. "I grew up hearing apologies like that, and it feels to me from reading that letter that that was no ordinary argument." He smirks, irony in his voice.

I don't know what to say. I know what I feel: anger at the Kinney's. Concern for Brian. But I know from experience not to ask questions or talk to Brian much about his childhood. I pull up onto my elbow, take a long draught of my wine, and lay back down.

After a minute or two, Brian shakes his head, apparently deciding to focus on something else. "Anyway, so," he raises a third finger, "We also know that Reikert believed that Stockwell had Jason killed- that he believed Jason was blackmailing Stockwell with something, and took it too far."

I reach over and pry up a fourth finger, "We also know that Reikert believed Hunter was in on blackmailing Stockwell- which meant both Gary and Hunter were in danger. Or, at least, so he believed."

Brian's thoughtful. "Fuck, I wish they'd dated all of the letters. So many are without dates, it's impossible to put them into chronological order. But that letter Reikert never even sent - I guess he was busy having his brains blown out all over his newly washed car."

"I wonder what he was blackmailing Stockwell with..." I say.

"Fuck if I know- unless it's the obvious: Stockwell's partner of 16 or so years had a 15 year old fuck buddy from the Vaseline towers as well as a lover whose gay son was his fuck buddy's best friend. Sorta casts a pall over Stockwell's 'family friendly' right wing republican message." Brian suddenly snorts, "Did you read that letter from Gary asking why the hell Reikert stayed Stockwell's partner for so long, and why he'd stayed in the closet that whole time?" he chuckles lightly. "I think I'd like ol'Gair, even though he seems to be a cross between a breeder with an anger management problem and a nelly queen Sappho."

We're quiet for a few minutes. "Jesus," Brian says abruptly, "And can you believe that shit about Hunter's mother? And here I thought Joanie was the ultimate in Freakishly Dysfunctional Mothers. That bitch has her beat by a mile..."

I turn onto my side, my head on my elbow, looking at Brian's face upside-down. The candles flicker a bit with my movement, and I see the shadows from his eyelashes dance on his cheeks. I don't say anything, but I think Joanie is pretty well matched with Rita. Two women who should never have been mothers. Although, if Joanie hadn't gotten knocked up, or had gotten an abortion like Jack had wanted, Brian wouldn't be lying here, a few inches away from me. Brian's right- I'm lucky to have a mother like I do. Brian shifts and looks up at me hovering over his head.

"What?" He asks.

"What what?" I reply, innocently.

He rolls his eyes. "You're looking at me like a lunatic again, Justin. I hate that. And don't you fucking dare ask me what I'm thinking."

I smile, trying my best to look wicked. "Okay," I say, "then how about I make it so that I know what you're thinking…?" With that, I lean over and kiss him upside-down, his chin softly bumping under my nose. I can feel his mouth smiling under my lips as he kisses back. He rolls around so that we're eye to eye and reaches his hand behind my head, drawing me into a passionate kiss.

"Now this, I like!" He grins, kissing me again.

"I want to train you to like floor picnics," I say, "if you get sex after every floor picnic, just mentioning the words will start you drooling like one of Pavlov's dogs…" I shove the plate with the candles out of my way and lay next to him, reaching my hand under his shirt, savoring the feel of his warm skin against my palm and fingers. Brian shrugs off his shirt and pulls off the wife-beater, then reaches for my blue tee, flipping it over my head and tossing it behind him.

"Slurp, slurp," he whispers into my ear, nibbling on my earlobe. I feel his hands on my bare back, pulling me to his chest, our nipples, our bellies, rub against each other. My cock is instantly hard.

"Fuck…" Brian grabs my ass, pulling me against his hard-on, grinding against me. I gasp, and push him onto his back, laying on top of him and moving my cock against his, up and down, around, touching every nerve.

"Get out of those fucking jeans," he commands as he unbuttons his own, yanking them down to his ankles, impatiently kicking to free his feet. Apparently, I'm not fast enough because Brian growls and yanks open the fly, popping the button right off, pulling the pants off me in one fell motion.

He isn't wearing underwear and I stare at his penis; licking my lips, I take it in my hand, stroke it, caress it, slip my hand down to cup and fondle his balls. He's so hard that his balls are taut against the shaft. He moans and pulls my head towards him for another ferocious kiss. All I am aware of is the feeling of his beautiful cock and balls in my grasp, his lips, tongue, skin… I vaguely realize he's impatiently pulling off my briefs, uttering a guttural moan deep into the back of my throat as he kisses me and reaches hungrily for my cock.

"Ahhhgh.." is all I can manage when he grabs my dick, stroking it roughly, impatiently, like he can't get enough of it. I move with him, his hand, matching every stroke with a restless thrust. I can feel the slickness of my own pre-cum lubricating his hand as he continues to pump my cock. I feel like coming already- and I don't want this to end. "Brian…"

"Jussstin…"

Suddenly I feel myself being picked up, carried through the air and dumped onto the bed. Brian stands over me, his engorged cock nearly touching his belly it's so hard. I reach for him, pull him down on top of me; I envelope my hands around both of our dicks, rubbing them both, slicking the leaking pre-cum from both of us up and down. He reaches over for the lube and a condom. I look at him as he hands me the condom to put it on him.

"Brian." Is all I say. I don't want to think. But I do. I think, we're both negative. He hasn't been fucking around lately. I certainly haven't. I really want to feel him. Him.

"Justin, no." He says, apparently intuiting what I am thinking. "No."

I realize later how childish I am… but right now, it seems like my only course of action to get what I want. I toss the condom across the room. 'Like there aren't about a thousand more where that came from,' a voice in the back of my mind says.

Brian lies down on his side beside me, sighing heavily. I can tell he's working hard to resist the heat of the moment. "Justin."

"Brian." I hear my voice; I sound so matter-of-fact. 'Jesus, Justin,' I think to myself. 'Shut the fuck up!' But I know I won't.

He rolls his eyes. Yep: childish. I'm being such a teenager. I can see that's what he's thinking. Well, I am a teenager. But I do resist my instinct to attack him- I let him let things cool down.

"We've talked about this, Justin."

"I know. But, we're negative. We're…we're in a…" I shut up. Push too hard and he'll bolt- or kick me out and bolt the door, anyway.

He groans and flops onto his back. "Justin… fuck. Fuck me! Why are you doing this now? We've been through this… "

"A long time ago, Brian, and we weren't in the same place then as we are now. You weren't… you weren't in the same place."

He sighs. "So far, your Pavlovian scheme to get me to like floor picnics is failing miserably," he says, reaching for the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand. He offers me one, which I take. He lights it for me. I don't say anything. As he smokes, he looks at the ceiling; he seems to be considering… considering something. I'm hoping I know what.

I lay there, watching his face, trying to determine what he's thinking. I don't dare ask, of course. I'd probably be the next one found in the dumpster if I were to ask that at this point.

"Quit staring at me." He sounds miffed.

I sigh and lay back. I glance over at the condom I'd tossed across the room.

"Justin."

I look at him.

"Not yet." He turns his head to look at me dead on, and his expression is thoughtful, serious and intense. I pause before arguing. Instead, I wait for Brian to say more.

He reaches over and puts his hand on my cheek, stroking it softly with his thumb, looking into my eyes. His behavior is so mysterious; I have no idea what he's thinking. Except, I kind of do. Well. And don't. I reach up and clasp his hand in mine, letting it rest on my face.

"But-" I say quietly.

"But we will." Brian says, even more quietly. He takes his hand away from my face and reaches behind me. He hands me a condom. I look into his eyes- something is different. As I rip the foil wrapper and reach down, Brian grabs me by the wrist.

"Here, let me…" Brian says.

Brian takes the condom and reaches for my cock. He takes my dick in his hand, and looks at me, then suddenly kisses me- hard. I sigh, and lean back as he kisses my neck, my chest, my nipples, sucking gently on my right nipple, tugging at the ring. I can feel as he unfurls the condom on my penis- the sensation shoots through me like an electric shock.

"Brian?"

His tongue pokes into my belly button, his fingers play lightly down in between my legs, walking over to caress my balls; I'm so hard, I'm really not sure what the fuck is going on…

"And I got new lube. It's flavored." I hear Brian say.

"Cinnamon?" I ask, wondering what the fuck I'm doing making conversation.

"No." Brian's tongue makes a long, delectable slurp up the shaft of my cock….

"Banana."

Brian shifts, and levels his eyes on mine- the small smile in them quickly becomes dark, serious. "Justin…" he says.

I know.

And I'm terrified.

"Brian, how?"

He throws me a classic Kinney smirk, "Well, how do you like it? Over the shoulders, doggy style, belly to ass…?? It's…" Brian pauses; then he adds, gently: "It's your call, Justin."

"Brian, are you…?"

"Justin, hush," Brian says softly, raising a finger to my lips. I shut my mouth with a clomp that would have been rather comedic in a different context. Brian just laughs lightly. "Don't think, Justin… Do." Brian fixes his gaze on me; there's a tenderness in his eyes, in his voice, that makes my heart pound and my stomach flutter. "Sunshine," he continues, "you're intuitive. Go with that. Don't worry. Trust yourself. I do."

How he knows exactly what to say to me- how he always does- makes me wobbly. If I hadn't been lying on my back, I know I would have reached out for him to steady myself. Instead, I smile and lean up to kiss him. I push away my thoughts, my doubts, my fears, and roll over onto this beautiful man, running my hands all over his heated skin. Jesus, he's just incredible. I run my hands eagerly down his long torso, down the insides of his smooth thighs, along his lean, muscular calves; I grasp Brian's ankles and lift them over my shoulders, pushing myself up to face him. I want to see him, watch him, kiss his gorgeous full lips; I love his face. And I want this to be beautiful- as beautiful as when he makes love to me- I really want this to be good for him- to be 'amaaaaazing' as he likes to say. I want to make him come so hard, shoot so hard that he can't remember his own name, like he makes me- while I've topped before, I have, plenty of times- I haven't with Brian. And I'm damned well going to try to make this one fucking incredible, memorable fuck for Brian. I want to make love to him. I've never done that topping- I've only fucked tricks. This is Brian.

As I maneuver our bodies, he's completely compliant, watching me and allowing me to adjust his position however I want. I grab the lube and squeeze out a fistful of the stuff- more than I need… but I smear it on my cock, and slaver it on my hands…I reach down, looking at what I'm doing… Brian's ass is right there, and I make sure my middle finger is well lubed and then wangle it up there. It's so WARM, and I look at Brian's face; he's closed his eyes. I slowly push in a second finger, scissoring them slightly, opening him up. He's so tight! I begin to realize we're both breathing heavily, moaning quietly…

My fingers continue to play inside Brian, and I kiss, suck, my way down between Brian's legs. His knees are bent, folded over my shoulders; I push back his thighs and lick his beautiful, pink, naked cock. I withdraw my fingers and my tongue wanders down to lick and slaver his hole. I have never tongued Brian down here, and I'm fascinated, thrilled- and incredibly turned on. My dick feels like it's about to explode.

"Mmmmmmm….." I can hear my tongue as it wriggles and fucks Brian's hole, which quivers and spasms with the attention it's getting.

Brian lets out an intense moan and moves slightly, spreading himself wider.

I withdraw my tongue and snuff upwards, my tongue playing, tasting his balls, biting his inner thighs. My mouth slurps, sucks, kisses, licks all around his dick, but I avoid touching him there, and his guttural noises become insistent, impatient. When he begins to buck, his dick demanding attention, I engulf him, I swallow him, relaxing my throat muscles, savoring the feel of the head of his cock, the soft skin, pressing, hot, against the back of my throat; as my head bobs up and down on his shaft, I roll my tongue around the head, gently poking my tongue into the slit, tasting Brian's unique salty, creamy sweet pre-cum leaking there. Brian's taste is so incredible, if I could bottle it and sell it, I'd make a million overnight. I moan slightly, glancing up at Brian, his head back against the pillow, mouth slightly open, his tongue licking his lips as he groans with pleasure. The sight of him makes me moan harder, makes ME harder, if that's fucking possible, and I spread his legs on either side of me, I start tonguing his balls. I lift my head a little bit, to continue to watch his expression as I slide my finger back into Brian's hole, moving it around, again fascinated with how warm and tight and velvety it feels. His eyes open and he looks down at me, his tongue still playing on his lips. I slip in a second finger, keeping my eyes on his, and lower my mouth to his dick, taking long, delicious licks like I'm savoring a Popsicle before I take him completely in my mouth again, moving in rhythm with my fingers. There's only so much more I can take before I cum simply by pleasuring him. I must get a look in my eyes because soon Brian very tenderly cups his hand beneath my chin and raises me up to his face.

"Justin…." Is all he whispers before he kisses me so deeply I lose my sense of balance and my elbow buckles and I fall against him, my fingers still inside him. Brian chuckles softly as I regain my position. I push myself up to meet his lips again. I look into his eyes, which are smiling, twinkling with genuine affection.

"Shut up!" I whisper, smiling as I kiss him. "You know what? You literally take my breath away, Brian…"

He stops smiling and pulls back, regarding me critically. I gently withdraw my fingers. "Justin," he starts. I wait, leaning down to kiss the hollow in the middle of his collarbone. I lightly kiss my way up the side of his neck, around his jawline, ending with a kiss on his lips. I reach down and stroke his cock, and turn to look into his eyes, silently waiting for him to continue what he was starting to say. He looks pained for a moment, as though he doesn't know how to proceed. But I… I know. I kiss him again as I tantalize his cock with my fingers, slicking the pre-cum in long strokes up and down. I can feel his lips under mine, curling into a smile before he leans into the kiss with unexpected passion.

When we part lips, I find my eyes have closed and I'm gasping for breath. "Brian…?"

Brian reaches down and finds my dick, hard as a rock. "In a minute, Sunshine... Banana is a favorite flavor of mine." With that, he pushes me onto my back, kissing my neck with a softness that makes me shiver- it almost tickles, it's so intense; I lie back as his tongue slides down my chest, circling my nipples. He kisses and sucks his way down past my belly, nips at my inner thighs and gently sucks my balls. I don't know how much more of this I can take before I burst- cock, heart, head, soul- just burst. He takes me into his mouth, adeptly slavering my dick with his tongue, carefully sucking at the head. "Aggghhh… Brian! Br…"

He pulls away, leaving me teetering on the edge, panting, sweating, just about to come but just able to pull back.

He shifts his position so that his lips are millimeters from my ear. "Justin: Fuck me." He whispers. His warm breath tickles and I feel a deep shiver ripple throughout my body. Brian rolls onto his back, pulling me on top of him; I reach again for the lube and squirt more into my palm, slathering it onto my cock, and into Brian's tight hole. I pull his legs over my shoulders, his impossibly long legs, and lick my lips, looking at his expression. He reaches up and pulls me to him for a fierce kiss; I can't believe this is happening, but I don't pause to think. I position the head of my cock at his hole and push. Brian winces briefly and inhales sharply as I push past the tight ring of muscles; I pause there, allowing him to get used to my being inside him. As his expression relaxes, I slowly begin to push further in- it feels so… so fucking glorious inside Brian, so warm, so tight, so soft, so fucking amazing, it's difficult not to simply start thrusting wantonly; but in the back of my mind, I know this is a… a huge deal. And, I don't want to hurt him. So I take it slow, watching his face, watching his breathing.

I pull out slightly, and inadvertently I make one hard shove into him and I'm all the way in; "OhmyGOHHH…" I cannot speak; I pull out and thrust in again, Brian's muscles gripping me, pulling me in. "Briii…" I lean down and kiss him hard, he pushes against me, shoving me into him repeatedly, making my cock thump his prostate with every thrust. I quickly recover my rhythm and take control, our tongues deep in each other's mouths, my cock pounding Brian's ass. I have topped before; I have. But I'm not used to being in control of… well, of Brian. Of us. I have this strange feeling of connection with him, anticipating what he wants, where he is, what he's feeling…

Fuuuuuck. Fuck!! This is utter euphoric bliss; I feel myself on the edge, that familiar coiling sensation building as I'm about to come- too soon. Too soon! I don't want this ever to end. I can feel Brian tense, groaning into my mouth, pulling me to him, into him. He's near the edge, as well, and I reach between us and stroke his cock in synch with my quickening thrusts.

"JUSSSTIN!" Brian yells out suddenly and I feel the unbelievably strong waves of his orgasm tighten and spasm around my cock, his cum spurting onto my hand, onto his chest, on my face and I'm screaming myself, shooting my load deep into Brian, filling him, filling the condom to capacity. I have never come so hard in my life- everything is dizzying white light, stars, fucking super novas flashing behind my eyes; I'm rocking inside him, feeling the last tremors of his orgasm gripping my penis as wave after wave washes through me, wracking my every nerve with indescribable pleasure- never before have I experienced this degree of pleasure, of being completely in tune with Brian. I collapse on top of him, spent, still inside; I feel the warmth and stickiness of his cum smearing between us. I reach up to lick the cum from my fingers, savoring the heady, creamy flavor.

"Holy shit. Holy fucking SHIT. I love you. Shit…. I love you!" It's my voice. I think.

I open my eyes to see Brian looking at me, his face glistening with a thin film of sweat; I lean in and kiss him, all over his face, tasting his sweat, his cum still slick, creamy on my tongue. He kisses my cheek, licking up the stream of cum that had landed there. Then I kiss him on the mouth, my tongue slipping in, more gently this time; he sucks my tongue into his mouth, tasting himself, his sweat, his cum. I can vaguely taste a trace of banana and I smile.

I rest my head on his chest, listening as his heart and breathing slow as he calms. I never want to move. "I. Never. Want. To. Move…" That is my voice.

Brian laughs a little and reaches up to lift my chin to kiss me again. "Sunshine," he purrs, "you have now topped the untoppable Brian Kinney." After the kiss, he leans his lips towards my ear, "And you were- you ARE- amaaaaazing…"

I look at him. After a few moments, "Brian…?"

Brian's eyes are closed; I see him cock an eyebrow lazily. "Yes, dear?"

"Brian…?" I don't have a clue how to continue.

Brian pulls me close to him, his palm and fingers gently rubbing up and down my sweaty back. He's thoughtful, a small smile playing on his lips. Then his expression becomes serious and he opens his eyes to look at me closely. "Justin," he whispers. "Justin, not in... Not in a very, very long time."

Fucking mindreader. And I have no idea what to think, feel, believe, say, do, anything. So, I don't. So, I just speak from my heart. "I love you," is all I say.

And I mean it. Christ, I love him. I couldn't love another being more than I love him.

Brian gives me a sly look and whispers, "Fucking mindreader…"

Whoa…

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