Justin Comes Home

Chapter 5

POV: BRIAN

After making out for a couple of hours, having actually gotten each other off a couple of times orally and with hand jobs, we lay sated on the sweaty sheets - shit, we could have given each other a peck on the cheek and we'd be sated. Because, as Sunshine said: 'it's good to be home'.

But, right now, my brain is trying to wrap around what to do about Ethan and how to keep him away from us - Justin in particular. "I hate to bring up that skank right now, but Justin, did you ever call the cops on that piece of shit coward before?" I ask quietly.

"A couple times. They didn't really do much."

No doubt, I think to myself. "They rarely do. But at least you've got some history with them - y'know, showing a repeated pattern of abuse with Ethan. A paper trail. That's good." 'Course, there's not much a bunch of cops would do to help a gay kid, paper trail or not. But I don't say that out loud. Still, while Mel and I don't get along, she *is* a good attorney - she can use that information to Justin's advantage.

"Brian," Justin says quietly.

After several minutes, I turn to him. "What, Sunshine?" I ask softly.

"Brian, how did you live through 16 years of abuse? I've been with Ethan - what? Almost 2 months and I'm a quivering mass of nerves!"

"If you give it a few years, you get used to it." I say flippantly, not even realizing how horrible I sound until the words are out of my mouth. He looks at me, stricken. I feel my expression soften. "Sorry. That was a little harsh. I just learned to live with it, I guess. But you won't be doing that. For you, Sunshine, the abuse is over."

Justin's hold on me gets firmer. It's only been - hell, not even 2 months since Justin left that party with Ethan - but I've missed the feeling of his slight but strong body against mine - missed it to the point of near distraction. Just a few hours ago, I was telling myself I was over Justin. Fuck. I'm such a horrible liar. Justin lays his head on my chest. "Ethan's history." I state matter-of-factly.

"Brian - I don't think so - I mean, he is to me - but he's dangerous. You don't know him like I do." He says. "Watch out for yourself. I'm going to watch out for you…" Then he yawns. "Listen, do you mind if we get some sleep? I'm kind of tired. And I feel safe here. I haven't felt safe for a long time…"

"Of course. You want some aspirin or something before you go to sleep?"

There's a pause and I get the feeling Justin is looking at me with incredulity. "Fuck, Brian - you're being so kind to me it's almost surreal!" Justin exclaims. "I mean, you were always thoughtful and kind, but you mixed it in with some decided snark!"

"Well, don't get used to this softer side of me. It's just that there must be a full moon. As soon as you stop wincing and cringing at every step, your ass is grass; for going away with that cretin; for you letting him intimidate you by using me… for you not turning to me for help…" My voice trails off and I swing my legs over the side of the bed, getting up to retrieve some aspirin and a glass of water. Justin grabs me and pulls me off balance.

"Brian, come back here."

Justin kisses me hard before I'm up and gone. I feel his intense stare on my retreating figure; he likes to watch me when I'm naked, which is rather nice, may I say. I return and put the pills and water on the nightstand beside Justin and walk around and climb back in. "G'night." I mutter as Justin takes the pills.

Justin takes a deep breath. "Brian- um."

I open my eyes, cock my eyebrow at him and wait to see what he's going to say.

"Thanks again for everything. And Brian? Brian, you are so incredibly beautiful. Inside, outside, upside-down…"

I roll up against him and drape my arm gently around his bruised waist, burying my nose at the base of his neck. Who would have thought I'd ever miss a person's smell? But I revel in Justin's now as I drift off. "I'm glad you're back." I whisper.

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POV: JUSTIN

I wake up in the middle of the night sitting bolt upright in the throes of a nightmare. "Brian! --- No, Ethan - don't! Stop! Oh God, Brian!" I hear myself scream. I'm only vaguely aware of the excruciating pain in my midriff from the kicks and punches Ethan inflicted only a couple days ago.

"Fuck!" Brian yells sitting bolt upright as well, startled out of a deep sleep by my screams. He looks at me wide eyed and bewildered a moment and then seems to recognize it's me and realize what's going on; "Shhh! Shhhhh-… Sunshine." His voice is now a soothing whisper; "You're having a nightmare. You're okay!"

Brian wraps his beautiful, strong and protective arms around me and I breathe a deep sigh of relief when I fully understand I'm in bed at the loft, safe, with Brian's fingers now tracing small soothing circles on my back - and I'm not trapped in that terrifying dream with Ethan hurting us- hurting Brian.

It's really Brian and not some illusion; I inhale his unique, clean, masculine scent gratefully. "Fuck me, Brian - I'm sorry to wake you..." I gasp.

"Shhh." He whispers. "Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" He asks quietly.

I inhale sharply, trying to get my breathing back to normal. "Bri, I was dreaming that Ethan shot you. You were bleeding on the floor here at the loft, but you were still alive." I gulp. "I couldn't move - I could only watch Ethan hurt you. Oh God, Brian - you know those recent videos that have been released showing soldiers being executed - beheaded; their heads being sawed off…" I shiver, the images still so vivid and fresh in my mind's eye. I scrub a hand over my face. "Brian, just before I woke up he was trying to do that to you… it was so horrifying and I was so helpless!"

I feel Brian shudder next to me. "Guh. Yuck." He mutters. "But it was just a dream, Sunshine. You're safe…" I lean against him, drawing from his strength and calm; his beautiful, lean, muscular body against me. I'm still trying to get my breathing under control. "Shhhhhh… Sunshine..." He repeats with concern.

"Brian…" I wrap my arms around him, trying to reassure myself that he's alive and well, solid and warm. "Brian, be careful…"

"Sunshine, it was a dream. We're safe. "There's no way for Ian to get into the loft. Listen, I'll take the next few days off and we can relax around here…" I nod at Brian mutely and swallow hard. "Justin, calm down - you're going to hyperventilate if you don't."

I focus on truly trying to calm my breathing and on the feeling of Brian's hard, warm, beautiful, *alive* body against me, his hands on my back. "Brian…" I gasp. "I just want you safe…"

Brian puts a gentle finger against my lips to silence me. "Justin, do you have a lot of these nightmares?"

I nod my head. "Since Ethan started beating me and threatening you…" I say quietly, still breathing somewhat heavily.

Brian sucks in a breath. "Shit. It took you so long to get over the night terrors after the bashing and in all of 2 months, Ethan has brought them back." He whispers more to himself than to me.

"These are worse than those were, Brian. It's not just me getting hurt. You are, too."

"Mmm hmm. Just try to remember that they're just dreams, Sunshine. They can't hurt you or me. That one sounds like it was pretty gory - are a lot of them like that?"

I lay my head on his chest, nodding. "And I know they're just dreams, Brian, but they're so vivid and graphic. They're so gross and so scary… They make me feel so freaked out and helpless!"

"Shhhhh… I know. That's why they're called nightmares."

I sigh, my breathing starting to slow somewhat. "Mine are just particularly frightening lately…"

"Yeah." He says simply. "I can see that."

"Do you have them? Do you get bad nightmares, Brian? I've never known you to except after you lost your job."

"I got quite a few and very little sleep after noticing you avoiding me and looking unhappy with Ian. I had dreams of Jack hurting you and my being unable to help you."

I look at him, surprised. "You knew I was being hurt?"

"No. Of course not. Not until towards the end but I did have some suspicions. But you were good at keeping away from me and when I would see you, you invariably saw me and did your best to hide any evidence that he was abusing you- you just looked unhappy. But in my dreams, I saw you being hurt. In my nightmares."

"Maybe you're psychic, Brian. Let's just hope *I'm* not!"

"Justin, no one is going to saw my head off!"

"I wouldn't put it past Ethan." I mutter.

Brian sighs. "Now come on, Sunshine, let's go back to sleep." He urges, laying back down. I snuggle up to him and soon his breathing evens out. For the rest of the night I simply watch him breathe and revel in his warmth. And I worry.

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