Justin Comes Home

Chapter 14

POV: Brian

Ah... lovely. Now Justin's in a hospital bed next to me. Made himself sick because he feels guilty about me. About ME! What a freak- I can't handle this. Well, I can handle it - but I'm fuckin' pissed about it.

It's about midnight; Sunshine's asleep. I can't move and I'm in so much pain that even for me, I'm in agony - and I've developed a very high threshold for pain. Experience, you know.

I stare up and concentrate on counting the unsanitary mold stains on the ceiling. Also lovely. Ugh.

I finally have to push the button to call the fucking nurse for more meds; I hate the meds. But the pain is unbearable. I hate the meds because they make me sleep. And when I sleep, I inevitably have nightmares of those three days with that psycho 'fiddler'...

I shudder as the memories wash over me. The razors. The beatings. The cuffs that he'd yank when he'd hear a bone break. The sound of him laughing maniacally. The horror. The fear. The disbelief that Sunshine fell for this guy. The bile rises in my throat when I think of what Justin must have gone through; I don't think it was as extreme as what I went through, thank God. But the bruises on Sunshine's body when I found him in that McDonald's sickened me. What I'm dealing with is basically a one-time thing. Well, two, if you count him shooting me the first fucking time - which, I suppose, should be counted. But Justin *lived* with that maniac.

I wish Sunshine had come to me... I wish he'd felt he could turn to me. He professes that he never loved Ian, that he always and only truly loved me - that he 'thought' he wanted the Hallmark cards and chocolates but that he found out how empty they were.

I have to admit that, for the first time, I'm not sure I believe him. I believe deep down that he's not with me - I mean, he never did turn to me, did he? I simply found him in his predicament by accident. He's not in love with me, whatever that means; as soon as his guilt wears off about what happened to me first at the Rage party and then of course, with all these fucking physical ordeals I've been through, he'll be gone. I can live with that. I certainly expect it.

"Brian..."

I look over as far as I can; the head of his bed is still a little raised, so I can see him with some effort. He's still asleep.

"BRIAN!"

He's having a nightmare - lovely and I'm the star. I push the button for the nurse AGAIN - and in a lame attempt, I try to shout for help.

Fairly quickly a nurse pushes through the doors with a carry-all of meds. "Mr. Kinney, I'm sorry that I took a few minutes - there was an arrest down the hall -"

"No- it's not me- not my pain right now - Justin needs to be wakened - he's having a nightmare!"

She looks over at Sunshine and he's started thrashing in his bed. "HELP! BRIANNNN! Noooooo!"

'What the hel l- am I *that* horrible to him?' I think to myself.

She puts the meds carry-all on the nightstand and sits by Justin and shakes him. "Wake up, Mr. Taylor!" she urges.

"Call him, Justin," I say simply, quietly. I'm suddenly quite depressed and anxious... well, more than I had been. Obviously, if I'm the stuff of nightmares that horrific, Jus should be miles away from me.

"Justin - please, wake up, dear!" she says, shaking him. Good lord. I wish I could move!

"Don't shake him - that scares him! Just whisper to him, just tell him it's okay - that you're there..." 'Don't say *I'm* here- he'll flip,' I think to myself.

She does as I say but he gets more violent as he lives whatever fucking nightmare it is he's having - with me as the feature star... FUCK!

"Stop!" I tell the nurse. "Just let him be." She looks at me, helpless. "It's okay, really, Betty - he's had nightmares for years."

"Yes, Mr. Kinney - er, Brian," she says meekly. "I'll get some additional sedatives."

"No! No, don't, please. He's very sensitive to drugs, to chemicals... nothing more, please."

"Then I'll get the doctor on call."

Fuck me! "Justin... Sunshine... Wake up... Justin!" I beg in a low voice. "Justin, it's me - it's Brian - I'm right here..." Yeah. The subject of your nightmare is RIGHT here - great way to wake up, huh?

But Justin's eyelids flutter open; he's crying. "Brian! Brian, where are you?"

What the...? "Justin?"

He looks over and the look of relief that washes over his face is unmistakable. "Brian..." he breathes. "Oh, God... oh God... I love you. Don't die! Never die! And I'm so sorry! I'm so, so sorry!" Justin all but launches onto me and I cringe and wince, the pain I'm already feeling is compounded exponentially with this 'attack'.

"Jusssss..." is all I can manage to utter.

He's immediately yanked off of me by someone - the pain is so great I can't tell who's taking him away but I hear Doctor Someone's voice saying something scolding to Sunshine. Then I hear him tell the orderlies to wheel Justin away from my side.

"No! Doc, no!" I croak.

"Mr. Kinney-"

"I'm Brian! And fuck you! Leave him be - leave him where he is!" I almost say that I need him here and thank the powers that be I don't say that... "He was just having a nightmare, doc - please..."

There's a palpable silence for a few moments. Then there are weird little wails and noises that must be from the other ICU patients disturbed by our 'skirmish' - like *I* can call it that; I can't MOVE.

Justin is now fully awake but a bit delirious.

"Oh, fuck... Oh fuck... oh FUCK! What did I do to you?" Justin whispers. "Oh..."

"Justin, nothing. You had a nightmare... I was just the brilliant starlette."

"No... Brian... you don't understand-"

"Sedate him, Ms. Patterson!" Doctor I-Have-NO-Idea-Who says. NOT Flanders.

"NO! Don't! He doesn't need that!"

Nurse Patterson looks to me, then to this doctor I don't even know. Somehow, I've lost time between when I heard Dr. Flanders seemingly not long ago and now; again, I have no clue who this guy is.

"Ms. Patterson - Betty - please... don't..." I beg. And *I* don't BEG, fuck it! But, here I am... begging: "Justin reacts strongly to drugs... he'll have more nightmares about me- don't make him go through that!" Fuck. That really IS me talking. I feel like a lesbian. A lesbian supplicant.

"Brian."

It's a simple utterance. Just my name. Just said by a voice that makes me warm and cold all over.

I look sideways as best I can.

"Brian, no. You don't understand. You were the *savior* in my dream. You are my..."

Then this new crap-assed doctor comes up with a shot and aims at Justin's arm.

"NO!!!" Wow; I didn't think I could be that loud right now! No use - the doctor injects Sunshine with something.

"Nurse Patterson, get him a sedative as well!" he demands. Then, without a cursory glance at either Justin or me, he leaves.

The nurse prepares a syringe. "Nurse, please! Please don't!" Sounds like I'm still fucking begging. Shit. "Betty - Nurse Patterson - I don't know what to call you-"

"Call me Betty, Mr. Kinney-"

"Call me Brian. Please don't. I've never asked this sort of thing of a medical person since I was... 16, I guess. But please, I know he'll just have more nightmares if he goes back to sleep..."

"Brian, we have Mr. Taylor's---"

"-Justin's..." I interject.

"I'm sorry. We have Justin's list of allergies."

I like her - she's capable and sensitive. I look at her as best I can in my destroyed condition and ask her quietly to please avoid giving him too many meds. She looks at Justin, who's still a little delirious - well, either 'still' or 'again' - and the doc returns. She quickly switches syringes and loads another with something else and injects it into his IV.

"Good, Nurse Patterson. Monitor him," the fucked up, weird doc says without emotion or bedside manner. He leaves again. Thank the lord.

I look at her and she winks at me. "I simply injected him with some saline, Mr...- er, Brian. He'll be lucid in about 15 minutes."

"Remind me to send you a HUGE box of chocolates as soon as my fingers aren't broken and I can order online," I smile at her. Yeah. Betty Patterson's pretty cool!

"Just, if he really does need something, you page me if you're able - I did just medicate you, Brian. If you can't, make sure he knows to - I'm on till morning - around 6. If you can stay awake, tell him what's happened so he knows to look for me, okay?"

"Yeah. Thank you, Betty. You're the best. Could you hang around just a few moments in case I drift off before he becomes more aware?"

She nods, smiling. "You're partners, I assume?" she asks.

I nod, starting to feel a little groggy. "Does that bother you?"

She grins. "No, not at all. My favorite brother is gay. He's single, and I've stopped trying to set him up - but he's the sweetest man.

"Still, Brian, I want you to know, I don't ever till now disobey doctor's orders - but you two are so connected, I felt like you probably knew more than the on-call doctor on this case, given Justin's allergies and medical history."

"Hey, you think I'd tell on you? You're one of my favorite breeders now!" I say. I feel myself beginning to drift and I oddly want to apologize to her for that; sorry's bullshit! "Please keep an eye on Justin - if he has another nightmare about me, maybe he should be moved..."

"Brian, sir-"

"Fuck- just Brian..."

"Brian, he was saying you were saving him from whatever was hurting him in his dream. You aren't the source of the pain. You're the cure."

I listen vaguely and slip into a deep sleep, my pain temporarily appeased and my concern for Sunshine temporarily appeased, as well.

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