Point of View

 

 

Chapter 13: “Mouth”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brian’s Point of View

Friday, December 14, 2007

 

We've been missing long before
Never found our way home
We've been missing long before
We will find our way

 

It seems like as soon as Molly let everyone know she was pregnant, she began showing. On her second day at work she became everyone’s personal good luck charm. Naturally, she hates it, which only makes it more fun for me to watch all my employees gushing and hovering over her. Given the opportunity, they rub her belly like she’s a Buddha statue and give her tons of useless advice regarding childbirth and child rearing.

 

Molly takes it much better than Justin did the one time Sandra, from the art department, was bold enough to rub his stomach. Justin flipped out and told the woman he’d have her fired, which didn’t happen once she apologized and he calmed down. His sister on the other hand, she takes all the mollycoddling, pretends like it doesn’t bother her while it goes on and bitches about it later. Like she’s doing right now. She stormed into my thankfully sound-proofed office a couple of minutes ago and started ranting about it and she hasn’t stopped.

 

The fact that she’s confiding in me, even if it is mostly bitching, shows that we’ve come a long way in our relationship. Working together has made us closer because we’ve found a lot of commonality we didn’t know existed between us before. At work, Molly is a complete professional and has in-office accomplishments with ad campaign ideas that back up her education. Though she didn’t go to school specifically for advertising, her business expertise is a great asset to Kinnetik. For now, she is working as an assistant to one of my Junior Ad Executives and once Molly has more experience I’m sure I’ll be promoting her and not because I’m giving her special treatment.

 

Well…okay, perhaps I am giving her a little special treatment. If it were any of my other employees whining to me I’d probably fire them. But these little temper tantrums revolving around her pregnancy and its effect on my employees is actually quite entertaining.

 

“You should really stop bitching and go get one of those t-shirts that say something like, ‘Don’t fuck with my belly’. I’m sure the staff would stay away from you then,” I tease.

 

She glares at me and smoothes her hands down her tailored black skirt. “You would actually want me to wear something that hideous to work?”

 

“Obviously that was a joke, Mol. Seriously, why don’t you just go ape-shit and tell them to fuck off?”

 

“I can’t,” she gasps. “That’d be rude!”

 

“So it isn’t rude to have them invading your personal space?” I ask her.

 

She sits down on the sofa and buries her head in her hands. “Stop being practical, Brian.”

 

Molly thinks she has me fooled, but she doesn’t. I know the real reason why she doesn’t tell any of the employees to stop making wishes on her baby bump. “You don’t want to say anything because you want them to throw you a baby shower.”

 

Her head pops up and I can tell she wants to deny it, but she doesn’t. “I hate you, Brian.”

 

“Seriously, Molly. If you want, I can make a more general statement at a staff meeting about remembering our fellow employee’s boundaries or something?”

 

“How about you make a general statement about you…”

 

Justin’s assigned ring starts going off on my cell, interrupting Molly. I answer it quickly, “Hey, Sunshine.”

“Brian, how long do you think you’re going to be at the office today?” he asks, his tone worried.

 

“What’s going on? Are you okay? Are you in labor?”

 

“Is he? Is he?” Molly asks annoyingly.

 

“Shut up,” I yell at Molly, covering the mouth piece.

 

“Brian!” Justin says my name impatiently.

 

“I’m here,” I tell him. “Molly was just asking what I did, only over and over.”

 

He laughs for a second but his tone is serious as he replies, “I don’t think I’m in labor, but I’m having really bad back pains and I don’t think I can drive. Can you pick up the kids after school?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll pick them up. Where’s Audrey?”

 

“Audrey’s here in the kitchen with me. She’s eating lunch and has mastered getting the spoon to her mouth, but most of the apple sauce falls off before it gets in. She’s getting very frustrated but won’t let me do it.”

 

I laugh at the thought of my daughter and I can picture the exact look of determination I know is on her face. “Tell her I said hi.”

 

“Audrey, Dada says hi,” Justin sing-songs. “Ooohhh shit,” he whispers and starts breathing heavily.

 

“I have been delegating most of the big accounts to others because I wanted to be sure that I didn’t have anything I was in the middle of working on if you went into labor early. Maybe I should come home now and take you to the doctor, Justin. I‘m sure I can get Molly to pick up the kids.”

 

“Sure I can,” Molly assures me, loud enough so Justin can hear her too. “I can follow you out to your house and take care of Audrey too.”

 

“Brian, don’t freak out. I may not be in labor.”

 

“I’m not freaking out.” Okay, so I probably am since my voice just cracked. “How bad are your back pains? Isn’t that what contractions feel like?”

 

He snorts and laughs before replying, “Oh yeah, you’ve definitely never given birth. Back pains accompany contractions and labor.”

 

“Well maybe I’ll find out some day,” I tease him.

 

“Brian, we’re getting ready to have five children under the age of ten. Three of whom will be under one. I don’t even want to think about having another kid.”

 

“I was just joking.” One day in the future when things settle down it might be nice to think about it, but we have a long way to go before that time comes. “So you’re sure you aren’t having contractions?”

 

“No, I’m not sure.”


“Well I’m not waiting for the kids to get out of school before coming home and checking on you. Your water could break at any minute and then you could be having the babies minutes later.”

 

“Yeah, I wish it’d be that fast.”

“Don’t jinx yourself,” I warn. “Call Mom and tell her what’s going on. Molly and I will be at the house within a half an hour.”

 

“You’re freaking out,” he sighs. “I didn’t want you to freak out.”

 

“I just want to make sure you and the babies are safe.”

 

“Well I’m going to feel stupid going to the birthing center if they tell me it’s just back pains or something.”

 

“You’ll feel even stupider if you don’t go and we have to call an ambulance to take you there.”

 

“I guess you’re right,” he resigns himself.

 

“Of course I am. I’ll be home soon. I love you.”

 

“You too. Later.”

 

“Later.”

 

 

***

 

 

3rd Person Point of View

Friday, July 17, 1987

 

“Can we get candy?” Molly asked, bouncing on her toes.

 

Brian looked down at his sister and considered telling her no because he’d already told her yes twice. He really wished Justin wasn’t sick and had to also be forced to stand in line to get tickets to Snow White with him and Molly.

 

“And I want popcorn with lots of butter,” Molly continued.

 

Brian was sure she had to have eaten lots of sugar already because she hadn’t stopped bouncing for the last twenty minutes. “Yes,” he resigned. “We’ll get popcorn with lots of butter and candy if you promise you won’t talk through the whole movie.”

 

“I won’t, I won’t,” Molly declared, spinning around and bumping into the people in front of them.

 

“Sorry,” Brian told the couple in front of them and took Molly’s hand. “Stand beside me and stop bouncing. You’re worse than Justin was when he was your age.”

 

“Am not, Brian.”

 

“You are too.”

 

“Am not.”

 

“Are too.”

 

“Am not.”

 

Brian covered Molly’s mouth with his hand. “Be quiet or we’ll go home.”

 

Molly rolled her eyes and muffled, “Okay.”

 

Satisfied, Brian removed his hand from Molly’s mouth and wiped her drool off on his pants. “Thank God!” he practically yelled when the line started moving at a steady pace until they were finally standing in front of the ticket window.

 

“I’m under twelve. Mom said I get a discount,” Molly reminded Brian.


“I know,” Brian said before handing over the money to the ticket tender and telling him their ages.

 

Once inside the cinema’s doors Molly declared, “I’ve got to pee.”


“Oh jeez,” Brian groaned, wiping the sweat from his brow. “You go to the bathroom and I’ll get the popcorn, candy and pop.”

 

“But you have to wait for me outside the bathroom,” Molly whined.

 

Brian wanted to die. “Molly, it’s opening day and there’s tons of people coming in to see the movie so you’d better hurry in there,” he told her, walking them toward the bathrooms.

 

“I will,” Molly promised and disappeared into the bathroom.

 

Brian was thankful that Molly didn’t take very long and soon they had gotten their concessions and were sitting in the second row, waiting for the movie to start.

 

“Thanks for taking me, Brian,” Molly praised. “You’re the best big brother in the world.”

 

“What about Justin?” Brian asked, grinning sheepishly.

 

“I think he was faking so he didn’t have to come,” Molly whispered. “Don’t you?”

 

Brian hadn’t even considered it. But Justin was sneaky. “Really? What makes you think that?”

“I just do,” Molly said adamantly.


“Well, even if he did, he’s still the best brother in the world.”

 

Molly looked at Brian like he was crazy. “Why?”

 

“Justin’s the one that taught me how to be a good brother,” Brian replied.

 

“I thought you had a big sister once,” Molly said innocently.


Brian nodded. “Yeah, but she didn’t act like a real sister is supposed to act and we didn’t get along.”

 

“Did you love her?” Molly wondered.

 

Brian’s stomach was twisting in knots but he managed to reply, “Not like I love you, Molly.”

 

 

***

 

 

Brian’s Point of View

Friday, December 14, 2007

 

You gave me this, made me give

 

I rush inside the house and stomp my snowy feet off at the door while taking my coat off. “How are you feeling?” I ask, seeing Justin gingerly walking down the stairs.

 

“I’m fine. Where’s Molly?”

 

“She stopped to get some lunch; she’ll be here in a few minutes.” I take him in my arms and kiss him, coaxing him to relax against me. “Where’s Audrey?”

 

“Down the hall taking a nap. Lucky girl,” he chuckles. “She has such an easy life.”

 

“Yeah, until the twins get here,” I laugh. “Now what were you doing upstairs? You’re not supposed to be going up and down them when no one is home.”

“Brian, I can go up the stairs. It’s not like it was doctor’s orders. You just don’t want me to. You told me to get ready, I got ready.” He steps away from me and points to himself.

 

Justin looks ridiculous trying to wear any pants that aren’t track suit pants or sweats these days so he being dressed consists of mostly the same clothing he would wear to bed if he didn’t sleep naked. The bottom of his stomach pokes out under the sweater he’s wearing and I can visibly tell how much the babies, or one of them, have dropped. I didn’t notice this yesterday so it really makes me think that he’s definitely in labor if it happened so quickly. “You look great,” I tell him, placing my hand under his sweater so I can caress his stomach.

 

His head falls against my shoulder and he lets out a long sigh. “I want my body back, but I’m going to miss you doing this.”

 

“Well, I can continue doing it even after you have the babies,” I suggest.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll love touching a jello stomach.”

 

“Only if you’ll let me lick it too.” I give his cheek a lick and start kissing along his face.

 

“Brian, stop,” he laughs, pulling me to sit down on a step beside him. I wrap my arm around him and he leans against me.


We sit in silence for a few minutes, enjoying just being next to one another in the quiet peace before life picks up again.

 

Justin breaks the silence and whispers, “I’ve been thinking a lot today.”

 

“About?” I prompt.


He looks down at his stomach and up into my eyes. “This might be the last day I have your baby inside of me.”

 

“Two babies.”


“Right. Your two babies. I love all the kids just the same, Brian, I do,” he says, pleading with me to believe him.

 

“I know that,” I tell him firmly. “That’s one of the reasons why I love you so much, Justin. You love and forgive like no man I’ve ever known. You don’t have to convince me that you love all of our kids. I’ve never had any doubt about that, how could I?”

 

“But this pregnancy, it’s felt different this time because I know that I have life inside of me that you helped create. I don’t want it to end. I like having them here in me, growing in a place where they are safe.”

 

“The doctor said that they’re healthy, Justin. They’ll be safe out here too,” I try to reassure him.


“I’m just afraid of all these changes, you know?”

 

“Yeah,” I reply, nodding and squeezing him tighter. “I know.”

“I like that Audrey sleeps through the night and we get time to ourselves. I like that we can all fit in my car when we want to go somewhere. I like reading to the kids at bedtime. I like that we have a system and can be out of the house an hour and a half after we wake up. I like drawing with Evvie, dancing with Audrey and listening to Leighton practice his guitar. I like waking up in the morning and feeling the babies wake up, feeling who wakes up first. I like that you give me extra special treatment because I’m pregnant. I love the way you look at me and stare at my belly with this amazed look on your face. All of that’s going to change,” he says, his voice shaky.

 

I know it’s not just his over abundance of hormones that are causing him to feel like this. There’s been so many changes in our lives this last year and we were just beginning to get into a comfortable place with one another. It’s scary as hell knowing that every single thing is going to change and there is a possibility that things might not turn out well for Justin and me or our kids, once they do. But I can’t let him think like that now, now is when he needs me to be strong, positive and hopeful that everything really will be okay.

 

“Justin, we’ll be spending time together with our kids in the middle of the night. There are two of them so it’s not like you can do it on your own. I will help you with everything. I promise you that it won’t be like how it was with Audrey when she was first born, I won’t let it be like that. We’ll include the twins in the bedtime routine and we’ll probably have to take an extra hour to get ready to leave somewhere. We’ll have to take the Acadia everywhere so that we can all fit in it to see Evvie’s recitals or Leighton’s soccer matches and whatever it is Audrey wants to do. But we’ll make the time for everything else. We have your Mom and Frank, Daphne and Loren, Molly and even Leighton’s friends’ parents to give us a break every now and then.”

 

“I’m selfish,” he croaks, burying his face into my chest.


“You couldn’t be more wrong, Justin. You’re the most unselfish person in the world. You didn’t know what was going to happen between us but you gave up your life in Chicago to help our kids, to make sure our kids had one another. You helped me even after I betrayed you because you put everyone else first. There isn’t a selfish bone in your body, Justin. You’re just scared and you’re not alone in that because I am too. But I believe that everything is going to be okay.”

 

“You promise?” he asks, lifting his head. He’s got tears in his eyes but he’s also smiling at me and I feel him relaxing as a peaceful expression over comes his features.

 

“I promise,” I assure him, taking his face in my hands. “As for the way I look at you when you’re carrying my children inside of you, you must miss the way I look at you when you carry them in your arms, Justin. You always amaze me and I swear to you that I’ll give you as much special treatment as I possibly can after the twins are born.”

 

“I love you,” Justin tells me as he leans in to kiss me.


My lips and tongue speak the sentiment in return.

 

 

***

 

 

3rd Person Point of View

Saturday, August 6th 1988

 

Your loaded smiles, pretty just desserts

 

“It’s too hot,” Brian groaned.

 

“No it’s not,” Justin sat up and took of his tank top.

 

Brian licked his lips and felt his cock get hard as Justin wiped the sweat off his chest with the shirt. He looked away right before Justin could catch him. “We should go inside.”

 

“Do you really want to go inside with all of Molly’s friends and be forced to participate in sleep over games?” Justin asked, taking off his shorts.

 

“No,” Brian said lowly, annoyed with his reaction to seeing Justin’s body. “I want to go inside where there is t.v. and air conditioning.”

 

Justin threw his shorts at Brian’s face. “Stop being grumpy. We do this every time Molly has her sleepovers unless it’s winter.”

 

Brian gave in and took his shirt off before lying on his back and stretching his arms out. “I’m too big. I can practically touch all the corners of this tree house and it is way too hot out here.”

 

Justin grinned evilly and grabbed his squirt bottle beside him and aimed it at Brian.


Brian yelped as the cold water shot out onto his face and chest. He sat up and wrestled Justin down to the wood floor and sat on top of him and easily retrieved the bottle from his hand. “Fuck you!”

 

Justin laughed. “You said a bad word, I’m telling Mom.”

 

“Suuuure,” Brian said doubtfully, squirting the rest of the water into Justin’s face. “Take that, Asshole!”

 

Justin struggled but was able to push Brian off him and wiped his face off on his shirt. “You could’ve drowned me,” he whined.

 

Brian snickered, “Oh well.”

 

Justin glared and asked, “So you want me dead?”

 

“Maybe,” Brian teased.

 

“Uh!” Justin put his hands on his hips and glared harder at Brian.

 

“Shut up, lay down and tell me a ghost story or I’m going inside.”

 

“But now we don’t have any water and my pillow is soaked.”

 

“That’s your fault,” Brian replied. “Besides, it’s so hot out here that it’ll dry quickly.”

 

Justin pouted but lay down on his pillow beside Brian. “I don’t want to tell ghost stories. I want you to tell me something.”

“Like what?” Brian asked, propping himself up on his side.

 

“Like what it’s like to kiss,” Justin said boldly.

 

“I’m not telling you that,” Brian laughed. “No way!”

 

“So you did kiss your boyfriend?” Justin asked, his eyes wide with wonder. “What was it like?”

 

“Nick isn’t my boyfriend and I haven’t kissed him…yet.”

 

“Why not? If I had a boyfriend I’d want to kiss him all the time.”


Brian rolled his eyes. “You haven’t even kissed anyone so you don’t even know if you’d like it.”

 

“Yeah, I do,” Justin firmly spoke. “Why haven’t you kissed him?”

 

Brian sighed and grumbled, “Because I haven’t kissed anyone.”

 

Justin gasped, “Really? But you’re sixteen!”

 

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Brian angrily asked.

 

“Sorry,” Justin said quietly. “Why haven’t you?”

 

“Because you can’t just kiss when you don’t know if you know how,” Brian reasoned.

 

“Daphne wanted to try kissing with me, she said it’d be practice,” Justin revealed.

 

“That’s gross,” Brian said, shuddering. “I’d never want to kiss a girl.”

 

“Me neither,” Justin agreed. “Maybe we can practice.”

Brian felt chills race up his spine at the thought of kissing Justin’s pink lips. “No way!”

 

“Why?” Justin asked, turning to face Brian. “I won’t tell anyone.”

 

Brian licked his lips. “No.”

 

“Please?” Justin begged. “I promise I’ll never tell anyone at all.”

 

Tempted, Brian asked, “You won’t tell Daphne?”

 

“No one,” Justin swore.

 

“Okay. Close your eyes.”

 

Justin wanted to keep his eyes open but he didn’t want Brian to back out so he listened. “Okay.”

 

“Open your mouth a little,” Brian instructed.

 

Justin let his mouth hang open and waited, the speed of his heart picking up as he felt Brian moving closer to him.

 

Brian felt Justin’s breath hit his mouth and almost put a stop to their experiment. But then, Justin’s tongue poked out of his mouth for a split-second and Brian couldn’t control the urge he had to put his tongue against Justin’s and feel what the other boy’s tongue felt like.

 

Their kiss was messy and clumsy but neither boy minded because both of their mouths went numb from the new pleasure.

 

Brian pulled his mouth away and whispered, “You can open your eyes now.”

 

Justin’s eyes opened to a whole new world as he looked at Brian’s puffy lips inches away from his own. This time he kept his eyes open, locked on Brian’s as he kissed him again.


Brian had to push Justin away from him because his body started to become too excited causing guilt to over power him. “I guess I can kiss Nick now,” he said, lying back down.

 

Justin stared at Brian in disappointment. “Yeah,” he said, trying to not sound like he wanted to cry at the thought of Brian kissing someone else. He lay beside Brian and closed his eyes, confusing thoughts running wild. He knew that if his Mom and Dad knew he’d kissed Brian, they’d be very angry. Brian was his brother; he wasn’t supposed to want to kiss him. But Justin wanted to, badly.

 

“Are you going to tell a ghost story now?” Brian asked, needing to get his thoughts far away from kissing.

 

Justin felt the same way and immediately launched into telling Brian one of their favorite ghost stories.

 

 

***

 

 

Brian’s Point of View

Friday, December 14, 2007

 

You gave me this

 

An hour after Justin got set up in his delivery room at the birthing center he was ready to begin pushing. Thankfully, both of the twins were in head down position so we didn’t have to worry about Justin having to have a caesarean. He was so quiet and focused on giving birth that it freaked me out a little. The only sounds that came out of his mouth were small grunts and when the first of our twins was born, I could hardly believe that it happened so fast.

 

Justin held our healthy screaming baby boy for a few minutes before he felt the urge to begin pushing again. The nurses took the baby from him then, cleaned him off and wrapped him in a blanket before placing him in my arms. I held our son in my left arm and held Justin’s hand with my right hand.

 

Mom was on the other side of Justin, holding his hand with one of hers and video taping me and our son with the other hand. It was wonderful having her there in the room with us, helping me to coach Justin, though he didn’t seem to need it, and just being there to share in our excitement. She held back her emotions pretty well and didn’t start balling and crying until Justin gave birth to our third son only minutes after giving birth to our second.

 

Dr. Landon handed Justin our second twin and I handed him the first. When he had both twins lying on his chest and his hands cradling them, their crying ceased. He smiled at me and I smiled back, tears falling down my face as quickly as his own tears fell. An unexplainable connection wound itself tightly around us, linking our past with the present and future.

 

A few minutes later, one of the nurses took our newest son to clean him, weigh him and wrap him up in a blanket before she handed him back to Justin. The nurse also placed small bracelets on their wrists labeling them ‘Baby A’ and ‘Baby B’, just as Dr. Landon had done with their ultrasound pictures. Mom followed the nurse around with ‘baby b’ as she had done with ‘baby a’, filming the whole thing. After Justin was cleaned up, Dr. Landon and the nurses left and after Mom held both of her new grandchildren she excused herself to make phone calls and let Molly know that she could bring the kids to the hospital.

 

Justin and my eyes are locked on the twins and a nervous tension starts to build within me. “It’s a good thing I brought you in, isn’t it?” I ask, needing to break the silence with a little humor.

 

Justin nods and smiles tiredly. “It went really fast,” he whispers, kissing our sons cheeks. “Before everyone gets here to visit, I want to see you hold both of them together.”

 

“Okay,” I say, but I’m apprehensive to hold both small babies.

 

“You’ll do fine,” Justin assures me, reading my mind. “You got the hang of holding Audrey and Evvie on each hip didn’t you?”

 

“You’re right,” I say. “It’s kind of crazy that Audrey came in the beginning of the year and these two came at the end.”

 

“When you say that it’s really overwhelming.”

 

I reach out and take the first twin in my arms and it takes some maneuvering before I can comfortably and safely get my other son transferred from Justin’s arms into mine. “They’re so tiny,” I observe needlessly.

 

“They didn’t feel like that coming out,” Justin groans. “Six pounds two ounces and seven pounds four ounces are pretty huge for twins.”

 

“You were amazing, Justin. I swear the whole time I kept waiting for you to start screaming. I couldn’t believe it when he came out and you’d barely said a word at all.”

 

“It helped having you and my mom encouraging me and I’m much older than I was when I gave birth to Leighton. It was a totally different experience because I knew what to expect and I wasn’t constantly thinking I was going to die if I had to push again.”

 

“How do you feel?” I ask of both his physical and mental state.

 

“My body feels like I just gave birth. My head, I feel mellow and excited all at once.” He laughs grabs the camera. “Smile for me, Dada.”

 

I grin as he takes picture after picture. Once he places the camera down I ask, “What names did you finally decide upon?”

 

“They’re both so calm, aren’t they? I mean, Leighton was begging for me to feed him from the second he was born. These two seem really content. I don’t know if the names I thought of fit them.”

 

“Well what are they?”

 

“Raiden and Darien,” he answers, scrunching his nose up.

 

“I like them,” I admit. “They’re anagrams, right?”

 

“Yeah. Is that lame?”

 

“It’s clever,” I say, slowly rocking them now that they’ve begun to fuss. “Do I get to choose their middle names then?”

 

“Of course,” he answers. “I guess I should try feeding them while it’s quiet.”

 

“You’re sure you don’t want to give them a bottle?” I ask. “It’s going to be twice the work.”

 

“I’m sure, Brian,” he says, opening his gown. “It’ll be a hell of a lot harder making up bottles.”

 

“You’re probably right,” I admit. I look at my sons and find inspiration for their names as I hand Justin our first born boy. “Raiden Myer,” I name him and hand our other baby boy to Justin. “And Darien Remy.”

 

“Those are anagrams too,” Justin laughs, positioning the babies so they can feed.


“And artists,” I tell him.

 

“You’re very clever, Mr. Kinney.”

“But not clever enough to figure out how we’re going to tell them apart,” I counter. “It’s not like we can keep their hospital bracelets on all the time. Look at them; they’re completely identical aren’t they?”

 

“I think when they get older they’ll have more distinguishing features,” Justin says, stroking Darien’s cheek. “But I honestly don’t see a single thing different about them right now.”

 

“I don’t either,” I tell him, putting my pointer finger in Raiden’s tiny fist.

 

“Maybe we could color code them?”


“What?” I laugh.


“You know, we’ll make sure that Raiden never wears blue and Darien always does, at least until we can tell them apart.”

 

“Leave it to an artist to color-code his children,” I tease. “Isn’t that what you do with the laundry?”

 

“It works, doesn’t it?” he says, grinning proudly.

 

“Yes, you’re a genius,” I tell him. “They look a lot like Leighton, don’t they?”

 

“So much so that if we didn’t get that letter from Griffin, I think I would’ve wanted to get a DNA test done this very minute. But they look even more like you.”

 

“I think you’re right. They have much darker hair and I think they might have my eyes.”

 

“I think so too,” Justin agrees. “I still remember the day you came to see Leighton and me at the hospital with perfect clarity. I was so scared when you were leaving, do you remember that?”

 

“Yeah. But there’s nothing to be afraid of now. I’m not going anywhere,” I promise, softly kissing him.

 

Someone begins knocking on the door to Justin’s room. The voices outside the door are muffled but I can tell by Audrey’s low slaps on the door that it’s the kids.

 

“Are you ready?” I ask him.

 

“Yeah, I think they’ve eaten their fill. Will you take Darien and burp him while I burp Raiden?”

 

“No problem,” I reply, picking up my son as the knocking becomes louder. “Should I tell them to come in?” I ask Justin as he buttons his gown.

 

He nods. “I guess it’s time for the boys to meet their family.”

 

I get up from the bed, walk over to the door and open it. Molly, Leighton, Evelyn, Audrey. Mom, Frank, Daphne, Loren and Amelia are all in the hallway. “Well come in,” I chuckle, walking back over to Justin. “The gang's all here.”

 

The next hour is a rush of camera flashes, baby passes and multiple recounts of Justin’s labor. Audrey is completely fascinated with her little brothers, Evelyn is glad she didn’t get two more little sisters and Leighton is trying to decide if it’s cool to like his brothers as much as I can tell he does.

 

Raiden and Darien take to the noise and commotion well, which is great since their lives will be filled with it when we go home. They have great patience and don’t seem to care what is going on around them as long as they’re being held. Darien had his first poop and Mom had the honor of changing his first diaper, during which Darien peed all over her arm. Even with the risk, Molly insisted on changing Raiden a few minutes later and was much luckier than Mom.


Audrey thinks the babies are dolls, no matter what we tell her she points to them and says, ‘Dowwies’. I’m sure she’ll get the picture soon that they aren’t when they keep the house up at night. Evelyn was really cute holding both boys when we placed her beside Justin and he helped her hold them. Leighton held the twins all by himself while sitting in a chair beside the bed. He looked down at them so proudly and with such love in his eyes. Looking at him is like seeing a little preview of what our new sons will look like.

 

Before everyone left, Mom had a nurse come in and take a few pictures of all of us together. I sat by Justin, holding Raiden and Audrey while he held Darien and Leighton sat by his side holding Evvie on his lap. Mom, Frank and Molly stood beside them and Daphne held Amelia next to me with Loren beside her. I could barely hold back from crying like a baby as I realized how loving and forgiving all the people surrounding me were. It hit me hard how fortunate I am to have such a great family.

 

When everyone left, the nurse checked on Justin and once he was given the all clear we placed the babies in their plastic bassinet, wrapped up like little burritos together.

 

“You might want to try and get some rest with me while you can,” Justin whispers, coming out of the bathroom. He wraps his arm around me and joins me in staring at our boys.

 

I reluctantly pull my eyes away from them but they fall on Justin’s face and I notice how exhausted he looks. “In case I haven’t told you today, you’re amazing.”

 

“I can barely think to remember if you have, but thank you.”

 

I walk him over to his bed and take my seat in the chair beside his bed that works like a skinny Lay Z Boy. “You’ve given me everything,” I tell him, taking his hand. “Is there anything I can give you that might make a dent in repaying you?”

 

He shakes his head and his eyes water. “I just want you and our family, that’s all.”

 

“That’s pretty simple,” I tell him. “You’ve got us.”

 

 

***

 

 

3rd Person Point of View

Sunday, December 25, 2005

 

“Here, Daddy.” Leighton handed Justin another present to put in his pile beside him. “That’s from me.”

 

Justin smiled in surprise. “Oh? I didn’t know Grandma took you shopping to get me something.”

 

“She didn’t,” Leighton replied. “Dada Brian took me last night.”

 

“Oh.” Justin was shocked that Brian would brave the Christmas crowds with Leighton to get a present for him. “Did you buy stuff for Papa and Evelyn too?”


“Nope,” Leighton answered. “Me and Grandma got gifts when we came for Thanksgiving. I told Dada Brian that I got you a present already but he said he wanted to get you one.”

 

“So this is from him too?” Justin asked, trying to figure out what was in the large heavy rectangular box.

 

Leighton leaned in and whispered in Justin’s ear, “Yes. But it’s a secret. Don’t tell.”

 

Justin gave Leighton a hug and agreed, “Don’t worry. I won’t.”

 

“Leighton, we need your help,” Griffin called, kneeling beside the Christmas tree.

 

Leighton winked at Justin and ran back to his other father. “I know who that is for,” Leighton declared, grabbing the gift bag from Griffin’s hands. “I got that for Dada Brian.”

 

Justin watched as his son took the gift over to Brian who sat on the sofa on the other side of the room. Brian smiled at Leighton and said something Justin couldn’t hear over the Christmas music playing on the stereo. He forced himself to look away when Brian’s loud laughter made its way to his ears and under his skin. He smoothed his hands down his arms, over unwanted goosebumps and brought his attention to his mother. She sat in a chair beside his, holding Evelyn who was amazingly sleeping through all the early morning activity. His mother looked so happy holding her granddaughter and Justin felt a surge of envy boil from his heart.

 

 

***

 

 

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Justin’s Point of View

 

It’s a little after five a.m. on Christmas morning. Brian is downstairs stuffing stockings and putting presents under the tree. Raiden and Darien have been fed and now I’m changing them, putting matching baby Santa Clause outfits on them. Brian hates that I’m putting them in matching sleepers, not only because he hates when all his children are dressed like children… well he hates most kid clothing, but also because he has a hard time telling the babies apart when they’re not “color coded”.

 

I don’t have any trouble telling Raiden and Darien apart now. After our first day home, when I was holding them eighteen out of the twenty-four hours, I got to notice all the tiny differences. I tried to point them out to Brian, but unless he’s staring at them both together he never knows who he’s holding if they’re only in their diapers or if they are dressed alike. The biggest difference in them is that Darien’s face is much fatter. The Pediatrician said it might take a little while before Raiden catches up with his brother but because neither of them were preemies we don’t have to worry about their weight gain as often is the case with twins.

 

As expected, Raiden starts fussing the moment I put his hat on. “You’re just fine,” I whisper. “I know you don’t like hats but you have to wear it until you grow more hair.”

 

I hear soft footsteps in the hall and Leighton comes into the nursery a few moments later. I’m happy to see that he doesn’t look distraught; this will make an entire month without him experiencing any nightmares. This is huge for him because it means that Leighton may finally be adjusting to all the changes in his life.

 

“Merry Christmas, Leighton.” I give him a kiss on his cheek as he stands beside me in front of the changing table.

 

“Merry Christmas, Daddy,” he says in a sleepy voice.

 

All dressed up and sleepy-warm in his plaid pajamas he looks like he’s only five years-old, even if his height is going to over-take mine soon. “What are you doing up so early?”

 

“I heard the babies crying and I tried to sleep, but I’m too excited.” His face brightens and he gives me a huge smile.

 

“Did you happen to see if your sisters were still sleeping?” I ask.

 

“I closed their door so they wouldn’t wake up,” he answers proudly.

 

“Thank you, Leighton. You’re such a good helper and good big brother.”

 

“Can I hold Raiden?” he asks, walking over to the glider and sitting down in it.

 

“Sure you can.” I carefully hand Raiden to Leighton and it occurs to me that he knew exactly which little brother I was holding. “You can tell them apart?” I ask.

 

“Sure,” he says as if it’s easy.

 

I pick up Darien from his cradle and begin to change him.

 

“He’s stinky,” Leighton groans.

 

I look over my shoulder at him and laugh at his expression. “You smelled worse,” I state, remembering it all too well. “Sometimes Papa and I would put clothespins on our noses while we changed you.”

 

“Did Dada ever change my diapers?” he wonders in a hesitant voice.

 

“Yes, he changed lots of your diapers.” I assure him. “But Papa and I didn’t give him any clothespins. That was our secret.”

 

“That’s funny,” Leighton laughs.

 

“What’s so funny?” Brian asks, walking into the nursery.


“You had to smell my stinky diapers,” Leighton informs him.

 

“Yes, unfortunately for me I did, Sonny-boy.” Brian ruffles Leighton’s hair. “Now what in the world are you doing awake?”

 

“I heard the babies crying so I came to help Daddy.”

 

“I’m pretty sure that Santa knows what a good helper you’ve been to me and Daddy on your winter break. I was downstairs checking out the presents and I saw quite a few packages with your name on them.”

 

“Cool,” Leighton says, yawning. “When can we open presents, Dada?”

 

I give Brian a grin and ask, “When can we open presents, Dada?”

 

Brian kisses me soundly and whispers, “You’ll get your present tonight.”

 

Brian can’t be inside of me yet, but that doesn’t mean I can’t top him. “Yes, I will,” I say dreamily. It’s been far too long since I’ve been able to be inside of Brian.

 

“What did Dad whisper, Daddy?” Leighton wonders. “What?”

 

I clear my throat, hand Darien over to Brian and change the subject as Brian laughs at our curious child. “We can open presents as soon as Evelyn and Audrey wake up,” I tell Leighton.

 

“Can I go wake them up?” he begs. “Pleeeeaaase?”

 

“I suppose we could all take naps before Mom comes over,” Brian suggests.

 

“All right,” I agree, taking Raiden from Leighton. “Go wake up your sisters.”

 

“Whoohoo!” Leighton cheers before taking off out of the nursery.


“So who is this?” Brian asks, rocking Darien who slept through his changing.

 

“That’s Darien,” I tell him. “Their outfits do have a small difference,” I say, trying to help him out for the rest of the morning.


“What’s that?” Brian asks, clearly not believing me.

 

I touch the belt on Darien’s outfit. “Darien’s is a lighter black. Raiden’s is a dark, deep black.” I show him the difference on Raiden. “See?”

 

“I’ll try to remember that.” Brian kisses my forehead and runs his hand through my hair. “So do you think these two are too little to go to Grandma’s tonight too?”

 

“There’s no way my mother and Frank could do it,” I tell him. “Besides, they have been sleeping six hours a night. If we take a nap later and then try to keep them awake until we go to bed we can get a few good hours of sleep tonight.”

 

“Hopefully, you plan on doing something other than sleeping.”

 

 “Oh I do. After the kids open their presents. I’m not waiting to open my gift tonight, even if that means we miss out on a nap.”

 

Brian follows me as we walk into the hallway and toward the girls’ new room. I hear squeals of laughter coming from down the hall. We’ve moved the girls so they’re both upstairs with us. Mom and Frank bought them ‘big girl bunk beds’ for Christmas and took them to pick out their bedding and accessories for their room. Audrey has to have flip-down bedrails on the bottom bunk so she doesn’t fall out. It was a big change from her crib but I think she sleeps more soundly in the bunk under Evvie than she ever did before.

 

When Brian and I enter the girls’ room I see Leighton is trading blowing raspberries on Evvie’s and Audrey’s bellies. “So who wants to go see what Santa brought?” I ask, interrupting their game.

 

A chorus of ‘I do’s’ rings out and they all clamber out of Audrey’s bed.


“Let the madness begin,” Brian jokes.

 

Yeah. It’s going to be a crazy day, but it wouldn’t be our family if it weren’t...

 

 

***

 

 

Brian’s Point of View

 

I don’t know how Justin does it. He’s moving around the room, taking pictures and handing out gifts all while holding Darien and running on only a few hours of sleep. He doesn’t look like he hasn’t slept. He looks refreshed and happy; he must have some secret adrenaline that I’d die to bottle right now because it’s a struggle for me to keep my eyes open.

 

“Okay, all the gifts are out,” Justin says, collapsing beside me on the couch. “And I set up the video camera and the camera to take stills every other minute so I don’t have to.”

 

“You want to hold Raiden too and I’ll help Audrey open her gifts?” I ask Justin.

 

“I’ll help her, Dada,” Leighton offers. “I know you’re tired.”

 

“Thank you so much,” I say, grateful that Leighton is so sweet and always wants to help. I really don’t think most little boys are as kind as he is. If I were his age and was suddenly the full-time big brother to four brothers and sisters I don’t think I’d be taking it as well as he is. He definitely earned the biggest present he has yet to see.

 

“This is Evelyn’s big one,” Justin whispers to me.


I watch as she tears the paper off the largest box in her pile and she jumps up from her spot on the floor and squeals, “Santa got it! Santa got it!”

 

Audrey and Leighton both stop tearing away at Audrey’s gift to see what all Evvie’s fuss is about.

 

“What’d you get?” Leighton asks.

 

“Get, get?” Audrey repeats, bouncing in Leighton’s lap.


Evvie’s face is filled with wonder and disbelief as she picks up the box that nearly weighs as much as she does and turns it so her brother and sister can see. “My Size Ballerina Barbie! I got her! I got her!”

 

“Cool,” Leighton tries to say it enthusiastically before rolling his eyes and going back to helping Audrey open her gift.

 

“Thank you, Santa!” Evvie declares, looking up to the ceiling. “Thank you, Santa!”

 

Justin and I both laugh at her praise. “You do realize that you’ll be the one that helps put that together,” I tell him.

 

“Oh no,” Justin insists. “I’ve decided that since I spend half of my day feeding the twins you can spend half of your day the next couple of weeks, putting together each and every toy Santa got them that needs to be put together.” He smiles then adds, “And playing with them too.”

 

“You don’t play fair,” I complain lightly. “If I could, I’d totally take feeding them over playing with a life-sized Barbie.”

 

“Who wouldn’t,” Justin says, shrugging his shoulders. “But it is what it is.”

 

I put my free arm around Justin and hold him close to me the rest of the time the kids open their presents. Audrey’s big gift is the last to be opened and the twins have lulled Justin and me into a near sleep at this point.

 

“What is it?” Leighton asks Audrey once the wrapping paper is completely off the box.

 

“Rock! Rock!” Audrey yells, patting the large box with her hands. “Rock! Rock!”

 

“Yet another one you have to put together,” Justin laughs evilly.

 

“After you open your stocking later I’ll put it together for you,” I tell Audrey, not that she really understands when later is or that the thing has to be assembled.

 

She nods her head at me and promptly takes a seat on the box.

 

“Don’t worry,” Justin says. “She’ll like the rocking horse more than the box.”

 

“I hope so,” I say. “Take Darien, I’m going to get Leighton’s gift,” I whisper.

 

“That’s Raiden,” Justin corrects, laughing at my more than likely sheepish expression. “You called him the right name a few minutes ago.”


“That was like an hour ago,” I tell him, handing the baby to him. “My brain is barely running.”

 

“Be careful and don’t get lost behind the tree,” Justin jokes as I get up.

 

I walk behind the tree and move the long drapes away from the hidden gift. “What’s this?” I say mysteriously, slowly rolling it out from behind the tree. “It has Leighton’s name on it.”

 

“Oh my god!” Leighton yells. “A bike! I got a bike!”

 

“You did,” I say, rolling it toward him. “Come look at it.


Leighton is shocked still and stares at me and then looks at Justin.

 

“Go see it,” Justin encourages. “Go on.”

 

Leighton is up and running toward me in two seconds flat. He hops up on the bike as I steady it for him. “This is the best Christmas ever!”

 

I look over at Justin and see him smiling as he kisses first Darien’s and then Raiden’s forehead before looking up and turning his delighted grin on me.

 

“Yes it is, Leighton,” I agree, my chest feeling tight. “It really is.”

 

 

***

 

 

Justin and I chose not to open our gifts or Darien and Raiden’s until the afternoon. We’re saving the stocking opening for later too because Justin and I didn’t need the kids to get on a sugar high right before we wanted to nap, there’s enough candy in their stockings to last them until Easter. We got no complaints out of Leighton, Evvie or Audrey; it seems the kids were as in desperate need of sleep as Justin and I are.

 

After Justin feeds the boys I help him quickly change their diapers. Though we normally keep them in their cradle in our room while we sleep, we turn the baby monitor on and leave them in their cradles in the nursery.

 

I practically carry Justin against my body as we walk into our bedroom. I know he wants to be with me now, and I ache to feel him inside me, but he’s exhausted. “Justin, maybe we should wait until tonight?” I suggest, while turning on the baby monitor.

 

He shakes his head while lowering his pants abruptly, revealing his hard cock which bounces against his belly as he walks toward me. “I don’t want to wait,” he speaks in a husky tone, throwing off his shirt.

 

“You could practically keep yourself standing while we walked in here,” I comment gently.

 

His naked body is suddenly pressed up against mine and his lips are nibbling on my shoulder and I hear him sniffing me. “I was rubbing myself against you, smelling you,” he mumbles and then swipes his tongue up my throat. “I’m going to fuck you now.”

 

“Okay,” I answer in a needy tone I should be embarrassed of. I wonder how my body could ever allow me to physically, or mentally for that matter, be with anyone but Justin. My body barely feels like my own as I hurriedly take my clothes off and crawl onto the bed. I stay on my hands and knees and look over my shoulder at him as he grabs the supplies from the dresser. My dick throbs, leaking pre-come onto the duvet in time with the beat of my heart quickening heartbeat.

 

Justin gives me a wide, predatory smile and his fingers glide up my thigh, ass crack and up along my back, ending the movement as he cups my chin. So quickly, so thoroughly I want him inside of me. I’m breathless and begging for him to hurry, abandoning myself to his pleasure. I guess my body isn’t my own anymore, it’s his. I am Justin’s and I always have been.

 

 

***

 

 

Justin’s P.O.V.

Sunday, December 25, 1994

 

Nothing hurts like your mouth, mouth,
mouth
Your mouth mouth, mouth
Your mouth mouth, mouth
All your mental armor
All your mental armor
And your mouth
Mouth

 

Oh my gaaahhhd!

 

Brian starts laughing at me and as a result his muscles squeeze and release around my cock in rapid succession. I almost lose it and to hold onto my control I fall forward on top of him completely.

 

“Does it feel good?” he whispers against my forehead, his hands sliding down from my back to grip my ass.

 

With great effort I lift my head and look at his face. He didn’t show any signs of pain when I pushed inside his tight ring and not an ounce of discomfort as I slid inside to the hilt. I don’t know how it’s possible because I’m his first just as he was mine. Oh, fuck. I’m inside Brian. I’m inside Brian’s no longer virgin ass and if I don’t stop thinking about how great it is I’m going to be out of his ass before I’ve even begun to fuck him.

 

“So what’s the verdict?” he asks, pulling my pelvis into him, making my balls press against his ass even tighter.

 

I clear my throat and answer, “I’m sure you can imagine. I personally know that you know exactly what it feels like to be inside a virgin.”

 

He laughs again and releases my ass to reach his arms up above him, grabbing onto the iron headboard. “Am I tight?” he whispers, eyes fluttering closed as I move back onto my knees.

 

“Yes,” I assure him and pull out to the tip of my dick. “It doesn’t hurt?” I ask.

 

He shakes his head from side to side in answer and his eyes open to meet mine. “I’m not exactly a virgin, you know that.”

 

Images of Brian playing with his ass, sticking his fingers inside of himself, pushing dildos, vibrators and butt plugs into his hole, start flashing behind my eyes. Fuck! I really don’t need to fantasize about anything. I have my greatest fantasy coming true right now. Here in my bed, underneath my body. If this isn’t the greatest and most unexpected Christmas present I’ve ever gotten then I don’t know what is! I suppose most of the fuckable guys are visiting their families and Brian is feeling adventurous or something, but I could care less about that. He’s here with me!

 

“Now fuck me,” he grunts, squeezing around the crown of my cock and swiveling his hips.

 

I’m going to fuck Brian, but I’m going to make love to him too. I’m going to show him what he’s never felt with anyone else.

 

I oblige his needy request and snap my hips forward, plunging deep into his ass. I find his prostate on my next stroke and swallow his surprised moan with my mouth, kissing him, tasting him, loving him like I never thought he’d allow me to do. His mouth is as enticing as his ass and I urgently need to feel his kiss as intensely as I want to feel him tighten around me and moan for me, telling me he understands that this is much more than a fuck. I know he knows it is; I have no doubt.

 

I realize though that Brian isn’t ready for us yet. But one day he will be. I’ve spent most of my life breaking through his mental armor and he chose me to be the one that was first allowed to be inside of him. I know he feels the connection between us and I know that one day he’ll realize that he won’t have to put up any mental armor with me. One day Brian will know that we are meant to be one another’s firsts and lasts. 
 


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