The Christmas Eves

Chapter Seven “Baby Shampoo”
 

Didn't mean to deceive you, believe me. But sometimes the hardest part is conceiving, the good intentions that you had. Now only came to this. And although she saw the mark, the arrow missed. It isn’t exciting reciting the stories, of kind words turned hurting, when routine gets boring. -Tom DeLonge (Apple Shampoo)

***

December 24, 2007

Brian awoke the next morning to the same three voices saying the same thing he had heard repeatedly. However, this time something inside him shifted when he heard the words. He could do nothing other than give his children and husband a sleepy smile and reply to them, “Merry Christmas Eve!”

He rubbed at his eyes and sat up, propping himself up against the headboard. “What do you guys have there?”

“It’s your very special breakfast, Dada!” Zaira told him as she climbed up into the bed.

“The kids wanted to make you a nice breakfast.” Justin carefully handed his husband the tray of food.

“Mmmm… smells delicious.” Brian looked at Justin. “Where’s your food?”

“Oh, the kids and I ate earlier downstairs,” Justin told him, secretly happy that Brian had asked.

“Well, next time you should just call me down and I’ll come eat with all of you,” Brian said. He smiled at Justin’s bewildered look, but at the same time, it made him sad to think that his husband would be surprised by him wanting to be together as a family. “Come on, Reaghan, get up here. I really can’t eat all of this on my own and I’m sure you didn’t get enough bacon.”

Reaghan climbed up into the bed. “Daddy said I could only have two strips because we didn’t have very many. I love bacon.”

“I also gave you my strip of bacon,” Justin reminded his son.

“You didn’t get any bacon, Justin?” Brian asked.

“I had two strips,” Zaira told her father. “I’m stuffed.” She patted her belly.

“Well there was only enough…”

“You gave me four pieces, Justin. Bacon is your favorite food, isn’t it?” Brian held out two of his pieces toward Justin.

Justin’s mouth watered. He hated the smell and taste of bacon when he was pregnant with Zaira but when he was pregnant with Reaghan he was nearly obsessed with it and his cravings had to have transferred to his son, or vice versa. Justin was unearthed by the way Brian was treating him. He was so nice and caring. Sure, they had spent time together the last couple of days but he was sure that it was only because Brian was trying to diffuse the tension from the argument when he had told Justin that he would be working on Christmas Eve.

“Yoo-hoo! Justin?” Brian waved the bacon at Justin.

“No, that’s okay,” Justin replied.

“I know you want it,” Brian told him with a sparkle behind his words.

Justin gulped.

“I’ll eat em’ if you won’t, Daddy,” Reaghan informed his father while his mouth was full with the piece Brian had given him.

“Are you all right, Brian?” Justin asked as he reached out and took the bacon.

“I’m fine, Justin,” Brian said and watched as Justin devoured the bacon, and then blushed when he realized Brian had watched him do it so quickly. “I remember when you craved bacon with Reaghan, and you would make me get up in the middle of the night and make it for you.”

Justin swallowed the food before speaking. “You remember that?”

“Of course I remember that.” Brian smiled and started wolfing down his meal.

“I’m going to go put the dishes in the washer,” Justin said, quickly leaving the room before Brian could swallow his bite and say anything to stop him.

“Dada, Daddy helped us make you a card,” Zaira pointed to the envelope.

Brian smiled. “I see that.”

“Open it,” Reaghan said excitedly.

Brian reached for it and stopped. “I think I’ll wait until I can open it with Daddy.”

“Can we watch Frosty?” Reaghan asked.

“Daddy said we have to watch it in the playroom and not bother Dada,” Zaira said in a conspiratorial not-so-soft whisper.

“Oh!” Reaghan sounded disappointed and put his thumb in his mouth.

“We can watch it in here,” Brian told them.

Both of the kids started cheering as Brian found the remote control and turned the television on. He hoped that Justin would come back soon so they could all watch the show together and that maybe Justin would even cuddle up next to him as they had with the kids last night, or… whatever night that turned out to be.

Brian sat wondering when Justin would come back more than he watched the program. He waited and waited and Frosty was almost over when Justin came into the room carrying a large and obviously heavy laundry basket full of linens.

Brian moved from around the kids and quickly got up to help Justin, taking the basket away from him.

“What are you doing, Brian?” Justin asked as Brian started to put the things away.

“I’m helping you. Why don’t you…”

Justin put his hands on his hips and leaned in toward Brian and whispered, “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on? You’re acting so strange.”

Brian just shook his head at his husband, not knowing what to say, and finished putting the things away. When he was done, he looked at Justin who was still staring at him as if he was sizing him up. “What?”

“I asked you what is going on with you,” Justin whispered again.

Justin was tired; he had been up early that morning puking, and then the kids had woken up even earlier than usual and suggested making their father breakfast. Of course, Justin would have loved to just let the kids actually be the ones making it. They helped, of course, but it was himself that did most of the work. It was still early morning and already he was agitated and worn out. He was also not looking forward to spending the day without Brian.

“I have a surprise for you,” Brian said with a bright smile and took Justin into his arms.

Justin awkwardly inched his body away from Brian’s. “What?”

“I want to tell the kids too; it looks like Frosty is over so now is the perfect time,” Brian told his husband mysteriously. He walked over to the bed, pulling Justin by the hand along with him.

“Guess what guys?” Brian took the remote, shut the television off, and sat on the bed. He again made Justin follow; Justin next to him with a worried expression on his face.

“What, Dada?” Reaghan asked, crawling over and sitting on Brian’s lap.

Zaira smiled. “Are we gonna go out and play in the snow?” she guessed.

Brian laughed. “No, not until we get to Grandma Debbie’s later.”

“What is it?” Justin gritted out through his teeth in a falsely happy tone.

Brian turned and looked at Justin. “I’ve decided that our two week vacation starts today.”

Zaira and Reaghan’s immediate exhilaration at their father’s words nearly drowned out the beating in Justin’s ears from the sudden blood pumping madly through his heart. He couldn’t’ believe it! Brian was actually staying home. Or maybe… “Are you working from your home office?” Justin asked before he let his happiness show.

Brian took Justin’s hand and squeezed it. “No, I’m yours.” He addressed the children, “I am not going to be working at all. All we’re going to do today is have fun.”

The children cheered and Justin slowly felt tension leave his body as he looked at Brian and his children together. He seemed just like the man he had married; he was acting like the father Justin knew Brian could be! He turned and looked at the empty breakfast tray. The card still sat unopened. What in the world has made Brian change so suddenly? he wondered to himself.

Brian was on the bed tickling Reaghan and Zaira and having a blast. He could feel Justin’s eyes burning into him. “So what are we going to do today?” he asked them.

“Play!” Zaira and Reaghan shouted.

“We will,” Brian told them. “You two scurry off to the playroom. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Reaghan and Zaira both kissed their fathers before leaving the room.

It was quiet for a few minutes and Justin and Brian just stared at each other until the younger man finally broke the silence. “We need to be at Debbie’s house at...”

“One o’clock, I remember, Justin.”

“But we have to go to my mom’s hotel first,” Justin reminded him.

“Why don’t you invite your mom to come here before we go? I’m sure she’d like to see what you did with Reaghan and Zaira’s rooms.”

“I sent her pictures,” Justin said. “But that sounds like a good idea. That way we could do presents in front of our Christmas tree instead of in her hotel room.”

“Good.” Brian smiled and got up from the bed.

“Are you going to take a shower?” Justin asked his husband.

“No, I was thinking I’d go play with the kids in the playroom, like I told them I would. But first I need to call Cynthia, Ted and the interviewer.”

“Ok, I guess I’ll go down and call my mom too.” Justin got up but Brian gently pulled him back down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him. “Brian!”

“Shh.…” Brian buried his face in Justin’s hair and then kissed his lover’s neck, making goose bumps break out on the pale skin.

Justin wiggled; he had never felt so uncomfortable yet safe at the same time. He did not want to get his hopes up though. This Brian was so different from the man he had been the last year, and he was so scared that it wasn’t real.

“It’s okay,” Brian told him in a whisper turning Justin to straddle him so he could look him in his eyes.

“I’m too heavy.” Justin tried to get up but Brian held him tight.

“Never.” Brian pecked Justin’s lips and smiled. “Remember I held you like this, and you would ride my cock nine months pregnant.” Brian leaned in and swiped a lick along Justin’s throat.

“Brian,” Justin moaned as he debated inwardly with his reactions to Brian’s words and the memories they brought up.

“Only…” Brian licked the shell of Justin’s ear. He whispered, “You’d have to lean back a little so I could get in you deep because your belly was so big.”

Justin shivered.

Brian was hard but he knew that now was not the right time to make love to Justin. He had other things to do, and he was sure that Justin was not emotionally ready to allow him to take it that far, not after what he had put him through that year. “Why don’t you go take a nice, long, hot bath?” Brian suggested before planting his mouth on Justin’s and sweeping his tongue inside for a tender but passionate kiss.

Justin groaned into Brian’s mouth and his senses screamed with want for his husband, but he took the out Brian provided him and nodded before semi-reluctantly getting off Brian’s lap.

Brian looked up at him with a glance that spoke volumes. He was telling him that he understood that Justin was not ready to forgive and forget just yet, but that it was okay. And that it would get better. “I’ll call your mom for you,” Brian said, getting up and hugging Justin to him.

“Okay,” Justin whispered. “But what about the kids, they need to pick up their rooms before my mom comes?”

“I’ll help them after we play.” Brian leaned his mouth against Justin’s ear. “Go relax. For as long as you want.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Justin moved out of Brian’s arms but his hand was caught at the last minute as he turned to go into the bathroom. “What?

“I love you,” Brian said looking him in the eyes and hoping beyond hope that he could translate exactly how much he really meant that with his own eyes.

Justin opened his mouth and closed it in a gasp before moving toward Brian, lunging into a heat-filled kiss, and then pulling back and speaking breathlessly, “I love you too.”

Brian kissed his blond’s forehead, squeezed him tightly and tried not to tear up when he saw the tears of relief in Justin’s eyes. “I love you,” he spoke again and then turned to go take care of his business, so that he could then take care of his children.

Justin stood in his bedroom in a daze for a few minutes after Brian had closed the door behind him. He felt tingly and excited because he really felt it, Brian had changed! The holiday magic that Justin had hoped for had transformed his husband.

Justin could not stop the twinges of happiness that surged through him and expressed themselves on his face. A smile slowly formed as the hope inside him, the hope for Brian and his family to move on and become the family they were meant to be, filled his mind.
 

***
 

“You can’t catch me, Dwagon!” Reaghan said with a laugh as he looked at Brian through the hole in one of the play gym’s tubes.

Brian let out a long breath. “You’re right, I can’t. I can’t even fit in there, little nobleman.”

Zaira giggled as she slid down the slide coming from the other end of the structure. “I’m gonna get to the castle! You can’t get me, scary dragon!”

Brian watched as his daughter took off running around him and to the side of the rope ladder. He feigned a fast crawl and growled, “I’ll get you, little Princess!”

Zaira quickly got her footing and Reaghan was there to help pull her up into the castle before Brian could reach her.

Reaghan took out his plastic sword and pointed it at his father. “Go away, evil Dwagon. I saved the Pwincess!”

Brian huffed, puffed, and roared as he pretended to reach up and grab at his children. When he could not reach them he sighed in defeat. “You won, Nobleman and Princess. I must now go back to my cave all alone!” He put on a sad face and turned to stalk off toward his cave, which was actually a big blanket draped over the couch to the coffee table.

“Oh no, Dada, don’t be sad,” Reaghan said.

Brian turned back to his son and smiled. “I’m not really sad, we were just pretending.”

“Except I’m really your princess, right, Dada?” Zaira asked as she climbed down and hopped into Brian’s lap.

“Of course you are,” Brian told her kissing her hair. “That’s why we named you Zaira.”

“Because I’m your Irish Princess, right?” Zaira kissed her father’s cheek and hugged him tightly.

“Exxxxactly!” Brian replied kissing her soft cheek in return.

“And I’m your little Iwish nobleman, right, Dada?” Reaghan asked as he climbed down and threw down his sword.

Brian held his arm out, took his son into his other arm, and kissed his cheek. “You are, my regal sonny-boy. That is why Daddy and I named you Reaghan.”

“What are we gonna play now, Dada?” Zaira asked.

“Well, I think we need to go get your rooms clean. Maybe you both should take off your costumes and put back on your pajamas before we do that?” Brian suggested.

“Awww, I don’t wanna clean my woom,” Reaghan whined but got up and started to take off his costume anyway.

Brian smiled and gathered their clothes and handed them to his children. “I know you don’t. But we have to make it nice and clean.”

“I need you to unzip my dress, Dada.” Zaira rocked back and forth on her toes. “I can’t reach it.”

Brian laughed and undid the zipper for her. “You need help, sonny-boy?”

Reaghan was in the middle of taking off his knight costume and trying to undo the Velcro that held together the armor on the shirt in the back. “I got it.”

Brian watched him struggle before dropping down on his knees and helping his son take off the rest of the costume.

“Thanks, Dada!” Reaghan said once he was down to his skivvies.

Brian smiled and handed him his clothes. “I don’t know how you got that on in the first place.”

“I helped him,” Zaira said proudly, hustling back in her pajamas. “I always help Daddy get Reaghan dressed.”

Brian considered this. “You guys both help Daddy out a lot, don’t you?”

“We’re his little helpers,” Zaira explained to her father.

“I’m a big boy helpa,” Reaghan chimed in as he drew his pants up, putting the elastic waistband nearly under his arms.

Brian bent down and adjusted the waistband. “Yes. You both are very big helpers. I am so proud of you. Now how about we go tackle cleaning your bedrooms?”

“Awe we gonna sing the clean-up song?” Reaghan inquired, pulling down his t-shirt.

Brian racked his brain trying to remember the “clean-up song” but could not. “You’ll have to teach me that one,” Brian told them. He gathered the costumes and hung them up in the playroom’s closet. “So whose room should we clean first?”

“Mine isn’t very messy,” Zaira told him.

“Grab that car on the floor, Reaghan.” He pointed to a lone Matchbox car in the hall.

Reaghan picked it up and zoomed it through the air. “I looked but couldn’t find this one!”

“Is yours messy?” Brian asked his son as they walked down the hall.

“You’ll see, Dada!” Zaira laughed.

Brian smirked at his child’s sense of humor and held his breath as he opened his son’s door. It was actually very clean. He said in surprise, “There are only a few cars to pick up.” He looked at Zaira who had her hand over her mouth trying to stifle her laughter. “You little jokester!”

“I fooled you, Dada! Mine is the messy room,” she laughed.

Brian ruffled his daughter’s hair and they both started to help Reaghan pick up his toys. Brian helped his son make the boy’s bed and they finished cleaning very quickly.

Zaira’s room was not as bad as Brian thought it would be. Zaira taught him the “clean-up song” and after singing it six times they were done making her bed and putting away any stray stuffed animals and toys.

“What are we going to do now?” Zaira asked her father as she put her stuffed kitty cat on her bed.

“I think you both need to get into the bath,” Brian told her.

“But Daddy gives us our bath,” Zaira said as they walked into the large bathroom that joined her and Reaghan’s rooms.

Justin really does everything around here, Brian thought, once again feeling horrible about how little he had to do with the day to day life of his family. “I know he does normally, but I can give you your bath today. I used to give you both your baths when you were younger.”

“You did?” Reaghan asked in surprise.

Brian turned on the water in the large bathtub. “I sure did. Now get undressed and get in while it fills up.”

“But we can’t get in until it fills up halfway and the duck tells us it’s warm and not hot.” Zaira went into the closet and took out the box of bath toys and grinned. “Here it is.”

“Oh,” Brian looked at his daughter and wondered, not for the first time, how much more she helped Justin than any 5-year-old normally did. He took the rubber ducky and looked at it. “How does he tell you if the water is warm?”

Reaghan turned it over and showed Brian the bottom. “It is magic and tells you and it turns orange.”

Brian saw that on the bottom was the word “cold” and it was blue. He plopped it into the water and then lifted it out and looked at it again. The bottom of the duck immediately changed to red and had the word hot on it, so he quickly adjusted the water and put the rubber ducky back in the water.

“Give me your pj’s and I’ll put them in the hamper,” Zaira told her little brother.

Brian stopped his daughter. “That’s very nice of you, Zaira. But does Reaghan know where the hamper is?”

“Yes,” Reaghan said with attitude. “It’s in the closet.”

“Well then why don’t you go put them in there yourself?” Brian suggested.

“It’s okay, Dada, I always do it,” Zaira said with a smile.

Brian shook his head. “I know you do, baby, but you shouldn’t always have to take care of everything, ok? Reaghan is old enough to put his clothes in the hamper. He can do it. You’re a big boy, aren’t you, Reaghan?”

“I am!” Reaghan told his father. He grabbed his clothes, walked over to the closet, opened the hamper, and put his clothes in it. “I did it!”

“Good job!” Brian told his son.

“Yeah, good job, Reaghan!” Zaira said tossing her own clothes in the hamper.

“Is the bath wawm now?” Reaghan asked.

Brian noticed the tub was filled halfway so he grabbed the ducky. “It says warm. Hop on in.”

The kids stepped down into the bath water and Brian poured in some bubble bath. He grabbed some of their toys and handed them to them. “So what do I do while you soak?” He was sure that Justin did not just sit there and watch them as they played.

“You read us some of the bath time books,” Zaira told her father.

Brian went over to the shelf and grabbed a couple of them before shutting off the water and sitting on the toilet lid with the books in hand. “Bath time for Susie,” Brian said, and started to read the book.
 

***
 

Justin knew that he was probably being a little selfish in that he had been relaxing in the tub for nearly an hour, but he also knew that if Brian needed him the man knew where he was. Brian had seemed so genuine when he had told Justin to relax, and so Justin was going to relax.

The thought of what had transpired between him and Brian on the bed was sending thrilling tingles through his body as he washed himself.

He ran the soap-filled loofah over his chest and sighed in satisfaction when his sensitive nipples became erect from the attention.

Justin thought about the memory Brian had described to him and could feel his sex swelling for the first time in a very long time. All the stress he had been feeling as of late had made him feel anything but sexual. Now that he had hope for his and Brian’s relationship, his body was entering into a different state from his own ministrations.

He slid down further into the tub, resting his head on the bath pillow and spreading his legs as he moved the scrubber down over his plump belly and down into his pubes and then around his member. “Ahhh,” Justin could not keep his moan inside him. He let go of the loofah, dropped it into the water, and took his dick in his hand.

He once again moaned aloud as he languidly stroked his filling cock to complete hardness and closed his eyes. Visions of the last time Brian had stroked him off filled his head as he spread his legs even wider and reached down to trace a finger around his hole. The oils, bath salts and bubbles he’d put in the water made his skin feel silky smooth, and he got even more excited from the feel of himself touching his own body in places he’d neglected for too long.

He tightened his fist around his dick and then slowly pushed his finger into his soft, silky, tight hole. “Brian…” he gasped his husband’s name subconsciously. Justin wished it were Brian that was inside of him. He thought about the way it felt to have Brian filling up his hole with his long thick cock. He slid in another finger and scissored them to feign the stretch he would feel if it were Brian entering him. Justin fisted his cock and rocked onto his fingers imagining that it was Brian’s warm, soft hand wrapped around him as he fucked his ass deeply. He opened his mouth and started panting from the exertion, finding himself moving at a steadfast pace toward completion. The thought of Brian spending himself inside of him, feeling the hot wet heat of his climax erupt inside his hole was enough to send Justin shaking and quaking over the edge.

His come shot out into the water as his legs and body shook, sending splashes of water onto the floor of the bathroom. When the last tremor of Justin’s body subsided, he slowly removed his hand from his half-hard cock and sunk back into the water, trying his best to slow his accelerated heart rate and breathing.
 

***
 

“Do you know which of the outfits your Daddy had picked out for you today?” Brian asked as he marched the kids, bundled up in their terry cloth robes and slippers into Zaira’s room.

Zaira opened her closet door. “No, Dada. I think you will have to ask Daddy.”

“Yeah, ask our Daddy,” Reaghan chimed in.

Brian knew that this was another something he should know. He remembered Justin showing him all of the things he had bought for the children for Christmas to wear. He remembered the discussion about the pajamas but he had no idea which of the many dressy clothes was to be worn at Christmas Eve. He tried to remember what the children had worn yesterday, but could not.

This was the first year that he and Justin did not shop for everything together. Being the Label Queen that Brian was, he usually had the last say in any of the clothing Zaira and Reaghan wore for formal occasions. Half the time he’d pick out what his husband wore too, but not this year. He’d left it all up to Justin. Everything.

“How about we just put on some play clothes and we’ll go downstairs and have a snack. When Daddy gets out of the bath we’ll ask him what clothes we should put you in.”
 

***
 

Justin washed his hair and reveled in the smell and feel of the wonderful expensive shampoo that Brian had bought him. The thoughtful gesture was one of the only things that kept him believing that Brian did still think about him.

His mind was still conflicted, no matter how much his heart wanted to believe that things had turned around for his family and Brian had actually changed so quickly. He saw the change but it seemed as though there was something Brian was not telling him. He may have felt as if he did not know the man Brian had become but that did not mean that he still could not read the man. His husband’s hazel eyes, the sound of his voice and the timbre changes, Justin could still detect with accuracy. He was certain that there was something going on within Brian, and that twisted his gut with fear.
 

***
 

“Thanks for braiding my hair, Dada,” Zaira said.

“You’re welcome.” Brian opened the refrigerator door and took out the milk.

“I want Cwissmiss cookies, Dada!” Reaghan said hopping up into his chair at the breakfast table.

“Okay, Reaghan, give me just a minute,” Brian grabbed a couple of glasses down from the cabinet once he found them. Had Justin reorganized everything? he wondered.

“No, Dada!” Zaira said shaking her head. “We can’t have sweets before lunch. Daddy says we won’t take our naps if we do.”

“Zawa,” Reaghan pushed his sister very hard and she fell out of her chair and onto the floor. “We’re not havin’ naps today!”

Brian stopped what he was doing and ran to his daughter. “Are you all right, Princess?”

Zaira pouted as her Dada hugged her and brushed her hair from her forehead. “I’m okay. But my elbow hurts.”

Brian examined the elbow, she bruised easily just like his husband. He kissed the mark and lifted her back up to sit down at the table.

“Reaghan, you could have really hurt your sister. I want you to say you’re sorry and give her a hug and a kiss,” Brian told his son sternly. “You know better than to push anyone. I think Santa Claus might have to take a present away.”

“Uh! No! Dada, I’m sowwy, I am!” Reaghan pouted with tears in his dark hazel eyes.

“He might reconsider that if you apologize to your sister,” Brian told him.

Reaghan frowned and batted his eyelashes. “I’m sowwy, Zawa!”

“Okay,” Zaira frowned. “Here, kiss it.” She held out her sore elbow and Reaghan leaned forward and gave it a gentle kiss.

Reaghan then pulled his blankie up to the table and popped his thumb in his mouth, obviously feeling bad about hurting his sister.

“Good boy,” Brian praised, smiling at his kids. “So what do I give you for snacks, Zaira?” Once again, I should know this,” Brian thought.

“I’d like a banana, please?” Zaira asked.

“Sure,” he went over to the fruit basket and plucked two off.

“Thank you, Dada,” Zaira told him smiling as her father handed her the fruit.

“Thank you, Dada,” Reaghan chimed in.

“You’re very welcome,” Brian went over to the glasses, filled them up with milk, and then placed them in front of the kids.

“Thank you,” they both chimed.

“You are welcome,” Brian said once again. He smiled at the thought of how well mannered his kids were. He had never really taken the time to realize this. He was sure that it was probably all of Justin’s doing. Then again, he also remembered that his children often did not treat his husband very well, because of him. Hopefully, he’d be able to change that.

The doorbell rang and both of the kids asked, “Who’s here?”

“It’s Grandma Jen,” Brian told them with a smile.

“Is that our surprise?” Zaira asked.

“It sure is,” Brian said. “I thought you’d forgotten I told Daddy that I had one for you,” he laughed. “Stay here and I’ll go get the door okay?”

Brian walked into the foyer and opened the door with a smile on his face. “Hello, Jennifer.”

“Hi, Brian,” she said a bit warily and looked around as she came in. Two shopping bags filled with wrapped presents were in each of her hands.

Brian helped her with the bags and then took her coat and scarf. “The kids are having a snack in the kitchen. Justin was taking a bath. I’ll go up and tell him you are here if you want to go in and see the kids.”

“Okay.” Jennifer headed off toward the kitchen.

As Brian went up the stairs, he could hear the children happily greeting their grandmother. He smiled, no matter what happened he would make the day count.

He walked to his and Justin’s bedroom and opened the door to their room.

“Oh!” Justin turned toward Brian as he quickly pulled his heavy, light blue sweater over his head.

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” Brian said with a smile.

“You didn’t,” Justin turned from him and grabbed his socks and shoes.

Brian sat on the bed beside Justin as Justin put the rest of his clothing on. “Your mom is downstairs.”

“I’d better hurry then, “Justin said, sliding his feet into his loafers.

Brian took in Justin’s face and smiled. “Did you have a nice bath?”

Justin felt himself blush as he slowly turned to look at his husband. “It was very relaxing.”

“I bet,” Brian bumped Justin’s shoulder with his own. “What did you think about?”

Justin felt his palms sweat as he stared into Brian’s lust filled eyes. He spoke in a hoarse yet sexy voice, “What do you think?”

Brian ran his hand up and down Justin’s cashmere covered arm. “Me?”

Justin bowed his head and blushed. “I always think of you.”

Brian leaned in and pressed his forehead to Justin’s. “Me too.”

Justin looked up and his eyes met his husband’s gaze. It was such a thrill to know that Brian thought of him. Always thought of him when touching himself.

Brian leaned in further and brushed his lips against Justin’s. Justin opened his mouth and allowed Brian’s tongue to meet his own. Their hands moved to one another’s backs and their upper bodies pressed together as much as the position would allow, as they once again rediscovered the passion they created, only together.

Brian reluctantly broke away from the kiss. “I really should take a quick shower so we can do presents. Your mom brought two huge shopping bags full of them.”

Justin nodded his head, still a little stunned with emotion to speak properly.

“Oh, and they are just in play clothes for now. I couldn’t remember what outfits you wanted them to wear today and which ones were for tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Justin replied and rubbed his face. “I’ll get them dressed for the pictures. I can show Mom their rooms while I do that.”

“I would have gotten them dressed, but I didn’t want to put them in the wrong thing. Besides, they just had a snack and I wouldn’t have wanted them to get their nice clothes dirty. Zaira informed me that they weren’t allowed to have cookies before lunch and Reaghan got a little mad at her and pushed her down off her chair.”

“Is she hurt?” Justin got up quickly from the bed.

Brian got up and took his hand. He calmed Justin. “She’s fine. Her elbow has a little bruise on it but I’m sure she’s already forgotten about it with your mom here.”

Justin smiled. “Yeah. She’s a tough girl.”

“She is,” Brian agreed. “Justin?”

“Yeah?”

“I was thinking that I could give the kids their baths every morning before I go into the office.”

Justin went pale. “You’re going in?”

“No,” Brian quickly said. “I’m not. I called Ted and Cynthia a while ago. What I meant was that from now on maybe you can sleep in or have a nice relaxing bath and I’ll give the kids their baths and get them dressed and ready for the day.”

“Brian, the kids wake up early enough as it is. I don’t want them waking up any earlier so you can bathe them before you go in to work.”

“I thought about going in later,” Brian said softly. He was hurting inside about all the doubts Justin had about him, but he knew he deserved them.

“Oh,” Justin looked at his husband critically.

“I thought that if I went in around eleven I could still put in a good amount of work. After all, I am the owner. With Ted and Cynthia there, well, I think they can handle it on their own.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really,” Brian told him.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why do you suddenly want to change?”

“Because I want to spend time with my family, and it isn’t right that my 5-year-old daughter does more around here for my son and husband than I do.”

Justin’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head at Brian’s words. “That’s all?”

“That’s a lot, don’t you think?” Brian wanted to tell Justin more, but he was scared. He did not want to sound crazy if he told the other man the truth. After all, he knew there was not anything he could do. He was sure he was supposed to live this day repeatedly until it was himself that died and not the kids and Justin.

Justin noticed Brian’s changing conflicting expressions. “Having second thoughts?”

“Not one,” Brian told him and kissed his cheek. “Go see Mother Taylor. I’ll meet you in a few minutes.”

“Okay,” Justin initiated a few quick French kisses and pulled away just as Brian started to grind into his jean-covered crotch.

“Justin?” Brian called as he took off his pajamas and opened the bathroom door.

“Yeah?” Justin turned around and his breath caught.

“I’ll be thinking about you,” Brian whispered huskily.

Justin blushed and then turned to go downstairs.
 

 ***
 

At Debbie’s House

“Really, Brian,” Justin spoke, his warm breath filling the cold air with clouds as he walked around the large tree in Debbie’s yard. “Did you have to teach the kids to make an impaled snowman?”

Brian stood back and surveyed his and the kids’ handiwork. “I would think you would appreciate the artistic value.”

“Hmpf. Leave it to you to impale a snowman,” Justin said.

“If it’ll make you feel better I’ll be sure and help the kids build a real one in our backyard.” Brian wrapped his arms around his husband and kissed the lobe of Justin’s ear that peaked out from the black ski cap.

Justin giggled and pushed away from his lover. “I think they’ve put the finishing touches on the forts.”

Brian looked back and forth along the long range of the snow-covered backyard. On one side were Emmett, Michael, Ben and Jeffrey packing in snow on the top of their snow fort.

On the other side, Reaghan and Zaira were just finishing packing the top of theirs. “We better go help them finish,” Brian told him.

Ted and Blake had come out to join in the fun while the ladies all got the dinner ready inside, watching from the windows in the warm kitchen.

Ted was naturally on Brian’s side, as the team name was Kinnetik, as it was every year they played. Blake had joined Michael, Ben, Jeffrey and Emmett on team Hero. Each team had packed tons of snowballs behind their forts. The goal of the game was to get to the other side without being hit by snowballs three times from the other team. If you were hit three times you were then a part of the opposing team until your own team saved you and got you back.
 

***
 

“Traitor,” Brian yelled as he went after his captured husband with a large snowball.

Justin ducked behind the impaling tree and dug his last snowball out of the pocket of his coat.

Brian reached for more snow on the ground, disappointed his best one had exploded against the tree.

Justin peeked out from around the tree, and just as his husband was standing back up he launched it and hit him directly in the face. “Oh Brian! I’m so sorry!” Justin laughed, not sorry at all.

“Foul! You little shit!” Brian chucked his snowball and Justin took off in a run, the rest of the teams still fighting while their own battle was waged.

“Come and get me, old man!” Justin teased as he ducked behind Kinnetik’s deserted fort and grabbed a few of the pre-made snowballs and got up to chuck them at Brian.

Brian took off in a run and headed toward Justin. He threw his snowball and ended up missing, much to Justin’s delight as Justin threw his snowball and hit Brian in the chest.

“I’m gonna kick your ass,” Brian growled and caught up with the boy.

Justin squirmed and tried to fight off Brian but eventually they fell back into the snow. “Uhmpf!”

Brian caught Justin’s weight on him. “You okay?”

“Got a lotta padding, Brian,” Justin joked and wiggled on top of Brian.

Brian started tickling Justin and Justin squirmed on top of him.

“Look, Dada, we’re making snow angels!” Zaira called.

Brian and Justin turned their heads and saw all three of the children were now on their backs waving their arms and legs on the ground.

“Good job, Princess!” Justin told her.

“Where did everyone else go?” Brian asked, not seeing the other adults.

“I think I saw them go inside while you were chasing me, Brian.” Justin leaned down and kissed Brian’s cold nose.

Brian groaned and spread himself out. “How about we make a snow angel together?”

Justin laughed but appeased Brian and spread his smaller body out on top of Brian’s arms and legs. His head nestled into Brian’s warm neck and they began to move their limbs together, perfectly in harmony with each other’s bodies.

Their angelic harmony was interrupted, however, when all three children decided to throw snowballs at the two men.

“Hey.” Brian gently rolled Justin off him and then helped them both stand. He then bent down and grabbed a snowball.

The sudden change in position made Justin very dizzy. “Brian?”

Brian looked over and saw that Justin had gone very pale. “Baby, are you okay?”

Justin leaned into Brian’s arms and buried his face into Brian’s jacket. “I just need a minute.”

“Kids! Time to come in, wash up and it’ll be time to eat when you unthaw!” Jennifer called from the porch.

All of the kids quickly listened; they knew that they had to be on their best behavior or Santa might not bring them what they asked for.

“Let’s get you inside, Justin,” Brian suggested.

“Okay,” Justin whispered back. He was feeling very queasy. “I need to go lie down, Brian.”

“Okay, okay. We can do that,” Brian said as he led them into the house.

“Baby, are you all right?” Jennifer asked her son.

“He just got a little dizzy and wants to lie down,” Brian explained.

“Oh, too much cold air maybe. Take him upstairs into Mikey’s old room,” Debbie advised.

“Thanks, Deb,” Brian smiled uneasily. He helped Justin take off the wet clothing and shoes before leading him through the living room full of their concerned family.

Justin held onto Brian as they made their way upstairs. “Brian, I need to tell you something.”

“Shh... you can talk once you feel better,” Brian knew what it was and he didn’t think right now was the best time to talk about it.

“Okay,” Justin yawned as he got into the bed.

Brian got underneath the covers with Justin and spooned him. “I love you.”

‘Mmmhmm,” Justin said groggily. He was suddenly so tired and could not keep his eyes open.

Brian held Justin for a little while before getting up and heading downstairs.

“What’s the matter with him?” Jennifer asked.

“I hope he’s not getting sick,” Lindsay said.

“It sucks being sick at Christmas,” Debbie chimed in.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, ladies, he’ll be fine. He just needed to take a nap; he was up early and I think the day caught up with him.”

“Well, dinner should be ready in an hour. The kids are just starting a game of “Sorry” if you want to join them,” Michael suggested.

Brian looked over at his kids who seemed to have thankfully not even noticed that Justin had been sick. “No thanks. I think I’ll stick to card games.”

“I’ll get the decks; how about Poker?” Blake asked.

“Sounds good to me,” Brian replied.
 

***
 

An hour later, Justin woke up feeling much better than he had when he had fallen asleep. He stretched, remade the bed, and then went into the bathroom to wash his face.

“Sunshine!” Debbie greeted.

Brian folded his hand of cards and went over to Justin. As he wrapped his arms around his blond he whispered into his ear, “Are you feeling better, baby?”

Justin nodded and snuggled into Brian’s embrace. He felt chills go up and down his body from his lover’s words. Brian had called him baby twice today. He had missed that term of endearment, hell, he missed any of the affectionate names his husband used while talking to him. “I’m fine,” he replied.

Brian kissed Justin’s forehead. “We were just playing a little poker.” Brian held Justin’s hand and led him over to the crowded table.

“And he’s kicking our asses,” Blake replied.

“It’s a good thing we aren’t playing for real money,” Ted said dropping his two chips to the table.

“Yeah, or you would have had to deduct money from your own paycheck to pay me everything you lost and borrowed,” Brian laughed.

“Where are the kids?” Justin asked, looking around.

“They’re in Emmett’s room upstairs watching some old Mickey Mouse cartoons Deb had on tape,” Lindsay answered.

“Oh? I didn’t even hear them when I woke up,” Justin observed.

“We told them to keep it quiet,” Brian said.

“I definitely think that the whole ‘Santa Claus is coming tonight’ thing is working on them,” Michael snickered.

“Too bad it doesn’t work all year,” Ben laughed. “Jeffrey has been walking around the house asking us if he’s being good for the last month. We try to explain that Santa takes into account his actions from the whole year, but he just doesn’t get it.”

“Reag is the same way,” Justin laughed. “Well, actually he has to have constant reminders not to act up. I’d actually prefer it if he’d ask if he’s being good.”

Something in the way Justin spoke that observation made everyone at the table suddenly go quiet. It was as though they all felt the underlying frustration Justin carried with him each day.

“Well, dinner is pretty much done,” Debbie broke the silence. She gathered the cards into a pile and stood up from her chair. “Let’s get this cleaned up and get the table set.”

“I’ll go up and get the kids,” Justin said, feeling uncomfortable.

“No, let me do that. Why don’t you sit down?” Brian stopped him and pulled out one of the chairs.

“Brian, I can’t sit down. I’ve got to at least help Deb set the table.”

“Oh no you don’t, Sunshine,” Deb told him. “You just woke up. You sit down with Mel and I’m sure the rest of us can take care of setting up dinner.”

“Are you sure?” Justin asked, not wanting to leave the duties to everyone else. “I’m feeling fine.”

“But that’s because you had a rest,” Melanie countered and put her hand over his. “You looked exhausted when you came inside, Justin. Relax a little bit more.”

“Okay, but if you need an extra set of hands please let me help,” Justin agreed with a long sigh.

“Sure, baby,” Debbie patted his cheek, and Jennifer, Ben, Michael, Lindsay, Ted, Blake and Emmett followed her into the kitchen.

Melanie leaned forward as much as the table would allow her large belly to and squeezed Justin’s hand. “When do you plan on telling the family?”

Justin’s eyes went wide and he whispered, “What?”

“I don’t know if it’s because I’m pregnant,” Melanie said, “or what it is, but I’d bet all of Brian’s poker winnings that you are pregnant too.”

Justin gulped, “I…I haven’t told Brian yet.”

Melanie noticed the worry in Justin’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I won’t tell anyone a thing.”

“It’s okay. I’m going to tell Brian tonight, just let us share the news first okay?”

“Sure.” Melanie whispered as she regarded Justin carefully. “Are you worried about what Brian will say?”

“Well this pregnancy isn’t planned,” Justin said softly and put his hand on his stomach.

“Reaghan’s wasn’t either,” Melanie countered.

“I know. But Brian and I… Mel things have been really off between him and I. Especially this year, I…I…” Justin shook his head and bit off what he was going to tell her. “Either way, I’m going to tell him tonight at home.”

“Good,” Melanie smiled. “I’m sure things will work out just fine. We all see how much Brian adores you and he has been doting on you all day. That is why I thought he knew. I mean, I’ve noticed that things seemed strained between you both lately, especially with Brian’s job always getting in the way of all the family events.”

Justin nodded. “He has been preoccupied, but the last few days he’s really changed a lot. I know you’ll laugh but I think it’s the Christmas spirit.”

Melanie squeezed Justin’s hand one last time before leaning back and putting it on her belly. “You never know. It just might be the Christmas spirit, Justin.”

Brian and the kids came downstairs just as Melanie spoke her words loudly.

“Well, if it isn’t the resident Jew saying there is Christmas spirit!” Brian laughed.

“Can it, Brian,” Melanie retorted sending him an evil glare.

Justin laughed at them both. Some things never changed.

“Daddy!” Zaira ran toward Justin and gave him a hug.

“How are you, my baby girl?”

“I’m good, Daddy. Did you have a good nap?”

Justin smiled and brought Reaghan onto his lap. “I did. Did you guys have fun watching Mickey?”

“Yes!”

“Uncle Justin?” Jeffrey tapped Justin’s leg.

“Yes?”

“Have I been good today?”

Justin pulled his lips into his mouth trying not to laugh.

Thankfully, Ben came into the dining area just in time. “Jeff, buddy, you’ve been a very good boy today. You do not need to ask everyone. I’m sure Santa will bring you all the things on your list, except the horsey, if you continue to be good.”

Horsey, Brian mouthed to Ben.

“But I really want the horsey, Daddy,” Jeffrey replied pleadingly.

“Jeffrey.” Michael came in and went behind where his husband was setting plates up at the long table, putting down sets of silverware. He explained to his son again. “You have nowhere to keep a horse. We talked about this.”

“B...B…but Zaira and Reaghan get horsies,” he pouted.

“And they also have stables at their house for the horses to live. They also have a stable man that comes to take care of them,” Ben reminded his son.

“When it gets warmer out you can come and ride Lightning with Reaghan, Jeffrey,” Justin told him.

Jeffrey’s brown sad eyes got huge with excitement. “Really?”

“Yes, anytime, little man!”

“We can wide Lenten and fight the bad guys with swowds,” Reaghan agreed. Getting excited he started to jump and wiggle in his Justin’s lap.

Brian quickly intercepted his son and took him in his arms. “Be careful with Daddy,” he said gently.

Justin looked over at Brian, surprised as he wondered if somehow Brian did know about his pregnancy.

“He was feeling a little sick before his nap. You don’t want to give him a tummyache, do you?” Brian covered his initial response.

“No, Daddy,” Reaghan said and leaned down and kissed Justin’s cheek. “Sowwy.”

“I’m fine, buddy,” Justin said smiling.

“Who is ready to eat?” Debbie said coming in with a huge dish of lasagna in her gloved hands. Jennifer, Blake, Lindsay and Ted all had side dishes in their hands, ready to set them on the table.

Justin’s stomach growled. “I am!”
 

***
 

“I really love my new Barbie that Aunt Melanie got for me,” Zaira told her fathers from the back seat of the car.

“I’m glad you do, baby,” Justin said.

“Who knew she even knew what they were?” Brian said.

“Zaira, Brian? She already has a hundred you bought for her.” Justin shook his head.

“No, not Zaira, Uncle Mel,” he joked.

“Brian, really, I think you need to stop calling her Uncle Mel in front of the kids.”

“Why? She never corrects them. She just glares at me.”

“Cause she loves our kids! So she won’t say anything to them. And because she knows you taught them to call her that.”

“Who wouldn’t love our kids?”

Justin laughed. “Reaghan called her that and she did seem hurt.”

“Well, I’m sure she’ll get back at me and make her kid call me Auntie Brianna or some shit.”

“You sweawed, Dada!” Reaghan piped in from the back seat.

“I’m sorry, sonny boy. Dada is very bad.”

“It’s true. You are,” Justin told him pinching his husband’s side.

“Ah… home sweet home,” Brian said pulling up to the house and into the garage.

“Yeah, it only took us an extra half hour,” Justin joked.

“The roads are icy,” Brian countered. “Come on, out of the car, kiddos.” He turned off the car, went over to Reaghan’s side, and helped him climb out of the SUV.

Justin helped Zaira out. “Dada and I will come back for the rest of the presents later. I think it’s about time you got in your jammies.”

“Can’t we stay up a little longer?” Zaira asked.

“You can if you don’t want Santa to come,” Brian told her. “Besides, I thought we’d look at the family picture albums before we read “The Night Before Christmas". Does that sound good?”

“Oh yes, Dada!” Reaghan said jumping into the foyer.

“Go on upstairs and brush your teeth. Daddy and I will be there in a few minutes,” Brian told them.

“I suppose we should go get the presents.” Justin turned to go back outside.

“I’ve got a better idea,” Brian said taking Justin in his arms.

“You do, huh?” Justin smiled.

“How about you go take a nice hot shower, I go get the presents and help the kids get in their jammies.” Brian leaned down and kissed Justin’s cold cheek.

“Oh, well okay. Do you know what set of pajamas to put them in?” Justin asked.

“Green Snowmen, Pink Snowflakes,” Brian said.

“You remembered,” Justin smiled.

“I did.” Brian kissed Justin’s lips softly. “Go ahead, and then meet us down here to hang the stockings and put out the cookies. Then we can read in Reaghan’s room. There’s no way we’d all fit up in Cinderella’s carriage,” he laughed.

Justin kissed Brian one last time before turning and making his way up the stairs; he stopped on the last one and turned around, happy to see that Brian was still watching him.
 

***
 

“Awww. Reaghan was so cute and chubby,” Zaira laughed.

Reaghan giggled and said excitedly, “You too, Zawa. I love babies!”

“You do?” Justin asked his son, thrilled.

“I do,” Reaghan confirmed, nodding his blond head up and down.

Brian bit his bottom lip, trying his best not to laugh at the adorably serious expression on his son’s face. “Let’s look at the Christmas album now,” he said lightly.

“I still haven’t put the pictures from them seeing Santa in it this year,” Justin told his family, opening the book up.

“You’ve been more than a little busy, Sunshine,” Brian reminded his husband gently.

Justin nodded, happy that Brian acknowledged this fact.

The Kinney family looked through the album and Brian was very happy that this time he had his children and husband with him, even if he was sure the day would start all over again in the morning.

“You were so cute in your elf boots trying to put the ornament on the tree,” Justin laughed, interrupting Brian’s sad thoughts.

“I was naked!” Zaira said, appalled.

“That’s how Daddy and I found you in the middle of the night,” Brian told her, remembering the day clearly.

“No!” Zaira gasped in embarrassment, covering her mouth with both of her hands. “I didn’t!”

“Somehow you managed to get out of your bed and down the stairs without Dad or me hearing you. I guess you decided to decorate the tree yourself,” Justin laughed. “After you took your clothes off,” the man added, smiling at his daughter’s shock.

“That’s crazy!” Zaira laughed.

“You were crazy,” Brian told his daughter, tickling her sides.

“Cwazy!” Reaghan said, trying to jump in on the conversation.

Brian started to tickle both of his children. “You were both crazy. But you got that from your Daddy, I’ve never done any such thing!”

Reaghan and Zaira collapsed in a fit of giggles.

Justin gasped in mock shock. “Riiight, cause walking around naked all day is my thing?”

“Please,” Brian smirked. “You know you would if you could.”

Justin rolled his eyes. “Okay, settle down, guys, and let’s finish looking.”

Reaghan and Zaira calmed down, slid close to their fathers, and peered at the album. They were both extremely happy and content to have both of their dads together.

Brian turned the page. “Here you are, Reaghan, helping Daddy put the decorations on the tree.”

“I did a good job,” the little boy observed proudly.

“You sure did,” Justin ruffled his son’s hair.

Brian smiled; he wished he had been there to actually see this moment take place too. It was not fair to Reaghan that he missed so much of his life. His little boy had changed from a toddler into a big boy and he had missed it. He missed Zaira growing up too, but he missed out on much more with his son. He was ashamed of himself for that. And so much more.

“Keep flipping, Dada,” Reaghan said, pulling Brian out of his thoughts.

They continued to look through the book until they got to the last page, then Brian pulled out the Christmas book and began to read.

Justin lay down on the bed and the kids curled around him as Brian read the story. When it was over, both of the kids were thankfully asleep. Brian lifted Zaira into his arms, Justin gave her one last goodnight kiss and then Brian tucked his daughter in the top bunk of Reaghan’s castle.

“Come on, Sunshine,” Brian whispered as he helped Justin from the bed once he and his husband had kissed their little blond boy goodnight.

Brian lingered to look at the peaceful faces of his children until Justin pulled on his arm, motioning for them to leave the room.

“Come on, you,” Justin whispered.

“So I suppose it’s time to play Santa,” Brian said, taking Justin’s hand and walking with him down the stairs.

“I just want to eat those cookies,” Justin told him with a laugh. “I think I’ll leave the rest up to you.”

“Okay,” Brian said once they reached the living room. “Where did you hide all the presents this year?”

“In your office closet, where else?” Justin said sitting down. “It’s the one room they aren’t allowed to go in without permission.”

“Okay, I’ll start trucking them in,” Brian turned to go toward his office door.

“Brian,” Justin said, his mouth stuffed with cookie. “I wasn’t serious. I’ll help you.”

“No, please do the fun parts,” Brian joked. “Leave me to the hard labor.”

Justin got up from the couch, taking a snicker doodle with him as he approached Brian. “You wouldn’t know the meaning of hard labor, ad man.”

“Hey…” Brian opened his mouth and Justin promptly stuck the cookie in. “Wu wiwwa fit!” Brian started to chew the cookie as he grabbed Justin by the waist and started to poke and tickle at his ribs.

“Brian,” Justin giggled, “stop, please, I surrender!”

Brian relaxed his grip on his husband, smiling with a mouth covered in cookie crumbs. He went over to the glass of milk, took a long drink, and wiped his mouth with a napkin. When he looked back over at Justin, he saw the man had his arms folded over his chest with a smug look on his face. He raised his eyebrow in question.

“You still don’t know the meaning of hard labor,” Justin said firmly with a bright smile.

Brian’s lips turned up into a smirk and he quickly lunged after Justin. “I do too!”

“No, you really don’t,” Justin giggled. He jumped away from his husband, putting the sofa in between them.

Brian faked left, and then right and then he just decided to jump over the sofa.

Justin let out a yelp as he ran around the room, moving behind the other bank of couches. “Leave me alone!”

“Not until you say I know what hard labor is!” Brian challenged him, once again faking right and left.

Justin looked Brian in the eyes and tried to anticipate the next move of the body he knew so well. He challenged his husband again. “Not until you give birth to a child will I ever say that!”

Brian huffed, “Well, we’ll find out one day, won’t we?”

“Maybe, but as it is now, you don’t know,” he teased.

“I rake the leaves,” Brian said.

“We hire a gardener,” Justin corrected.

“What? I raked the leaves!” Brian told him.

“When?”

“Last fall!”

“You raked a pile for you and the kids to jump into!”

“Oh, yeah well… what about mowing the lawn?”

“What about it? Our gardener Joe does that.”

“I did it last summer.”

“When he had a sprained ankle, and you had a ride on the lawn mower.”

“I helped build the scaffolding for your studio.”

“You stood around and ordered the builders around while I assured them you were harmless.”

Brian opened his mouth to say something else but could not find anything more to say. He settled with lunging over the couch toward Justin once again.

This time Justin had anticipated it and had a good lead as he ran toward the Christmas tree. “Safety Zone! Safety Zone!” Justin waved his hands as Brian neared him. “Don’t you dare make me fall into the tree, Brian!”

Brian skidded to a stop on the hardwood floor inches from Justin. “You are lucky, Kinney,” Brian said breathless, putting his hands on his hips.

Justin giggled, “I think it’s you that’s lucky, Kinney. After all, I’m the one that knows all about hard labor while you sit back and relax.”

Brian nodded. “Okay, okay, truce.” He took Justin in his arms and gave his husband a big passion filled kiss then whispered, “I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

Justin smiled and looked up into Brian’s eyes. Once again, he could see something else behind Brian’s words and it worried him, causing chills to run up and down his spine. He stepped around his husband. “Let’s go get the presents; it’s getting late.”

Brian sensed Justin’s sudden unease. They were so happy moments before but suddenly Justin seemed to run cold. “Okay.” He knew that they needed to have a long, long overdue talk. He would make sure they had it tonight, whether tomorrow came or not.

Brian followed Justin into his office, and with just a few words exchanged they ended up getting the mountain of presents situated in front of the tree. Justin had taken Brian’s stocking into the kitchen to fill it and Brian took down Justin’s from the mantle, remembering that he himself had a few surprises for Justin in his office.

They both came back into the room and hung the stockings on the fireplace. Brian took Justin’s hand. “I’m going to shut off all the lights down here. I’ll meet you upstairs in a minute.”

Justin gave Brian a small smile and slowly left the room, wondering if he was finally going to have the opportunity to find out what was going on with his husband once and for all.

Brian shut off all the lights except for the Christmas ones. He took a deep breath and headed up the stairs.

Justin had left the door open and was sitting on his side of the bed wearing his red silk pajamas when Brian walked in. “Hey,” Brian said nervously, walked over to his dresser and dug out the pajamas he knew Justin would want him to wear.

Justin took a deep breath. “We need to talk, Brian.”

Brian took off his clothes and felt himself blushing when he saw Justin appraising his body. Once dressed, he walked over and crawled onto the bed beside his husband. “I know we do.”

Justin bit his lip and turned to look at his husband. “I mean…. Really talk, Brian.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want it to be just me talking, not knowing whether or not you’re listening and then me just giving up. Not like it has been lately. Moreover, if you think that is going to happen then… then I need to know. Because if it is...” Justin trailed off and looked away.

“What?” Brian’s voice was hoarse, he felt as if he had just swallowed gravel and his hands were shaking. However, he honestly didn’t know what Justin was going to say. The lightness from their earlier messing about was gone. It was back to serious reality for them both.

Justin looked back at Brian, his blue eyes dark and glassy. “I’m…” he motioned between them both, “we’re done.” Justin closed his eyes and wiped at the tears that had fallen. He knew that what he had said needed to be said, but he still felt horrible uttering the words from his mouth.

Brian took Justin’s hand in his own. “I understand. I’ll listen.”

Justin nodded his head. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“I know I’ve hurt you, Justin. I know I’ve been a horrible husband to you and a terrible father to the kids the last couple of years.”

Brian’s words brought Justin back and he started to feel all the pain he had been feeling. “You have.” He was not going to sugar coat the truth. He could not allow for anything but the truth at this point. He could tell that looking into Brian’s eyes that he had hurt him with that confirming statement, but that the statement was not a surprise. Brian Kinney did not often lie and he definitely did not say things for pity or reassurance.

At one time Brian had needed Justin’s reassurance where it concerned his ability to be a good father. However, Brian had been a good father and he remembered that when he started to go down the rabbit hole Justin had tried to help him out of it, but he had run further and further away from his husband. He even knew at some point that in some ways he resented Justin for even trying to help him. Brian had not seen anything wrong in his behavior and it had pissed him off. In hindsight, Brian did not know how on earth he could have been so stupid and so blinded by his career aspirations.
 

***

Thursday December 6, 2007

“Cynthia, put me through to Justin’s cell!” Brian told her, his voice full of excitement.

“Boss, do I have to remind you that Mark is your assistant now?” Cynthia said with a smile.

“You’re glad I’m in a good mood or I’d threaten…”

“To fire me?” Cynthia finished his statement with a laugh. “Just press two on your speed dial and you’ll dial him.”

Brian gave his partner a dirty look before picking up the phone. Cynthia laughed as she closed his office door behind her. The phone rang a few times and Brian was starting to become irritated that his husband was not picking up.

“Hello?”

“Finally,” Brian said relieved.

“I was in the middle of helping Melanie and Lindsay put their crib together, Brian,” Justin said irritated.

“Oh sorry, guess what?”

Justin huffed, “What?” Brian heard him walking and then heard a door close before Justin started talking again. “So what did you want then?”

Brian shifted around in his chair. “No… uh, fuck!”

“I’m hanging up if the reason you called is to cuss at me,” Justin hissed quietly into the phone.

“That isn’t why I called,” Brian continued.

“Let me guess, you’re not going to make it to dinner tonight at Lindsay and Melanie’s. Well, you’ll have to make your excuses this time, Brian,” Justin said dryly.

“How about you let me take you out to dinner? I’ve got some celebrating to do tonight.”

“Hold on a minute,” Justin said softly. “Let me get this straight. You want me to just up and leave after Lindsay has been cooking this meal for us all day?”

“I’m sure she’ll understand if you tell her why.” Brian said, his happy mood dampening.

“What exactly is the reason?”

“The list came out today and Kinnetik‘s name is number one under Boutique Businesses and also under East Coast Advertising!”

“I’m sure Melanie and Lindsay would love to celebrate that with you too,” Justin told him evenly. “I mean, after all, they knew how excited you were about this and….”

“I just want to celebrate with you,” Brian cut him off. “I want to take you out to dinner and then maybe go to Babylon. It’s been a long time since we’ve gone there together.”

“Brian, what do you expect me to do with our children?”

“I’m sure Lindsay and Melanie would keep them overnight.”

“No, they won’t. Zaira has school tomorrow.”

“She can miss a day.”

“No, she can’t, Brian. Tomorrow is her class’ winter party.”

“Then I can pick her up and take her to school from their house.”

“What about Reaghan?”

“I’ll drop him off in the office daycare.”

“There’s no need for him to be there when I’ll be home, Brian,” Justin said exasperated.

“We can stay at the loft tonight; you can go home with sonny-boy tomorrow.”

“I can’t, Brian. His playgroup is having their winter party at our house tomorrow at noon. I have to be home to get ready for that.”

“The house is spotless. What do you need to get ready?”

“I have to cook and go shopping for some last minute things early in the morning.”

“Why are you being so difficult, Justin? You’ve been complaining about how…”

“Stop, stop right fucking there, Brian! I have not been fucking complaining to you about shit. If you’re talking about what we talked about two weeks ago I swear to god I’ll…”

“I’m trying to spend some alone time with you!”

“You want to celebrate something I hate!”

“What?”

“This fucking number one spot took you away from your family, Brian. Why would I want to celebrate that?”

“I wanted you to be proud of me, Justin,” Brian felt his voice wavering.

“How can I be proud of the man you have become while you’ve tried to get this prestige, Brian? How is that possible?”

“When I got the news, you… you’re the first person I thought about telling,” Brian admitted in a confused teary voice.

“Big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean shit to me when I’ve been the last person you’ve thought of this whole fucking year.”

“You…you aren’t proud of me at all. I thought that once I got there that then I wouldn’t have to spend so much time at the office. I could, I could almost do what Ted and you suggested.”

Justin gave Brian a bitter laugh. “What, you, leave Kinnetik? I don’t want you to leave your job, Brian.”

“I don’t know what it is you do want, Justin.”

“Brian,” Justin’s tone was soft. “I want you to come and celebrate with your whole family, with the people who care about you and were hoping for you.”

“I just really wanted to go out for some drinks and dancing,” Brian told him.

“You can do that when we go home from Mel and Lindsay’s, Brian. We can go down into the media room and pretend its Babylon just as we used to. I know Zaira misses dancing on your feet. It’s been forever since you danced with Reaghan too. And I…”

“I…I don’t want to do that. Not tonight.”

“Do what you want then, Brian. You always do.”

“Justin!”

“No, I…”

“I told you. I just want to go out tonight. I’ll fucking drop Kinnetik in Cynthia and Ted’s hands if you want me to.”

“No, Brian. You are not listening to me, you never listen. I do not want you to give up your job. You love your job; it is the only thing you ever really loved anyway. I wouldn’t want to take that from you.”

Brian could feel the tears in his eyes wanting to start at Justin’s words. When he heard the other man hang up, he squeezed his eyes shut and then blinked away the tears. He just did not understand Justin. Why couldn’t his husband be spontaneous just once? When it meant so much to him? He just wanted to show Justin that all he had worked for that entire year had been worth it!

Brian put the receiver back in the cradle and cleared his throat when he heard someone knocking on his door. He wiped at his eyes and straightened himself. “Come in.”

Ted came into his office with a smile on his face. “Great news, eh, Bri?”

Brian nodded. “Yeah… great.”

Ted gave Brian an odd look. “Aren’t you happy? I mean… we did it!”

Brian put on a fake smile. “Of course I’m happy, Theodore. I’m thrilled actually. So what do you say we see what Mikey’s up to and go out and celebrate?”

Ted gave him a confused look. “Michael? What about Justin?”

“Ah, Justin and the kids are having dinner at the munchers. Zaira’s got school tomorrow so…”

“Well, why don’t you go over there and celebrate with them?”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Justin doesn’t feel up to doing any celebrating.”

“Oh. Well, I would love to go out and celebrate with you, but when I told Blake the news he went and made us reservations for dinner at Poppaganos. After that, we are going to head home and have a nice romantic evening. Blake’s wanted one of those for a while and I don’t want to disappoint him.”

“No, you do not want to disappoint the hubby,” Brian said. Leave that to me, he thought.

“Right, well did you need me to do anything else before you go? Cynthia and Mark just left so…”

“Mark and Cynthia?” Brian said.

“They went off for their own romantic dinner I suppose,” Ted smiled. “So unless you need something else I’ll shut off all the lights and lock up behind me.”

“What, did Cynthia tell the whole staff to abandon ship?”

Ted looked at Brian worriedly. “Actually, she did.”

“Fuck!”

“But you told her to, Brian,” Ted said. “Shit, I’ve never seen our employees get out of the doors so quickly,” he laughed.

“Oh,” Brian looked glum. “Okay then, I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning. Don’t bother locking up; I’ll take care of that when I leave.”

“Okay. See you tomorrow.” Ted waved as he left the office.

Brian gave him a half-hearted wave and then got out his cell phone; he had no idea what number on speed dial Cynthia had set Michael’s number at the comic shop.

Thankfully, Mikey picked up the phone on the first ring. “Red Cape Comics, this is Michael, hope you’re having a super-hero day. How can I…”

Brian cut his friend off with his own laughter. “What the fuck was that?”

“What? Brian?”

“Yeah… what the fuck kind of way is that to answer the phone.” His mood was already much better.

“I always answer the phone like that when I’m at work, Brian.”

“I’ve never heard it. If I had, I would have remembered it,” Brian snickered.

“Whatever, it’s probably because you have Mark or Cynthia put me on hold whenever you call.”

“Oh,” Brian laughed. “I’ll have to call there more often.”

“What did you want, Brian? I’m just about to close up shop.”

“I don’t know if you heard, but I made the Fortune 500’s number one spot in two different categories.”

“Oh! That’s great, Brian!”

“Yeah, so I was wondering if you wanted to ditch the wife and kid for a night and come out with me to celebrate.”

“Sorry, Brian, but Ben’s cooking us a big dinner tonight. His mom is in town visiting.”

“What about after dinner?”

“After dinner I’ll have to get Jeffrey in bed. I know Ben will want to spend a little alone time with his mom. I’m pretty wiped from the day and Jeff and I have to be up early to make the brownies for the playgroup’s Christmas party.”

“Come on. I’m sure Ben won’t mind having to get his little guy in bed one night.”

“Maybe not,” Michael agreed. “But I really don’t want to ask him. By the way, why aren’t you celebrating with Justin and the kids?”

“Same reasons you won’t come celebrate,” Brian told him, half-truthfully. “He’s got to wake up early and get everything ready for the playgroup.”

“Well, I don’t blame him. I know he has already put a lot of work into the party. Planning a party for twenty 3 and 4-year-olds cannot be easy. That is why I’m making the brownies. He was going to do it, but he looked….”

Brian rolled his eyes. “Enough with the excuses, Mikey. I get it okay!” Brian’s voice once again took on a shaky tone.

“Brian?” Michael whispered. “Are you okay?”

“I’m just peachy, Mikey,” he snarked.

Michael could tell that whatever Brian was upset about had so much more behind it. He could hear it in his voice and it worried him to death. “Well, maybe I could ask…”

“Don’t do me any favors, Michael!” Brian flipped his phone closed, disconnecting the call. “Fuck!” His entire body was suddenly shaking. He wondered how the fuck his life ended up the way it was. Everyone had their own plans and he did not fit into them anywhere.

Brian stood up and walked over to the liquor cart. He picked up the Jim Beam and unscrewed the cap with his shaking fingers. He held up a shot glass to pour it into but then thought better of it. He growled out his frustration and threw it across the room. The shot glass hit the wall, shattering into a million pieces, somehow lessening Brian’s anger as he brought the bottle over to his desk. He plopped down into his leather chair and loosened his tie while he stared at the all pictures framed on his desk. I am a complete failure. Justin was right, Brian thought to himself. He sat back in his chair, blankly staring at the pictures of his family that adorned his desk and walls as he took the first shot of the night.
 

***
 

“Brian, what are you doing here?”

Brian paused mid-drink and put the bottle down. “I think that should be me asking you that question, Mikey.”

Michael walked toward Brian. “Jesus, I hope you haven’t had much of that.”

“Want some?”

Michael took the bottle from Brian and examined it. “Thank god.”

“I’ve only had two drinks, not that it’s any of your business.”

“You don’t want to show up to Melanie and Lindsay’s wasted.” Michael grabbed the cap from Brian’s desk and put the liquor bottle back onto the cart.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Mikey?” Brian rubbed his face and leered at his friend. “I’m NOT going to the munchers. Before you walked in I was celebrating.”

“Look, from the way you sounded on the phone I figured you were going to ruin it. So I thought I’d come down here and stop you.”

“Ruin what? Again, I ask, what are you talking about?”

“Ben’s mom isn’t in town. That was a cover… though I do still have to bake brownies for Justin.”

Brian stared at Michael as the man paced in front of him. “So you don’t want to hang out with me that bad, so you lied to me?”

“No!” Michael said quickly. “I… I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. I’m supposed to already be meeting Ben and Jeffrey at Lindsay’s.”

“What surprise? I thought Mel already had her baby shower?”

“She did. It is for you! The whole family, minus Ted and Blake, are already at the girls’ house waiting for you to show up and surprise you.”

Brian jumped up. “What?”

“We were all sure you’d get it, and Cynthia called us all earlier to confirm it! She actually called me right before you did. She said you were calling Justin, so I figured the plan was still on. Until you called me at the store.”

“Wait a minute.” Brian ran his hands through his hair, a feeling of sickness started to wash over him. “You mean… the dinner at Lindsay and Melanie’s is a surprise party for me?”

“Yes, you idiot, so get up. Go wash your face, brush your teeth and get to their house. And when you get there you damn well better act fucking surprised.”

“That won’t be hard,” Brian told him. “I don’t think the shock will have worn off before I get there.”

“Good,” Michael walked toward his friend. “I was worried about you, Brian. Justin would have been so upset if you didn’t show up.”

“He planned this?” Brian asked, not believing it after the conversation he had just had on the phone with his husband.

“Well, Lindsay and I suggested it last week. However, he has been at their house helping all day. We couldn’t have done it without him.”

“Yeah,” Brian said softly. “Neither could I.”

“Okay, I’ll see you there soon. I will tell them traffic was nuts. I don’t want anyone knowing I had to come here and ruin it. Got me?”

“Yeah, I got you, Mikey,” Brian hugged his friend. “See you soon. Thanks.”

Michael left the office and Brian darted into his private bath to get himself together. He realized that maybe he would not be such a disappointment after all; this could be the start of his chance to make everything that was going wrong, right again with his family.
 

***
 

Justin sat in the loveseat in the living room, trying his hardest to not burst into tears, or stand up and tell everyone what an asshole his husband was and put an end to the party. He blankly stared around the crowded room, not engaging in any conversation, too afraid of what his lips might confess.

“When is Dada coming?” Reaghan asked. He climbed up beside his father on the couch and voiced the question for what had to be the tenth time in as many minutes.

“I’m not sure, buddy. Please stop asking me and go play with Jeff,” Justin directed his son gently.

Reaghan hopped off the couch and said in a sad voice, “Fine, Dada.”

Justin watched as his son slowly slunk away and crawled over to his cousin. Justin wished the earth would move and swallow him up whole. He wished he had just gone ahead and told the girls as soon as he’d gotten off the phone with his husband. He should have let them down then; Brian was not coming and now he realized it would only make them all feel worse the longer the night went on. It would have made it a hell of a lot easier on all of them.

He just was not able to do it. Not this time. He could not tell them another excuse. He was so fucking tired of each lie and he was sure there was not one for this. At least this way, when the hours passed and Brian did not arrive, he would not be alone in his disappointment. He felt even worse for thinking that, but it was so hard not to share the burden he carried. Even if for one night someone else could carry it, it might lessen his pain just a little.

He looked over and watched as Zaira had her ear pressed against Melanie’s stomach. “I don’t hear anything.”

“I think the baby is sleeping,” Melanie told her niece, smiling at the child’s curiosity.

Zaira lifted her head up. “I can’t wait for the baby to come, Aunt Melanie.”

“Me too, but she’s still got to grow in here for another month.”

“That’s a long time,” Zaira said, gently rubbing her hands over Melanie’s belly.

“You have no idea,” Melanie laughed.

Justin watched in awe. He wanted it to be his belly his daughter was touching. He could already tell that his babies were growing inside him. His stomach was still surprisingly quite small for carrying twins. However, he had to work harder and harder to conceal it. There was a noticeable bump over his waistband and he constantly shifted his sweaters around, afraid they’d cling to him and someone would notice.

Zaira had been much younger and did not really care too much for what was in his belly when he was pregnant with Reaghan. She did not actually understand there was a baby inside him. Now she would, and now there were two. He wanted to share that experience with Zaira and with Reaghan too. He could not wait to tell them that they would be having two new babies in their family. He knew that he could not tell his children without telling Brian first though. No matter Brian’s reaction, Justin knew he could count on his daughter to be excited and happy for him. He was a little nervous about what his son’s reaction would be as Reaghan had a very jealous nature when it came to his attention, but he would work that all out when the time came.

There was a knock on the door and all of the talking in the room immediately stopped. Justin looked up as Lindsay made her way to the door. “It’s only Michael,” she said as she opened the door and ushered the man in.

Michael smiled as he took off his coat. “What a warm greeting,” he joked.

“Daddy!” Jeffrey took off running across the living room, knocking down the block tower he and Reaghan had been building and running into his father’s arms. “You’re here!”

“I am!” Michael picked Jeffrey up, kissed his son and walked him into the room filled with his anxious family.

“What took you so long?” Ben asked, giving his husband a kiss on the cheek.

“Traffic,” Michael replied. “Good thing I didn’t miss the surprise.”

Lindsay had grabbed a bottle of wine and was starting to walk around and pour refills into everyone’s glasses. Justin had stuck to having a bottle of water, but he was wishing he could have a whole bottle of the wine at this point.

“You okay, Justin?” Lindsay asked, standing in front of him.

“I’m fine. Just nervous, you know Brian doesn’t like surprises.”

“Don’t worry. He’ll like this one.”

“Yeah,” Justin agreed in a far-off tone.

“You sure you don’t want a glass of wine?”

“I’ve got to drive the kids home, so I’ll have to pass.”

“One glass won’t hurt. You look like you could use it.”

Justin was saved from answering when another knock surprisingly sounded at the door. He looked around the room. “Everyone is here,” he thought to himself.

The voices of the room were once again quiet as Lindsay scurried over to the door and opened it. “Brian! Come in.”

“Sorry I’m late,” Justin heard Brian say, not believing his own ears.

Brian stepped into the foyer and everyone jumped out of their seats and yelled, Surprise. Everyone, that is, but Justin. He just sat on the couch with a shocked look on his face, staring at his husband.

The room immediately went into an uproar as Brian entered the living room. His eyes held his husband’s eyes as everyone congratulated him, hugged him and told him how proud of him they were. Brian picked up his children and hugged them tightly, for a few extra long moments, the way he used to when he’d come home from a long day at the office. Then Brian put them down and headed toward Justin.

Everyone in the room had their eyes on the Kinney men. Justin felt himself shaking as he stood up to greet Brian. He was barely on his feet when Brian grabbed him and dipped his body backwards and gave him a stunningly deep kiss. Justin’s body had molded to Brian’s from years of practice and a year of longing, and his mouth opened from the same accord and allowed his husband’s tongue to enter his own mouth with a taste he had been craving and missing for so long. When it ended, Brian stood him back up right. Justin was dazed, confused and blushing madly as everyone laughed and cheered.

Brian moved and pressed his lover close to his body. “Hey.”

Justin gulped, still clutching tightly to Brian. “Hey.”

Brian kissed the side of Justin’s cheek and whispered, “Surprise, Sunshine.”
 

***
 

Friday, December 7, 2007

“Is there anything else you need my help with?” Brian asked.

Justin was again surprised by his husband’s question. He racked his brain for the million things on his mental list that needed to done. “Could you take the cookies and brownies up to the playroom?”

“Sure. Do you need anything else?” Brian asked.

“No. I’ll follow you up with the milk in just a minute,” Justin told him, going to grab the plastic red and green cups and the gallon of milk.

Brian was gathering the two trays of sweets when the phone rang. “I’ll get it.” He sat the confections back down and picked up the house phone. “Hello?”

Justin sort of listened to the one end of the conversation. Brian was talking in his business tone so he knew it was about work. He hoped that his husband would not be leaving to go fix some sort of work emergency.

He had been more than surprised the night before when Brian showed up to Lindsay and Melanie’s house. They had had a nice evening there and then when they arrived home Brian had danced with him in the media room. Justin had felt himself falling in love with Brian all over again as they danced around the room. Things were not perfect and he knew that he would need to talk to Brian before he could forgive him, but he had thought that it would lead to sex, and maybe he would tell Brian about the baby. However, the older man had passed out by the time he had made it out of the bathroom.

Brian had gotten up with him early, telling Justin that he would help with the party and that he was not going into work. That was a step in the right direction. Now, two hours into the party, he was very glad he had. Some of the children’s parents had not stayed and even though most had, it was still a mad house, and Brian had always had a way about him that would diffuse any hectic situation. This was one of the wonderful things Brian brought to their relationship, especially where raising children were concerned.

“Who was that?” Justin asked when Brian hung up the phone.

“Don’t sound so nervous,” Brian said.

“I just…”

“I know. I’m not going in today. Nevertheless, I needed to take that call. It seems I’m going to be interviewed!”

“For the list,” Justin said, trying not to sound dull.

“Yes. I’m going to meet with an interviewer for lunch on the 24th. He wants to hear all about me.” Brian grabbed up the trays again.

“December the 24th?” Justin asked. He felt a cold chill envelop his body.

“Yeah, for lunch.” Brian started to walk out of the kitchen.

“Brian!” Justin tried not to scream, but he could not help it.

Brian slowly turned around. He raised an eyebrow and spoke slowly, “What?”

“That’s Christmas Eve,” Justin said in a seething, but low voice.

“But it’s during the day,” Brian said.

“We’re going to Debbie’s,” Justin told him.

“I already told you that I had to work that day. I’m getting the final…”

“Brian, Christmas Eve is a fucking family day!”

“It’s also on a fucking Monday, I can’t help that.”

“But…”

“Look, I told you last night I’d be taking off a couple days before Christmas Eve. This is a once in a lifetime chance, Justin.”

You used to tell me, I was your once in a lifetime chance at love, Justin thought to himself. He let out a deep breath, rolled his eyes, and tried his best to hide his emotions. “Fuck it. I don’t want to talk about this now. We’ve got kids waiting for their milk.” Justin grabbed the milk and cups and followed Brian upstairs, his heart aching with Brian’s blasé betrayal, as he realized exactly what needed to be done.

Justin would try his hardest to change Brian’s mind. He would hope that the Christmas spirit would change his husband’s way of thinking, from ‘business minded’ back to ‘from the heart.” If it did not and Brian did go to the interview, then he knew for sure no matter what little things Brian did for them in between that time, that the man had not changed as he promised. It would appear to Justin that Brian was not willing to change and sacrifice his own needs for those of his family. Justin would not be willing to stick around after that.

***
 

December 24, 2007

Brian sighed, “I don’t know what happened to me.”

“I do,” Justin, told him. “You got so obsessed with becoming number one that we fizzled out. We were barely on your radar a couple of weeks ago.”

“I know,” Brian told him.

“I don’t think you really do want to know, Brian. Do you want me to explain it to you? Tell you what you really did that hurt me?”

“Yes,” Brian said softly. He knew it would be painful, be he deserved it. He vowed, “I’ll listen. I really will.” Moreover, Brian needed to know it all, so that he knew how much damage control he truly needed to do with his relationship with his family.

Justin looked into Brian’s eyes and saw only truth in them. He began his confessions in a soft tone. “What hurt the most about you not being around, about you missing so much of the children growing up? All the millions of things you have missed with Reaghan and Zaira have been hard on me in more ways than you will ever realize. But, it was not just you missing this or that, Brian.”

“I’m sorry for missing them,” Brian spoke softly.

“You should be,” Justin replied. “Can I continue?”

“Yes, please,” Brian told him, biting his lip.

“As I was saying, it was not only the fact that my own time was stretched extremely thin trying to manage all of their activities on my own. Activities that you suggested for them in the first place. It was not the times that I had to try to explain to them why you were not coming or why you lied to us. Or all the times I tried to excuse your behavior to them and others and convince our children of something I was not sure was true. That they were more important than your work and that you really did want to be with them. I could even take all the times they took out their disappointment, their longing for you, on me. They’d be irritated and treat me like shit, but I only loved them even more because even when they are mean to me, I know that I’d rather be with them than anywhere else, Brian.” Justin paused, wiped the tears from his eyes and tried to calm down before speaking more.

Brian handed Justin some Kleenex and rubbed his husband’s back.

“The worst hurt you caused was that it was only me experiencing all of it. It was just me, Brian, alone without you to hold onto, to be sad, happy and excited with about our beautiful kids. We are supposed to experience our children growing up, and yeah, even being brats, together. I missed you so much sometimes. We used to be best friends and I lost you completely. I was going out of my mind, but I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about any of this and I covered up for you because I love you and don’t want anyone thinking bad things about you, even if they would have been true. You are my husband, and I took those vows, in good times and in bad, but lately the bad times were just too many for me to handle. The good times had nearly disappeared. You did not even want those with me when I did try to make them happen. You wanted to go out with your friends and you didn’t give a shit about me at all. The kids and I seemed to become a problem for you too. I thought we were your sanctuary. You told me that once. Do you remember? You came home and found me in the nursery with Zaira and Reaghan, do you remember that?”

Brian softly spoke, “Yes. I remember. It was the first day you were alone after Reaghan was born. I had lost some account or something, I can’t remember. All I could think about though, all day, was coming home to you. I found you upstairs, you were nursing Reag in the rocking chair, the sun was setting and there was an orange light bathing the room. Zaira was on a bean bag beside you napping, and I came in and you looked up at me.” Brian squeezed Justin’s hands and held his eyes with his own. “I’d felt like I had left everything behind. Nothing about that shitty day at work mattered because I was there with you. You asked me why I came home early and I told you that I needed my sanctuary. That you guys were it; you still are, Justin.”

“I don’t think so, Brian. It has felt like you hate being here. You barely even ate our Thanksgiving dinner because you were in such a rush to get back to your campaign. You have no idea how much it hurt me to see you just ignore that holiday and then our fight the day after, the things you said and did to me…”

“Are unforgivable,” Brian interrupted.

Justin shook his head at his husband’s words. He corrected him, “No. That’s where you’re wrong. You see, Brian, if I really thought that you meant what you said deep down in your heart, if I thought that there was no hope for you, for our family, I would have been gone the next day. But I still needed to find out what I would do if you made me lose hope. I contacted a lawyer just in case. I was going to leave you the day after Christmas if you went into that fucking interview today. That would have shown me that you had not changed. It would have shown me where your true priorities were. But you didn’t.”

No, I did not go, Brian thought to himself. However, he also knew that the reasons he did not go were more circumstantial at this point than anything else.

“I still am so very angry with you, Brian. You did something to me, I told you about it, but I am going to tell you again because I do not think you actually realize what exactly you did. It’s about the last time we had sex.”

Brian felt his stomach drop and then turn in circles within him. He knew what Justin was going to say. It was without doubt one of the worst things he had ever done to Justin and he was sickened by himself at the memories.

“You used me, Brian. You hadn’t touched me, let alone made love to me in a really long time and you were pissed about something and took it out on me.”

“Justin. I can’t fucking apologize enough for that, for all of the ways I’ve hurt you. But I really am sorry. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.”

“No, listen. You know that I don’t mind angry or even quick fucks here and there. With two kids, it is hard to get time for a long session, and I am not saying I did not get off on it. I did. It was you, so of course I did. But you hurt me, mentally and physically, Brian. You didn’t prepare me and you didn’t listen when I told you to slow down. You just took from me and used me as if I was nothing to you but a fucking hole in a meaningless body. I felt like a whore, especially because I got off on it. You always make sure that I come first, but you didn’t even hold me afterwards. I felt so vulnerable and you had fallen asleep and I wanted to run away but I couldn’t. I could not move. In the morning, you were gone and I woke up feeling sore in so many ways. You can’t ever hurt me like that again, Brian.”

“I won’t, Justin. I promise you. I will change. I will do anything to try and take the pain away,” Brian moved toward Justin and brought his husband into his arms.

He was grateful that even after all he had done, Justin still allowed and even wanted to be held by him. “I didn’t realize and I wasn’t listening. I was so fucked up, and when I first started fucking up it was as if I wanted to just stay away from you because I was afraid I’d only hurt you more. I know it’s fucked up logic, Justin, but I don’t know how else to explain it. I let my fears control me, then it seemed the only thing I had control of was the business. I was afraid I was becoming like my father, Justin. Hell, I know that I probably have. I understand if you want to leave me. If you want me to leave the day after tomorrow, I will understand if that’s what you think is best for our family. I want to always put you and the kids first from now on,” Brian spoke softly. “What you want and need comes first, no matter what that will do to me.”

Justin looked up at Brian. “Is that what these last couple of days have been, Brian?”

Brian shook his head. “What?”

Justin stiffened in his arms and swung his legs around the side of the bed. His shoulders slumped and he put his head in his hands as he asked, “Do you want to divorce me?”

Brian crawled over behind Justin and wrapped his body around him. “No. Never, Justin, the last couples of days have been crazy. I knew I was losing you and I wanted to change that. I know I fucked up a few times these last few days, going into the office instead of helping you with the last minute gifts and other things. But I want to change, really change, Justin.”

“But what made you want to change, Brian?”

Brian squeezed Justin to him, trying to figure out a way to tell him the truth without making Justin want to commit him to a mental ward. He finally spoke, “I had this horrible nightmare. You and the kids were killed in a car accident and when I woke up I was alone, without you guys. I never want that to happen. I never want to be without you, Justin. You are my once in a lifetime chance at love, and you and the kids still are my sanctuary. You are the most creative, smart, beautiful man I have ever known, and I am the luckiest man in the world to have you love me, even just a little bit. I love you so much!” Brian kissed the side of Justin’s face, his tear tracks mixed with his husband’s tears as they sat in silence for a few minutes.

Justin leaned his head back on Brian’s shoulder and looked up at his husband. For the first time in a year, Brian looked like the man he married. “I love you more than a little bit, Brian.” He kissed the man’s jaw. “You’re the only man I’ll ever love, so it’s a good thing you want to change, otherwise I’d be extremely lonely. I don’t think I could ever have another man touch me that isn’t you. I couldn’t love anyone the way I love you, couldn’t want anyone like I want you.”

Brian’s heart warmed at Justin’s words. “You’d still want me after the last time?”

Justin nodded. “I still want you, Brian, and I’ve always wanted you. But that doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. That does not mean that we are not going to have to work on our relationship and our family. I want you now, just as I’ve always wanted you?”

“I’m afraid to touch you. I don’t want to hurt you,” Brian said.

“I trust you. Now how about you start to erase all of those bad times right now?”

Brian sniffled and gave Justin a warm smile before bending his head and kissing his lover’s lips softly. He then pushed Justin up a little bit and started to trail kisses over his neck, immediately making the younger man moan.

He moved his hands up from where they rested on Justin’s arms, and then he trailed them down along the line of Justin’s silky pajama shirt. His chin rested on his husband’s shoulder as he unbuttoned the top button with his shaky fingers.

Justin’s breath hitched as Brian opened the second button. Two more and surely Brian would be able to tell what Justin had been keeping safe from him. He looked down and watched Brian’s long fingers fiddle with the next button, he could feel Brian’s body shaking with nervous excitement, surrounding his own that matched.

Brian opened the fourth button and his fingers seemed to go on autopilot, pulling apart the others until there was only one left at the bottom. He knew from the start what he would uncover underneath, but it still had not prepared him. “God, Justin,” Brian said, choked with emotion.

Justin brought his hands up to lie on top of Brian’s as they began to explore his skin. “You’re not mad, are you?” Justin had to voice the question whose answer had terrified him for so long.

Brian rubbed his cheek against Justin’s. “No, no baby. I am not mad, not at you anyway. I’m angry with myself.” Brian massaged Justin’s belly. “How could I not have realized before?”

Justin did not answer him, he just let out a long breath and let the last of his tears, tears of relief, fall.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t pay attention to you, Justin. It isn’t right, but I promise you I will make it right,” Brian whispered. Brian started to kiss Justin’s neck again and then up and around his face.

Justin leaned back onto Brian’s shoulder and opened his mouth to receive the tender kisses Brian gave him. He looked into Brian’s eyes and found so much love reflected within them. He smiled at Brian, pecked the man’s lips a few more times and then stood up, turned around and crawled onto the bed.

Brian watched as Justin’s ass stuck up into the air as the younger man crawled up the bed and then flipped over in the middle. His cock twitched at the lustful stare Justin’s blue eyes gave him. “Come here, Brian,” the younger man called him, his voice laced with want and need. Justin’s legs drew up, making the silk material stretch over his cock and in the crack of his ass.

Brian spun around and in seconds his knees were between Justin’s legs.

Justin laughed at his husband. “Undress me, Brian.”

The older man reached forward and popped the last button on Justin’s shirt. He put one arm around Justin’s waist and lifted him up off the mattress, kissing along his clavicles as he removed the silk completely. He then laid his lover back down; his hands skimmed and caressed all the exposed skin as they quickly moved to the waistband of Justin’s pajama pants.

Justin could feel his entire body heating up with every touch from his husband’s fingers. He raised his hips up as Brian grabbed at his waistband and pulled the fabric away from his body. The entire time Brian’s eyes followed his hands’ movements. His cock was then freed from its warm confines, hitting the cool air, the head glistening with pre-come and dropping onto his stomach as it bobbed against it. Brian groaned and dropped his head down to Justin’s lap. He swiped his tongue out to retrieve the tasteful emission from his husband’s belly. Justin shook with pleasure from the gentle touch. “Brian, please,” he begged.

Brian surveyed Justin’s body and looked at his blond, awaiting his touch. He gave him a small smile that seemed to quickly turn from happy to ravenous as he leaned back, his butt on his heels, and in a blur he removed the rest of Justin’s pants, leaving his man completely naked. His eyes feasted on the beauty that seemed crafted just for him, for his pleasure and want alone. Justin’s was the only body that he could ever truly lose himself within and the only body in return that he could lose himself too.

He could not believe that he had taken this beautiful creature before him for granted. Brian didn’t understand how in the world he had not taken every second he could to be beside or within Justin. He couldn’t comprehend exactly how he could have hurt Justin, not cared for him and praised him, each time, each day, the way he should have? The only answer had to be that Brian simply had to have been insane during the last year. 

But he was not crazy anymore; well now it was a different kind of crazy. He was crazy in love and crazy in want. He wanted to ravish Justin and show the man what an honor it was to kiss, lick, suck and love him, as if he had never worshipped him before. This was the beginning for them both, all over again. No matter what happened when they woke up, he would be able to have this, these moments with his man. He would know that he had given Justin his everything, because even then he knew that Justin deserved more.

“Brian, do something,” Justin whispered, grabbing onto Brian’s hands and squeezing them. “Get undressed, please, let me see you too.”

Brian unbuttoned his shirt and threw it across the room. As he did, Justin’s leg came up and Justin used his foot to caress a trail down his shoulder, over his pec, his toes squeezing at his nipple as it moved down to his stomach and then over his dripping erection that was still encased in the silk bottoms. Brian felt his body jump at the caress and nearly came prematurely, only holding off because the look of want in Justin’s eyes as he did it reminded Brian that this was not only about his pleasure. It was about him giving Justin everything he had and more, then achieving maximum pleasure as a united whole once again.

Brian backed up on the bed and captured Justin’s foot. His hands brought it up to his mouth. He stared into Justin’s dark blue eyes as he moved his lips to the pinky toe and opened his mouth, sucking the digit in.

“Ah! Oh fuck, Brian!” Justin growled. Brian and he had experimented with everything but he could not remember Brian ever doing this. It felt so good, and it made goose bumps rise all over his body.

Brian suckled at Justin’s toes, making his way slowly to each one, bathing them in his spit and tasting Justin’s salty skin along the way. He then peppered kisses along the top and then bottom of Justin’s foot, his hands massaging the tender tissues as he did so. His gently placed Justin’s foot back on the bed, raising his knee and spreading his leg so that he could trail wet kisses up his leg, starting at his ankle, up his shin, giving extra attention to all the hidden spots he knew were Justin’s secret sensitive places. His tongue left a trail of saliva as it sucked at different spots on his knee, under Justin’s knee, causing Justin to giggle and moan all at once. His lips placed wet kiss after wet kiss up and around Justin’s thigh and then down into the crease of his skin.

Justin was in absolute heaven. He was tingling with excitement and he was not sure how he could hold off from coming, but he did. He forced himself to. He knew that the only way he wanted to come was when Brian’s thick cock stretched him and filled him with heat. His breathing labored even more when Brian buried his face in his blond pubes and started to lick at the skin underneath and suck it between his lips.

Justin’s cock was jumping against Brian’s cheek, the leaking tip buried in Brian’s auburn hair as the man moved around tasting him. Then it started all over. His other foot was taken, toes sucked and licked and Justin had to close his eyes from the wild look in Brian’s eyes as he performed the act. His body vibrated from the pleasing tongue and lips as they covered every inch of his leg.

Brian took one long swipe up and down each side of Justin’s leaking erection before deep throating the long thick cock back into the depths of his throat. Justin bucked his hips, burying his cock further into Brian’s mouth. The older man placed his hands on Justin’s crotch, lightly pushing his moaning lover back down to the bed and dragging his cock back out of his mouth with a plop.

“Oh god, Brian, hurry please!” Justin growled as his lover draped his body over him.

“Taste yourself, Justin,” Brian said as he leaned in and teased Justin’s mouth open with a kiss. He bathed his tongue’s taste, transferring it to Justin’s, feeling Justin’s hands move up and grab his hair, mashing their faces together more as Justin’s hard cock slid around on the silk that still covered Brian’s lower body. Brian finally pulled away, his tongue tracing around Justin’s red, puffy lips until he leaned back far enough to lose the contact.

Justin opened his eyes when their kisses ended and he arched himself into Brian’s body. “Fuck…Brian,” Justin growled.

“You always taste so good, Justin,” Brian told his lover, his hand smoothing back the sweaty blond bangs from his face. “I missed tasting you. I’m not done tasting you.”

Brian then grabbed Justin’s right arm and stretched it out as he moved his body off Justin. Justin wanted to tell Brian to stop, to fuck him already! But he was enjoying this playful, loving and exploring side of Brian too much to do so. Therefore, he just laid back and closed his eyes as his fingers entered his lover’s mouth.

Brian massaged Justin’s hand as his tongue traced around his wrist, his lips suckled at the flesh and he was rewarded with a gasping moan of his name. This was one of Justin’s favorite spots to be touched or have tasted. He loved when Brian would massage his hands after he had been painting and then just trail his thumb around and around his wrist. More often than not, it would lead to Justin begging to be taken, but this time he saw that Justin’s eyes were closed, only focused on the sensation and intimacy of this act that was special to the both of them.

Justin kept his eyes closed as Brian moved his tongue along and around the muscles on his arm. He felt Brian’s stubble scratch at the skin of his under arm and then his tongue started to lick and suck and nibble in the sensitive juncture. He didn’t open his eyes when Brian dropped his arm and picked up the other one to give it the same attention, he knew he couldn’t; he’d lose himself from the raw emotions brought on by the animalistic act, heightened by the scene.

Brian dropped Justin’s arm and then moved his head down, licking and biting at Justin’s chest, stopping to suck and nip at Justin’s hard pink nipples. His tongue trailed further, bathing Justin’s belly in kisses and paying more attention to his belly button that had already started to poke out. He bypassed Justin’s cock when he reached it again and then pushed Justin’s thighs back, opening his lover’s soft globes up to expose the pink twitching hole.

“Watch me eat you,” Justin heard Brian command him in a husky voice, his fingertips lightly stroking on the skin inside his ass, almost but not quite touching his puckered entry. He had to take a few deep breaths before he could open his eyes. As soon as he did, he let out a long groan. Brian’s mouth was covered with spit. His lips were a plump raspberry color and they hung open, his wet glistening tongue resting on his bottom lip, awaiting the delicious taste of Justin’s entrance. His hazel eyes glazed over, making the browns of his eyes sparkle and the greens brighten as he looked at him. Justin had never seen Brian look more beautiful than he did at that moment, looking completely blissed out, and it was because he’d been pleasuring him.

Brian looked at Justin’s beautiful expression, and then he looked back down, his head moving, tongue poking out and connecting with the silky flesh that was the entrance to Justin’s body. He tasted the very core of Justin and felt himself going crazy from each lick and nibble he gave as he burrowed his tongue further, softening the folds, lubing them with his spit to make the sweet place ready for his cock. He devoured the tastes of every part of Justin’s insides he could reach, and when he had slipped three fingers in and had his lover rocking back onto his hand, he finally backed away and slowly pulled his fingers out from the tight hole.

Justin was, in a word, a mess. “Please, Brian!” He could not help but beg for it now, “Come on, inside me.”

Brian moved as fast as he could, taking off his pants and then crawling up Justin’s body. He kneeled beside the younger man’s head, taking it in his hands, “Get me wet, Justin.”

Justin opened his mouth and groaned at the taste of the pre-come dripping on his tongue as Brian fed his cock into his mouth. “No, no, don’t suck it. I’ll come,” Brian told him. Justin licked all around Brian’s cock, his mouth watered at the tastes, coating the hard dick in saliva.

Then Brian pulled away from his husband’s teasing mouth. “It’s enough,” he said in a whispered growl. Brian got between Justin’s legs and lifted them onto his shoulders. “This okay?”

Justin felt a bit of a stretch in his thighs as Brian pushed them back toward his chest, but his belly was not large enough yet to make the position uncomfortable. “God yes,” he rasped out, ready for more.

Brian nodded his head and moved his hips, poking his erection onto the outside of Justin’s hot hole, feeling the welcoming heat envelop him as he inched forward slowly into his husband’s body.

Justin moved his legs back more, his knees near his head and his hands reached down between them to guide Brian inside of him. His hips jutted up in welcome as their bodies moved toward each other.

Brian stared into Justin’s eyes, smiled when the man moved his hand from between them, and rubbed his fingers down along his face. “Make love to me, Brian,” Justin told him, grinning at him with happiness.

Brian ground his pelvis down into Justin’s ass and both men moaned. He leaned down and passionately kissed his lover. “I will, baby. Does it feel good?”

“Yes, Brian,” Justin whispered in between kisses, his hands moving to grasp onto Brian’s forearms.

Brian moved slowly at first, dragging his cock along Justin’s prostate on every pass. He knew that he was close and he needed to make sure he took Justin with him. There was no way he was going to last long, surrounded in Justin’s tight ass and looking into Justin’s beautiful face, feeling his tongue being suckled by Justin’s lips; it was too much sensation to quell.

“Make me come, Brian,” Justin told him, he too could not wait any longer.

Brian then picked up the pace; slamming in and out of his husband as they kissed messily and ached to be taken to heaven; they could feel nipping at the tips of their nerves. Thrust after thrust built the urgency and finally Brian watched as Justin’s eyes opened, almost in shock, looking right into him as he shook around him and came, his cock twitching and sending jet after jet of come out of its tip and onto his belly, chest, and neck. His ass muscles squeezed around Brian almost painfully.

Justin felt Brian thrust into him throughout his orgasm and then Brian’s cock seemed to thicken to an impossibly heated point within him, and then Brian fused their mouths together, groaning into his mouth as he came, shooting his liquid fire-like seed deep inside him. He unlocked his legs from Brian’s shoulder’s and brought the man down to rest on top of him as they still continued to kiss, their panting breaths against their faces, their hands still touching sensitive flesh.

After a few moments, Brian and Justin seemed to calm down and Brian lifted off his husband, gently withdrawing from his body. “You okay?” Brian asked.

“Yeah,” Justin smiled. “That was fucking wonderful, Brian. You’ve never made love to me like that before.”

Brian smiled and pecked Justin’s lips before crawling out of the bed.

“Where are you going, Brian?” Justin sat up, feeling Brian’s seed start to drip out of him

“I’m just going to get a warm wash cloth. I’ll be right back.”

Justin lay back down and closed his eyes, his body still experiencing the euphoria Brian provided for him. He opened them back up when he felt the dip in the bed and felt Brian spreading his legs.

Brian bent down between Justin’s legs and spread the boy’s cheeks apart, the washcloth dangled near the come covered open hole. He had intended on cleaning Justin with the cloth but couldn’t resist fusing his mouth to the hole and sucking as much of his seed from Justin’s body as he could.

“Oh fuck, Brian!” Justin’s cock was instantly hard again and he felt himself grow immediately dangerously close to having another orgasm from the fury in which Brian was licking and sucking at him.

Brian licked around the hole a few more times, getting the last traces and enjoying each taste of his come mixed with Justin’s unique taste. He heard Justin groaning in lust and took his mouth off the hole. His cock was now back to full hardness as well. He turned and straddled Justin’s chest, held himself a little above his lover’s body and started to grind his cock on Justin’s chest and stomach, through the sticky come that lay there and he enveloped Justin’s rigid cock into his mouth.

“Brian, Brian, Brian,” Justin was a moaning mess as he felt his lover’s hard cock grinding against him. He reached up and pulled Brian’s waist back and then grabbed his husband’s dripping dick and took it into his mouth.

Both men licked and sucked with all they had and simultaneously they both came, their hot seed coating, racing down each other’s throats.

Brian pulled his cock from Justin’s mouth, sat beside him, and laughed as he grabbed the abandoned washcloth and started to clean them both up the rest of the way.

Justin smiled at Brian’s gentle care. This man before him really was changing, and he was so glad that he was. “Come up here with me,” Justin told Brian as he moved up and got under the covers.

Brian started to crawl toward Justin but then paused when something caught his eye. He looked over at the nightstand and grabbed the red envelope. “I have to open my card. I almost forgot,” Brian smiled.

Justin could not help but giggle as Brian snuggled in beside him. “You do,” he smirked.

Brian opened the envelope. “It’s beautiful.” He told Justin once he saw the card. He then opened it up and removed the stack of photos. He flipped through them smiling as he looked at each one. Then at the third picture his heart soared. “Twins?”

“Yeah,” Justin smiled. “It’s going to be tough.”

“We’ll make it. I’ll make sure of it,” Brian promised, kissing Justin. “I’m really happy about the babies, Justin. Having four kids is going to be crazy. I don’t want you to second-guess my priorities and me; I promise I will be there for you and the kids. ”

Justin hugged Brian tightly. “Thank you; I just really want you to show me you mean it, Brian, though I want to trust that you do.”

“I do mean it. I will show you. I promise I will.”

“What do you think the kids will say?” Justin asked. He didn’t want to talk about the negative things right now. He had more than hope, and that was all that mattered to him.

“I think they’ll be thrilled. I mean, Zaira cannot leave Melanie and her belly alone. Imagine what it’s going to be like when she knows you’ve got two growing in here.” Brian ran his thumb in circles around Justin’s belly.

“Yeah, it’s been so hard not telling them.”

“And that’s my fault. You were trying to tell me that day we had the fight weren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Justin said quietly. “But then you said: it’s a good thing we don’t have any more children, and I couldn’t tell you after that.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame you. I was such an asshole and I cannot imagine how much that must have hurt you to hear me say that. To say any of the things I’ve said to you.”

“Brian, I will forgive you for those words. In fact, I already have. I just need you to mean the things you say to me from here on out.”

“I will. I promise I will help you with everything. Whenever you need it, I’ll be there for you.”

“Good, because to be honest I’m a little scared. We’ve got a lot to get ready for; even though we’ve done this twice it’s going to be so much different having two little newborns at once.”

“I’m sure it will be. When are you due?”

“I’m almost 11 weeks along.”

“So around my birthday!” Brian said excitedly.

“Yeah,” Justin smiled. “But the doctor said that twins can sometimes come early or even be up to two weeks late. They can develop at a slower rate than a baby may with a single pregnancy. There is a lot of information we will need to read and talk about with the doctor. So don’t get too stuck on the date.”

“I won’t.” Brian put his hand on Justin’s stomach. “Twins,” he said in wonder.

“I guess this means you won’t have to carry any of them. You won’t actually ever know what hard labor is,” Justin joked.

Brian looked at Justin and shook his head. “I guess this just means we’ll have to have five then.”

“Five?”

“I still want it to be me one day. I want to carry your baby inside me too. I want to know what it feels like,” Brian said softly.

Justin smiled brightly. “It’s the most amazing feeling in the entire world.” He snuggled down and rested his head on Brian’s chest. “One day you’ll know. One day you’ll know how beautiful it feels to have a part of the man you love, more than anything, growing inside you.”

Brian put the card and its contents back in the envelope and placed it back on the nightstand. “I love you, Justin. So much,” he could feel his eyes start to close as the emotions and physical exertions of the day took hold of his body.

“I love you too, Brian,” Justin closed his eyes, his head on Brian’s chest, listening to the reassuring sound of his husband’s heartbeat.
 

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