The Christmas Eves

Chapter One: Black Friday

 

Friday, November 23, 2007

“Hello!” Brian yelled after he shut the front door. He didn’t hear anyone so he walked toward the back of the house. It was a nice day for late November. It hadn’t even snowed yet that year, which was very odd. It probably meant that when it did snow, it would be even worse than normal.

He crossed through the kitchen, smelling something delicious cooking in the oven. He’d worked through his lunch break so that he could get home early… however, he probably wouldn’t be able to stay to taste the delicious dinner he knew Justin was preparing.

He walked toward the French doors to the backyard and saw Justin with the camera taking pictures of the kids who were rolling around in two big piles of leaves. He opened the door and immediately their laughter hit him.

Justin walked around taking snapshot after snapshot. “Reaghan, don’t put the leaf in your mouth! We already took the silly pictures,” he told the 3-year-old. “I want this to be a nice picture.” Justin glanced over at Brian for a moment with a small smile before turning back to the kids. “Thank you, Reaghan.”

Brian walked over to Justin and came up behind the photographer. “Hey.”

Justin turned to look back at him and gave him another small smile. “Hey,” he answered back as Brian hugged him from behind, giving warmth to his chilled body and a kiss to his neck.

The kids then noticed their other father and scrambled out of the leaves to run over to him. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Justin said stopping the dirty kids from launching themselves at Brian.

Brian backed up from their arms but put his hands down and ruffled their heads, “Let me go get changed and then I’ll play with you in the playroom, okay?”

“Play cars, Dada?” Reaghan asked, smiling up at his tall father.

“Sure, kiddo.” He heard Zaira sigh and looked over to see his 5-year-old daughter pouting. “What’s the matter, Zaira?” Brian asked, though he knew what it was.

“I wanna play with Barbies not cars, Dada,” she told him, her lip sticking out even more.

“How about you get out the Barbie car you got for your birthday?” Justin asked her, diffusing the situation.

“Okay,” she smiled, happy that she would be getting some of Brian’s attention too.

Justin frowned to himself. It was getting harder and harder to make up good reasons to tell his children why exactly their father wasn’t home. Zaira and Reaghan often fought over Brian’s time. He was hardly ever home from work before seven lately. The kids missed him and made sure Justin knew it. Justin often wondered how on earth Brian could not see the way he was making his children feel. They didn’t understand most of the time and took their disappointment out on him.

Justin didn’t have anyone to take his disappointment out on. Not anymore. Brian never listened to him, and Justin could barely stand to listen to his husband’s flimsy excuses. There were always more and more excuses as to why work or hanging out with the boys on his only night off was more important than spending time with his family.

Justin was the one who had to absorb his children’s feelings of abandonment. He was the one who had to deal with their bad behavior due to their other father’s disregard of all the times he wasn’t around when he promised he would be. Justin kept it all inside of him. Every angry word his children would shout at him, every fear, every single tear and each expression of disappointment. Only to Justin, his biggest disappointment was himself. He’d stopped standing up to Brian at some point that he couldn’t remember. He was angry and disappointed at himself for choosing Brian as Zaira and Reaghan’s father. He was the only one that saw the tears he cried.

Brian had been a wonderful boyfriend, then husband, and Justin had thought Brian would be the most wonderful father. A year after Kinnetik ranked number five in the Fortune 500 list, and three years into marriage, they decided to try for a baby. After their first attempts, Zaira came along exactly nine months later. Reaghan had been a surprise baby but one who was very welcome. Brian and Justin remained very much in love through those years and doted on one another any time they could.

However, that was up until last year when Justin had lost his job with a failing art gallery and had decided to stay at home, work on his art and take care of Zaira and Reaghan instead of having them in daycare at Brian’s office, the office of Kinnetik that now ranked number two on the list. It had all started then.

Brian was constantly striving for the number one spot, and slowly but surely, Brian’s family eased out of the number one spot in his life. Justin wasn’t sure they were in the top ten anymore. Well, certainly not him.

The last time Brian had fucked him was six weeks ago, and it had been exactly that. Fucking. It had been rough, hard and quick and Justin felt absolutely no connection to his husband. Brian had fallen asleep right after the sex. Justin had lain there for a while trying not to cry. During it, he’d tried to connect with Brian as the older man pounded into him and sucked on his neck. He scrambled to hold Brian’s hands but they’d slip away and grope at a different part of his flesh. Justin only got off because, well, it was Brian and they hadn’t had time for sex recently. Nevertheless, that also meant that he really needed to be prepared more than Brian had taken the time to do. That was the day that Justin decided he needed to do something to change the situation.

Only Justin didn’t know exactly what to do. He was embarrassed to talk to anyone but Daphne. She listened but she didn’t have any problems with her and her husband’s relationship so it was hard for her to give advice when she had not experienced anything like Justin was going through. She lived in Philadelphia for the last year and that was when things had started to get bad. She didn’t realize the extent of it, and Justin still felt uncomfortable telling her all the details.

Now things were even worse.

“Daddy?” Reaghan broke Justin out of his reverie. “Come on!”

Justin allowed his son to take his hand and pull him toward the house. Brian was laughing as Zaira dragged him along. Justin couldn’t recall the last time he’d heard Brian laugh.

“What are you making?” Brian asked as they passed through the kitchen.

“Pot roast and cooked vegetables,” Justin answered, his mood brightening just a little because Brian had actually asked.

“Smells good,” Brian commented as they turned to trudge up the stairs.

Justin didn’t say thank you. He only nodded his head. He thought about the Thanksgiving dinner he’d cooked them the day before and how Brian had been all too eager to get it over with and go into his study to work. He never heard a thank you once from the man. He didn’t expect much at that point, but a tiny bit of acknowledgement for all the hard work Justin put into the meal would have been enough. There had been nothing! So you could see why he didn’t feel the need to actually give a thank you for the tiny compliment his husband provided him.

“Dada, Daddy took pictures of me and Reaghan taking pictures of the stream today!” Zaira informed her father happily.

“Really?” Brian asked and looked at Justin, quirking a brow as if to ask for an explanation.

“I got them those new kid digital cameras for being good when we went into town today,” Justin explained as they reached the top of the stairs.

“You two go wash up and go to your playroom,” Brian told his children. “I’ll come find you after I change clothes.”

“Okay,” the siblings said and ran off down the hall to wash up in their bathroom. They were so excited to spend time with their Dada that they made sure they listened to him and did as he asked. They were always trying to be especially good for Brian in hopes that he would stick around more.

Justin followed Brian into the bedroom. He needed to talk to the man and figured there would be no better time than the present. He also knew that Zaira would take care and make sure that her little brother washed up well enough for playtime. They would both have to have baths after dinner anyway. He’d not had time to get them in the bath that morning. Justin had had more important worries on his mind then.

Brian walked into the bedroom and could feel the tension coming off Justin. His mind, body and soul all felt stressed because of Kinnetik. The last thing he wanted to deal with this afternoon was his husband playing the part of a scorned wife. He knew that was where the tension he felt from Justin would lead, ever more once he told Justin about his dinner meeting with Leo Brown.

Justin went into the bathroom, leaving Brian in the bedroom rustling around in his closet. He turned on the shower and then undressed before getting in under the warm spray. He leaned back against the cool tile wall as the water poured down over him and tried his hardest not to break down and cry. He could still feel the place where Brian had kissed him on his neck. It was the spot of his undoing and usually sent chills through his body. However, it hadn’t that time.

Brian used to come home and if Justin was the first one to see him, Brian would wrap him in his arms and kiss him until they were both panting and aching for bedtime. Over the last year though, it phased from that to quick hugs and pecks on the lips and then to nothing.

Sometimes Justin would go a whole week without feeling Brian’s lips anywhere on his skin, let alone his hands or strong arms around him. He wanted that back, and maybe if he… no. No matter what happened, nothing would change that quickly. He wouldn’t be able to forgive Brian’s abandonment of the last year easily.

Oh, who was Justin kidding? He was still hopelessly in love with the man, no matter the pain he was causing him. It would only take a few words and a few actions for Justin to forgive him and trust the man once again.

Justin turned and started to lather his blond locks of hair with Brian’s shampoo. He normally used the especially made-for-blonds shampoo Brian picked up for him when he shopped at the French Boutique. However, Brian had been forgetting to grab that the last couple of times he’d gone there.

A gust of cool air came into the glass shower enclosure startling Justin, who ducked under the spray of the water and let it run over his face. He wasn’t sure if he’d been crying but that had been happening a lot lately without him knowing it. If he had been, he certainly didn’t want Brian knowing he was. He knew that the man would probably ignore it either way, but Justin still didn’t want his husband to know how vulnerable he felt.

Brian stepped closer to Justin and got under the spray with him. Their naked bodies suddenly pressed together and his husband opened his wide blue eyes and stared at him with a confused expression. “I was dirty,” Brian explained and reached up to help wash the remaining bubbles from Justin’s hair.

Justin closed his eyes as Brian massaged his hair and then turned him around. “You’re supposed to go play with the kids,” Justin reminded him. He stepped away from Brian, grabbed the body soap and squirted it into the loofah as he watched Brian scrub shampoo into his own hair.

Brian closed his eyes; he knew Justin was watching him. “I checked on them before I came in here. Zaira put “Beauty and the Beast” on and their hands are all clean,” he informed the other man as he rinsed his hair quickly.

Justin watched Brian’s beautiful body. It was so hard not to. The water cascaded down the still perfectly toned and perfectly tanned flawless skin of his husband. His husband. Those words didn’t seem right to describe the man before him anymore. Brian didn’t seem like his and the actions Brian portrayed of late weren’t that of a husband.

Brian opened his eyes, smiled at Justin and trailed his eyes down Justin’s body to his soft cock. That surprised Brian. Usually Justin got a hard-on any time he was naked. Or he used to. Brian couldn’t remember the last time they fucked. He figured that the last time they’d had sex had been about two weeks ago. Shit! Brian thought. I can’t believe we’ve gone that long without having sex. It is definitely time to remedy that!

Justin watched as Brian stepped closer to him and took the loofah and soap out of his poised hands. Brian put the bottled soap on the shelf in the wall and then started to run the soapy loofah over Justin’s shoulders, making his dark blond eyelashes flutter.

Brian smirked to himself as Justin leaned toward his touch and their chests pressed together while his hand ran between them, soaping both of their chests. He pressed Justin back away from him a little and ran the loofah down his sternum and over his belly.

Justin had easily lost his baby weight after having Zaira, but after Reaghan Justin struggled with regaining his lithe form and pre-pregnancy weight. Brian was glad that it wasn’t him they’d decided would carry their children, at least for now. He didn’t think he could deal with gaining weight the way Justin had to. Brian thought Justin looked just as beautiful as he did the night he met him. He didn’t look like he’d aged at all. Brian on the other hand knew that there were new wrinkles around his eyes and he had to work out every single day and stick to a strict diet to keep his form.

Brian soaped around Justin’s tummy, hearing the younger man moan in response to his delicate ministrations. Brian was more than happy to see Justin’s cock starting to rise. He dropped the loofah, used his fingertips to circle around Justin’s belly button, and then ran the tip of his pointer finger down along the small, barely visible and only stretch mark Justin had on his abdomen.

Justin felt Brian’s finger pass over his sensitive skin and jumped back away from him. It had been something the man would lovingly caress many times. However, Justin had always felt like it was a scar which made him imperfect. However, before, he didn’t mind when Brian would touch it. “It reminds me that you had my baby inside you,” Brian had told him whenever Justin would get nervous about the scar. Those words usually soothed him and he wouldn’t mind when Brian would touch it. Nevertheless, right now it was the last place he wanted touched by his husband. He already felt vulnerable enough.

Justin looked at Brian who was looking at him with a disbelieving look. He waited just a moment to see if the man would tell him what he always did. However, as usual lately, Brian never said anything. Therefore, Justin quickly opened the shower door and got out, wrapping a towel around his waist.

Brian shut off the water and quickly followed Justin out into the bathroom where his husband was standing there to hand him a towel. “We were just getting to the good part,” Brian said sulkily, taking the towel from Justin’s hands.

Justin grabbed another towel and started to dry his hair off. “You need to get dressed and go play with the kids like you promised them, not me,” Justin told him, walking out of the bathroom and into the bedroom to dress.

Brian followed him and watched as Justin bent down to rummage in one of the drawers and pull out a pair of baggy cargos. He went up behind him and caught Justin from behind. He ground his cock into Justin’s ass cheeks. “I made a promise to play with you when I married you,” Brian whispered into Justin’s ear.

Justin shook himself out of Brian’s hold, “Come on, you can play with me later. I have to get dressed and go check on the roast.”

“Fuck the roast!” Brian said, putting his hands on his hips. “I want to fuck you.”

Justin pushed Brian back from him again and retrieved his underwear from the drawer, “Brian, the kids are waiting on you.”

“We haven’t fucked in like two weeks,” Brian said dejectedly and backed away from Justin. “I never go this long without getting laid,” he scoffed, resigned to getting dressed because Justin had started to put on his own clothes.

Justin rolled his eyes. He wanted to inform Brian that it had been six weeks. Exactly. However, he knew that would only make things worse. Therefore, he continued to get dressed as Brian grabbed his clothes from the closet.

Justin was buttoning up his shirt when he saw Brian emerge from the walk-in closet dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater and carrying a fresh Armani suit on a hanger and placing it on the bed. “You don’t have to wear a suit, Brian,” Justin said, walking over to him.

Brian sighed. “Actually, I do,” he countered.

“No, Brian. I talked to Ben and Michael today. Jeffrey and Reaghan have to wear suits in the play but it isn’t formal dress or anything. It’s just a small performance of some songs and dances the children learned in the play group,” Justin told him with a silly smile as he thought about how cute the group of children would be.

Brian turned and stared at Justin for a minute before it all clicked in. “What?”

“You can go in those jeans and that sweater, Brian. You’ll be surrounded by 3 and 4-year-olds the whole time. I doubt you want their sure-to-be sticky hands ruining your expensive suit,” Justin laughed.

Brian walked over and closed their cracked bedroom door and turned to Justin who was looking at him curiously. “What are you talking about?”

Justin felt his heart drop into his stomach. It hit him. Brian forgot. Brian actually forgot about their son’s play and probably Zaira’s recital. He could feel his emotions come to the surface but fought them down for the moment. “You forgot,” he said. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement he’d found himself saying way too often as of late.

Brian shook his head and ran a hand through his wet hair. “Right, well you could have reminded me.”

Justin’s eyes got huge. “The kids and I discussed it with you at the dinner table last night.”

“No, you didn’t,” Brian said nearing his angry husband.

Justin stepped up to him, “YES. WE. DID.”

“Fuck, Justin!”

“We all discussed it. They’ve been talking about it for the last month! Both of them. I told you last month when we found out the dates were the same, Brian. You were going to take Reaghan because Michael and Ben will be there with Jeffrey and you’d have someone to hang out with there that you knew! I have to go to Zaira’s recital tonight! Damn it, Brian!” Justin turned around and put his face in his hands while he took deep breaths, desperately trying to calm down.

“I have a meeting with Leo Brown, Justin,” Brian told him.

Justin spun around and faced Brian. “Of course you do!” he spat. “If it isn’t Leo Brown, it’s Eyeconic Optics, Jerry Hughes, Cynthia, Ted, or you have to meet the fucking boys for a drink on your only night off work!”

“You’re still pissed about that?” Brian scoffed. “I played with the kids and tucked them in that night.”

“Actually, Brian, I’m not mad. Because that was you leaving me to be with your friends instead of with me!”

“They’re your family, too,” Brian said.

“Yeah, right. But they aren’t my friends, are they, Brian?”

“I deserve a little alone time away from you and the kids, you know. I need to get away sometimes,” Brian tried to explain.

“You need to get away? What about me? I don’t do anything that doesn’t involve the children. I take them everywhere with me. Just today I had to take them to town with me to…”

“Fuck!” Brian yelled, throwing his hands up and cutting off Justin’s speech. “What do you want from me?”

“I want you to spend time with your kids. I want you to think of them first and not some goddamn campaign!”

“You want me to let an account go? Do you know how much profit I make off Brown Athletics, Justin?”

“YES! I fucking know! Believe me, I get it. However, the kids don’t get it, Brian. I have to try to explain to them why they have to go to bed before you get home. I have to tell them why you aren’t around to attend their play dates, ballet practice or the millions of other things you are never there to see. It stopped being about me understanding your excuses so long ago. It’s obvious you don’t even care about me anymore, Brian.”

“Fuck that! You know that I do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be trying to work so hard to make money to take care of you and our family,” Brian said angrily.

“You know what, Brian? Fuck that. I don’t know. Not any more. And for the record, I heard Ted tell you just last week when you were doing business in the office that you could sell Kinnetik and be set for life, living the life we live right now if you wanted to. The work ethic of yours has absolutely nothing to do with your family. It’s all about you and your selfish reasons for trying to be at the top of that fucking list.”

“You don’t know shit,” Brian said, feeling caught, which only angered him more.

“I know that you don’t even know the last time you made love to me, let alone fucked me,” Justin countered, tears now sprang in his eyes. “It was exactly six weeks ago that you fucked me, Brian! Nice and hard and emotionless, the way you have been ever since you’ve been trying to make it to number fucking one. I’m nothing on your list, Brian! I know that. And it’s okay. Because I don’t remember the last time you stuck around for me, and I sure as fuck don’t remember the last time you made love to me either. And I’ve dealt with that! But I cannot continue to take up the slack for you concerning the kids anymore.”

“I haven’t asked you to…”

“You ask me to tell them you are working all the time. I have to tell them you aren’t showing up at this or that. I have to dry their tears. I could care less about mine anymore. I have to try to explain to them why their Dada doesn’t want to make time for them. I take their bad moods and their acting out. I deal with the loss they feel ever since you’ve abandoned us.”

“I haven’t abandoned you!” Brian yelled and stepped closer to Justin and put his hands on Justin’s shaking arms.

Justin stepped out and shook his head. “You have, Brian. I’ve known it for a while and Zaira and Reaghan feel it. And I’ll know you’re abandoning them for sure if you go to that meeting tonight.”

“You’re giving me an ultimatum?” Brian said exasperated. “Fuck you!”

“You gave it to yourself, Brian! You chose to abandon your children all on your own. And pretty soon I’m not going to be the one to soothe their hurt over your antics.”

“Well, I guess it’s a good fucking thing we didn’t have anymore, right? That way I don’t have any more kids to abandon and disappoint. Three’s enough.”

“What?” Justin gasped.

“You, you’re acting like a child, Justin! I guess I’ve driven you to it, right? I guess I won’t have anyone else left to disappoint. Is that right?”

Justin wiped his tears and looked up into Brian’s eyes, “Yeah, I guess it is. You’ve disappointed us all enough!”

“Fuck...” Brian leaned in and breathed against Justin’s face before taking it in his hands and mashing his lips against Justin’s trembling lips. “You!!!” he turned, grabbed his suit, briefcase and shoes and slammed the bedroom door behind him.

Justin stood stock-still and listened as Brian slammed the front door closed behind him. He then heard an ignition start and then Brian’s car pulling out of the driveway.

*Ring, Ring, Ring*

Justin wasn’t sure how long he’d stood in the same place. He felt totally and completely lost and was trying to figure out how exactly to tell the kids, yet again, that Brian had left them. The phone rang, breaking him out of his reverie.

He went over to his jacket pocket and dug out his cell phone. “Hello?”

“Hey!” It was Michael’s cheery voice on the other end of the line.

“Hi.” Justin hoped he didn’t sound as bad as he felt.

“Just wanted to confirm what time Brian is meeting us,” Michael said.

“Oh, Michael, Brian’s not going to be able to make it,” Justin said, trying to stay strong.

“He’s not? I thought he was planning on taking Reaghan while you go to Zaira’s recital?” Michael asked, confused.

“He was going to but he had an emergency client meeting that couldn’t be postponed,” Justin lied, far too embarrassed to tell the truth and kicking himself for it.

“Oh, I’m sure Reaghan is going to be disappointed,” Michael said softly.

“Yeah,” Justin agreed. “Do you think I could drop him off with you and you could take the video and some pictures for me?”

“Oh sure, Justin, of course,” Michael agreed.

“Okay, I’ll call you when we’re heading into town,” Justin said.

“Talk to you then,” Michael said.

“Yeah, see you. Thanks, Michael,” Justin said before hitting the END button on his phone.

He then wiped his tears away and straightened himself before going down the hall and into the children’s playroom. “Hey, guys.”

“Where’s Dada?” Reaghan asked with Brian’s big brown eyes sparkling.

Zaira looked up at him expectantly, an expression from Brian as well. Justin tried his hardest to remain strong once again. He didn’t want to ruin their night. “Dada had to go into work.”

“But he was going to play with us!” Zaira said, disappointed.

“Going to go to my play?” Reaghan asked his father.

“No, buddy. I’m sorry he isn’t. He had an emergency. But Uncle Michael and Ben are going to take you with them and Jeffrey. They’re going to tape your play for me and Dada to watch.”

“Uhmpf,” the children pouted in unison.

“Why don’t we get dressed and I’ll take you to McDonald’s beforehand, okay?”

Both of the kids brightened up at that! “YAY, Mickey D’s!” they cheered.

“Okay, Zaira you go get into your dress and then help your brother into his clothes while Daddy goes and puts the dinner he was making into the fridge. I’ll come up and help you put the bow in your hair and help with Reaghan too if you need it, okay?” Justin asked. His daughter loved to be a big helper and dress Reaghan up, almost like one of her dolls. Justin didn’t mind; he needed the break from the job every now and then.

Justin left and went downstairs. He grabbed the kitchen phone as he took the roast out and started to put it into the Tupperware containers.

“Justin?”

“Daphne… I think, I think I’m going to leave Brian,” he said softly.

“What? Justin… what happened? I thought you guys were going to…”

Justin interrupted Daphne and told her the whole story of how everything went down.

“Well, maybe once the list comes out things will be better for you,” Daphne suggested.

“It isn’t just that,” Justin said, “There’s more... But...”

“Well, it comes out the second week of December right? Why don’t you just give him until then? See if things change between you and him and the kids after that.”

“I don’t know about us, Daph, but I guess I wouldn’t want to leave him during the holidays. That would hurt the kids so much,” Justin admitted.

“I think you should wait. Give him until after Christmas. You guys always love celebrating Christmas together. Maybe there will be some Christmas magic.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Justin said, not sounding too hopeful. “Thanks, Daph, I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay, if you need anything, call. Give my niece and nephew hugs and kisses.

“I will. Bye.” Justin hung up the phone and put the last of the containers in the fridge.

He headed upstairs to find that his fashionista daughter had definitely done a great job of putting together their outfits. She was wearing her Christmas recital dress and Reaghan had a miniature corduroy suit on. “Daddy,” they yelled, coming toward him and giving him a hug.

Justin took the hug gratefully and smiled as he hugged his kids, hoping that there would be Christmas magic for his family this year.
 

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