No More Mio Amore

Chapter Seven “Another First”
 

October 14, 1999

“How did it go with the lawyers?” Cynthia asked the moment Brian walked into Gus’ area of NICU.

“I’ll tell you in a minute. How is Gus?” Brian walked and stood directly beside his son’s plastic crib. He put his hands inside the holes and gently touched the baby’s bare stomach.

“He’s been asleep all morning. He’s gained some weight too. Check his chart,” Cynthia suggested.

Brian left one of his hands in the incubator and grabbed the chart hanging on the side of the crib. “Two pounds and nine ounces!” Brian gasped, proud. “He gained four and half ounces this week.”

Cynthia sat the book she’d been reading on the small table beside the ‘Daddy Chair’ and walked over to Brian. “And three and a half the week before. That’s eight ounces in two weeks.”

Brian smiled widely as he read over the chart but frowned when he read the measurement of his son’s length. “Still not gaining much in length is he? Did Dr. Rhine say anything about that?”

Cynthia shook her head. “No she didn’t. What’s his length now?”

“Fifteen and a half inches.” Brian sat the chart back on the hook.

“That’s a whole inch in two weeks Brian,” Cynthia reminded him. “Dr. Rhine will be back in fifteen minutes. You can ask her, but I know that what they’re focused on now is his weight and lung development.”

“I just want to hold him,” Brian whispered. “Whenever I want.”

Cynthia rubbed her hand up and down Brian’s back. “You will. We’ll get there.”

“I told Michael I couldn’t meet him for lunch today. He wasn’t happy about that. He thinks I spend too much time here. He said that I’m obsessed and it could hurt Gus.” Brian looked at Cynthia. “Do you think I spend too much time here?”

“You and I both know that your place is here with your son Brian. I know it killed you to leave him all morning. If Gus was my baby...” Cynthia let her words trail off when she felt tears spring into her eyes. “Anyway… you are where you’re supposed to be. Michael doesn’t get it because he has no idea what its like to have a bond to a child the way you do. I’m not saying he doesn’t care about you or Gus, but he doesn’t know what you’ve been through with Gus. He doesn’t feel what you feel.”

“But you do,” Brian softly spoke.

Cynthia changed the subject. “So did you tell him about Gus’ progress?”

“Yeah, but you know Mikey, he didn’t understand half the shit I was telling him.”

“He could come and see for himself.”

“No,” Brian said firmly. “He didn’t only bitch about my time here. He thinks I’m nuts for considering accepting a settlement.”

“You are?”

“Neither insurance company wants to go to court. Mel’s is offering seventy eight percent of compensation delivered before the end of the year if I agree. Lindsay’s insurance is still providing full with bi-annual installments over five years. But Melanie’s company thinks they have grounds for not upholding the full claim. If I don’t take the settlement, it may take up to a year in court for anything to happen. I don’t want to be stuck in court while I have to take care of Gus.”

“But Mikey thinks you should be?”

“I understand where he’s coming from. They should pay the full amount in the claim. But I also know that with seventy-eight percent of Mel’s money and Lindsay’s claim, there will be more than enough money for me to care for Gus.”

“And yourself,” Cynthia reminded him.

“Yeah. I don’t want to take any of that money, but with the way Ryder’s been on my ass I may have to.”

“Lindsay left that money to you, Brian. She divided it between Melanie, you and Gus, before she knew that Melanie wouldn’t be here to help care for Gus.”

“You told me yourself that you haven’t spent a dime you got from Jake’s life insurance policy. You said it felt wrong to spend his death money.”

“Of course it did. Especially because I had a good job and at the time I didn’t need the money. This situation is much different. You and I both know that it’s possible you and I won’t be returning to work anytime soon.”

“You? Cynthia, I don’t want you to give up your career,” Brian said, horrified.

“I don’t plan to. I plan to use that money to support me until Gus is better. Then, I was hoping you and I might put some money together and start our own agency.”

“It’s hard to think about that future now,” Brian admitted. “But I’ve thought about something like that too. I’ve thought about using that money for good, so that no matter what it can help me provide for my son.”

“Well, then I say accept the money Brian. The sooner you do, the sooner you can move on from all the what ifs. There’s too many of those in your life now.”

“Yeah,” Brian breathed out. He looked down at his son. “Cynthia look!”

“Oh my god!”

“He’s… he’s trying to suck.”

“Brian! This is amazing news!” Cynthia hopped on her heels. “He’s got his sucking reflex.”

“What’s all the excitement?” Dr. Rhine asked walking into Gus’ room.

“He’s sucking!” Brian laughed. “Look.”

Dr. Rhine gazed at the baby. “He is. That’s a wonderful sign. I thought I’d caught a glimpse of him doing it this morning, but this is much stronger. Why don’t you take him out and hold him Brian. I’m going to go get Gus’ nutritionist.”

“Me?” Brian gasped. “I can take him out by myself?”

“Sure, just be careful of the wires. You’ve watched us do it many times. I’m sure you can do it while I go get Corrine.”

Brian’s hands shook as he opened the lid. “Hey, Gus.”

Gus’ eyelids fluttered open. He stared up at his father.

“Good afternoon, Gus. Did you have a nice nap?” Brian asked, not expecting an answer.

Gus crinkled his nose and his lips turned up for a moment.

“He’s smiling at you Brian,” Cynthia commented happily. “I think he hears you. He woke up recognizing your voice.”

“I don’t think so,” Brian said skeptically.

“Go around to the other side and talk. Maybe he’ll turn his head toward your voice.”

Brian rolled his eyes and walked to the other side of the incubator. He couldn’t believe his eyes as he saw Gus’ eyes try to follow him. He looked at Cynthia and gave her a smile filled with wonder. “Gus?” Brian called. “Look at Daddy.”

Gus’ eyes strained and his tiny head slowly tried to turn.

“He’s doing it, Brian!”

“He is,” Brian, laughed. “Gus?”

Gus continued to try to move his head and stared at Brian once he faced his father.

“You’re a strong boy aren’t you, Gus?” Brian said. He reached into the crib and carefully picked his son up into his arms. “Yeah, you’re Daddy’s strong boy.”

Gus blinked quickly but continued to stare into his father’s eyes.

“Do you hear me, Gus? Do you know Daddy’s voice?”

Gus whimpered and turned his face toward Brian’s chest and he tried to suckle at Brian’s bare skin.

“Oh no, Sonny-boy,” Brian laughed. “Cynthia will you grab that pacifier I got him? It’s in one of those sterile containers in the drawer. Let’s see if he’ll suck on it.”

Cynthia opened the drawer and grabbed one of the pacifiers from the vacuumed sterile hospital container. She bit her lips so she didn’t coo about how adorable the tiny baby product was. It had a picture of a large blue elephant and a small blue elephant. Under the two animals were the words ‘Beautiful Boy’. Cynthia handed Brian the item he requested and looked on as Brian worked the pacifier into Gus’ mouth.

Brian smiled at Cynthia. “He did it. He’s… he’s…”

“Someone’s ready to try his first bottle.” Corrine walked into Gus’ area and smiled at the father and son. She looked down at him. “His sucking reflex is so strong.”

Dr. Rhine observed the boy and smiled. “Many full term newborns can’t hold a pacifier in their mouth. This is an amazing sign.”

Brian nodded, choked up once again from the feelings his son’s progress gave him. This part of Gus’ progress felt much different to Brian. It was the last hurdle his son had to complete that kept him from being like other babies born full term. He knew there would still be many hurdles to go, but this one, normally inborn reflex signaled a new life for Gus and his care.

Brian’s tears fell down his face steadily as he held the tiny bottle of milk to his son’s lips. Cynthia could hardly hold her camera straight as she took what she was sure would be the first of many pictures of Brian feeding his son.
 

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