No More Mio Amore

Chapter 13 “Thankful”

November 25, 1999

“Another Holiday spent in the hospital,” Brian whispered to his son as he rocked him. “But you’re getting so big and strong, Gus. Next year, you’ll be eating Turkey dinner at Grandma Debbie’s. For now, you’ll have to enjoy your soy milk.”

Gus’ lips smiled around the nipple of the bottle. He loved it when his Dada held him close, rocked him and talked to him. He loved the soft, low timbre of Brian’s voice. When he spoke, the words vibrated into his body and soothed him the same way the vibrations had while he was inside his mother’s womb when she would speak to him. He, of course, didn’t know this was why he liked hearing his father talk to him, but that didn’t matter. The tiny boy’s happiness was also reflected in his health.

Brian could clearly see the pound and an ounce his son had gained in two weeks time. Gus’ face was chubby, he had dimples on his fingers and he’d started to get an itty bitty double chin. He’d even been able to fit into newborn sized pajamas, having grown out of the preemie size. Brian chuckled realizing that if he’d discovered the same things about his own body, he’d probably want to get plastic surgery.

Gus heard his father’s laugh and cooed, trying to mimic the sound. Bubbles of milk pooled around his lips and chin as he did so.

Brian took the bottle out and maneuvered his son to ‘sit’ on his knees. “Are you laughing at me? Go on. Do it again,” he prompted Gus.

Gus chewed on his tongue and made the noise again and again. He tested out his strong neck muscles and pushed back against Brian’s hands.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to laugh yet. But I don’t know if any of those milestones in all those books I’ve read mean much for you. You’re almost old enough according to all those books to start eating baby food, but I don’t think you’re ready for that, are you? All this talking about food is making your Dada hungry. I bet our family is busy gobbling down food. But I’ll get some leftovers tomorrow from Cynthia. I’d rather be here with you.”

Gus blinked and stared into his Father’s eyes. He turned his face into a half smile and stuck his tongue out and smacked his lips.

“You know, Gus, I love you and I know you don’t understand that yet, but one day you will. My parents never told me they loved me and I didn’t think I could ever love anyone. But I’ll never let you think I don’t love you. I’ll tell you every day because without you I wouldn’t even know what love really is. Just don’t tell anyone, at least not yet. Everyone will think I’ve gone crazy,” Brian whispered. He placed a kiss against Gus’ nose and ran his thumb back and forth over Gus’ lips.

Gus cooed and made bubbles along with a babbling noise. His eyes opened in shock hearing the new sound.

Brian laughed at his son. “That’s you all right sonny-boy. You’re a big boy, Gus. Talk to Dada.”

Gus babbled out a loud sound that appeared to be closer to a chirping bird than a baby. It took a lot of effort on his part and his eyes began to droop and he stopped moving so much against Brian’s hold.

“You’re tired and full, huh? I suppose I should change your diaper before you take your nap.” Brian got up from the rocker and walked over to the change area. He realized how quiet the Unit was that afternoon.

There was one other baby a few ‘rooms’ away, much smaller than Gus. However, the little girl’s family rarely visited the baby in the two weeks since she arrived there. They left most of the care up to the nurse’s and Brian suspected that it was because the parents didn’t want to get attached to a baby they thought might die. He’d noticed that when the mother visited, even though the baby’s health had been better than Gus’ had been when Brian first held him, that the woman rarely held her and relied on the nurse’s for most of the close care.

He’d overheard her talking to the father of the baby saying that they would ‘try again soon’, apparently, for another child. Brian was furious, but when he’d brought this up with Dr. Rhine, she’d informed him that it was a reaction that was at times, all too common for premature babies with handicaps. The little girl was healthy and growing in all aspects, but she’d been born missing part of the shell of her left ear and her face had some signs of deformity to her nose and mouth.

When Gus slept and there was no one else there, Brian would go over to the little girl and hum to her, just to let her know someone was there. It broke his heart and he wished he could do something to help, but Dr. Rhine had assured Brian that no matter what, she would make sure the child had a good life. Brian had to believe her; after all, she’d given him so much assurance and hope through Gus’ growth and recovery.

The quiet of the Unit was interrupted when Brian heard a voice behind me.

“Well I’ll be damned. Brian Kinney changing a diaper!”

Brian looked over his shoulder and saw Debbie, Michael, Cynthia, Vic, Ted and Emmett standing just outside of Gus’ curtained area. All of their hands were loaded with bags of what Brian could smell, was definitely a Thanksgiving meal. He couldn’t have hid the surprise on his face if he wanted to. “Uhm… guys?” He wrapped Gus up into his blankets and carried him over to the gang. “What are you doing here?”

Debbie smiled. “We couldn’t have our family Thanksgiving dinner without our newest member, or his Daddy.”

“Is that so?” Brian asked.

“It sure is,” Vic affirmed.

“Only it seems like my nephew isn’t going to make it through the party,” Michael pointed out.

Brian looked at his son and could see he was suddenly, fast asleep. “I guess I’ll lay him down, he’s just had a nice meal of milk. I don’t think the Turkey interests him this year,” he commented.

Cynthia walked with Brian over to the bassinet. “It’s really nice that we don’t have to worry about hooking him back up to the oxygen while he’s asleep.”

“When did this happen?” Emmett asked, always wanting the latest.

“Two nights ago,” Ted answered.

“Brian and I were up all night,” Cynthia informed the family.

Brian held Gus’ hand in his, remembering the way he felt when the sun began to rise yesterday morning. Gus had been without oxygen many times, at small and long intervals, but never for the full six hours that he slept. Then, again, he’d gone without the oxygen five and half hours while he slept last night. The Respiratory Specialist put him back on oxygen after his morning bottle for an hour, but then returned and informed Brian that they would test him out the rest of the day and night. It was exciting, thrilling good news.

Now, Brian could share it with everyone in his family and they all were interested. He watched from beside the bassinet as Ted spread two blankets on the tile floor.

“Come on over before it gets cold,” Debbie ordered gently. She sat down and dug plastic plates and utensils from her huge brown bag.

“We cut up the turkey,” Ted commented. He grabbed a large metal container from a foil covered bag.

“We couldn’t exactly bring the whole thing,” Michael said.

“I did try,” Debbie laughed out.

“She did,” Vic agreed.

“That’s why we’re a little late,” Cynthia whispered to Brian across the bassinet.

“But we have all the fixings,” Emmett added and sat down beside Ted.

Brian leaned down and kissed his sleeping son. “Happy 1st Thanksgiving Sonny-boy.” He then walked over and sat down beside Cynthia on the freshly laundered blanket. He looked around him, smiling at each member and meeting their eyes to silently thank them for being there for him and his son. He glanced up and could see Gus’ sleeping face turned toward the side of the crib. It dawned on Brian that this was the first time his entire family had gathered for a dinner since before Gus was born.

The bLindz hanging on the closed window near Gus’ ‘room’ suddenly rattled. Though, no one else noticed. Brian did. He wasn’t a religious man and he wasn’t really sure he believed in angels, but he was positive that the small movement of the bLindz, one he’d never seen in the breezeless room before, had to be a sign, that truly, their entire family was together.

Brian Kinney knew exactly what he was thankful for this Thanksgiving. It would be something he was determined he would appreciate and be thankful for every single day of his life. He had his family. He had his son. His beautiful little boy.
 

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