Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 9

Love is blind. Friendship tries not to notice.—Angela Kendrick

 

*****

Smack!

Well, that broke the silence, Brian thought. Michael winced and rubbed his head. Of course, they hadn’t expected any other reaction from Debbie. She was always smacking Michael, and this little revelation certainly earned Michael a good one.

What surprised Brian though, was Vic. He had sat through Brian’s monolog of what happened seventeen years ago with his hand gently grasping Brian’s forearm. It had made Brian a bit uncomfortable. He didn’t want pity; pity made his dick soft. If Brian had felt it was pity he would have jerked his arm away. But Vic’s gentle but firm touch was one of encouragement and friendship. Brian appreciated the gesture; he just didn’t understand it. He had always liked Vic. Vic, on some deep level, understood him. Something in Brian’s past must have resonated with Vic, at least in terms of the story he had just told them.

Brian had taken Justin to Ian’s house, where they found all his stuff strewn on the curb. Brian couldn’t help himself. He had laughed at the whole situation. Justin didn’t appreciate his humor and glared at him the whole time he was gathering his stuff.

Brian had told him to leave it, that he would replace anything he needed. But true to form, Justin’s stubborn pride had kicked in and he’d refused Brian’s offer. Justin slammed the truck of the corvette, which barely held his belongings, and jumped in the passenger seat while muttering under his breath. Brian didn’t dare speak; it was bad enough that he couldn’t keep the smirk off his face.

Brian had driven Justin back to the loft and told him he had to see Michael before he left. He’d asked Justin to pack a few things for both of them. Justin knew him well enough to know what Brian would take on this trip. He knew to leave room in the suitcase for all the clothes he was planning on buying in New York. He would not miss an opportunity to shop while in New York. He intended to buy Justin some new clothes while there. The boy really needed to update his wardrobe.

Brian then drove to Michael and Ben’s place to pick up Michael. He was waiting outside when Brian drove up.

“I tried calling you,” Michael said as he closed the passenger side door.

“Where were you?” Michael asked.

“I was with Justin,” Brian said as he pulled out into the street.

Michael looked hesitantly at Brian. “And how did that go?”

Brian smiled and tilted his head towards Michael.

“Mikey… me, Justin, in my loft, alone? How the fuck do you think it went?” he answered, unable to keep the smile from spreading across his face.

“You didn’t!” Michael screeched. “Jesus, Brian! What the fuck happened? Never mind, I know what happened, I mean what happened to the talk you were going to have with him?”

Michael absorbed this new bit of information. Keeping up with his best friend’s and Justin’s relationship was exhausting.

“We talked some,” Brian said.

That was the truth. The few words Brian had spoken to Justin were more than he had ever revealed to anyone, including Michael. Justin was bright and, as he so often reminded Brian, was on to him. He was sure he was getting the gist of what Brian was telling him. All Brian needed to do now was fill in the details for Justin. But then again, the devil was in the details.

“Some?” Michael asked. “Then you didn’t tell him.”

“He’s coming to New York with me,” Brian informed Michael.

“Oh, that’s great, Brian, just great. Take him there blind, why don’t you?”

Michael’s nerves were getting the best of him. Brian suspected he was more nervous about telling his mother than about Brian telling Justin.

“Listen, Mikey, are you listening?” Brian looked over at Michael.

“Yeah, I’m listening.”

“I’ll tell Debbie everything. I will leave out details she doesn’t need to know. It was my fault, Mikey, not yours. I did all the illegal stuff; you didn’t. You did only what your heart told you to. You’re a kind, compassionate person who helped a poor girl out. She can’t fault you for that.” Brian tried to reassure his best friend.

“And as far as Justin is concerned, when I get home we’ll talk. And we’ll have more time to talk tomorrow on the flight to New York. I’ll tell him the same story I’m going to tell Debbie tonight,.”

“And what about Ethan?” Michael asked.

“Let’s just say the fiddler is going solo from now on,” Brian smirked.

Michael snorted. “Why am I not surprised?” He mused out loud.

“Um, because, you know that JT can’t resist Rage’s huge cock,” Brian quipped

“Of course, that must be it,” Michael said sarcastically.

They drove in silence for a few minutes.

“You know, Brian, it’s not like I was innocent in all of that. I broke a few laws, too.”

Brian laughed. “Mikey, you may have broken some school rules, but you did NOT break any laws!”

“Well, I didn’t report a crime. That’s breaking a law, isn’t it?”

Michael sounded as if he’d wanted to break the law. It probably fed into his comic book fantasy of the hero risking life imprisonment in jail for the sake of saving a damsel in distress. The trouble was that they were fourteen. It would have been juvenile hall, not prison. And Brian would NEVER have let that happen to Michael.

“Mikey, you are so pathetic,” Brian teased. “It was a long time ago, and we did a good thing. Never forget that.” Brain looked at Michael, making a point to let him know he was serious.

“You saved her life,” Brian told him.

“No, Brian, you saved her life. I just helped.”

Michael smiled with his doe eyes at Brian. He had always looked upon Brian as a hero for what he’d done for Rena. Brian was under no illusions that he was a hero. He’d done what he had to do. It was what Rena or Andy would have done for him.

They pulled up to Debbie’s and parked the car.

“Fuck, we should have gotten stoned for this,” Brian thought out loud.

“Yeah, well, too late now.” Michael opened his door and got out. “You coming Kimosabe?”

Brian sighed heavily and followed Michael into the house.

“Debbie, before I came to the Pitts I lived with another family,” Brian began. When they first walked in Debbie and Vic were waiting for them. Coffee and cake were out on the table. Michael had called his mother and told her that he and Brian had something very important to tell her. They sat down at the table. Brian asked that they not interrupt him until he’d finished, and then he would answer any questions they had. He also asked Debbie pointedly to NOT react until she heard everything.

“It’s no surprise to you that my parents didn’t want me. You know the story of how Joanie would have aborted me if she weren’t a good Catholic woman. And Jack, well, Jack wasn’t capable of love.”

“When I was very young, I would say around three years old, I used to wander over to the neighbor’s house. Joanie was usually drunk and often didn’t notice when her baby boy wandered off. Maria Cardie, our neighbor, took me in. At first she would bring me back to my house. But after a few times of doing that, she realized I was better off staying with her than being left at home with a drunk.”

All this was not surprising. Debbie and Vic listened attentively.

“They became my family. I never considered Joanie, Jack or Claire my family. You know this. I know you assume it’s because they didn’t love me, and that is true, but it was more because I DID have a family I could relate to.”

That raised an eyebrow or two.

“Maria had two children—a girl, Rena, who was one year younger than me, and a son, Andy, who was three years older than me. She also had an abusive, sadistic husband, Emilian. He was the police sergeant of the local precinct. For the most part I lived with them, and considered Rena and Andy my brother and sister. At such a young age, it was natural to develop that kind of relationship.”

Brian paused and took a sip of his coffee.

“Things were pretty good with the Cardies. Maria managed to keep Emilian away from us. He worked a lot, so we didn’t see him much. The year I turned ten Maria died. I felt like my own mother had died. Joanie and Jack wouldn’t let me go to the funeral.”

Brian’s eyes welled up at the memory. Debbie and Vic just sat and listened. Vic’s hand somehow made it to Brian’s forearm and held it. Brian didn’t move his arm away.

“Emilian was left to care for his two children. His idea of caring was to hire someone to come in and cook and clean a few hours a day, so he could stay away from the house as much as possible. It was Andy who looked after me and Rena. He was thirteen. I doubt Emilian even realized I was still living there most of the time.”

Brian paused and stared out over the table as if he were reliving a memory.

“On the day Andy turned fourteen, Emilian told him it was time he started to earn his keep around the house. He would come home from work and take Andy out at night. They wouldn’t come back until after we were asleep. Some nights I used to crawl into Andy’s empty bed waiting for him to come home. I was usually asleep by the time Andy walked in. I was too young at the time to understand what was going on. But seeing Andy’s eyes when he would finally crawl into bed besides me told me that whatever was going on, it was very bad.”

Vic looked at Debbie, seeing understanding in her eyes.

Brian continued. “Andy would hide his pain from Rena and me. Often, I would see him cringe when he bent over or moan if he sat the wrong way. I was no stranger to abuse. I was still required to be at my house on occasions, the few times Joanie was sober and felt guilty about not being a mother to her child, and on those few occasions I was at the house Jack would come home drunk and beat me. That started early. I knew the signs. I knew Andy was being abused. I just didn’t know how. I never asked why. The why didn’t matter when you were having your skin literally ripped from your ass. The only question you asked was: when? When will it stop?”

Brian was talking to no one in particular at this point.

“The summer Andy turned sixteen he got very sick. Emilian took him to the doctors and brought him home. He told Rena and me that Andy was dying and that it was his wish that he die at home with his family. To say we were shocked was an understatement. At first a nurse would come in to give Andy medicine and care for him. Rena and I stood vigil with him day and night. Then one day the nurse stopped coming. Andy was in so much pain. He was literally wasting away in front of our eyes.”

Brian paused and looked down at his hand, which was wrapped around the coffee cup.

“They said it was pneumonia. I know it wasn’t.” Brian looked up at Vic.

“He was covered in sores, his body emaciated. I found out later that Emilian had Andy tricking for his sick friends at the precinct. Andy died of AIDS.”

Brian took a deep breath. He felt Vic gently squeeze his arm in support, encouraging him to go on. He heard Debbie’s sharp intake of breath.

“Andy was … he was beautiful. Rena and I worshiped him. We depended on him for everything after Maria died. He was gifted you see.”

Brian stopped. He was not going there. He would not tell them about Andy’s gift or about his visions or how he saved their lives on more than one occasion. They would think he was crazy, which was probably true anyway.

“We tried to nurse him the best we could. One day I begged Emilian to take Andy to the hospital so that they could give him something for the pain. His answer to me was, ‘We are born in pain, and we die in pain. This is none of your business. Go home.’ I learned to keep my mouth shut after that.”

Brian looked over at Vic.

“During those last few months we would sit by Andy’s bed and he would talk to us for hours. You know, he taught me how to smoke my first cigarette.”

Vic smiled. Brian wasn’t going to tell Vic what other “first” Brian experienced with Andy.

Brian pulled his shoulders back and sat up straight. This part needed to be said.

“I was thirteen and my family needed me. I couldn’t bear to see him suffer. So I went out one night looking for drugs to ease his pain.”

Brian shook his head.

“I was so stupid. Young, naïve. I knew the neighborhood; I knew where the dealers hung out. I went there and asked a guy if he knew where I could get morphine. It was the only drug I knew that would ease Andy’s pain that I probably could get on the streets. The dealer smiled at me, and gave me the once over.”

“He said, ‘Sure do, handsome, but how are you going to pay for it’?”

“I had no money. I told him to tell me how much it would cost and I would pay him. I was willing to steal. The guy had other things in mind.”

“I know this guy who’ll pay big money for a sweet piece like you. He probably can give you all the drugs you want if you prefer,” he said. I wasn’t stupid. Living in a household with a police sergeant was very educational, especially when that sergeant worked vice.”

“Who and where?” was my only reply.”

Brian stopped and stared directly into Debbie’s eyes, daring her to judge him. When he saw no judgment in her eyes he continued.

“My first time wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It’s a good thing I knew by then I was gay; it could have been a lot worse. I did it, no regrets, no apologies, and I got the morphine. The guy even showed me how to inject it. Gave me some disposable syringes and all. That first night I came home and gave the morphine to Andy, he knew. He looked at me and knew and started to cry. I told him to save his tears for someone who really needed it. He turned his head away from me. He couldn’t look at me.”

Brian took a deep breath and another sip of his coffee.

“I went out a few times a week after that to score drugs. It was the only thing that helped Andy. Truck drivers were great. They had all kinds of drugs and hooked me up with Demerol and some other shit. Anyway, despite the drugs, Andy was dying. And one fall day, he closed his eyes and drifted away.”

Brian cleared his throat. His eyes fixated on the dark brew in his cup.

“The next day the coroner came and took him away. I remember reading in the papers that the sergeant’s son died of pneumonia. There was no autopsy. There was a cover-up. It wouldn’t do to have the police sergeant’s kid die of AIDS. But being the small neighborhood it was, rumors started. When Joanie and Jack heard rumors that Andy died of AIDS they freaked. They pulled me out of my home and moved us here.”

“Jesus, Brian,” Debbie started to say but Brian stopped her.

“I’m not finished.” He took another sip of his coffee.

“Rena took it real bad. When Andy died all she had left was me. And then I was taken away. I didn’t trust Emilian. I knew sooner or later he would harm Rena. To my knowledge, he never had before. His tastes ran towards young men. Jesus!” Brian exploded. “His own fucking son, too!” He pulled himself together and continued.

“I couldn’t let Rena stay with him so I kidnapped her.”

Brian stopped and smiled at Michael. Michael smiled back.

“You know, Deb, you always did say I was nothing but trouble. You were right.”

Debbie tried to deny it, but shut her mouth instead, letting Brian continue.

“The first week I moved here I met Mikey. He was standing at his locker, being harassed by some assholes.” Brian winked at Michael. “God, Mikey, you were sooo pathetic!” he teased, attempting to lighten the mood.

“I was so full of rage and pain at that point. I saw someone, a young boy, getting hurt and I flipped. I kicked the shit out of those guys. And the rest is history, as they say. We then became the Mikey and Brian show.”

Brian turned serious again.

“Jack started beating me worse when we got here. I think he thought I might be gay, or tainted from living with the Cardies, and tried to beat it out of me.” Brian shrugged his shoulders.

“Who knows? Anyway, I’d planned to hitch back to New York and kidnap Rena. I found a spot in the basement of our school that I could hide her in. It was warm, by the boiler, and safe. I made friends with the janitor, who by chance also liked young boys.” Brian paused and looked at Vic.

“Funny how many straight guys like young boys, isn’t it?” He asked, not really expecting an answer.

Vic smiled sadly. “Yeah, funny,” he said.

“Well, a regular diet of blow jobs and a few pictures of me giving them to him taken here by Mikey ensured his cooperation and silence.”

Debbie gave Michael a sharp look.

“Hey, Mikey, you still got those pictures?” Brian asked.

“Fuck no! I burned all evidence when we graduated. I figured it was safe by then,” Michael answered.

Brian continued.

“I hitched a ride with one of my trucker friends and literally stole Rena from her house. I wasn’t being totally reckless, Debbie, so don’t give me that look. Maria, Rena’s mother, had a sister. Rena had a photo of her and a name. My plan was to track the aunt down and convince her to take Rena away.”

Brian gave Debbie his famous ‘I’m so fucking cool’ smile. Debbie snorted.

“Anyway, I confided everything to Michael and swore him to secrecy. He helped me care for Rena in that basement. It took me almost eight months, the whole school year, to track down her aunt. Your son, Mikey, being the good-hearted person he is, helped me care for her while we tried to get in touch with her aunt. We had an address and I wrote her once a week for eight fucking months, but she’d just married and was off on her honeymoon, and didn’t get the letters about Rena until she came back. It was a good thing she finally did show up. I was getting desperate. I didn’t have a back-up plan. Oh, by the way, Debbie, Rena loved your lasagna,” Brian boasted.

Debbie looked a little pale at this point. Brian pressed on, anxious to get this over with.

“Those nights when I’d sneak into Mikey’s room after one of Jacks beatings, Mikey would tend to my wounds and put me to bed. Then he would sneak over to the school basement late at night to make sure Rena was all right. I couldn’t go there after a beating from Jack. I didn’t want Rena to see me like that. What she saw with Andy was bad enough.”

Brian took a last swig of his coffee.

“Viv, Rena’s aunt, came and got her. She told Mikey and me that we were not to tell anyone that she was taking Rena away. Legally, Rena belonged to Emilian. Viv had no rights. She whisked Rena out of the country, never letting us know where they were. What we didn’t know, we couldn’t tell if it ever came down to it. For ten years Viv had her employee hand deliver letters back and forth from Rena to Mikey and me, and we’d have letters ready for the man to take back to her. The letters never revealed Rena’s whereabouts.”

“Then suddenly, about six years ago, the letters stopped coming. Viv’s employee, Tom, came and told me that she was fine, but wouldn’t be writing anymore. We never told you, Deb, because so much time had passed. Then when the letters stopped, what was the point?”

Brian looked directly into Debbie eyes and lied. “Mikey wanted to tell you. I asked him not to. I told him Rena’s life would be in danger if he did. So if you are angry with anyone, be angry with me. Mikey’s only thought was to save a young girl.”

Michael started to protest, but Brian shot him a deadly look. Michael quickly shut his mouth.

“And that is the end of the story. Now if you have any questions, I’ll be happy to answer them,” Brian finished.

Silence filled the room for long while. Then all of a sudden …

‘Smack!’ Debbie smacked Michael upside the head.

Then she looked at Brian. “You kidnapped her! That’s illegal!”

“I know,” Brian simply answered.

“And you involved my son!” She screeched.

“Not in the kidnapping, Deb. He was never involved in that,” Brian reasoned.

Debbie grew silent, which scared both Michael and Brian more. Debbie screaming was a good thing; Debbie silent was very bad.

“Why are you telling us now?” she asked quietly.

“Because Michael received a letter from her today.” He watched her expression turn to shock.

“She wants to come home, Debbie. Home, as in here with me, her brother.” He waited.

“Why didn’t you come to me, Brian?” She asked, obviously very hurt.

Brian reached over and grabbed her hands.

“I swear to God, Debbie, if I had known you better back then I would have. I KNOW in my heart you would have saved her. But it was a long time ago, and I just came from a situation where I couldn’t trust anyone. You know that I didn’t even trust you to tell you about the beatings I was getting from Jack. You found out by accident. Believe me, I WISH I would have known then what I know now. Things would have been much different,” Brian said with all sincerity.

Debbie started crying. “You poor babies!” She hugged her son and looked over at Brian.

Brian sighed deeply. “Don’t feel sorry for us, Deb. It was an adventure for us, wasn’t it, Mikey?” He looked over at Michael, who was currently being squashed in his mother’s embrace.

“And the bottom line is, Rena was taken to safety, and from all accounts has lived a wonderful life with her Aunt Viv. A happy ending, Deb,” Brian concluded.

“Ma, Brian’s right. If I ever felt that we were in any kind of danger I’d have told you. Rena was taken good care of. Brian would sit with her every day after school in the basement and go over the lessons he learned that day. He wanted to make sure she kept up with her schoolwork. And on the weekends we would take her out to the park or museums. We dyed her hair, remember that, Bri?”

Michael recounted the memories. It was an adventure for them and they were happy, even under the cloud of the reality of what could happen if she was found.

“Yeah, you fucked that up, as I recall.” They both laughed.

“And you should have seen the room we made for her in the basement! Brian and I made sure she had a real bed, dresser, lamp, books, toys, everything. There was a small window that she knew to use if she ever had to get away fast. Thank God she never had to. Other than the janitor, no one else ever went down there. And thanks to your good cooking, she ate very well!”

Michael went on and on, and Brian saw Debbie’s face grow tighter. “Ok, Mikey. Enough details. Your mother is starting to freak.”

Michael stopped and blushed. “Sorry, Ma. But honestly, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds.”

Debbie wiped her eyes. “Okay then. When is she coming? I want to make a nice welcome home dinner for her. I can’t wait to meet the new addition to our family.”

Brian could have kissed her. In fact, he got up and went around the table and did just that.

“Thank you,” he said. It seemed like he was thanking a lot of people these days.

“Justin and I are flying up tomorrow to get her,” he informed Debbie.

“Justin!”

Ooops, Brian thought. He’d forgotten to tell her that.

“Um, yeah. He left the fiddler,” Brian informed her.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Kinney! It’s like a fucking revolving door with you two!” Debbie placed her hands on her hips.

“I will personally kick the shit out of you if you hurt him again, you hear me!” She admonished.

“Okay, I give!” Brian laughed. “Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

“It’s not my panties I’m worried about, it’s Sunshine’s!” Debbie retorted.

“Don’t worry about Sunshine’s panties, Deb, I’ve got that situation well in hand,” Brian replied, smirking.

“Asshole,” Debbie muttered.

“So I’ve been told. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to go home. Lot’s to do tomorrow.” Brian got up to leave.

Vic stood up and hugged him. The man hadn’t said a word. There was a quiet acceptance about him, and in his hug he told Brian that he was there for him, should he ever really want to talk about that time. Brian smiled at the man and hugged him back.

Michael walked Brian to the door. “I’m going to stay here awhile and talk to Mom,” he told Brian.

“Then I’ll see you when I get back,” Brian said.

Michael smiled. “It’s going to be good to see Rena again.”

“Yeah, it will be,” Brian agreed. He needed to go to the loft and tell Justin everything he’d just told Debbie and Vic. It was good. It wasn’t the whole truth, but it was good for now. When they reached New York he had no doubt Rena would have more to say to Justin.

Brian pulled Michael in for an embrace, and then kissed him hard on the mouth.

“What was that for?” Michael asked, a little breathless.

“For being my friend and for turning a blind eye to my faults”

Michael smiled. “Faults? You’re Brian Kinney, for fuck’s sake! You have no faults!” He laughed and opened the door for his best friend.
 

Return to Before There Was You, There Was You