Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 64

I carry your heart with me
I carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it (anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)
~ee cummings

***

 

Justin dreamily lounged in the passenger seat, enjoying the beautiful scenic stretch of land they were driving through. His mind drifted; his mood reflective.

They had been on a nonstop emotional roller-coaster ride for the past several weeks, starting with the intervention, then Justin getting his memory back, James’ mission to ‘out’ Hobbs’ dark side, Brian’s custody battle, their Celebration, Lindsey’s obsession, Shane’s pregnancy, Rena’s seizures and now Joan’s revelation about her brother’s murder, and her own rape.

He worried how Brian was holding up. There was, however, one very joyous event currently going on in their lives. They were having a baby.

They had spent Christmas Eve with Lucy and her kids. It was the most relaxed he’d ever seen Brian. The kids loved their gifts, and Lucy was already glowing. In a few months, she would be far enough along to get a sonogram. Their first picture of the baby. They couldn’t help but be overjoyed with it all. He had intended to tell Joan their joyous news today but considering the circumstances, he felt it best to leave it for another time, perhaps later this week when they took Gus to visit her.

Joan couldn’t have surprised them more than with that request. He knew Brian was pleased with her interest in his son. Lindsey’s parents hardly acknowledged Gus.

This Christmas was turning out to be full of wonderful surprises, including one very special surprise that was presently making Justin very nervous.

Brian’s gift to him.

Brian was being very mysterious about it. Justin had no choice but to sit back and wait. He knew that whatever it was, he was going to love it. He just hoped Brian would like his gift to him as well.

Justin cracked the window to let some air in. He loved the smell of fresh fallen snow. The road they were on was heavily wooded; with only a small scattering of houses interrupting its symmetry. It was a winter wonderland of white-capped pine trees and rolling hills. Justin was mesmerized by it and was already mapping out in his head a painting capturing the vast frigid landscape on canvas.

He was totally unaware that Brian had been watching him.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Brian said breaking into Justin’s thoughts.

Justin turned to look at him. “Mmmm…..We should take more drives like this. The countryside is so beautiful. I could spend my life painting here, it’s so inspiring.”

He turned his head to look back out the window when he saw the house.

Up ahead of them, to his right, was a huge sprawling manor. It was something straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting, with a touch of old world. The closer they got, the more intrigued Justin became. There was something about the house that Justin couldn’t quite put his finger on.

Brian tensed up when Justin first spotted the house. He wanted to see his reaction to it, before he told him it was his Christmas gift. He had no idea why he bought it; he just somehow felt Justin would like it. Now though, watching his blond, he wasn’t so sure. Justin looked…well... confused.

“Bri, can we pull over there?” Justin asked pointing to the house.

Brian released his breath, which he didn’t realize he was holding. He smiled to himself. Did he know his boy or what? “Sure,” he said in a deceptively innocent voice.

Brian pulled the car over and Justin got out. He walked over to the For Sale sign, which was now draped with a “Sold” banner across it. He frowned and looked back at Brian.

Brian shrugged his shoulders and put his hands in his pocket.

Justin looked up at the massive building. His eyes scanned the tall cupola then traveled down to the verandas on the first and second floors. The architecture was stunning, though the structure was in need of many repairs.

He walked around to the side of the building and gasped.

“Oh my God…” he whispered in awe at the huge steel framed wall of windows that made up the entire east side of the house. Dead overgrown vines covered the tall panes of glass, preventing him from seeing what treasure lay inside. He quickly started ripping the offending vines aside.

His heart started racing with expectation as he got a glimpse of the interior. He continued to tear away at the vines frantically.

“Brian, help me.”

Brian went over and started pulling the vines from the house. They succeeded in clearing most of the vines away when Justin stood back and gaped.

An enormous empty room sprawled out before his eyes, drenched in the most spectacular, luminous natural light. Justin could see little dust particles float above cracked wooden floors up into the glorious light giving it an ethereal look. The space was vast, the light indescribable, it was an artist's dream.

He looked over at Brian. His eyes filled with wonder.

Brian tilted his head and studied him. “I gather you like it.”

Justin’s face broke out in a brilliant smile that Brian would put up against the sun’s glow any day.

“It’s fucking amazing!”

“No, it’s fucking yours.”

Justin’s jaw dropped open. Brian laughed and reached over and put his hand under Justin’s chin, he then proceeded to close his mouth. “As much as I love it when your mouth is wide open like that, Sunshine, unless you intend to use it, don’t tease me.”

Justin just stared at him shocked and speechless.

“Um, hello? I just said it’s your house, your Christmas gift. I bought you a house,” Brian said uncomfortable with Justin’s silence.

“No you didn’t,” Justin finally said, finding his voice. He then turned back to look at his gift. “You bought me my dream,” he whispered in awe.

“Your dream house?” Brian asked. He didn’t know exactly why he bought the house; he certainly never intended to move in here, he just knew Justin would like it. He may have just inadvertently opened a can of worms.

“No, my ‘dream’. Brian, look at the light, the space…it’s a beautiful blank canvas. Do you know what I’m seeing?” he asked, his gaze fixed on the brightly lit interior.

“Um, probably not what I’m seeing,” Brian answered truthfully. He saw an old house in need of a lot of repairs. Structural, electrical, plumbing…

“I see easels and work stations scattered throughout that room. I see students, young budding artists plying their skills, perfecting them; I see the Taylor-Kinney institute for young artists. I see future PIFA students being schooled and prepared for the rigorous requirements it takes to get into a good Art school. I see me, teaching, and painting; I see an Art gallery being built down there.” Justin pointed to the sprawling meadow that lay just below the house. “A gallery that will rival any in Pittsburg, hell, in all of Pennsylvania! I see New York Gallery owners coming to OUR gallery to scout young talent.” He turned to look at Brian.

His exuberance was tangible. Blinding passion, a passion a man felt when pursuing his dreams, burned bright in his eyes. Brian’s chest filled with pride. Justin’s fervor and his vision for his future were awe-inspiring.

“How long have you been thinking about opening your own school?”

Justin grinned broadly. “Oh, for about a full ten minutes now.”

Brian threw his head back and laughed. He grabbed Justin to him and hugged him.

“That’s my boy. Impulsive as hell, yet brilliant. I think it’s a fucking fabulous idea. Do it.”

Justin threw his arms around Brian’s neck and kissed him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he chanted in-between kisses.

Brian felt invigorated. There was nothing more satisfying to him than making his blond happy, and Justin was very happy at the moment.

“I’m not as impulsive as you think, you know,” Justin said pulling away from Brian.

“Pity, ‘cause I was hoping you’d impulsively let me fuck you right about now,” Brian said pulling Justin back to him.

“No, seriously, I have been thinking about what I’m going to do when I graduate next year. I want to paint, yes, but I also thought about teaching, like Lins. The house just put it all together for me. How did you know?”

“I didn’t. I saw it, and I thought of you. That’s all,” Brian said reaching around to grab Justin’s ass.

Justin laughed. “Once again, Mr. Kinney, fate has intervened!” He then ‘impulsively’, pushed Brian onto the snow-covered ground where he proceeded to thank his lover, properly, for his fucking amazing Christmas gift…

***

Brian sat on the floor with his back against Rena’s white leather couch; his gaze fixed on the sparks spitting from the logs in the fireplace. Tom had been feeding it all day. The room was toasty and Brian was enjoying his buzz.

Justin’s head lay in his lap. He could feel the slight rise and fall of his chest beneath his hand indicating that he’d fallen asleep. He took another sip of the whiskey, savoring the harsh burn as it snaked down his throat.

Thoughts of the day’s events filled his head.

The day started off amazingly enough, with him waking up to his blond’s hot mouth clasped around his cock.

He shifted to ease the tightness in his pants as his cock responded to the memory. Justin had that effect on him. No matter how many times they fucked, and at this point, they were well into the thousands; it always resulted in mind-blowing orgasms. He couldn’t wait to get home so they could continue with their own private holiday celebrations.

He looked out the window and frowned. If weather permitted. It was snowing pretty hard outside.

A loud “crack” escaped the fireplace as Tom threw another log on. Emmett, who was sitting at the bar with Margot, jumped at the sound. Brian laughed, and then scowled.

If Emmett didn’t show up when he did, he and Justin would have continued their ‘Christmas’ fuck session in the shower that morning. Unfortunately they had to cut it short because they had to give Emmett his gift from James, which he had blabbed to Ted, who told Mikey, who told Rena ... Fucking queen couldn’t keep a secret if his life depended on it.

Well maybe it didn’t matter now. He didn’t think Emmett was going to make it to the cabin tonight in this storm. If he were smart, he wouldn’t risk it.

But then Brian looked over at Emmett and frowned. He saw pure determination there. No fucking way was he going to miss his meeting with his “Jamesy’. Brian knew first hand how stubborn Emmett could be.

A trait they both shared. A trait, he found out today, he apparently inherited from his mother.

Brian shook his head and took another sip of his whiskey.

Christmas morning at Joan’s was an odd experience, though not entirely unpleasant. He wasn’t ready to reflect on all the revelations from his mother. He would have to deal with it at some point, but now was not the time. Right now he chose to focus his thoughts on more pleasant things like how everyone reacted to their news at dinner that they were having a baby.

Brian would never forget the looks on everyone’s’ faces. They ranged from shock to disbelief, to extreme joy.

And then there was Margot’s response of course; a snort and a “what the fuck is this world coming to’” remark which Brian couldn’t even be mildly upset over because his joy was that strong at that moment.

Justin had made the announcement. He beamed and Brian thought he never looked happier. Rena, Jennifer and Lindsey already knew, but the rest of the gang was shocked. In a positive, life affirming way. Deb was amazing, as usual, when it came to accepting people into the family. Not only did she cry buckets over their news, but insisted that they bring Lucy to one of her Sunday dinners. Brian and Justin were both deeply moved.

The rest of the day followed suit. Not only did Brian fucking Kinney expose himself as a, (God help him), “family man”, he participated in every nauseating family holiday tradition, including kissing every member of his family under the mistletoe AND singing Christmas carols!

The realization of what he did hit him suddenly and he was truly revolted. Unfortunately, the whiskey had not dulled his senses enough for him to accept his pathetic role in the sickening hedonistic ‘hetero’ ritual. He needed something more to affirm that he hadn’t turned into a completely dickless fag before he slit his own wrist.

He looked around for a sharp piece of glass when he spied his best friend and Ben over at the kitchen table looking at family photos and holding hands.

He sighed in relief. Ok, he was safe. He and Justin would NEVER turn into fucking Ozzie and Harriet. That was more little Mikey’s style.

He and Justin were more like Ricky and Lucy, if anything.

Brian chuckled to himself, causing Justin to stir in his lap. Where the fuck did that thought come from?! Maybe it was because Ricky was pragmatic and stubborn as hell, (much like Brian) while Lucy was impulsive and unpredictable (like Justin) and drove Ricky crazy. Something Justin did very well. Drive him crazy…

He shook his head chasing away his odd thoughts and looked down at his blond. He ran his fingers through the golden locks, sighing at the silky soft texture.

“Hey, a penny for your thoughts?” Rena said as she sat on the floor next to him.

“Just thinking about how I’m going to get all those fucking gifts home,” Brian said smiling over at his sister.

“Rent a U-Haul?”

Brian laughed. Not only did they have to cart home all of the gifts they received from the family, but Rena had surprised him, much to his heart's delight, with a whopping seventeen Christmas presents.

One for every Christmas they missed together.

Mikey and Lindsey filled her in on his different ‘phases’ over the years.

At fifteen it was a DVD of “Dirty Dancing” and an autographed photo of Patrick Swayze.

The ages 16-22 were dominated by leather related gifts. Including a pair of black leather pants. He smiled, remembering his first time at Babylon. He wore leather pants so tight some trick in the backroom ripped the zipper because he couldn’t get them off. Brian made him pay for that one. Over and over again. He was seventeen, the trick had to be at least thirty, which Brian thought was ancient at the time, but man could he suck cock. Mikey had to drag him out of there.

Starting at age 23 and on, the gifts got more expensive, as Brian’s addiction to labels emerged during that period. Rena had great taste, being a bit of a fashion horse herself. She gave him an Italian cashmere overcoat, a Prada leather briefcase and pair of Cartier 140b men's sunglasses, which were impressive as hell.

However, it was the last gift that really got to him.

It came wrapped in a shoebox, of all things. Inside were all of the letters that he’d written to her over the years. She had saved every one. He held back some serious emotions over that one. He couldn’t wait to read them with Justin. He knew Justin would love getting a glimpse into his past. Those letters were pretty detailed. Things only said between siblings. Things Mikey didn’t even know about.

“You know Justin wants those leather pants,” Brian said, turning his attention back to where it always ended up.

“Hmmm…. I bet he’d look hot in them.” She leaned over to look at Justin’s sleeping face and studied his soft features. He looked angelic in his sleep. “God, he’s beautiful, isn’t he?”

Brian made a small sound in his throat. “Yes, he is,” he whispered.

“And extraordinarily talented. That painting of mama is fucking amazing,” Rena said.

Justin had gotten his hands on a picture of Maria from Adam of all people, and used it to paint Rena a portrait of her mother. It was his Christmas gift to her.

Rena had no pictures of her mother, as she remembered her. Viv had some old pictures of her sister, but not any as a young woman. When Maria married Emilian, she and Viv grew apart. Emilian did not get along with Viv and refused to let her in their house. As a result, Viv and her sister drifted apart.

When Maria died, Emilian went nuts and burned everything of hers, including all pictures with her in it. He never even informed Viv her sister had died. Viv found out only when Brian had written her several years later.

Justin went to Shane asking for a picture of Rena’s mother so he could do the painting. Shane informed him they were all destroyed but Adam said he might be able to dig one up. He knew Emilian was a police sergeant, and he thought that perhaps there was a picture of him in an old newspaper. He said that most police precincts loved public recognition of their officers; it was good for community relations. Sure enough, he found an old photo of Emilian being decorated for some fabricated heroic deed, and his wife was standing next to him.

Justin used that old photo, and what he knew of the woman from what Brian told him, to create this amazing portrait of their mother. He managed to not only capture her likeness but her essence as well. Her eyes were gentle and kind, her features soft and yielding. It was Maria.

Brian smiled over at Rena. “He really did capture mama, didn’t he?”

“Yes, he did,” Rena agreed.

“He’s pretty brilliant too, you know.”

Rena nodded her head. “I’d say so. His school and art gallery are going to be huge fucking successes.”

Justin couldn’t wait to tell the family about Brian’s gift to him. They were all excited for Justin, but not shocked. By now, everyone in the family knew there was nothing Brian wouldn’t do for his Sunshine.

Brian sighed. “I know. He’s going to outgrow me, Re.”

Rena made a rude sound in the back of her throat. “Please! He shines because of you, Bean, don’t you see that?”

Brian looked over at her and raised his brow.

“You give him the courage and strength to spread his wings. He soars because you are the wind beneath his wings.” She made a face at her own bad pun.

Brian laughed. “You’ve been hanging around Margot and Emmett too long. Quoting Bette Midler songs now, are we?”

She laughed. “Well, it’s the wine talking, I’ve had too much. Blame John, he likes me drunk.”

“Speaking of John, I noticed through all the excitement, and screaming, God Deb has a big mouth…” Brian digressed, “you didn’t actually say yes.”

Rena frowned. Leave it to her brother to pick up on that. While they were exchanging gifts, John had surprised her by giving her a diamond ring. Before either could speak the whole family was on them showering them with hugs and kisses, and congratulations. She accepted the ring, and thanked everyone, but never actually said ‘yes’.

“Like I had time? Besides, Adam’s little bomb pretty much took the focus off of us,” Rena excused

Brian sneered. During all the ‘congratulations and well wishing’, Emmett had asked Rena if he could plan their wedding. That’s when Adam spoke up asking Emmett if he could handle planning two weddings.

When Brian asked him if he intended to marry Shane, Adam said no, they were already married.

That sent everyone into another fit of screams of joy and congratulations.

Brian was NOT happy with Adam. He didn’t even give Brian the courtesy of talking to him about his intentions. At least John had the decency to ask Brian for Rena’s hand, Adam on the other hand, spit in his face by whisking Shane away to Vegas for a quick wedding without even telling Rena. It was just plain disrespectful. Rena and Shane were HIS family. He was responsible for them.

When Brian asked him why he didn’t tell them. Adam looked him straight in the eye.

“I didn’t want to take the chance you’d object. She’s mine. Brian. Sorry, if that makes you angry, but it is what it is. I’ll fight you and Rena and anyone else who gets in my way. I know I don’t deserve her. I’m a lot older than she is, and more scarred than she could ever be. I’m ruthless, heartless and have a bad track record, but I don’t give a fuck. She is my light, my love, and the mother of my child. So fuck off.”

Brian couldn’t believe the balls on him, but then Justin came up behind him and said, “You know how he feels.”

Brian couldn’t argue with that. He simply reminded Adam that Shane may be his wife now, but she would ALWAYS be a member of his family, and that if he hurt her, he’d simply kill him. Adam took him at his word.

“I’m worried about Shane, Re.”

“Oh stop it. You’ve always been over protective. You can’t control what happens, Bean. She may get hurt, but that’s life. You can’t protect her from that.”

Her brother always felt he was responsible for the happiness of those he loved. She wished he felt that same responsibility for his own happiness.

Brian was about to answer her when Justin yawned and stretched his arms.

“Hey, sleepyhead, you up?”

Justin rubbed his eyes and smiled up at Brian. “How long have I been out?”

“Just about half an hour. I told you to lay off the eggnog.”

“Yeah, well I’m sure Margot spiked it,” Justin replied, sitting up.

“That must have been right after John spiked it,” Rena laughed.

Justin looked around the room. “Where’s Gus?”

“I took him up to the spare bedroom. He must have hit the eggnog too.”

It was such an exciting day for the little guy he passed out right after dinner.

Gus made out like a bandit today. Rena went overboard; Brian had to insist that some of the toys be donated to charity. He was not going to have Gus spoiled so. It was bad enough he and Justin showered him with too many gifts, his son didn’t need an eccentric aunt buying him a mini motorized sports car, amongst a thousand other gifts. The boy was barely four! Lindsey and Mel agreed the gifts were excessive and promised to donate some of them to charity.

“Is he coming home with us tonight?” Justin asked.

“No, he’s spending the night here, so are Lindsey and Mel. It’s snowing pretty heavy out, I don’t want them driving in this. Maybe we should spend the night as well.”

Justin got a panicked look on his face. “Is it that bad? I really want to go home, Bri.”

He had yet to give Brian his Christmas gift. He wanted to give it to him in private, not knowing how he was going to react. It was back at the loft. He had arranged for Daphne to drop it off while they were at Rena’s.

Brian looked at Justin concerned, but didn’t want to disappoint him. “It’s pretty bad, but if you really want to, we’ll go. I just put new winter tires on the Vette. We should be ok.”

The day was perfect; he didn’t want anything to mar it for his blond. If Justin wanted to be home alone with him tonight, he’d make it happen.

“We’ll leave soon. First I need to give Rena her gift.”

“I was wondering about that!” Rena piped up smiling.

“You didn’t give it to her yet?” Justin asked.

“No.”

Justin knew what the gift was; he wasn’t surprised Brian had put off giving it to her. It was the same reason Justin had put off giving his gift to Brian.

Brian stood up taking Rena by the hand and led her out of the living room and up the stairs.

Justin watched their retreating forms. He sighed and turned to see the shoebox filled with Brian’s old letters laying on the coffee table.

He smiled to himself. The two of them were more alike than they knew.

 

***

“What are you doing, Bean? Where are you taking me?” Rena asked when they reached the top of the stairs.

“Shh. You’ll wake up Gus,” Brian said as they passed the guest bedroom. “I put your gift in your bedroom.”

He had snuck the gift up there while Rena was in the kitchen earlier. He wanted to give it to her in private, when the moment was right.

Right or not, this was the moment.

When they reached her room, Brian pulled her in and shut the door behind them. He led Rena over to the bed and sat her down. “Stay.”

Rena made a face. “What am I? A fucking dog? Should I bark and roll over too?” she asked sarcastically.

Brian laughed. “Is that the kinky stuff you straight people do?”

Rena stuck her tongue out at him.

Brian bent down and reached under her bed. He pulled out a long rectangular box. He stood back up and handed it to her.

“Merry Christmas, worm.”

Rena took the box and placed it in her lap.

There was a thick red ribbon wrapped around it. She carefully untied it and removed the top of the box.

She gasped as her breath caught in her throat. She quickly replaced the top. Her heart was beating frantically.

Brian kneeled down in front of her and placed his hands on her knees. “Re, it’s ok. Really.”

Rena pulled in a deep breath and tried to calm her racing heart. She opened the box again and pulled out her present.

It was Patsy… her doll. She was exactly as she remembered her. Long curly red hair with a porcelain face and cloth body. She had on a white frilly dress with green ribbons woven into the neckline and around the short, puffy sleeves.

Her mother had given the doll to her when she was ten. It was her most cherished possession. She slept with it and carried it with her everywhere. She remembered constructing a makeshift backpack for her so she could carry her around the neighborhood.

Patsy was her constant companion.

Emilian saw her playing with Patsy one day after her mother died and took her away. He said she was too old to be playing with dolls, and now that her mother was dead, and her brother was dying, it was time she grew up and took over some of the responsibilities of running the house. He threw the doll in the garbage. That night, Brian went and dug it out of the garbage for her. She was cracked, but Rena didn’t care. She hid Patsy under her bed. Patsy was the only link she had left to her mother.

When Brian came back to get her after Andy died, she had left her doll behind in her haste to be gone from that evil place. Especially after what her father did to her. She thought her precious doll was gone forever. Like her mother, and her brother.

“How?”

Brian smiled. “I went back and got it after Viv came and got you.”

Rena gasped in horror. “No!” she cried.

“Re, he was gone by then. He left, although I was sorry he did. I went back to kill the bastard. But when I got there, he was already gone. I broke into the house and found Patsy under the bed, where you hid her. It was broken and dirty. I had it restored.”

Rena looked at her brother, tears falling from her eyes, and wondered, not for the first time, what she ever did to deserve him. He truly was hers and Andy’s savior. The fact that he kept this doll for her all these years was testament to how far he’d go for those he loved. She thanked God every night for sending him to them.

“Oh, Brian!” she cried out and threw herself into his arms. Brian held her until her tears subsided. She sat back and looked at the doll lovingly. “You had her all this time.”

Brian smiled. “Yeah. I knew as long as I held on to it, you’d come back to me.”

Rena laughed through her tears. “With or without Patsy, there was never any doubt I’d come back.” Rena got up and walked around to the side of her bed. She gently placed Patsy in the middle. “Welcome home,” she said to the doll.

Brian came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You ok?”

Rena leaned back against him. “Yeah. Better than alright.” “This is the best fucking Christmas ever.”

“Hmmm. I have to agree,” he said, and then frowned.

Rena turned in his arms, sensing the change in his mood. “What?”

“Nothing really, just that Justin hasn’t given me my gift yet,” he said wondering why that was. Justin gave no indication that he even had a gift for him.

“Do you know what he got me?”

“No, and believe me, I’ve grilled him!”

They both laughed.

“Well I’m sure I’ll find out sooner or later.”

They left her bedroom and rejoined the others downstairs.

John saw Rena leave with Brian earlier. Justin told him Brian wanted to give Rena her gift in private. John was concerned, even more so when he saw Rena come down the stairs, her face tear streaked.

He went over to her. “Well? What did he give you?”

“A bit of my innocence he had held onto,” she answered quietly.

John looked at her confused, but didn’t press her for more.

Justin went over to Rena and hugged her. “Happy?”

“Very,” she answered hugging him back.

“Ok, Sunshine, time to go.”

They got their coats and said their goodnights. Brian told his sister he’d be back tomorrow to pick up their gifts.

Jennifer and Molly walked out with Brian and Justin deciding they were going to brave the weather as well. Jen had a four-wheel drive.

Justin helped his mother load her car with their presents before walking her around to the driver side.

Molly made out pretty well herself. Rena went a little nuts with Molly as well. She claimed she never had children to buy for before. Actually, Rena went crazy buying everyone gifts. Justin suspected she was a bit of a shopaholic.

“We’re still on for Nana’s this New Years, right?” Justin asked his mother as he opened her car door for her.

“Of course. Though I’m fighting your father about taking Molly. He wants to have her for New Year's. I’m not giving in though. Molly wants to be at Nana’s.”

Justin smiled. “Who doesn’t? The woman throws the most outrageous parties.”

Jennifer smiled. “Justin, did he…?”

“No,” Justin said cutting his mother off. He knew it hurt his mother that his father refused to talk to him. It hurt him, but he refused to think of that today. It was Christmas, and the day had been amazing. He was not going to spoil it with thoughts of his father.

“Ok, honey. Well, I’ll call you this week.”

Justin leaned in and kissed his mother goodbye. “Be careful driving home. And call me when you get there.”

“Yes, dear,” his mother said giving her son a patronizing smile.

Justin watched them drive away before getting into the Vette. Brian had the motor running, and Justin was glad it was already warming up inside.

“Hey,” Brian said.

“Hey.”

“What’s the sad face for?” he asked pulling out of the driveway.

Justin sighed. “Nothing. I refuse to be sad,” he said a little too chipper and turned to smile at Brian. “Let’s go home.”

Brian planned to do exactly that.

Justin looked out the car window and bit his bottom lip. He worried how Brian was going to react to his gift to him.

It was an emotional day for Brian, what with Rena’s gift to him, and his gift to Rena. Brian told him she took it as he expected, and that he was turning into an old sentimental fool. Justin assured him he wasn’t. He was just doing what he always did - look out for his family.

If anyone was the sentimental fool in the family, it was Justin. And Brian was about to find out just how sentimental Justin could be.

 

***

“I could have sworn I left the living room light on,” Brian said as he slid the door to the loft open.

Justin followed him inside and went to turn on the lights.

Brian headed for the kitchen. He went straight to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. When he turned around, he froze.

There, in his living room, was a huge painting propped up against the wall. It was draped with a cloth.

His gaze shot to Justin, a smile spread across his face.

“Justin… what’s that?” he asked excitedly walking towards the painting.

Justin rushed to him and stood in front of it. “Wait, don’t uncover it yet.”

The frame was huge. It must have been at least six feet tall and four feet wide. It was bigger than his Attila Richard Luckas painting, or more aptly named by Justin, Naked Man.

“Come on, let me see!” Brian said reaching around Justin to pull the cloth off.

“NO!” Justin’s voice sounded alarmed.

Brian instinctively stepped back. A worried frown etched his brow. “This IS my present, isn’t it?”

“Yes, this is it. I just…well it’s…I just don’t want you to…” Justin wasn’t making any sense.

Brian sighed in frustration. “Justin, step aside. You know I’m going to love it. Why are you so nervous?”

Justin smiled nervously. “I just hope you like it.” He stepped to the side and grabbed hold of the cloth. “Merry Christmas, Brian.” He pulled the cloth off the painting.

Brian stared as the painting came into view before him. There in front of him, was an incredible ‘life size’ likeness of Andy looking back at him.

Now he understood the size of the portrait. Justin wanted it big to give it a visual impression of reality.

He succeeded.

Andy was sitting on top of the Monkey bars, a cigarette dangling from his hand. Brian recognized the pose from the photo he had of Andy in his bedside drawer. He was surrounded by a mist of sorts, which Brian also recognized from his dream encounter with his brother.

It was breathtaking, and beautiful and surreal.

Brian reached out then pulled his hand back. The image was so vivid, so brilliantly crafted it gave the impression that his brother was sitting there, right in front of him.

And his eyes; Oh God, his eyes were so fucking Andy. They were bright and intelligent and full of mischief. Only Justin could have seen, and captured that from that old worn out photo.

There were words written beneath Andy that for some reason, Brian had a hard time deciphering.

Then he realized it was because his own eyes were fogged over with tears. He blinked them away and read the inscription..

“So Strong…So Loved… So Long…”
“I carry your heart…I carry it in my heart.”

Justin held his breath watching the myriad of emotions flit across Brian’s face.

It was all there. Memories, mostly good ones (Thank God!), of Andy shone in Brian’s eyes. A small smile played on his lips; tears coated his eyes.

Brian turned to look at Justin. “Thank you,” he whispered then pulled him in and crushed him to him.

Justin choked out a sob and wrapped his arms around Brian’s neck. “You like it then?”

Brian pulled back and looked into Justin’s eyes. “It’s fucking amazing. It’s like having him here, with us.”

“It is big, isn’t it?” Justin remarked a little nervously.

“No, it’s perfect.”

“So this is what you’ve been doing all those nights at PIFA?”

Justin nodded. “I needed a big space to be able to work on it.”

Brian looked over at the portrait again. “You’re a fucking genius, Justin. You’re going to be bigger than Warhol,” he said in all honesty and awe.

Putting aside the fact that it was the perfect gift, it was a brilliant piece of art. Brian didn’t have to be an art expert to know true talent when he saw it, and Justin was loaded with it.

Justin followed his gaze. “You know, I felt so inspired painting him. I think he approved,” Justin said musing out loud.

“If you only knew him, Justin…” Brian said wistfully, not finishing his thought.

Justin looked up at him. “You ok?”

“Better than ok” Brian said, and for the first time, in a very long time, he meant it.

He took Justin by the hand and led him into the bedroom. He lowered him onto the bed and started undressing him.

“So strong,” he told him as he removed his pants.

“So loved,” he mumbled into his neck, then removed his own pants and readied them both.

“Forever,” he breathed into his mouth right before he entered him.

 

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