Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 54

And all I can do is keep on telling you
I want you
I need you
But -- there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you
Now don’t be sad
‘cause two out of three ain’t bad
Now don’t be sad
‘cause two out of three ain’t bad

~ Meatloaf – Two out of Three Ain’t Bad


***

“I’m not going,” Justin said with a determined lift to his chin and folded his arms across his chest.

Brian picked up Justin’s backpack and pushed it into his chest. Justin instinctively grabbed it to prevent it from falling to the floor.

“You’re going. Mother Taylor will be here any minute. Mustn’t disappoint her.” He walked over to the kitchen. “Besides, I’ve got work to do. Just because my employees are granted the privilege of having four days off for Thanksgiving…” he paused and turned around to face Justin, a look of confusion on his face. “Which I never understood; four fucking days to eat Turkey? You KNOW that had to be some hetero’s idea.” Shaking his head, he turned back around and went to the refrigerator where he pulled out a bottle of water. “…doesn’t mean I get to fuck off.” He finished his thought then brought the bottle up to his lips for a long drink.

“I wouldn’t call going to sign papers outlining the conditions of your parental rights as “fucking off”. Justin walked over to the kitchen and slammed his backpack on the counter, not knowing or caring if there were any breakables in it. He didn’t pack it, Brian did. He’d been refusing to take this trip since last night, and Brian had been adamantly insisting he go.

“I won’t let you attend this meeting alone, Brian. You need me. Adam said there were some details to the agreement that still had to be worked out. I saw your face. You’re concerned about what those “details” could be. It could get ugly. I want to be by your side.”

Brian placed the water on the counter and smiled at his lover. His tiger was always ready to defend and protect him, no matter what the situation, or popular belief that Brian fucking Kinney didn’t need protection, but needed to be protected from. It always amused him how Justin would scoff at warnings from Deb and the gang that he was going to get hurt.

Even when Justin left him for Ian… ok, Ethan, you can use his real name now, Kinney, he’s not an issue anymore, Brian reminded himself… everyone was concerned about Justin’s feelings. Only Mikey knew how devastated Brian was.

What they didn’t know, what no one knew, was that Justin held the power in their relationship. Those baby blues stole his heart that very first night. If he’d never known of Justin before it wouldn’t have mattered. One look into those eyes and he was lost, Andy’s vision or not. Of course he would never let Justin know. Though he suspected the little shit knew.

“Sunshine, I can handle this, I promise you. Go with your mother. You know she and your Nana are looking forward to this visit. I’m not going to freak out no matter what the outcome of this meeting. It’s time you had some faith in me,” Brian said, sounding a little disappointed.

Justin tilted his head. “I do have faith in you, Bri. I always have. I just want to be by your side should things go badly,” Justin corrected softly.

“If things go badly, I’ll call you. Robert is going to be there. I won’t make a scene. But I won’t sign the agreement if it doesn’t grant me full, unlimited access to my son. I’d rather we go to court. But let’s not assume the worse. They did bring Gus to dinner yesterday. You know that was a huge step for them. They held out the olive branch and I’m going to take it. I’ll listen to what they propose with an open mind.” A smile spread across his face at the memory of having Gus all to himself the whole day yesterday.

The munchers surprised the hell out of him when they showed up at Rena’s. He never thought they’d give in and let him spend Thanksgiving Day with his son, but for whatever reason, they did. They didn’t even object when he took Gus to the park after dinner, alone, for an hour. It was the best day he had with his son, ever.

He knew he monopolized Gus the whole day. He simply could not let go of him. He even had Gus sit on his lap the whole time during dinner. Of course he made sure Gus got a turkey leg. His son thought it a baseball bat and swung it at every round object he could find. Brian thought it hilarious; however, by the looks on Lins and Mel’s faces, he surmised they thought it inappropriate considering Justin’s bashing. What they didn’t know was that Justin getting his memory back of that evening was the start of his healing. Now Justin could laugh and play with his son, even tossing him a dinner roll to swat at, without any residual affects. Brian was beyond happy. The day was perfect. And he had Adam to thank for it.

As much as it galled him, he had to give Adam credit for pulling it off. God only knows what he did, or knowing him, what he threatened to do, to get the girls to come to dinner. He didn’t really care though. He was grateful for the opportunity to be with his son.

Lindsay and Mel were pleasant all day, though a bit distant, with each other as well as with the family. When they were ready to leave, Adam told him that they had agreed to enter into a shared custody legal contract with him in which all three parents would have legal rights to Gus. Brian never heard of an arrangement in which legal guardianship was shared between three parties. Custodial guardianship contracts where usually between just two parties. But Adam explained that there were many loop holes in the current laws that allowed him to draft a document doing just that. He set an appointment up for today to hammer out the details. Brian agreed to come to the meeting, with his lawyer.

Justin was right though; it was the details of said contract that worried Brian. The devil was always in the details.

Justin studied Brian with a critical eye. He didn’t want to leave now. He was worried that this meeting would go badly and Brian would need him. Yet he knew it would break his mother’s and Nana’s heart if he cancelled at the last minute, and God knows how much longer Nana had. This past year had been rough on her physically. She barely made it through a bout of pneumonia. It was important that he spend some time with her. His brow furrowed.

“Stop thinking. You’ll give yourself a headache. Besides, you always fucking over analyze everything!” Brian snapped. “Go to Boston. Go visit with Nana. Go do the whole family thing. Oh, and while you’re there, do some Christmas shopping for us. Emmett complained about Cynthia doing all my Christmas shopping. Actually, Cynthia complained about it too. Here.” Brian pulled his credit card out of his wallet and handed it to Justin.

“PLEASE, do me this favor and buy our Christmas gifts. You know I have no time, and frankly I’m a lousy shopper when it comes to buying gifts for others. As shocking as this may sound, it seems not everyone loves Armani,” Brian said donning a horrified expression.

Justin laughed and took the card. He put it in the back pocket of his jeans. “Well you always know what to get me.” He ran his hands up the sleeves of his blue cashmere sweater that Brian had given him as a ‘belated, I’m sorry’ birthday gift.

Brian came around the kitchen counter and pulled Justin into his arms.

“You know I like this sweater on you. The color matches your eyes.”

Justin noted the husky sound of Brian’s voice. “Hmmm…well then, I guess I’ll have to wear it more.” Justin ran his hand down Brian’s thigh and up between his legs. He felt him stiffen beneath his touch. “Or less…” He smiled up at Brian feeling his erection spring forward, straining against his charcoal gray Gucci slacks.

Brian groaned and lowered his head to capture Justin’s mouth in a kiss. Justin leaned into him and rubbed his throbbing cock.

“You know your mother is going to be here any minute.” Brian pulled his mouth away from Justin’s. “I don’t think she’ll recover from the sight of her little boy getting fucked in the ass.” He growled into Justin’s ear and slammed his body up against his, hard.

“Argghh…God, Brian, how is it I can want you again so soon?” Justin asked in a bewildered, lust ridden voice.

They had just fucked not an hour ago, which was their second time that morning.

Brian laughed deep in his throat. “Cause you’re a slut?” he answered teasingly as he rotated his hips against Justin’s now hard cock.

“Mmmm… Maybe. But then again, would you have me any other way?” Justin pulled back and gave Brian a very sultry, meaningful look.

Brian moaned. “Fuck it. Mother Taylor is about to get an education on the fine art of homosexual copulation.” He pulled Justin over to the living room, turned him around and pinned him against the back of the couch.

Knock, Knock, Knock… “Justin, are you ready?” Jennifer said as she opened the loft door.

“Fuck! Does she always have to be so punctual?” Brian complained and quickly disengaged from Justin. He turned and adjusted himself so as to not offend Justin’s mother with his raging hard on. When that didn’t work, he reached for the blazer that was thankfully thrown over the back of the couch and put it on. It was long enough to cover his hard on.

“She’s a wasp. What do you expect? It would be rude to be late.”

“And interrupting a perfectly good fuck session is polite?” Brian asked sarcastically once he was properly covered.

Justin gave him an exasperated look and rushed off to the bathroom.

“I’ll be right with you, Mom, I just need to get a few things,” he said, not having time to argue with Brian over his mother’s good manners.

Brian sighed and turned to greet Jennifer.

“Why, hello, Mother Taylor,” he said as he approached her. He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

Jennifer smiled politely and accepted Brian’s chaste kiss. She saw the look in his eyes, and the way her son ran off. She shook her head disapprovingly.

“Honestly, Brian. It’s a good thing I left Molly in the car. You could be a little more discreet. You knew we were coming.”

“Yeah, well me too. Almost.” He couldn’t help but tease Justin’s mother. She was such a wasp. He loved embarrassing her.

She huffed and turned her head. A telltale blush started creeping up her neck. Brian found it adorable.

“Ok, you’re right. My fault. I can’t help it. Your son is irresistible. You can’t blame me for that. He has his mother’s good looks,” Brian said trying to appease the woman.

“Too bad he doesn’t have his mother’s good sense,” she muttered under her breath.

Brian laughed. “Well then, blame Justin. He gave you the code and key to the loft. It’s your choice to use it more discreetly, or not,” he chided lightly, throwing her advice back at her. He walked over to the refrigerator. “Can I get you something?”

“No, I’m fine.” She sighed a sigh of relief when she saw Justin come out of the bedroom.

“Come on, honey, we’re going to be late. I want to get there before dark. Nana is making us dinner.”

Justin walked over to the kitchen counter and retrieved his backpack. Brian came around from behind the counter and stood in front of him.

“Have fun, and don’t worry, ok?” He raised his hand to Justin’s cheek and gently brushed it with the back of his knuckles. “I’ll miss you.”

Justin smiled and rubbed his cheek against Brian’s hand. “Me too,” he said then leaned up and kissed him. “Please tell me you didn’t put one of our dildos in my backpack,” he whispered into Brian’s mouth.

Brian pulled back and smiled at him. “I said have fun, didn’t I?”

Justin groaned then slung the backpack over his shoulder. “Call me when you get out of the meeting.”

“Stop nagging. I told you I’d call. Now get out of here.”

Justin nodded his head then turned to his mother. “Come on, Mom. I’m driving.” Just before leading his mother out of the loft, he turned to look back at Brian. “I love you,” he silently mouthed then shut the door behind him

Brian stared at the closed door for a good ten minutes.

“I love you, too.” he said to the empty loft.

***

“That’s the third time this week. Maybe you should see a doctor,” Adam whispered into his cell. He was standing outside the conference room where several people were anxiously waiting for him inside.

“Adam, stop worrying. I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m probably coming down with the flu or something.” Shane wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince.

“Are you feeling sick?” Adam asked and stole a glance at the closed door. Fuck them, they would have to wait.

Shane had thrown up three mornings this week. The first time they thought it was from something she ate the night before. The second time was the next day, they chalked it up to all the drinking they did the night before Thanksgiving, and her stomach still being delicate from being sick the day before. She was fine yesterday, but then she threw up again this morning. Something was wrong.

“No, not really. A little dizzy at times. But other than that I’m fine.”

She had no idea why she was throwing up. The nausea came on quickly, with no other signs. It was weird. It was probably just nerves catching up with her. It wasn’t that long ago she was in the hospital. Her wounds were still healing. Then the whole situation with Brian and Adam. Well, at least that was finally resolved. Somewhat.

Add to that coming home to find Viv had come for an extended visit. God knows when she’d be returning home, or if that bitch Margot was going to be staying with them through the holidays as well. It wasn’t any wonder she was sick.

“I’m making you a doctor’s appointment.”

“Stop freaking out. Maybe waking up next to you every morning is making me sick.” She laughed.

“Fuck you. This is serious. I’m making the appointment, and you’re going.”

Of course, Shane took exception. “You listen to me, Slatter. It’s MY body. If I think I should go to the doctor, I’ll make the appointment. NOT YOU.”

Adam tried to control his tone and ignore her rising temper. “Shane, this is not an issue we should be arguing about. This is about your health. Be reasonable.” God the woman was infuriating! Stubborn as a mule. But he knew if he pushed too hard, she’d defy him, and that would only hurt her.

“Go to your meeting. We’ll discuss this later. I’m going to take a nap. I’m tired,” Shane said, her voice suddenly sounding weary.

Adam was very concerned. “Ok, fancy face, go rest. I’ll come by right after the meeting,” he said, his tone softening.

“Adam, fix it.”

He knew she was referring to the situation between Brian, Lindsay and Melanie. “I’m trying, baby. I’m trying.”

“Go rest. I’ll talk to you later.” Adam said goodbye and shut his cell.

Fuck. He had to get this thing over with quickly; he needed to be with Shane. There was something wrong with her, he could feel it. If he had to, he’d enlist Rena and Brian’s help in getting her to see a doctor.

He took a deep breath, cleared his mind and entered the conference room.

One problem at a time.

 

***
 

“That’s not a valid condition,” Robert signed to Melanie. George translated.

“Yeah, well it’s MY condition,” she said stubbornly. Her eyes never leaving Brian’s.

“Mel, hon, where is this coming from? We agreed, this is what’s best for Gus. You know how much he loves Brian. It would be cruel not to allow his father to be in his life. Why are you suddenly adding conditions to the agreement?”

It was no small task getting her lover to agree to Adam’s suggestion. She had to promise all sorts of things she had doubts she could make good on. In the end, it was Adam that convinced her though.

He told them that they may win the battle, but in the end, with all of Brian’s resources, they would lose the war. And possibly lose Gus. Melanie reluctantly agreed to the custodial agreement, which gave each of them equal rights to Gus as his parents and guardians. The only stipulation was that a schedule be made, and kept, except in cases of emergencies, when it came to visitations, overnights, and vacations with Gus. Plus, all three had to be in agreement when it came to the big decisions in Gus’s life. Like what school he would attend.

Lindsay thought Mel was ok with the arrangement. It put her on equal footing with Lindsay and Brian when it came to Gus. But now she was making this unusual demand, or else she wasn’t going to sign the papers.

“It’s ok, Lins. I accept her condition.” All eyes in the room turned to Brian.

“Well, it’s unorthodox, but then again, so am I. Lindsay, gentlemen, shall we?” Adam said setting the stage for Melanie’s terms.

Mel had demanded that she speak to Brian, alone, before she’d sign any papers and that the outcome of the discussion would determine whether or not she’d agree to share custody.

Odd as it was, Brian was curious to hear what Mel wanted to say to him that required a response from him. The only thing he could think of that she would want to say to him is what a lousy father he was, and probably will continue to be, but that didn’t require a response.

Once everyone left the room, Mel turned her eyes to Brian’s. Eyes filled with rage, and pain. Brian recognized the look.

He sat across the smooth polished conference table and waited for her to speak.

“Lindsay is in love with you.”

Brian sighed. “Please, not this again.”

BANG! Melanie slammed her hand down on the table.

“Fuck you, Kinney! Fuck you to hell!” Her eyes filled with tears, rage poured from her pores. Brian marveled at the intensity of her outburst. He straightened up in his chair, gearing up for battle. “Until you take it fucking serious, things are NEVER going to be right with us, or with Gus. You keep pushing it aside, as if it’s nothing. It’s what you do best when you don’t want to face the truth,” Mel continued on her rave.

Brian sat still, his face emotionless as he took in what she was saying.

“Do you know that if you asked her, she’d marry you?”

Brian’s eyes narrowed, exasperated with her irrational ramblings.. “That’s a lie. You’re being overly dramatic, Mel, as usual. You should have been born a fag instead of a dyke. You make a great drama queen. Lindsay and I love each other as friends. Period.”

Mel choked out a small, disbelieving sob. “My God, are you that blind, Brian? How can you not see it? Or do you just block out the obvious cause it’s too painful to deal with?”

Brian stared at her. She was serious. He knew Lindsay had deep feelings for him, but not once did she ever indicate to him that it was more than friendship. She was a fucking muncher for Christ sakes! And even if she wasn’t, he was Gay. Unquestionably Gay! He could NEVER love her that way.

“Mel, you are taking Lindsay’s feelings for me all wrong. I would know if she wanted more from our relationship. I am a man after all, and like all men, gay or straight, I DO know when a woman or a man is attracted to me. Trust me, Lindsay gives no indication that she is interested in me in anyway other than as a friend.”

“Of course, she wouldn’t dare. She thinks you’ll cut her off completely if she told you she had deeper feelings.”

“She’d be right, too. I would.”

Mel sat back and stared at him with a satisfied look on her face. She waited for the realization and the implications of what he just admitted to sink in.

Brian blinked several times as the truth of Mel’s words dawned on him. “Shit,” he said and shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“Shit is right. Deep shit. She would like nothing more than for the three of us to live happily ever after, together. That’s why she so readily agreed to this proposal. I agreed because I love Gus, and as fucked up as you are, I know you agreed because you love him too. Lindsay agreed because she loves YOU.” Mel paused for a minute, letting her words sink in. For some reason, the look of shock on Brian’s face gave her no pleasure. She snorted in disgust and folded her arms over her chest. “So now that you know, what are you going to do about it? You know you can’t cut her off. She’s the mother of your child. She’d use Gus to get to you anyway.”

Brian’s mind was reeling with all the complications this new bit of information presented. He loved Lins, as a friend. She was the mother of his child. How was he supposed to enter into this shared agreement, knowing Lindsay secretly was in love with him? It would cause all kinds of problems, for them all. Did she secretly have fantasies of them living as husband and wife? With Mel on the side for her sexual pleasures? God this was fucked up!

“Jesus fucking Christ, Mel, what the fuck do you want me to do? And why the hell are you still with her if what you say is true? Or do you like playing second fiddle?”

“I wouldn’t be talking about playing second fiddle if I were you Brian. Especially after playing second fiddle yourself to that fiddler the whole time Justin was with him. And don’t give me that shit that you didn’t know he was fucking around behind your back. You knew. You just chose to ignore it, just like you chose to ignore Lindsay’s feeling for you all these years.”

“You really are a fucking cunt, aren’t you?” Brian said, his temper rising big time.

“Yeah, a cunt who happens to be in love with Lindsay. And the reason I’m still with her is because I know, deep in my heart, Lindsay loves me too. The problem is, she’s torn. Deep down she wants to have that “straight” life. Husband, kids, house, dog; in short, her parents’ approval. They cater to her sister and her kids, yet hardly acknowledge Gus. She sees you as her last hope at getting what she wants. Over the years, that hope has fed her love for you. She yearns for the respectability her sister has, and for her parents’ acceptance. She can’t help it, Brian. It was how she was raised. You live with a wasp, you know how they are.” Mel smiled for the first time, breaking some of the tension.

Brian, however, was too tightly wound up to appreciate it. His mind was focused on how he was going to fix this, so he could be a father to Gus, and have a relationship with his mother that wasn’t based in some fucked up fantasy of hers.

“She’s not in love with me,” Brian said firmly, coming to a decision.

Mel threw him an incredulous look. “Have you heard nothing I just said?”

“I heard you. But it’s not me she’s in love with. It’s her fantasy of who she’d like me to be. Or more accurately, who she’d like to be. You’re right about one thing, Mel. She always wanted a big wedding, house, family and all that hetero shit. She’s in love with the fantasy of it, not the reality. The reality would be two people living in the same house, fucking other people. I’ve fucked Lindsay, Mel. It was ok, but it wasn’t great, trust me. She’s not the first woman I fucked, unfortunately. I did a lot of experimenting back in college. Let’s just say the earth didn’t move for us. We both knew then that we’d always only be friends.”

“Yeah, well she’s still chasing that fantasy then. And you haven’t done anything to dispel her delusions.”

“You’re right. I haven’t. But then again, I didn’t know she was harboring these feelings.”

Mel was speechless. Brian fucking Kinney was agreeing with her. He took the wind right out of sails.

Brian stood up. “This ends now. Sign the papers, Mel. I’ll deal with Lindsay. I won’t let her, you or anyone get in the way of me being a father to Gus. It’s time Lindsay understood a few things.”

Mel didn’t like the tone in his voice or the look in his eyes. She wanted him to do something to make Lins give up her fantasy of being with him, but she didn’t want Brian to hurt her.

“Brian, you can’t just cut her off. That would kill her.”

“Don’t fucking tell me how to deal with Lins, Mel. Letting her continue to live this fantasy is hurting her. I told you I’d deal with it. You’re just going to have to trust me.”

He picked up the pen and scrawled his signature on the contract. He then turned the papers around and handed Mel the pen.

She took it hesitantly and signed, then threw the pen on the table. She prayed she made the right decision.

She didn’t know what Brian would do, and she was starting to regret telling him about Lindsay’s feelings for him. Brian could be cruel, very cruel, when he thought it was for someone else’s good. Justin could attest to that.

Justin.

She felt a sudden rush of hope. She’d talk to Justin. He’d make sure Brian doesn’t push Lindsay off a cliff like he did to Mikey and Justin, when he thought it was for their own good. Lindsay wasn’t as strong or as confident of her importance to Brian to take a full Kinney blow off.

Yes, she’d call Justin. He was the only one who could rein Brian in. If there was one redeeming quality in Brian fucking Kinney, it was that he loved Justin. And Justin loved him.

Brian grabbed his coat, walked over to the conference room door and swung it open.

“Meeting’s over. Mel and I both signed the papers. Lins, go sign,” Brian announced to the stunned crowd standing outside the room. He put his coat on and strolled by them, his step hastened.

“Wait, Brian, what happened, where are you going?” Lindsay called after him.

“Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but I’m going to Babylon,” he said then left the building.

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