Before There Was You, There Was You

Chapter 41

“Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.”

~Mark Twain


***

 

“Professor Carlton thinks I should turn my Art History paper on Dondi into the basis for my thesis. It could work actually. I’m thinking of taking the sketches from that project and incorporating them into a collage of post world war two political cartoons. I’d love to explore the history of Gargoyle Magazine. Talk about controversial political satire, they’re the ones who ran that cartoon called, ‘Kill a Commie for Christ’ during the Vietnam War.

“Oh, then there is your favorite, Bri, Harvey Kurtzman, you know, the creator of Mad Magazine? You love that magazine; well anyway he also wrote this comic book called Two Fisted Tales which dealt with the Korean war…”

Justin chatted aimlessly over the cell hoping that sooner or later, Brian would actually talk.

Justin was at his computer doing some research for his thesis when his cell rang. The caller ID told him it was Brian, but Brian wasn’t talking. After several, “hellos” and “what’s wrongs?” Justin just started talking. He could hear the slight wheeze on the other end of the phone that Brian made when he was either drunk or very upset.

Brian had done this once before when Justin first left him for Ethan. He called his cell one afternoon but didn’t speak. It was as if Brian just wanted to hear his voice. It broke Justin’s heart at the time. He ended up crying and hanging up on him. It was after that phone call that Justin returned the cell that Brian had bought for him. It was the last tie he had to Brian. Brian didn’t want him, but couldn’t let him go either. That was Brian, push with one hand, and pull with the other. Always the consummate walking contradiction.

Now it was happening again. Brian needed to hear his voice. They had been somewhat estranged this past week, due to Brian’s “episode” last weekend. Though they fucked last night, Justin left early this morning without speaking to him. He knew Brian sensed something was wrong. But that was not what prompted this phone call. Something bad must have happened at work.

Justin had been talking for the past five or so minutes about nothing really, just to keep Brian engaged. He saw Cynthia on line and instantly messaged her.

JT4BK: Hey Cyn, where’s Brian?

Cynbod: In his office with Shane. Bad day, hon. Short version, Mel’s lawyer turned out to be Shane’s new boyfriend. There was a showdown and Brian made Shane choose. She’s a mess. She’s in Brian’s office and, last I’ve seen, she was curled in the chair with Brian’s bottle of Beam, probably passed out by now.

JT4BK: Holy shit, and what is Brian doing?

Cynbod: Nothing. Just sitting behind his desk staring off into space. I don’t think he’s drunk because Shane’s got his bottle. I only stock his desk with one bottle at a time.

JT4BK: I’m on the phone with him now. He’s not talking, just listening. I’m running out of things to say. Do you know how the meeting with the lawyer went?

Cynbod: From what I gathered, pretty bad. Adam Slatter is the lawyer, and has a rep for leaving no survivors. Mel and Lins are petitioning the courts to put an immediate restraining order on Brian. They are asking that he not be allowed anywhere near Gus because he is a threat to his own child. Can you fucking believe that!?

 

“Shit, Brian, I need to take the car in. I keep hearing this “knocking” noise. You know it’s times like this I wish I were a butch gay man who grew up tinkering with engines and not dildo’s. Unfortunately my talents lay with blowjobs and not rim jobs. Though I’ve been known to give a pretty good rim job.” Justin continued his one sided conversation, trying to keep it light. Still no response from Brian.

Fuck! Things could not be happening at a worse time. This battle with Mel and Lindsey was getting ugly. Justin knew in his heart, though, that Lindsey would never keep Gus away from Brian permanently. Not because of her love for Brian, but because she loved her son. The fact was, Gus loved Brian. It was uncanny that at such a young age, Gus knew his father and needed his father. On more occasions then Brian would like to admit too, Lindsey had to bring Gus over to the loft because he kept calling for his “dada”. Once he saw Brian, he immediately calmed. There was a lot of Brian in Gus. The boy was stubborn and didn’t let up until he got what he wanted.


JT4BK: What did Robert say?

Cynbod: I’m not sure, but by the look of him when he left, I’d say he’s taking this very personal. I would not mess with that man either. This is going to get ugly.


“Did I tell you Daphne broke up with her boyfriend? She caught him lying to her about studying with a “friend”. The friend in question turned out to be a girl he wound up having sex with. She’s really upset about it. Not that she loved him or anything, but it’s a pride thing. You know Daphne, she hates losing. Remember that night I chased you down at Babylon? She was the one who pushed me to “go get” you when we saw you dancing with that guy.” Justin laughed into the phone.

“That was the night you broke your rule of, “no repeat fucks” remember? You know you probably should thank her, or maybe send her a bill.”

Justin heard a small choking sound on the other end of the phone that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. Progress.


JT4BK: You coming Saturday night?

Cynbod: I don’t think I should. This is a family thing. I don’t belong there.

JT4BK: You do belong, Cyn. Brian’s life is broken up into three parts. Family, work and his extra curricular activities. You fit into two of those categories. Family and work. The trouble is with his extracurricular activities. They are out of control and spilling into his work and family life.

Cynbod: I understand, Justin, but still, it’s not my place.

JT4BK: Oh? Is it your place to stock his desk with booze? Is it your place to make excuses for him when he’s too strung out to deal with a client? Cyn, you’ve been part of Brian’s life for a very long time now. You left a very good job to take a chance with Kinnitik’s, you know him better than most people, and, Cyn, you, like me and the rest of his family have been enablers. Yes, it IS your place. If you care about Brian, you will come Saturday night and tell him.

Cynbod: What would I say?

JT4BK: The truth. How you feel about buying his booze and covering up for him.

Cynbod: Oh, I don’t mind!

JT4BK: You don’t mind or you don’t care?

Cynbod: Of course I care! Brian is not only my boss, he’s my friend.

JT4BK: Then tell him.

Cynbod: He’s not exactly the easiest person to talk to about things like that.

JT4BK: Exactly why it is so important we do this. Cyn, I’m scared. I don’t want to lose him.

Cynbod: I’ll be there. And Justin, don’t worry, you won’t. Brian is too fucking selfish. You mean too much to him, he’ll be around a long time. If for nothing else, to make our lives miserable! LoL

JT4BK: lol Then I’ll see you Saturday?

Cynbod: Yeah.

JT4BK: Thanks. TTYL


“Yeah, well Daphne was always your number one fan.” Justin prattled along. He needed to keep on talking until Brian either spoke to him, or hung up. It didn’t matter which he did, what mattered was that right now Brian needed him.

That little fact made Justin very happy. Brian was in a lot of pain right now. What happened with the lawyer had to have hurt him bad. He didn’t have his booze to comfort him, Shane took care of that. He couldn’t leave her in her current state to go track down one of his many contacts to get some E, bump or cock. So he did what he should have thought of doing first, and not as a last resort. Turn to Justin. It was a start. At least Brian was starting to understand that there were other ways to deal with his pain that didn’t involve self-destruction.

“Oh, Emmett called today. I never heard him so excited. James bought him a Rolex. I didn’t know he had that kind of money. Rena told me that “technically” James was Viv’s employee. But James refused to be paid to protect Rena. You know James, his loyalty can’t be bought. He’s been living off his pension from the government. Still Viv has been depositing a monthly stipend into an account in his name for years. This is the first time he dipped into it. And for Emmett! Emmett is on cloud nine. Of course, he’s totally in love. Again.” Justin was running out of things to talk about. He was grasping now.

Justin sighed into the phone. “Are you coming home for dinner? I was thinking of making fried chicken. I know it’s a lot of calories, but I have to cook that chicken in the refrigerator before it goes bad and I’ve got a craving for…”

“I can’t lose Gus,” Brian’s voice broke through.

Justin’s heart slammed in his chest. He sat up in his chair. He wasn’t sure if Brian’s words were meant as a statement of fact or a confession. Fuck he wished he could see Brian right now.

“That would be impossible, Bri. We won’t allow that to happen, Lindsey won’t allow that to happen, but more importantly, Gus won’t allow that to happen,” Justin said, not knowing what else to say.

“I have to take Shane home. Fried chicken sounds good.”

Justin smiled into the phone. “I’ll get started on it.”

“Later.”

“Later.”

 

***

The smell of fried chicken wafted through the loft. Brian closed the loft door behind him and breathed in the savory scent and sighed. His stomach rumbled. It was late and he hadn’t eaten all day.

He put down his briefcase and slipped out of his coat. God he needed a drink. The one he had at Rena’s wasn’t nearly enough and the bitch prevented him from having another. She blamed him for Shane’s condition. As far as he was concerned, her condition was well warranted considering the circumstances. Rena, however, believed he could have handled the situation better. She accused him of having a pissing contest with Slatter at Shane’s expense. It was at that point she snatched the bottle of Beam away from him. He left before it turned into a nasty argument.

Brian shook the guilt of Rena’s words from his mind and walked to the kitchen.

Justin was standing at the stove, his back to him. He was turning the chicken in the frying pan. Brian came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Hmmm...smells good,” he said as he nuzzled Justin’s neck.

Justin leaned back against him and smiled. “I made cornbread as well. It’s what my grandmother use to call comfort food.”

Brian kissed the top of his head then reached over and pulled the Beam down from the top cabinet. Yes, comfort food he thought.

Justin frowned, but said nothing.

“Rough day?” Justin ventured.

“I’ve had better,” Brian replied and drank from the bottle.

Justin took the chicken out of the frying pan and shut the stove off.

He turned to Brian and gently took the bottle away from him. “Dinner is ready,” he said and leaned up to kiss him. He placed the bottle back in the cabinet.

Justin carried the plate of chicken over to the dining room table.

Brian eyed him suspiciously. “You recruiting now, Sunshine?” Brian asked dryly.

Justin looked back at him innocently. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about that smooth move of yours just now taking the bottle from me. Rena did the same thing earlier. I thought it was odd, not exactly Rena’s style.” Brian curled his lip sarcastically. “Rena would have never made a move like that on her own, which leads me to believe you had a hand in it.” He turned and retrieved the bottle from the cabinet.

Brian sighed heavily and made a “tsking” noise. “What’s the matter, Sunshine? No causes to fight for this week? Do I at least get my own telethon?” he said lazily, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

He brought the bottle over to the table and filled his water glass to the rim with the dark brown liquid. His eyes locked in on Justin’s, challenging him to say something.

Justin gave him a look that was too close to pity for Brian’s liking.

Justin looked away and pulled his chair out to sit down. He unfolded his napkin and laid it on his knee then started to eat.

Brian fumed. “Fuck you.” He could take a lot of things from Justin, but pity was NOT one of them.

Justin looked up unconcerned. “What?”

Brian pulled the chair out opposite Justin and slumped down into it. “Let me be clear. I am NOT one of your fucking projects. You don’t need to fix me. Further more, if I EVER see you look at me like that again I swear to God I’ll make your life so fucking miserable the only one you’ll be pitying is yourself!” Brian’s eyes bore into Justin. His rage evident, yet his voice remained calm.

Justin turned his attention back to his plate. “Well, you can’t get much clearer than that.” He said then lifted a fork full of mashed potatoes to his mouth. He chewed slowly, closing his eyes in pleasure at the taste of it. He swallowed and licked his lips before continuing.

“Let me also be clear, what you saw in my eyes was not pity.” Not bothering to look up at Brian, he picked up a piece of fried chicken and bit into it. This time he made a moaning sound deep in his throat as he chewed on the succulent meat.

Brian watched him closely, his stomach rumbled loudly.

“Disadvantaged children deserve pity, you don’t. Mistreated animals deserve pity, you don’t. Why would I waste my sympathy on you? You’re an adult who has too many fucking advantages in life for me to ever pity.” Justin looked up this time and met Brian’s eyes. He took another bite of his chicken as he held his glare.

Brian gave Justin an appreciative smirk and took a long drink of his whiskey.

“What you saw was disappointment. I hate eating by myself.” He emphasized his words by slowly licking the juice from the chicken off his fingers, one at a time.

The move was agonizingly seductive, and contrived. Brian smiled. His blond was manipulating him and damned if he wasn’t content to let him.

He slowly got up from his chair and walked over to where Justin sat teasing him. He pulled his hand away from his mouth.

“Here, let me help you with that.” He slowly pulled one of Justin’s fingers into his mouth.

Justin sucked his breath in. Brian’s eyes never left his as he finished with one finger, and started on another.

When he was done with his fingers, he leaned in and captured his mouth with his own.

Their tongues met and they drank each other in. Justin tasted like mashed potatoes and chicken. Brian’s stomach groaned in protest. He couldn’t suppress his laugh. Justin pulled away, mirth dancing in his eyes.

“Seems your cock isn’t the only organ that has a mind of its own,” he said half laughing.

Brian smiled. “Well you’re to blame for the current condition of my stomach… and my cock.” Brian emphasized the last part by taking Justin’s hand and pressing it against his hardness. Justin squeezed gently eliciting a moan from Brian.

“First eat, then we play,” Justin said in a husky, lust-laden voice. Brian pressed his hand tighter against him and leaned in for another kiss. Again, his stomach rumbled.

Justin laughed. Brian sighed in defeat and reluctantly pulled away from Justin.

“Ok, I give,” he said laughing, then picked the chicken up from Justin’s plate and took a bite.

Brian pulled a chair up next to Justin and started eating off his plate.

Justin smiled, completely contented. Brian was eating and not drinking. One step forward.

He filled his plate up again. They sat together and ate off the same plate. It was very intimate and Justin treasured the moment.

“So, how was your day?” Brian asked in-between bites. He was really enjoying the meal.

“Weren’t you listening?” Justin laughed. “Jesus, Brian, I think I told you every fucking detail on the phone earlier. The only thing I missed was how many times I took a piss today.” He was thoroughly enjoying their diner conversation.

Brian laughed. “More importantly, how many times did you jerk off today?”

Justin nudged him and rolled his eyes. “Not nearly enough,” he answered, lust lurking in his eyes.

Brian picked the napkin up and wiped his mouth. “Well then, we need to fix that unfortunate state of affairs, don’t we?” He leaned over and grabbed Justin. He pulled him over the table and into his lap. Justin yelped as Brian slid his body over the dining room table. Dishes crashed to the floor from the sudden movement. Justin landed on top of Brian laughing.

“Brian, look what you did! I’m a mess!” Justin gasped. Remnants of chicken and mashed potatoes covered the front of him.

Brian pulled him close heedless of the mess. His Versace suit was now ruined from the fare.

He kissed Justin passionately, cutting off the blondes’ laugh. The mood shifted. Justin clung to Brian and kissed him back urgently. He wrapped his arms around his neck.

Brian moved his mouth over Justin’s, taunting him with promises of so much more. He nipped, licked and sucked Justin’s mouth, lips, jaw, neck then lower. He pulled Justin’s food stained shirt off and ravished his body with his mouth, releasing all his pent up frustrations from the day onto his blonde, and Justin welcomed it.

Brian leaned forward causing them to fall off the chair and on to the floor. Justin rolled with him until he was on top of Brian. He lowered his mouth to Brian’s neck and ran his tongue up along his jugular.

“Buzzzzzzzzzzz…” The door intercom buzzed.

Justin moaned…” Bri, someone wants to come up,” he said then nipped Brian’s jaw.

“Fuck ‘em.” Brian slipped his hand inside Justin’s pants. Justin moaned and unbuttoned Brian's shirt. He then leaned over and took one of Brian’s nipples into his mouth.

“Buzzzzzzzzzzzz…”

“Um, Bri, they are not going away. It might be important,” Justin mumbled as he gently nibbled on Brian’s erect nub.

Brian growled deep in his throat.

“Buzzzzzzzzzzzz…”

“Fuck!” Brian cursed. Whoever it was, wasn’t going away.

Justin looked back at the door and lifted himself off of Brian. “We should answer that,” he said and stood up.

Brian sighed in frustration. He grumbled incoherently and got up to answer the buzzer.

He pressed the button. “This better be fucking good! I’M BUSY!” he yelled into the intercom.

“Kinney, it’s Slatter, we need to talk.”

Brian pulled away, shock on his face. He turned to look at Justin who was standing next to him.

“Can you believe the balls on this guy?” he said, clearly astonished.

“That’s Mel’s lawyer?” Justin asked, just as surprised as Brian.

“Yeah.”

“Brian, don’t let him up! Nothing good will come of it.” Justin put his hand on Brian’s arm and pleaded with him with his eyes. The last thing they needed was a confrontation in their home with Mel’s lawyer!

“Fuck that. He’s on my turf now. He has to be breaking at least a dozen laws by being here. It’s his fucking funeral.” Brian buzzed him up.

Justin groaned. “I don’t like this, Brian!”

Brian gave him a face. “Stop worrying, I’m not going to do anything stupid,” he said giving Justin an exasperated look.

Justin waited nervously while Brian opened the loft door and waited for the elevator to come up. He bit his thumbnail as the creaking sound of the elevator eerily echoed in the hall.

Adam Slatter wasn’t at all what Justin expected. He was a pleasant looking man. He had sandy colored hair and intense slate blue eyes. His clothing was expensive, down to his cufflinks. Justin noted the cufflinks. Not many men wore them anymore. Slatter was very much a traditionalist, at least in his clothing. Brian was the only other man Justin knew who wore cufflinks. At least they had that in common Justin thought.

He got off the elevator and boldly walked towards Brian. Brian stepped aside and waved his hand toward the inside of the loft, inviting Slatter in. Once they were inside, Brian closed the door behind them.

Adam looked at Justin and nodded his head in greeting.

“Justin, this is Adam Slatter. Slatter, this is the statutory rape victim I molested over two years ago.” Brian sneered.

Justin gasped audibly. “Brian!”

Brian shrugged. “Hey, his description, not mine.”

Slatter extended his hand to Justin. Justin folded his arms across his chest. Adam sighed and turned to Brian.

“I need to see Shane,” Adam said bluntly.

Brian laughed. “Ah, come on, counselor, you’re smart enough to know that ship has sailed. Try another line,” Brian ruthlessly stated.

Justin looked at Brian. That was cruel, even for him. There were some serious bad feelings going on here that went beyond his parental rights case.

Adam visibly calmed himself before speaking. “Brian, you’re not just hurting me, you’re hurting her. Personally, I couldn’t give a fuck what you do to me. But you can’t do this to her. She’s never been involved this way before, this could send her over the edge, do you want her cutting again?”

Both Brian and Justin gasped. Adam knew about Shane’s cutting, which meant he was VERY close to her.

Adam was taking a chance revealing Shane’s cutting, hoping Brian already knew. The way Shane went into Brian’s arms earlier told him that whatever the relationship was, it was deep and the bond between them was strong. Strong enough to keep her from Adam. He could accept that, if he knew she was all right. His gut was twisting with fear over how she was taking this. He needed to see her, and he’d risk anything right now to get that chance.

He had no idea where she lived, they always met at the hotel. He knew she lived with Rena Cardie. Adam tried all night to get a number or address on her but she was unlisted. Even his connections with the police department couldn’t get a location or number on her. Someone took great care to keep her undetectable. This only worried Adam more. A person only did that if they were hiding or running from someone or something. Brian was the only key to Shane’s whereabouts, and right now, Adam would sell his soul for it.

Brian saw the fear and desperation in Slatter’s eyes. Part of him wanted to sympathize with the man, but a bigger part of him wanted to strangle him. The man was trying to take his kid away! NOT PERSONAL, his ass!

Anger overruled his judgment. “Shane is not your concern, Slatter. Actually, she never was. Now, is there anything else I can help you with?”

Adam lost it. He grabbed Brian by the shirt and slammed him against the wall. Justin grabbed him from behind and pulled him off of Brian.

“Are you fucking insane!” he screamed into Slatter’s ear and pushed him away. Justin stood in front of Brian in a protective stance.

Brian smiled, very amused by the whole situation. Seeing his blond defend him so vehemently made Brian’s chest swell. There were a lot of things he doubted in this life, but Justin’s love and loyalty were not among them.

“Easy, tiger.” He laughed softly and pulled Justin to him. He turned him around to look at him. Fire burned in his eyes. Brian was actually afraid for Adam. He leaned over and gently kissed his blond. “I’ll handle this.”

Justin took a calming breath and nodded his head. He stepped aside.

Adam composed himself and tried again. He was determined not to leave with out getting the information on Shane’s whereabouts, so attacking the man in his own home, with his young, strong, lover there was not a good idea. He had to try another tactic.

“I’ll refer Ms. Peterson and Ms. Marcus to another lawyer.”

Brian raised his eyebrow. He had the man right where he wanted. “Go ahead if you feel the need to. You still won’t get anywhere near Shane.”

Brian was just being spiteful now. Justin knew it. He had the opportunity to get Slatter off his back, and he threw it back in his face. They both knew that Slatter never lost a case, having him off the case would only help Brian get his rights to Gus back. Brian’s reaction only confirmed Justin’s earlier thoughts. This was not just about the case, this was something more personal. What had Slatter done to piss Brian off so?

Adam sighed. “Brian, it was not personal, you have to understand that.”

“Oh? Threatening to paint me as a, how did you say it? Pedophile, child molester?” Yes, I believe that was it, isn’t personal?” Brian spat out.

“It’s what I fucking do, Kinney! It’s an ugly profession and it’s never personal, it’s BUSINESS!”

“Not everyone conducts ‘BUSINESS’ like you, Slatter. Some people have principles.”

Adam twisted his mouth derisively. “That’s rich coming from you, Kinney. The man who fired a friend, effectively ruining his career because he came out. Some would say that “business decision” lacked principals, not to mention how hypocritical that move was considering you’re gay yourself. You had no problem throwing your principles out the window on that one, did you?”

Justin groaned. This was getting nasty. He had to stop it.

Brian’s eyes grew dark. He couldn’t dispute Adam’s claim. He did fire Drew. Emmett’s voice rang in his head. He told him it was wrong, but Brian insisted it was “business.” Emmett told him that he compromised his principles for money, but Brian didn’t listen. He considered it a sound business decision. He stood to lose a lot of money if he kept Drew on. Fuck, he sounded just like Adam sounded now back then when he tried to explain his position to Emmett.

“Ok, stop. Adam, I think you should leave,” Justin said.

Adam turned to Brian. “Brian, please, I’m begging you, tell me where I can find Shane.”

Brian’s eyes narrowed. “You threatened to put Justin on the stand.”

And there it was. Justin shook head. Adam did the unforgivable; he threatened Justin. Brian wasn’t a very forgiving man to begin with, but threaten Justin, and you became an enemy. Justin now understood where the anger was coming from.

Adam looked at Brian, confused at first, and then it hit him. Brian loved his partner deeply. Adam unknowingly hit a very sore spot when he dragged Justin into this. Fuck! To him, Justin was just the young trick Brian seduced over two years ago. He had no idea how deep the relationship was. Adam was not a stupid man. He knew there were certain lines you did not cross, not because of any principals he held, those he lost long time ago, but because they did not serve his purpose. Men like Brian protected their own passionately. It’s why he agreed to drop the case. He believed that would appease Brian, but he didn’t count on his faux pas concerning his lover. And the threat to his lover was much different than his defending the mother of his child. Even if he lost, he knew his child was being well taken care of. There was never any threat to his son, to him, yes, but not to his son. Brian could take threats to him, but he would never allow anyone to threaten his son. Or, his lover.

“Brian, I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” was all Adam could say. Defeat lay heavy in his words.

The phone rang. Justin cursed and went into the kitchen to answer it.

Brian snorted. “Sorry’s bullshit.”

Adam took one last shot. He came this far, he had nothing to lose.

He looked Brian in the eye and bared his soul. “I love her, Brian. I think you of all people can understand that. I’ll probably never have her, God knows I don’t deserve her, but I can’t help it. I’ve never loved anyone before, and I never even realized that until I met her. You have absolutely every right to keep her away from me. If I were you, I’d probably do the same. It’s obvious she’s very important to you and you want to protect her, but I’m laying all my cards on the table here hoping you’ll understand. I’m really scared. I can’t just walk away from her, not knowing whether she is ok or not. Please…”

Justin came back into the room pulling a shirt over his head and threw the car keys at Brian.

“Get your coat on, Shane’s in the hospital,” he said, interrupting Adam’s appeal.

 

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