Devil's Playground

Chapter 19

Brian slid the door to the loft open. He'd gotten two lucrative accounts but he still didn't feel any better. He set his carry on bag down by the island. It was then that he noticed something on the floor. He realized it was Justin's cell phone, it had been smashed. Brian sighed and tossed it on the counter. He walked up to the bedroom but stopped short when he saw a little blonde head poking out from underneath the quilt. His heart skipped a beat. Justin had stayed here waiting for him. Quietly he sat down on the edge of the bed to watch Justin sleep. Justin shifted in his sleep and let out a soft sleep filled sigh. His eyes fluttered open to see Brian watching him. He looked so sad.

"Brian."

"Hey, you're still here. I thought you'd be long gone by now."

Justin sat up and threw himself into Brian's arms. Brian hugged the soft sleep warmed boy. He buried his nose in Justin's hair. They held each other like that for several minutes. Justin was the one to break the silence.

"Brian, I need to tell you something and I need for you to listen to me and not interrupt, ok?"

Brian reluctantly nodded.

"When I asked you to take me back you misunderstood. I'm sorry it didn't come out right and I'm sorry I put you through all this. I never meant to hurt you."

Brian opened his mouth to speak but one look from Justin and he shut it again.

"I love you, Brian, and I'm staying. I wanted you to take me back so I could tell my parents my decision."

"You're staying?" Brian whispered.

"Yes."

Brian hated to ask but he needed to know, "Because of me?"

"Partly, but for myself as well. If I went back I'd be living a lie. I've weighed my options there are so many reasons to stay and not enough reasons to go."

"You'll have to walk away from your family."

Justin let out a shuddery breath. "I know; believe me I'm not looking forward to it. They'll be so angry. That's why I need you with me to help me through this. I don't want to do it alone."

Brian rocked Justin in his arms. "I'm here for you. Whatever you need me to do, I'll be here. The quilt looks good on the bed."

Justin laughed. "I told you it would."

"I'm sorry I yelled and acted like an asshole."

"Let's just put it behind us," Justin pleaded. Just then Justin's stomach rumbled. "You can make it up to me by taking me out for breakfast."

"Deal," Brian smiled.

Justin scrambled out of bed. "I just need to use the bathroom."

While Justin was in the bathroom Brian began to change out of his suit and into something casual. Justin came out and got a fresh pair of clothes for himself. He kept a few things at the loft in case he happened to stay over.

"Brian?"

"Hmm?"

"Now that you know I'm staying… are we partners?"

Brian leaned in and kissed Justin's soft lips. "Yeah we're partners." Brian was nearly blinded by Justin's smile.

&&&&&&&

Brian took Justin to brunch at a nice restaurant. Brian really shouldn't have been surprised at the amount of food Justin ordered. Justin had waffles and sausage with eggs on the side and a tall orange juice. While Brian had coffee and egg whites with dry whole wheat toast.

Justin shrugged a little. "I haven't eaten very much in the last few days."

Brian grabbed his free hand and squeezed it. They left their clasped hands on the table for all to see. At that moment Justin didn't care. He craved the contact with Brian. Brian didn't want to upset Justin, but he needed to know what would happen.

"So what exactly will happen?"

Justin looked confused.

"Is there some ritual to shunning?"

"Oh, I won't be shunned but it'll feel like it. It's rather complicated. To shun me I would have to be a member of the church, which I'm not. Had I decided to go back and stay they would have baptized me and accepted me into the church. To be shunned you'd have to do something really bad. I don't think butt fucking would qualify."

Brian huffed a laugh at Justin's bluntness.

"There was this one guy, Chris Hobbs. He raped this girl repeatedly. She got away from him and got the authorities involved which by the way is a big no, no."

"Fuck, what happened?"

"Chris only got a few months in jail. The girl got shunned and had to leave her family. When Chris got out all was forgiven and it was swept under the rug. The past is in the past."

"That's seriously fucked."

"Tell me about it. In my case I'll tell my parents my decision. After that I won't be welcome. If I wanted to stay in the area they couldn't really stop me but they'd make it unpleasant for me. I'll be dead to my family."

"Justin, are you sure you want to do this?"

Justin let out a sigh. "This isn't easy by any means, Brian, and I'm not looking forward to cutting my ties but I know I have to. If there was some way I didn't have to make a one or the other decision I'd do both. I don't want to hurt anybody but I know I have to do what's best for me. You're what's best for me, Brian."

"I never thought you'd stay," Brian confessed.

"As soon as we began building a relationship I knew I had to stay," Justin said softly.

&&&&&&&

The next day Brian began the long trip to Lancaster. Justin sat quietly in the passenger seat watching the scenery go by. He hugged a scraggily looking rag doll. He intended to give it back to his sister, Molly. As they got closer to their destination Justin gave Brian directions to his house.

"Uh better park on the road. We'll walk in."

Justin was wearing a blue hoodie and baggy cargo pants. He didn't want to upset his parents on sight.

"Wow, this is where you live?" Brian took in the huge sprawling white farmhouse.

"Yeah, that's home, at least it used to be."

Molly had been feeding the chickens in the side yard. She dropped her bucket when she saw Justin and ran to her brother.

"Justin! Justin! You're home!"

"Hi, Molly, miss me?" He hugged his sister tight and blinked back tears.

"Maybe just a little."

Justin laughed. "This is Brian; he's a good friend. Listen Molly, uh, I don't have a lot of time so I need you to listen to me. I've decided not to stay. As soon as I talk to mother and father I'm going back to Pittsburgh.

"Why don't you want to come back?" Justin could see the tears in her eyes.

"I would if I could, Molly. You won't really understand this but I'm in love with Brian. Brian is a man and an outsider. It'd never be allowed." Justin gave Molly back her doll. He pulled out a picture he'd hidden in the doll's apron. "This is so you don't forget me. That's me and Brian and his son Gus. Don't let father ever see it, ok?"

Molly hugged her brother tight. "I don't want you to go," Molly sniffed.

Brian had to look away. All this emotion was making him ill and they still had to face Justin's parents. Jennifer came outside and upon seeing her son, she ran to hug him.

"Oh Justin, you're back. Oh goodness, it's good to see you again. You look well."

"I missed you too, mother. Mother, this is Brian Kinney, a very good friend of mine."

Jennifer looked up at Brian. "It's good to meet you."

"Um, you too, Jennifer."

Justin instructed Brian to call his parents by their first names as the Amish didn't use Mr. or Mrs.

"Mother, I need to talk to you and father."

Jennifer could see the sadness in Justin's eyes and knew she was about to lose her only son.

"Then you best come in the house, you too, Brian."

Brian glanced around the rooms he could see. It was very sparse but tidy. He sat next to Justin on a low hard bench in the living room. Suddenly he felt like he was in church and the condemning to hell would begin any moment.

Craig entered the living room. "I see you're back."

"Yes father, my good friend, Brian Kinney, brought me back."

"You've had a year to get the wickedness out of you, boy. Are you ready to join the church and become a man?"

"I've given it a great deal of thought; it wasn't an easy decision for me. My host family was wonderful and I made some really good friends. I…I even fell in love." Justin didn't dare look at Brian just yet. "I wish I didn't have to choose. My decision has nothing to do with you or mother. I have to do what's best for me. I want to stay in Pittsburgh."

Jennifer silently wept.

"You're a disappointment. I did have hopes that you would see reason. You've let down the community. You were supposed to come back to us, get married and open your own furniture store. I have a fence jumper for a son," Craig muttered. "And just what do you plan to do with your life?"

Justin hadn't been prepared for that question. Truthfully he'd never thought about it. He couldn't, not with the impending decision hanging over his head.

Brian spoke up for Justin. "I'll make sure he gets the proper education he deserves. He has a job working at a diner. Your son has so much talent he'd be wasting it here. Justin took part in a small art showing recently. He made five hundred dollars off his sketches."

Craig snorted, "Money isn't everything."

"True, but at least you know he can support himself and he has me to watch out for him. He can still be a craftsman or an artist. Whatever he wants to do, he'll succeed."

Craig glared at Brian. "Did you talk him into leaving his family?"

"No, personally I thought he'd come back here to stay. I would be more likely to tell him to go back home. Justin is a man and he can make his own decisions, however hard they might be."

Justin fidgeted in his seat. "Father I have something to confess. I'm gay, I… I'm a homosexual."

Craig's face turned a deep shade of red.

"Brian and I are lovers; he's my partner" Justin whispered.

Craig was so mad he began yelling at Justin in German. Though Brian couldn't understand what was being said he had an idea. When it looked like Craig would hit Justin he pushed Justin behind him prepared to face Craig's wrath himself.

"Get out of my house; you are dead to me! I no longer have a son."

Brian put his arm around Justin not giving a flying fuck if he offended the family and left with Justin who was already crying.

"Is there anything you wanted to take with you?"

"No, there's nothing. This isn't my life anymore."

Jennifer came running out of the house and hugged Justin to her one last time. She looked up over Justin's shoulder at Brian.

"Take care of my son."

"I will; you may not like it but I love your son very much."

Brian wrapped his arm around Justin and led him back to the Jeep. Justin hiccupped and there was a little hitch to his breathing. "Take me home," Justin murmured.

On the long ride back to Pittsburgh Justin cried till he exhausted himself and fell asleep. When Brian pulled the Jeep into his parking spot it was late. He got out of the Jeep and went around to the other side. He opened the door and lightly shook Justin awake.

"Hey, we're here."

The sadness in Justin's eyes cut Brian like a knife. He put his arm around Justin and led the way through the building and up to the loft. Brian thought maybe a shower would do Justin some good and make him feel a little better. He got Justin into the bathroom and undressed. Brian got the water running and stripped off his clothes. Justin looked like a lost little boy. Brian took his hand and pulled him under the spray. He slowly soaped Justin up from head to toe; there was nothing sexual about it. He was trying to be a caring partner.

He washed Justin's hair with his own expensive citrus soap. Justin wrapped his arms around him and laid his head on Brian's chest. They stood there under the spray of water like that till Brian pulled them out. He wrapped Justin in a warm towel and dried him off. Justin still looked exhausted. Justin let Brian dress him in sweats and a t-shirt then he crawled into bed curling up into a ball. Brian pulled on a pair of briefs knowing he wouldn't be fucking Justin tonight. Justin buried his head in Brian's neck. They held onto each other all night.

The next morning when Justin woke up the enormity of what had happened hit him. His eyes stung with tears that soon began trailing down his cheeks.

"I was going to ask how you were but I guess I don't need to."

"I'm sorry, I… I can't seem to stop. My father hates me."

"You're dad's a prick who doesn't know what a treasure he lost. You need to forget about them and start your new life." Brian thumbed away Justin's tears. "You're going to make yourself sick being this upset."

Brian got up to pour himself a good stiff drink even though it was only 9 am. He couldn't stand to see Justin cry. He was hurt and there was fuck all he could do about it. Watching Justin sob his guts out was making him feel guilty. Justin said this was what he wanted. When he checked on Justin again the boy was sobbing quietly under the quilt. He couldn't take it anymore, he called for reinforcements. He called Daphne; she knew what Justin was going through.

&&&&&&&

"I got here as soon as I could," Daphne said. "I'm glad he's staying."

"Yeah, well I hope he isn't regretting his decision. I'm worried about him. He won't stop crying. He's going to end up making himself sick. I said I'd be there for him but I can't watch this."

"Do you want me to take him to Deb's and watch over him?"

Brian let out a sigh of relief. "Would you?"

"Sure. He'll be all right; right now he just needs to grieve. I'll go up to talk to him."

Daphne went up the bedroom stairs sat down next to the lump and gently pulled back the quilt.

"Hey, Justin," she pulled a wet and soggy Justin into a hug. "I'm so glad you're staying. I would have missed you like crazy if you'd left."

"Hi, Daphne."

"I know it's tough but you just have to mourn and move on." She held him tight to her. Her own eyes were misting over at the memory of walking away from her own parents. It was one of the hardest things she ever did.

"It will get easier I promise." She got a good look at Justin. He looked miserable, no wonder Brian was uncomfortable. "Come on; I'll take you back to Deb's and we'll hang out. I won't leave till Sunshine comes back. You're freaking Brian out. He can't stand to see you like this. Soggy Justin freaks him out."

Justin giggled and hiccupped at the same time. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to freak him out. I just can't seem to help it."

"I know; come on." She led him down to the living room.

Justin went over to hug Brian. "I'm sorry."

Brian placed a kiss on Justin's damp, flushed face. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. I just want you to feel better. How about I call you every night to see how you're doing."

"I'd like that."

&&&&&&&

Justin was fairly quiet on the way to Deb's. When they got there they went up to Justin's room and lounged on the bed.

"So tell me all about it."

"Well, Brian and I had a big misunderstanding. He thought I wanted to go back. It was mostly my fault. It didn't come out right, but I fixed it. Brian took me back home. Molly missed me. I tried to explain to her why I wasn't staying but…"

Daphne shook his knee. "Hey, maybe she'll be a rebel like her brother and come look you up." Daphne smiled when she got a little laugh out of Justin.

Justin got this faraway look on his face when he recalled the rest. "Brian and I sat down in the living room with my parents."

Daphne let out a puff of air. "I bet that was lots of fun. He must really love you."

"I told my parents I wanted to stay in Pittsburgh. Father wasn't too happy." A ghost of a smile crossed Justin's face. "Brian defended me to father. Ugh, my father said some awful things to me. At least he did it in German so Brian didn't know what he was saying, but I got the impression he's heard it all before."

"Yeah, Brian had a pretty rough childhood."

"It was so hard, Daph. My father said I was dead to him."

"I know it hurts, Justin."

"How did you deal with it?"

"I cried a lot of tears, then I got angry and I cried some more. Then when I was ready I just slowly started to move on with my life. It was what I wanted after all. I had friends to help me get started in the right direction. You have friends to help you when you're ready. I'll help you, Brian will help you. He's the most organized man on the planet."

Justin giggled, "I love him so much and I feel awful that I'm making him feel bad. It has nothing to do with him."

"I think he knows Justin. He just can't stand to see you hurting like this."

"Just between you and me, sometimes I want to go back and throw myself at their feet and say I'm sorry, that I take it all back if they wouldn't be mad at me and disappointed." Justin began to sob quietly.

"I felt the same way. It'll pass, Justin."

"I know I can't. I won't go back."

"Does Brian know?"

"That all I have to do is confess my sins, join the church and get married? No. I'm not going to tell him either. He thinks this is permanent. I don't want him to think that one day I'll leave him to go back to the simple life. I won't do it and I won't hurt him."

"Then it'll just be between us. Come on; let's get you something to eat. Brian would kill me if I let you get sick."

&&&&&&&

Deb and Vic were both overjoyed that Justin had decided to stay. Vic had to keep Deb from smothering the boy with her motherly love. For the better part of two weeks Justin walked around in a daze like the walking dead. Every time he thought of home he would burst into tears. Brian called every night though to check how he was doing and it helped him a lot.

&&&&&&&

When Daphne knew Justin was ready to move on with his life, she gave Brian a call. Brian was relieved to hear that Justin was doing much better. He told them to come over to the loft. When Brian and Justin reunited it was a spectacular sight. Brian lifted Justin off the floor in a big hug. The happy couple couldn't stop kissing. Daphne just couldn't bring herself to look away. She watched in fascination at the passion emanating off them.

"I missed you," Brian whispered.

"Me too. I'm feeling a lot better now."

"Good."

"I was hoping you could help me get started with my new life. It's so overwhelming and I don't know what to do or where to start."

"All you have to do is ask." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Daphne start to leave. "Where are you going? Get back in here. Justin's going to need your help too."

Daphne smiled. "Yay, I'm included in the plans."

Justin laughed which was music to Brian's ears.

"Of course you are, you're my friend."

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