Devil's Playground

Chapter 18

As the leaves changed color on the trees Brian's mood began to darken. Bit by bit he started to pull away from Justin in the hopes it would hurt less. Justin didn't quite pick up on it at first, thinking Brian's work was taking up a lot of his time. Justin noticed that when they were together Brian didn't touch him as much as he used to. Actually his moods would swing from being aloof and ambivalent to loving partner who wanted to cuddle. In the back of his mind Justin knew what must be bothering Brian. He wanted to reassure Brian but he was having a difficult time himself coming to terms with his decision.

Justin had finished Brian's quilt awhile ago. He thought now might be a good time to give it to him and they needed to have a talk. Justin bundled up Brian's quilt in a bag and hung it from his bike handle. He rode his bike to Brian's loft. Justin pressed the button next to Brian's name.

"Hey, it's me. Can I come up?"

"Sure."

Justin climbed the stairs up to the top floor. Brian had left the door open for him. He slipped inside and shut the door.

"Hey," Justin said tentatively.

"Hey," Brian smiled slightly. "I was just about to order dinner. What's in the bag?"

Justin had been holding the bag in front of him like a shield, not knowing what kind of mood Brian was currently in.

"It's for you; it's a gift."

Brian took the bag and pulled out the folded quilt.

"I, uh, thought it would look nice on the bed."

Brian ran his hand lightly over the colorful fabric. "It's beautiful."

Justin smiled shyly, secretly pleased that Brian liked it. He had worked hard on it.

"That particular pattern is called an architect's wheel. I thought it was appropriate."

Brian huffed a laugh.

"Um, Brian, can we talk?"

Brian felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. Suddenly he wasn't hungry anymore. He knew that his time with Justin was drawing to a close. Were they really going to have this conversation now? Did Justin give him this quilt as a parting gift? Brian suddenly felt ill. Slowly he walked over to the sofa and all but collapsed. Brian gazed at Justin with sad eyes.

"So talk."

Justin sank down in a chair facing Brian. "Things between us have been a bit strained lately. I think I know why and I'm sorry I've caused you pain."

"Sorry's bullshit," Brian replied almost automatically.

"Yeah well, I'm still sorry. This is extremely difficult for me too. I really need you right now Brian. You're so strong. I have a favor to ask you."

Brian looked at Justin expectantly. Justin nervously ran his hand through his long hair. "I'd like you to take me back to Lancaster; I'd really like you to be by my side. I need someone strong to help me through this."

Brian felt like he had died inside. Justin wanted to go back, not that he expected any different. He ached down to his core. He never felt the things he felt for Justin before; now it was all being ripped away from him. It hurt so fucking much.

"No."

Justin frowned. "No?"

"Justin, you can ask me for anything and chances are I'd give it to you, but don't ask me this." Brian tried to build his walls back up quickly that Justin had so cleverly and covertly knocked down. "Daphne brought you here, Daphne can take you back."

"But I want you," Justin said quietly.

"I said no!" Brian yelled.

Justin flinched. Brian had never yelled at him before. Brian stormed up to the bedroom to grab his boots and jacket. He needed to get the fuck out of there.

"It's time we went our own ways. We both knew this day would come. If you think I'm gonna hold your hand and take you back to your mommy and daddy and say 'see ya have a nice life' well think again. Let's just end it here."

Justin's voice wavered. "Why are you doing this?" Justin was stunned by the hostility. "Brian…. You don't understand."

"Oh, I think I do. Really it's probably the best thing for you. Hey it was fun while it lasted." Brian shoved the quilt into Justin's chest. "Take it, I don't fucking want it."

Justin gasped; tears spilled down his cheeks.

"When I come back I expect you gone. Goodbye, Justin."

Justin squeezed the quilt to his chest and let out a whimpering cry. He flinched as the loft door slammed shut. Justin stared off into nothingness hugging the quilt to him. He rocked slowly back and forth. Somehow everything had gone all wrong; this wasn't the way it was supposed to happen.

&&&&&&&

Brian ended up at Woody's with the intent to get massively drunk. He sat down at the bar and grunted at the bartender. "Double Beam and keep them coming; better yet just leave the fucking bottle."

Brian slammed back his first and second drink in rapid succession, enjoying the slow burn he felt. He wanted to be numb; Brian didn't want to feel anything. He would have found a trick to suck his dick if he wasn't so damn depressed. He didn't think he could fucking get it up. How pathetic, somehow he misplaced his cock and balls and became a big pussy. Well at least there were still drugs. He snorted a line of white powder off the back of his hand and downed another shot. He'd be damned if he'd feel any pain.

Michael came in and noticed the shape Brian was in.

"Hey Mikey, come and have a drink with me."

Michael sat down next to Brian. "Are you all right?"

"I'm absolutely peachy, on top of the fucking world," Brian slurred.

"Uh huh," Michael said somewhat sarcastically. "What did he do?"

Brian downed another shot before answering. "He's leaving me; the farm calls. I don't blame him. Who would want me? I'm an asshole; always have been always will be."

Michael was working himself up for a big tirade. "It's about time he left. You know I don't feel sorry for you. You should have never gotten involved with that kid, you knew he'd leave."

Brian looked at his so called friend, blurry eyed. "Yeah, I knew. I just didn't expect it to hurt this much. A tiny part of me hoped he'd want to stay." Brian shrugged sadly and tried to down another drink but Michael took it away from him.

"Oh no, I think you've had enough. He's not worth fucking killing yourself over."

"Yes, he is," Brian whispered. "It hurts so much," Brian moaned.

To Michael's astonishment and horror Brian began to cry drunken tears. Michael shoved the shot back into Brian's hand, anything to get him to stop this pitiful display.

Finally Michael got Brian to leave with him. Brian was very drunk and he'd be a chore to get home. Brian began a drunken rendition of "You are my Sunshine."

"My Sunshine, My only Sunshine. You make me horny every day…Please don't take my Sunshine away."

"Christ, Brian, you're going to wake up the whole building."

Michael stumbled into the loft with Brian. They almost fell over. Brian wasn't exactly light when he was drunk.

Justin had fallen asleep on the sofa. He couldn't bring himself to leave. He couldn't leave things the way they were. He had to make Brian listen to him. The sound of Brian stumbling around woke him up. Brian came up short when he saw him.

"Sunshine, My Sunshine." Brian stumbled over to him. He sang softly and drunkenly in Justin's ear. "You'll never know how much I love you. They took my Sunshine away."

The fumes coming off Brian nearly knocked Justin over or maybe it was the fact that Brian was leaning on him heavily.

"What the fuck are you still doing here?" Michael yelled. "Get the fuck out of here. You've caused enough damage."

"Is he going to be ok?"

"Yeah, no thanks to you."

"I need to lay down now, tired," Brian murmured.

Michael moved to drag Brian up the stairs and to bed. Reluctantly Justin left. Brian wasn't in any shape to hold a conversation. He felt awful that he caused Brian so much pain.

&&&&&&&

When Brian woke up the next morning he felt positively wretched. He felt like someone ran him over with a semi using all eighteen wheels, and then used his tongue to clean up the backroom. He wondered if he'd feel better if he threw up. He staggered into the bathroom; with a belly full of booze not long ago consumed, it wasn't hard to bring most of it back up. As he lay bent over the bowl panting he thought to himself that, no indeed, he did not feel better. Brian rinsed out his mouth and brushed his teeth then downed a couple aspirin. He got dressed for work and dragged his ass to the office; it was going to be a long day.

Cynthia could tell immediately something was wrong with Brian. He looked like hell and he glared at anyone who dared to make eye contact with him. She gave him an hour to himself then she would brave the lion's den to see what was wrong. The thing that got her attention was that the photos of Justin were turned face down on the desk. She kind of suspected that was the trouble.

"Are you ok, boss?"

He looked at her with a blank yet slightly pissed off look. He didn't dignify her question with a response.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving for a business trip. I need to get away for a few days. You can make the arrangements.

"Ok, where?"

"Boston or maybe the Berkshires I don't care. I want to leave as soon as possible."

&&&&&&&

Justin went to Brian's loft in the hopes of making things right between Brian and himself. He pressed the door buzzer repeatedly with no answer. Normally he wouldn't intrude on Brian's privacy but he really needed to talk to Brian and make him understand. Justin carefully punched in the code and let himself into the building. He took the stairs up to Brian's loft and knocked on the door. Not getting any answer he wondered if Brian was really gone or just ignoring him. He took out the key that Brian had given him but never used. He turned it over and over before sighing and sticking it in the lock.

Justin let himself in. Upon inspection Brian wasn't there. He paced from the living room to the kitchen running his hand through his hair in frustration. Then it occurred to him that Brian was probably simply at work. Justin carefully locked the loft back up and walked to the bus stop.

The bus dropped Justin off several blocks from Brian's place of work. Justin walked the rest of the way using that time to think of what he would say to Brian. Justin was looking a little lost when he entered the building. He'd only been there once and then he was with Brian. The receptionist called out to him.

"Can I help you?"

"Um yes, I'd like to see Brian Kinney please."

"Oh I'm sorry, I believe Mr. Kinney's already left."

Justin bit his lip and fidgeted then he suddenly remembered the kind blonde woman.

"Um, could I talk to Cynthia then?"

"I'll check. What's your name?"

"Justin Taylor."

After a few moments she said, "Cynthia will be right down. You can wait for her over there." She pointed to a bank of chairs.

Cynthia rushed over to Justin. She noted that Justin looked just as bad as Brian.

"Justin, are you all right? What can I do for you?"

"Where's Brian? I need to talk to him."

"I'm sorry Justin he just left for the airport on business. He's going to be gone for three days. Did you two have a fight?" she asked quietly.

"It wasn't so much a fight. Brian's upset my year is just about up…" he left the sentence unfinished.

She nodded filling in the blanks for herself. "He'll be back in three days."

Justin was suddenly exhausted mentally and physically. "Could you call me a cab?"

"Of course, Justin," she rubbed his shoulder.

Justin gave the cab driver Brian's address. He'd wait for Brian to return, then he'd make Brian listen to him. Justin had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from bursting into tears. He paid the cab driver then let himself into the loft. He stood in the middle of the loft with a faraway look on his face. At that moment he really needed to hear Brian's voice. He slowly took out his phone and pressed one and waited.

&&&&&&&

As Brian sat in the airport lounge waiting for his flight to be called his phone went off. He pulled out his phone and checked the number. A lump formed in his throat when he saw it was Justin. He hesitated briefly before shutting his phone off and put it back in his pocket.

&&&&&&&

When Justin didn't get an answer all his sadness and frustration bubbled over. With a loud pain filled cry he hurled his phone at the brick wall where it smashed to pieces. He was happy to see the infernal thing shattered on the floor. He never liked it anyway. Justin collapsed to the hardwood floor sobbing loudly, each sob felt like it was being ripped from his chest. He curled up in a little ball, his tears soaking the oak floor.

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