Chapter 6

The Infamous Rage Party

Justin got the message that Brian was looking for him. He looked all around but couldn't find him. That usually meant one thing, that he was in the backroom. Justin prayed that he was wrong but his heart sank with despair and disappointment when he saw him fucking Rage.

Justin left the backroom in a daze. He wanted to be away from the party, away from the situation, just away. People congratulated him. He did his best to smile. Then he spotted Ethan in the crowd and was instantly relieved. He smiled a genuine smile and made his way over.

"I was practicing and it sounded like shit. Then I realized it's all your fault."

"My fault?"

"I tried to forget about you but I can't; you're all I think about."

Brian came out of the backroom and saw them together. Ethan kissed Justin hungrily. He sadly looked over his shoulder at Brian not sure that he would win Justin's heart. Justin turned to see Brian. Brian gave him this weird little smile. Justin took Ethan's hand and walked out of Babylon.

Trixie watched the whole exchange from her little corner of Babylon. It was too horrible to watch but it was like a car accident you just couldn't turn away. She knew something wasn't right. She liked Justin; he was a good kid. She'd check on him to make sure he was ok. She left the building searching for them. She found Justin in a state of distress. Ethan was hovering way too close.

"Back off!" She snarled and pushed him aside giving Justin air. He was having a panic attack.

"Hey, I'm his boyfriend!"

Trixie rolled her eyes in disgust. "Funny, I thought you were playing second fiddle to Brian."

She gave Justin room to breathe but had her arms out in case he collapsed.

Trixie whispered, "Justin, relax honey, breathe ok."

"I can't do this," Justin whimpered.

Trixie slowly put her arm around him. "I'll take you wherever you want to go."

Justin looked at her helplessly.

"I can take care of him," Ethan insisted.

"Obviously you can't. Did you even know he suffered from panic attacks?"

"No," he admitted.

"You don't even know who he is, do you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"My point exactly, if you knew about him you'd know his medical condition. Even a fag hag, dominatrix slut, drug dealer like myself knows more about him than you do." She hailed a cab. "He's Justin fucking Taylor, that's who." She maneuvered Justin into the cab. She'd get things patched up. "Take us to 6 Fuller on the corner of Tremont."

She took out her cell phone and pressed one that automatically dialed Brian's cell phone. She hoped he had it with him. The only reason she had his number programmed was he was her best customer. With the amount of money he gave her she just might go to college yet.

Brian felt his phone vibrate. He checked the display; it was Trixie. He moved someplace quieter to take the call.

"Brian, it's Trixie. Get your ass back to the loft now. Justin needs you."

"How can he need me when he left for another guy?"

"No, he didn't. He got outside and had a panic attack. He's in a cab with me now. Meet us at the loft or you will feel my wrath."

"I'm on my way."

"Good boy."

Trixie stayed with Justin till Brian arrived. He'd been real quiet and hadn't said a word. They sat holding hands so he could take comfort from the contact. When Brian arrived she kissed Justin on the cheek.

"Trixie, thanks and you're not a slut."

"Anytime, Justin." She thought for a moment then whispered to him. "Anytime you need a place to stay you're always welcome."

As she left she gave Brian a look that said you better work this out and not fuck things up.

Justin's shoulders shook with the force of his sobs. He was tired and didn't know what to do. He had screwed everything up.

"Justin, what's wrong?"

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave you."

Brian stood there rooted to the floor. Justin was curled up on the couch.

"Brian, I need you, I want you. I screwed up and you'll probably never forgive me."

He went over to Justin and held him.

"You're too hard on yourself. There's enough blame to go around for everyone."

Brian thumbed away his tears.

Justin whimpered as he tried to get out the words. "Remember, you said it was my choice where I wanted to be. I choose you Brian, I choose you."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure about anything. Things will never be the same though. How can you ever trust me again when I cheated on you?"

"Trust is something that is earned over time. I'm sure there's something where I still need to earn your trust."

"Do you want me to move out until things aren't so complicated?"

Brian chuckled. "When haven't they been complicated? Why don't we just take it slowly and decide as we go along, ok?"

"Yeah, ok."

Justin put his head on Brian's shoulder.

Brian whispered into his hair. "You asked me once if I'd miss you if you were gone, if I'd care. Truth is I can't live without you, Justin. I'd miss you very much and I never want to find out what living without you is like."

"Me either."

Justin snuggled into the warm confines of Brian's arms. They wrapped their arms around each other and held on for dear life, both terrified of what might have been.

The End

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