Chapter 1

Authors note: This story is dedicated to all those who've had their own personal Chris Hobbs to deal with, myself included. To my best friend and confidant Karen T. who's been like a sister to me. Also to Eric who gave me valuable advice. "Never put up with their shit; you don't deserve it." We can't let the Chris Hobbs' of the world rule our life.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Brian couldn't believe the one eighty Jennifer Taylor was pulling. It wasn't even twenty four hours later that she had ordered him to stay away from her son. Now she was all but begging him to take him off her hands, unfucking believable. Secretly he was glad, now he'd be able to spend time with Justin and make sure he was all right. He'd make sure he got the best care possible.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Brian arrived at the Taylor residence in the early afternoon. He knocked on the door and Jennifer let him in with a stiff nod.

"Justin, Brian's here," she called out.

Brian watched Justin make his way down the stairs. He carried one suitcase. Most of his stuff was still waiting for him at the loft. Justin smiled but somehow Brian saw that the smile didn't quite reach his sparkling blue eyes.

"Hey Brian."

"Hey Sunshine, why don't you take that out to the Jeep? I'll be right there. I'm sure you come with a whole bunch of instructions and how to care for papers."

Justin rolled his eyes and headed for the front door.

Jennifer gathered up Justin's pills and a neatly written out instruction sheet.

"Here's his pills and the times he should take them. Make sure he takes the pain pill. He gets terrible migraines and needs to be in a dark quiet place when one comes on. He's been very emotional. His mood swings are all over the place and he has nightmares nearly every night."

"Well I don't need much sleep. I wasn't planning on sleeping tonight anyway, just in case he needs me. I'll take care of him. He'll be fine; he's the strongest kid I know."

"Brian he's going to be a handful. I hope you know what you're getting into and I want you to call me if there's a problem. He won't go out into crowds and touching him has been nearly impossible."

"We'll work on that and he'll be fine."

Brian stuffed the bottles of pills in his leather jacket and folded up the instructions list. He stuffed it into the side pocket. As Brian made his way to the jeep he could see Justin was struggling with the seatbelt. Had he been struggling with it the whole time? He got in on the driver's side.

"Fuck!" Justin shouted.

Brian took the belt from him and easily snapped it in place.

"I got it."

As Brian drove back to the loft Justin cheered up some but he was acting bratty and immature, a side that Brian rarely ever saw. When Hobbs' name came up he became sullen. When Brian pulled into his parking space he unlatched Justin's belt then his own. He got the suitcase out of the back. They walked in silence to the elevator. Justin became quiet and almost withdrawn. When they got into the elevator Justin huddled in a corner away from him. Brian decided to let it drop for now.

Brian unlocked the loft and Justin slowly walked in. His eyes trailed around the loft like he'd never seen it before or he was trying to see if anything had changed since he last stayed here. Justin took his suitcase and wandered up to the bedroom and started to unpack. Brian placed his pills on the counter. He sat down and skimmed over the instructions. He checked the time and saw that it would soon be time for Justin to take a pill.

Brian looked up when Justin left the bedroom. He noticed he'd put on his hoodie sweatshirt on top of the long sleeved shirt he was already wearing. Justin huddled into a ball at one end of the couch. He crossed over to where Justin was and crouched down.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, I'm just cold."

"Oh, so why are you so quiet? Normally you never shut up."

Justin smiled slightly. "I just don't feel like talking."

Brian got up.

"Brian, thank you for letting me stay here with you. Mom was just making it worse. She was suffocating me."

"You can always come here when you need to."

Brian flipped up the hood on Justin's sweater without touching him. He yanked down on the strings, and smiling he looked at Justin. He looked like a little boy sitting there.

"Aw, don't you look cute."

"Brian," Justin giggled as he loosened the strings.

Brian made his way into the kitchen and made them each a turkey sandwich. He brought it to Justin with an already opened bottle of water. He anticipated ahead of time that he might have trouble twisting off the cap. Justin picked at his sandwich.

"Justin, it's a sandwich; even I can't fuck that up. You need to eat something so you can take your meds."

The silence was getting to Brian. He needed to create a pleasant diversion to distract Justin and it couldn't be sex, hmm that was a stumper. Then Brian had an idea and smiled. He went over to the TV and slipped in Justin's favorite tape into the VCR. The Yellow Submarine began to play. Brian could see the tense muscles start to relax and more of Justin's sandwich disappeared. He dropped a pill into Justin's hand and watched as he took it. Then he wandered over to his desk to try to get some work done. Maybe Justin just needed a little time to himself. Even though Brian had a mandatory week off from work he still planned on staying on top of everything.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Justin knew he was probably being painfully obvious. When he went into the bathroom he just couldn't help going slowly. He took his time brushing his teeth and going to the bathroom. Justin didn't know why he felt dread but he knew Brian would want to have sex. He wanted to too but he just didn't think he could handle it right now. He longed to be in Brian's arms but touching felt odd. It was hard to explain how he felt. The pressure of someone else's skin against his just freaked him out. He hoped it would pass quickly. Brian loved to touch and be touched. If he denied Brian who knew how long he'd be welcome here.

He took a deep breath and exited the safe haven of the bathroom. He dressed in shorts and one of his long sleeve shirts. Brian was there waiting for him naked on the bed. Justin crawled into bed but huddled on the edge far away from Brian. He just couldn't shake the uncertainty and fear. Brian would never hurt him that wasn't even an issue.

"What are you doing all the way over there? Come closer."

Justin tentatively slid closer.

"You want to take off some of those clothes? You might get overheated."

With a little laugh he pulled off his shirt and wiggled out of his shorts letting the discarded clothes drop to the side of the bed. Brian leaned in and tentatively kissed Justin. The kiss was nice so when Brian requested that he roll over he did. Maybe he could do this after all and everything would be fine. Justin felt the heat of Brian's body enveloping him. The crackle and tear of the condom wrapper seemed loud in the quiet loft. All too soon he could feel Brian pressing against his entrance. He felt himself tense. He couldn't calm down enough to relax, his senses were reeling.

Justin flinched "No don't, don't, I can't" he choked out.

As soon as he was free of Brian's weight he moved to the edge of the bed. He hung his head in embarrassment and quietly sobbed in frustration. Why couldn't he just be normal? He felt Brian sitting next to him.

"It's ok," Brian whispered.

"No it's not," Justin whimpered.

He put his hand out. He ached to touch the trembling shoulder but his hand fell short. He wanted to take Justin in his arms and comfort him but right now that would do more harm than good. It was stupid of him to try to fuck Justin when he clearly wasn't ready. Again he fucked up. Is anybody surprised?

Brian got up and went to the bathroom closing the door. He'd give Justin a little time to himself while he took care of a growing need. He stripped off the unused condom and threw it away. His cock was still hard as a rock. As he took his cock in his hand he imagined Justin's sweet full lips around him. Justin gave the best blow jobs ever. He may have taught him the formalities but Justin turned it into a form of art. Thinking of Justin caused pre cum to seep out of his slit. He spread it along his shaft, fisting his cock with long even strokes. His other hand palmed his full sac, tugging gently he stifled a moan. Brian brushed his thumb over his weeping slit causing delicious sensations. His back arched and his mouth fell open, he was real close. Just a few more tugs and he exploded. Creamy cum shot out of his pulsating dick and landed in the toilet bowl. After he got his breath back he flushed and washed his hands. It was very unsatisfying but at least he got rid of the steel bar between his legs. Maybe now he could think more clearly.

Justin was still curled up where he left him. He went around the bed and found his jeans tugging them on.

"Are you mad at me?" Justin asked quietly.

"No, why would I be mad? I screwed up. It was way too soon."

"Are you going out?"

"No, I just put on some pants. I'm going to sit right here with you until you fall asleep. Now just lay back and relax. You're probably exhausted."

"What about you?"

"Don't worry about me."

Brian tucked Justin into the middle of the big bed. He grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom and wet it. He came back and gently wiped away the remnants of tonight's tears.

"Kiss you goodnight?" Brian asked hesitantly.

Justin nodded slightly. Brian leaned over slowly and gently grazed his lips with a sweet kiss. Justin settled back and closed his eyes. Brian sat there watching over his boy. This wasn't a chore he minded doing; he liked to watch Justin sleep. He always looked so young and innocent laying there. It made him want to protect him even more. He couldn't pretend he knew what Justin was going through exactly but it still hurt like hell to be rejected. He was Brian Kinney for fuck's sake. He didn't get rejected. It was in the realm of impossibility.

After Justin had been asleep for awhile Brian headed out to Woody's. He didn't intend on leaving Justin long in case he was needed. Brian knew when he was in over his head and this was one of those times. He sought out a shrink he knew frequented there often. He was skeptical of the advice he received. How the hell was he supposed to trigger his memory.

On his way home he stopped in a store to pick up a little gift for Justin. He didn't know whether he was drunk or just tired that possessed him to do such a thing. He figured if he couldn't hold him maybe this would be the next best thing.

Brian entered the loft quietly and went up to check on Justin; he seemed to be ok. Brian placed the stuffed brown bear in his arms. In his sleep he seemed to snuggle up to it. He then stopped off at the medicine cabinet to take something that would keep him awake. He remembered that he had some old books in his storage closet that might be of help. Sitting on the floor he went through a carton of books that he had kept from his college days. He found the one he was looking for and took it to the couch to flip through. It was a workbook type of book on sex and relations. Brian figured this would be more Justin's speed when he saw what the first activity was. The first activity was holding hands on a bed fully clothed for ten minutes. Brian groaned inwardly. It all sounded painfully tedious.

Brian heard noises coming from the bedroom. He rushed to Justin's side. The boy was in the throes of a bad nightmare. He was crying out in his sleep and beads of sweat dotted his forehead. Without thinking Brian grabbed him by the shoulders to shake him awake. As Justin was awoken from his dream his hand flailed out and struck Brian.

"Fuck!" Brian hissed.

"Brian, oh God did I hit you?"

"Yeah don't worry about it. I guess I'll have to find a safer way to wake you up. You were having a nightmare."

"Did I hurt you?" Justin cringed at what he'd done.

"Little bit, you got a wicked swing."

"Brian, would you stay with me?"

"Sure."

Brian began to strip off his clothes and crawl into bed making sure not to crowd Justin. Justin noticed the bear by him and frowned. He held up the bear for Brian to see.

"Is this Gus' bear?"

"No."

Justin smirked, "Then what is it doing in your bed?"

"I got it for you. You won't let me touch you so I thought maybe that would be something non-threatening you could hold on to till its ok for me to touch you again."

Justin smiled down at the bear in his arms. "Aw Brian, that's so sweet."

"If you tell anyone I swear I will deny it."

Justin hugged the bear close to him smiling. "I'm going to call him Brian."

Brian rolled his eyes. "How original." Brian propped himself up on his arms so he could look at Justin. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"It was just a stupid dream. I wish I could control them. It was dark mostly. I got a sense of being alone, cold and scared."

"It'll pass. Think you can go to sleep now?"

Justin shrugged. "What about you? Don't you have work tomorrow?"

"No, they gave me a mandatory week off. They didn't want the bad publicity."

"Oh."

"It's ok I can work from here and that just means more time I get to spend with you."

Justin smiled. "Well when you put it that way it doesn't sound nearly as bad."

"Get some sleep, Sonny boy, I'm not going anywhere."

Brian laid there for the rest of the night keeping watch over Justin like he used to do at the hospital, only this time Justin was aware of his presence.

Come morning Brian's eyes felt like lead. He needed some coffee to kick start his system. Justin slept through the rest of the night without any problems thankfully. When Justin got up Brian poured him some cereal. Justin ate with his left hand. If he wasn't so tired he might have laughed. He looked like Gus when he attempted to eat. It was awkward for him to use his other hand. Justin sat quietly reading the paper while Brian worked on his third cup of coffee.

"Brian did I really have this coming to me? Did I flaunt myself?"

"Justin, nobody deserves to be bashed. What the hell are you reading?" He snatched the paper away and noticed yet another article on the prom incident. "Ok, no more of this." He threw the paper in the trash. "The people who think you deserved this are fucking idiots. Ok, you did nothing wrong, so don't even try blaming yourself."

Justin sat there quietly.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Brian spent the day trying to get Justin to remember something, anything. Justin felt bad; Brian was trying so hard and he looked worn out and tired. He wished he could remember something. He felt nothing when Brian took him to the parking garage where it happened. He thought maybe he'd be at least a little afraid. It all felt like a story to him that happened to someone else. He could see how upset Brian was getting. It must have been awful for Brian, holding him on the cold cement and watching his blood pour out of his head. Brian was shaking and barely suppressing his tears. Justin wished he could allow himself to hold Brian. No one seemed to care how Brian fared in all of this. He didn't come out of this unscathed either.

Back at the loft they tossed the nerf ball back and forth. His hand was stiff and it was hard to grip the ball. When his hand began to tremble he allowed Brian to massage his hand to loosen up the muscles. Brian's touch was light and gentle. When he was done Justin gripped his hand as best he could in a light squeeze. He looked into Brian's eye's trying to convey how much he appreciated the man.

That night in bed Brian hesitated to bring up Gus' party. He knew he'd have a tough time getting him there, if not down right impossible. Lindsay had called him earlier requesting that he and Justin both be at the party.

"Justin, Lindsay wants us both at Gus' birthday party. She knows you can't be around crowds yet. She said we could be on the porch, just you and me, and watch the festivities from there."

Justin sighed "Brian, I really don't want to go. I love Gus and I want to be there for him, but I just don't think I can do it."

"I'm not going to force you. If you don't want to go I'm sure Lindz will understand."

"You're going, aren't you? You're not going to stay here and babysit me, are you?"

"Well it would be the perfect excuse."

"Brian, no, you can't miss your son's first birthday."

"He won't know the difference."

"Well I will and I'm not going to be the cause of you missing something as important as that."

"Justin, your health is way more important than a party. If you don't think you can handle it, don't push it."

"I'll go if you promise no people hovering over me and you won't leave my side the entire time."

"Geez, what if I have to piss?" Brian smirked.

Justin laughed. "Then I'll be right there with you."

Brian sighed, "All right, it's a deal. You have to promise something too, if at anytime you need to leave just say the word and we're out of there, ok?"

"I promise. I can't believe Gus is already a year old."

"Uhhh, I don't want to think about it."

Justin nudged his shoulder a bit. "You're not old Brian; you'll be handsome forever."

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Brian kept his word. No one approached them when they arrived at the party. Justin felt like a freak that everyone had to tiptoe around. With Brian nearby he didn't feel as uneasy. They could see the party from the porch. He felt bad that Brian couldn't be down where his son was, helping him open his presents. Brian had assured him this was where he wanted to be. He was never big on birthdays to begin with.

He smiled slightly when he heard Brian telling Lindsay if she made a man out of his son he was going to hold her personally responsible. That's when he saw the toy bat swing through the air. He suddenly went cold inside and had trouble breathing. Flashes of a bat flew across his vision and he swore he heard the crack of a bat.

Brian happened to glance at Justin. The color had drained from the boy's face and he was swaying on his feet.

"Justin."

He was at his side in seconds holding him close. Fuck, he had forgotten about the bat. He must be remembering something. A war waged in Justin. He wanted Brian to hold him and yet he didn't want to be touched. His hand pressed against Brian's strong chest allowing some space between them while letting Brian hold him. Brian backed him into the house away from prying eyes. He sank down on the couch. The whole time Brian murmured comforting words into his ear.

"Brian, my head hurts. I need a pill."

"Ok, I brought them with me but I have to get you some water. Do you want to stay here or come with me?"

"Just get me some water, please."

"I'll be right back baby, hang on."

As soon as Brian left the room for the kitchen Michael came in the house and saw Justin sitting on the couch. He couldn't help but put in his comments.

"You should have just stayed home, Justin. While Brian is taking care of you he's missing his own son's birthday."

Brian bore daggers into his friend. "Get away from him Mikey, you don't know shit."

Justin's arms were wrapped around himself like he was freezing and he was rocking back and forth. Brian pressed the pill to his lips and he took it. Justin was shaking too badly to hold the water so Brian held it for him while he took slow sips. Brian didn't even notice when Mikey had left but he was glad he was gone. Somehow Brian managed to get Justin to the Jeep without calling too much attention to himself. He got him up to the loft and tucked him into bed. In a sick sort of way he was glad that something finally had a reaction on Justin. He just wished Justin didn't have to go through this. He almost gagged when he saw Justin's reaction to the bat. It made him relive his own private hell. He could still hear the sickening crack of the bat hitting flesh and the hollow clatter of it when it was dropped against the cement floor.

Justin was out like a light but Brian kept within seeing distance of the bedroom. Justin had a hard day and he wanted to be there if he needed him. Brian dialed Jennifer's number and spoke quietly into the phone.

"It's Brian. I just wanted to tell you I think he's finally remembered something. He was doing fine at the party till he saw a little toy bat. I guess that was the trigger. He's resting now. He really freaked out. I'll talk with him when he wakes up. I think he's doing a little better. He let me hold him for a while."

The loft was dark so Justin could rest. Brian did some cleaning up in the kitchen to alleviate some of the stress he was feeling. He worked by one of the small kitchen lights. When he looked up from his obsessive cleaning he noticed that Justin was sitting up in bed. He turned off the rest of the lights and made his way up to the bedroom.

"Feeling better now?"

"Mm hmm."

He sat next to Justin on the bed uncertain of what to say and afraid to reveal his feelings.

"You really freaked me out."

Justin chuckled. "What you?"

There was a sad note in Brian's voice. "It was like you got hit all over again."

"I remember walking away and suddenly hearing your voice call my name. You tried to save me."

"But I didn't."

Justin's voice was firm. "You tried, that's all that matters. I don't blame you and I don't regret our dance together. I just wish I could remember it."

Justin scooted closer and leaned in for a gentle kiss. Brian watched him intently wondering how far this would go. Justin whispered so close to his face he could feel his breath.

"I want you inside me."

"Are you sure?" Brian said softly with uncertainty in his voice.

Justin marveled at the childlike quality that Brian was displaying. Brian was actually afraid of being rejected again. That he would turn him away again. He was ready to touch and be touched by only Brian.

"Yeah, just take it easy." Justin pleaded with his eyes.

"Like the first time?"

Slowly they undressed; Brian was ever so gentle. He turned Justin onto his side and ever so slowly entered him. He was prepared to stop at any time if Justin showed any signs of distress. He placed his hand on his hip, his smooth hip for balance and control. With every slow stroke he said not in words but in deed "I love you." What they were doing wasn't fucking, it was making love. Justin turned his head arching back so he could kiss his lover. Their hands twined together, grounding each other. Brian planted little kisses along Justin's swan like neck. Justin never looked more beautiful than at this moment. Brian could hear the little sighs of pleasure Justin was making and he knew everything would be ok.

"Brian, don't cum yet. I need to feel you."

"I won't baby not until you give the ok. I promise. Just relax; tonight is your night."

Brian intermittently moved within him then stopped to let him feel that he was there, also to fight off the urge to cum. Brian started to move them into a position where he could rub Justin's cock but Justin tensed up so he remained still.

"I just want you inside me anything more would be too much to soon."

"Ok, just relax; this is fine just the way it is."

As Brian moved within him he whispered sweet soothing words. His cock straining and the urge to cum was becoming persistently painful. This was the longest he'd ever gone without cuming.

"Justin baby, as much as I'd like to stay in you forever that's physically impossible. I need to cum soon. It's been an hour, please let me cum."

Justin heard the pleading tone in Brian's voice and nodded his consent. Brian thrust a few times and cried out Justin's name with an animalistic groan. Justin turned in his arms and kissed him. Brian noticed Justin didn't get off.

"You didn't cum. Do you want me to get you off?"

"Yes, I want to feel your mouth on my dick."

Brian slowly moved down Justin's body. His head was between the boy's parted thighs. He let his tongue and mouth suck and caress Justin's shaft. His tongue curled around the sensitive tip then plunged down the shaft. It didn't take much more before Justin was cuming down his throat with little mewls and whimpers. Crawling back up he kissed Justin. Unshed tears sparkled in Justin's eyes.

"Brian, hold me?"

Brian closed his eyes in a prayer of thanks.

"I thought you'd never ask," he said with a little laugh.

Brian pulled him into his arms and held him tight, relishing the feel of his baby, relieved that he could once again hold him. Justin snuggled up to him and fell into an easy restful sleep. Brian looked over at the bear that was sitting on the nightstand and smiled. Justin's own relaxed breathing lulled Brian to sleep. It was the first night he felt he could let his guard down long enough to actually get a good night's rest.