Trangressions

Part 3

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Justin's POV, a month before the suicide

Everything around me is moving slowly except for my lack of integrity. I can feel my fear beginning to consume me and I fear for my sanity. Standing alone in the abandoned home, I'm thankful no one is here. I'm not sure if I can face my friends right now especially after hearing my lab results. With blurry eyes, I make my way to the back bedroom where Brian and I often shared our passion for one another. My eyes graze over the small room and I am reminded of all the memories I made here. My whole body and heart aches at the possibility that I may lose Brian when he finds out that I am HIV positive. He will never want to even look at me again.

The thought of losing him hurts more than anything on this earth. He has been my strength, my foundation. Anger boils inside of me at the knowledge that I am losing everything and everyone I care about. I can feel the love that is etched inside this home, and it frustrates me even more, knowing no one can ever possibility love someone who is diseased like me. In a fit of fury, I walk to the door and slam it as hard as I can.

The tainted dark mirror on the back of the door shakes violently and I am stunned when I see my reflection. I do not even recognize the man staring back at me. Reaching out, I touch the glass to make sure I am not looking at someone else. I gasp in horror and feel my eyes fill with tears. I try to move yet my body is numb, I am so fucking scared. How could my father have infected me with a dirty needle? When he first told me, I thought it was a sick joke. But today, a part of me died in the doctor's office as I was told the bad news. I gulp heavily and notice the dark rings under my eyes. Slowly I undress and stand naked looking at the shell of my body. I see how fucking ugly I have become; how could Brian love me?

Gradually, I glide my hands over my rib cage. Taking in a deep breath, I can feel the bones trying to penetrate my skin, and I'm finding it difficult to even breathe.

The silence in the room is overwhelming. My thoughts are slowly killing me. I reach over and turn on the tape player, letting the harsh sounds of the Sex Pistol's flood through me. All I want to do is forget who I am and why I'm here. Frantically, I rub my hands over my face and I am offended by every part of my body, even my hair. A painful scream parts my lips and I feel as though I am crumbling from the inside out. I grab a pair of scissors and without hesitation begin to cut the long blond strands. I scream at the top of my lungs, trying to relinquish my anguish and pain. I know no one could ever possibly love me, especially when I can't even love myself. I think of everyone around me and what they must see when they look at me.

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Brian's POV

I was concerned this morning when Justin left our bed. He looked at me hesitantly and then opened his mouth as though he wanted to tell me something. I watched him get dressed, feeling my heart slowly break. His body is so thin. I can tell he's sick and I fear the worst. When Justin did not come to school, I knew something was wrong. I tried not to freak out and hoped he just decided to ditch school today even though I knew otherwise. An overwhelming sensation of despair begin to flood over me and I knew he needed me.

My thoughts are pulled back to the present as I step out of my car. I hold my breath in fear, not knowing what kind of state Justin may be in. When I walk inside, my heart sinks as I hear Justin laughing hysterically. I move closer to the bedroom. When I approach the door, I can hear him singing desperately at the top of his lungs.

Sex Pistol's "Pretty Vacant":

There's no point in asking us, you'll get no reply

Oh just remember and don't decide

I got no reason it's all too much

You'll always find us

Out to lunch !

Oh we're so pretty oh so pretty vacant

But now and we don't care

Don't ask us to attend cos we're not all there

Oh don't pretend cos I don't care

I don't believe illusions cos too much is real

So stop your cheap comment

Cos we know what we feel

We're pretty pretty vacant

We're pretty pretty vay-cunt

And we don't care

Cautiously I open the door and I gasp at the sight before me. I instantly move towards my lover's naked form. He looks up at me, misery etched over his face. Carefully, I kneel in front of him. I feel my sadness overtake me, as I look at his botched-up hair. The sides are uneven, yet short. The middle is long like a horse's mane. He holds his hair tightly in his hands. I caress his cheek softly and he pulls away glaring at me.

"Stay the fuck away from me!" he screams urgently.

I'm hurt by his words at first, but when I look into his eyes, I see that he's truly in agony and I know longer think of my own feelings; all I care about is finding out what has caused him so much pain.

I speak to him gently, and caress his cheek again. " Why don't you want me to touch you?"

He gasps and a whimper comes from his lips. He pushes me out of his way and stands up. "Are you fucking blind, Brian? I'm fucking ugly, how could you even want to touch me, love me...."

Then he looks at me pointedly and screams, "Oh wait, you don't love me, you can't possibly love anyone, but yourself, you selfish, God damn, son of a bitch." He spits, then charges at me and begins to beat on my chest. "I hate you. I hate that you make me feel good. I hate that I'm hurting you. I hate that I am sick and diseased." He throws his head back and laughs sardonically.

Quickly, without thinking, I grab his hands that are hitting me, and I look into his face, furious. "What the fuck are you talking about, Justin?" Then his sentence hits me and my soul aches as the realization sinks in. "You're sick, aren't you?" I push him away from me because my anger for his father is so strong, I am afraid I may accidentally hurt him.

Tears stream down his face as he yells, "I'm not sick yet, but I will be soon. I knew it, you can't even fucking look at me, you can't even face me now that you know I'll be sick. Well, guess what, Brian Fucking Kinney? When you take heroin it's a big risk and it's extremely possible to get HIV, especially when your father shoots you up with a fucking infected needle."

Pain and anguish penetrate my whole body. I knew, I'd had a feeling for awhile that he was positive, but I didn't care. I love him even though I can't tell him how I feel. I know deep in my soul that I do, and right now, more than anything, I want to tell him how much I love him, how much I care about him, how he has made my life worth living. But all I can do is reach out to him and take his trembling body into my arms and hold him.

"I'm here, Justin, and I'm not leaving because of your father's stupidity."

He draws back and gasps, "How can you possibly want to stay with me?"

Gently, I stroke his cheek. "Because you're smart, talented and eternally hot." I kiss his lips, then he buries his head into my chest, clinging to me tightly.

"I'm not sure if I can do this, Brian, live, knowing this disease could take over and kill me."

I lift his head to look at me. "We'll get through this, we always do."

"I'm afraid for us to fuck. I don't want you to get sick." I can see the concern and fear in his eyes.

"We'll be even more careful that we already are."

He wraps his arms tightly around my neck, holding me close. He whispers in my ear, "I am so fucking scared."

"Me too, but we can't stop living our lives because one asshole has tried to destroy them." I draw back and look into his sapphire eyes. I huff out a laugh to hold back my own tears.

He smiles at me sadly. "What's so funny?"

And that is when I really notice his hair. I run my fingers through his long shaggy Mohawk. "Well one thing good came out of this."

He looks at me in shock "And what would that be?"

"Your hair finally matches who you really are. I mean, we need to shave the sides a bit, but you know, you really look like a punk rocker. We could use some egg yolks and spike it."

He laughs huskily and wipes a tear away. "You mean you like it?"

I smile at him and whisper, "Yeah, I think I do."

He gives me a big grin. "So are we going to give you a Mohawk too?"

I pull back swiftly. "There is no fucking way you're touching my hair. Isn't it enough I let you put eyeliner on me?" I smirk at him and he relaxes into my embrace.

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Brian's POV, present day

I am unable to sleep with Gabriel in my arms. I hold him close, thanking whoever is up in the heavens for bringing Justin's spirit back to me. I'm brought out of my thoughts when Gabriel begins to toss viciously in my arms, groaning in pain. My heart races and the fear I see on his sleeping face reminds me of the past. Quickly, I try to wake him.

Gabriel opens his eyes and gasps, looking around the room frantically. "I have a sister." He bolts up in bed. "Molly. Is she ok? Is Molly okay?"

I swallow heavily, not sure if I should reveal anything to him about his sister's past just yet. I pull him in close, whispering in his ear, "Did you just have a memory about Molly?"

He pulls away. "Yes. Is she okay? I... I...."

I look into his anxious blue eyes and speak softly. "Yes, she's fine...now." His eyes widen at my last comment.

"What happened to her?"

I avoid his question and caress his arms. "She's here if you want to see her."

"She's here?" He looks around the room and I can't help but chuckle softly.

"She's not here in the room with us, but she's here in the hotel."

He sighs with relief then wipes away a stray tear. "She is?"

"Yeah, she always travels with us. She's part of our roadie crew."

"May I see her?"

I hesitate for a just a moment, not sure how Molly will handle seeing her brother again. I know she trusts me; hopefully all will go well. "Yeah, get dressed. She's right down the hall."

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Molly's POV

I live in my own nightmare. The walls of my world are caving in all the time. I keep everyone and everything at a distance. I refuse to love and I refuse to hate. I refuse to feel. Every time I look in the mirror and see my patch I am reminded of why I live by this code.

Even after all my hard earned control there are still times when my emotions seem to win out. Only one person ever sees this side of me, the side that reflects all my woes. My brother's lover. We clung to each other after the suicide, Mother's death and Baby Gabriel being adopted out. We were so afraid to lose someone else we loved. We were never the same after that and never will be again.

The mirror reflects my naked, ink soaked skin. Every tattoo and marking represents a part of my past. They tell the story of my life without words and I am unable to speak about them even to this day; 17 years later. I rub my hands over my tight, dry skin that reminds me of my years of alcohol abuse. Looking deeper into the mirror my image becomes blurred in my mind. I remove my patch to reveal the hollow place that once held my innocent blue eye. Sadness engulfs me and I pull back my long purple hair and tie it loosely. As I wash my face memories of the day I chose not to see wash over me.

But I do still see. Deep within my hollow eye I still see him. My brother, my lost life. He haunts me, I see him in everything and everywhere. When I saw him tonight I was not surprised, but I was shocked to see him in solid form. He has never appeared to me that way before.

I dunk my hands in the soapy water and scrub my face then dry off letting out a small gasp as the tears trail down my cheek from my good eye. I replace my patch and the piercings in my eyebrow, nose and lip. Finally I tie a pendant of a Dragon around my neck.

I walk into the bedroom and the cool air hits my exposed skin. As I turn on my CD player I let the sounds of The Dresden Dolls echo in my mind. I dress in my camouflage pants that hug nicely at my hips and a black, spaghetti strap shirt that barely covers my small breasts.

Lying on the hotel bed closing my eyes intensely I remember my past and try to remind myself that it was not my fault. But no matter what anyone says I still feel to blame. My thoughts and the words to the song begin to blend into one as the haunting punk cabaret music floods the room.

The Dresden Dolls / Half jack

half underwater

I'm half my mother's daughter

a fraction's left up to dispute

the whole collection

half off the price they're asking

in the halfway house of ill repute

half accidental

half pain full instrumental

I have a lot to think about

you think they're joking?

you have to go provoke him...

I guess it's high time you found out

it's half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong

you'll notice something funny if you hang around here for too

long ago in some black hole before they had these pills to take it back

I'm half Jill

and half jack

two halves are equal

a cross between two evils

it's not an enviable lot

but if you listen

you'll learn to hear the difference

between the haves and the have nots

and when I let him in I feel my stitches getting sicker

I try to wash him out but like she said: the blood is thicker

I see my mother in my face

but only when I travel

I run as fast as I can run

but jack comes tumbling after....

and when i'm brave enough and find a clever way to kick him out

and i'm so high not even you and all your love could bring me down

on 83rd he never found the magic words to change this fact:

i'm half jill

and half jack

i'm halfway home now

half hoping

for a showdown

cause i'm not big enough to house this crowd

it might destroy me

but i'd sacrifice my body

if it meant i'd get the jack part OUT

see

jack

run.....

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17 years earlier- Molly's POV

I run down the stairs and my heart is racing. It's hard to focus on anything but the pain in my face and eye. I've never hurt so badly. Justin tells me to run to Lindsay's so I go, not looking back until I hear a loud sound. I turn back to see my brother collapsing in the doorway. Father has an object in his hand but I can't tell what it is. He pulls Justin back into the house. I'm standing there breathing heavily, my feet can't move and I'm so scared I can't even scream. Father locks his anger filled eyes on me and starts to advance toward me.

Somehow I am able to move my feet and I run through neighbor's yards finally losing him. Two blocks later I am at my cousin's house. I frantically knock on the door and in moments I find myself in Lindsay and Brian's arms panting heavily. They ask me what's happened and I can't speak. I try but nothing comes out. My body is so cold and shaky that Brian picks me up and they rush me to the hospital.

Brian is frantic and I can tell he knows there is more to the story, but he just holds my hand trying to comfort me. I want to tell him to go and save Justin, but I can't. It feels like all the words and emotions have been drained from me.

"Molly, can you answer yes no questions by shaking your head?" He smiles encouragingly when I nod yes. "Was your brother there?"

I feel the tears running down my cheeks as I nod yes.

I can see the fear in Brian's eyes as he chokes out the next question. "Is he still at the house and is he hurt?"

As I nod my head yes Brian rakes his fingers through his hair. "Fuck!" he yells as he puts a hand on Lindsay's shoulder. "I've got to go check on Justin. Watch over Molly until I get back."

Lindsay kisses Brian on the cheek; "Please be careful."

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Brian's POV

Christ! Molly's been fucking mutilated, she can't even speak. I know something is horribly wrong, I am overwhelmed with a sense of foreboding as I approach the house. I can feel the gloom seeping out of the place masking over the neat, waspy exterior. What seems to be nice and lovely is really a hell on earth.

I knock on the door and no one answers. Proceeding with caution I turn the doorknob and find that it's unlocked. I enter and note that the house is dead silent. My fear for Justin engulfs my whole being. I can sense he is scared, alone and cold, but where the fuck is he? Cautiously I make my way through the house pausing to stare at the closet door. I can only imagine what actually happened here. I can see his desperation and his love for Molly written all over the jagged edges of the splintered door.

After checking the abandoned home and all the other places Justin and I go to hide from our families I find myself back at the hospital.

Lindsay embraces me the moment I return. "God Brian, did you find him?"

My voice shakes as I reply; "No. Fuck! I looked everywhere, Linds. I don't know where he is." My emotions overtake me as I lay my head on her shoulder. "I don't know what happened but it looks like he used a fucking axe to open the hall closet. I'm assuming that's where Molly was."

"Oh my God." She buries her head into my chest and my shirt is dampened by her tears. "I'm so scared Brian. Where could he be?" Her voice cracks with every word spoken. "Molly's in surgery. They have to take her eye, Brian." Lindsay starts to shake as she continues, "Half of it was missing."

"Has anyone told Jennifer yet?"

"Yes, my mom made her go down to the cafeteria with her to get some tea."

"Has anyone called the police?"

The hospital did but Jennifer pulled out her waspy, perfect family act and convinced the police it was an accident. She slumps down the wall onto the floor. "How could anyone think this was a fucking accident?"

I sit next to her and take her into my arms. "I don't know. It's all so fucked up. I don't fucking know what to think or do." I feel the desperate tears flow down my cheeks.

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A Couple Hours Later

Walking into Molly's room I can see she is still drowsy from the drugs, but a slight smile floats onto her face when she sees me.

I sit next to her on her bed. " Hi Pumpkin."

She looks at me intensely

"Are you going to talk to me?" She shakes her head no then grabs a fistfullof my shirt as her small body begins to shake with sobs. I lay down with her and carefully pull her into my arms as she lets out all her fears.

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Molly's POV Present Day

Lying on my bed I hear my door crack open and I turn onto my side to hide my tears. I know who it is and I don't want him to see me like this. I'm stronger than that.

He crawls into the bed with me and wraps me in his arms. I have always found comfort in his strong arms ever since I was a child.

"Hi Pumpkin." Brian brushes my chin lightly with his fingers. I know he sees my tears but he knows me well enough to know not to mention it. Playfully he tugs at my pants. "Sleeping in your clothes again, are we?" He gives me a smirk then tickles me.

I smile at him as my tears fade. "You know me, Brian. I hate mornings so I get dressed at night and in the morning I can sleep until it's time to go." I give him a toothy grin and roll deeper into his embrace. Suddenly I feel a strong presence in the room as if my brother was here. I have sensed it before but never this substantial. I feel my emotions begin to overtake me and I begin to shake in Brian's arms. "I saw him tonight Brian," I whisper softly.

"Me too."

Brian's words stun me and out of the corner of my eye I see a shadow lurking by the door and all of a sudden I know Justin has kept his promise. Laying my hand upon my stomach I trace the outline of my tattoo of the Goddess Isis. She is with me to help me remember Justin's sacrifice. I have never shared this with anyone, not even Brian.

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Justin's POV, the Day Before the Suicide

The darkness is caving around my inner being. I am not dead yet, but I'm not alive either. I am not asleep nor am I awake. I am only existing in this very moment as I wait for another. My hands and body are cold and I shiver violently.

Opening my eyes I try to gauge my surroundings. The place smells of urine and vomit and I can feel the bile in my own stomach rising. As I kneel to release the contents of my stomach I feel the pain in my body weakening me. I wipe my mouth and try to stand. I gasp as I hold my stomach, take a deep breath and stumble over my own feet. The drug makes the world around me hazy, numbing all my thoughts from reality.

I look around the room and see that the walls are dirty and covered with graffiti markings. The carpet is green shag, matted with stains and body fluids. The stench gags me.

A young woman lays on the floor laughing, obviously in a drug induced state. She is wearing a patch over one eye and the other is yellow and sunken in. She speaks without opening her mouth but I can hear her in my thoughts. "Did you see me? I was flying!" She holds her hand in front of her face watching it in awe. "It's a hand."

I plop myself onto the ground next to her laughing. "That it is. Where the fuck are we?" My body sways as the world hollows around me.

She touches me on the nose speaking in my mind again. "That white rabbit. I don't know. All I know is I ate a candy that said 'eat me' and here I am. Sometimes tall and sometimes small."

For some odd reason this girl makes a lot of sense to me. "So does that mean your name is Alice?"

"No. I have no name. I only exist in your mind." She touches me again and laughs, "I'm not real."

I realize suddenly that I'm not real either and it all seems so clear. Looking around the room I see more people and wonder if they are real or if they even know they are fake. Wow ! This is all so ... wow. I find myself looking at my own hands for clues to this universe.

Looking past my hand I see a young boy. I feel so drawn to him then I notice he's been crying. I crawl up to him and wipe his tears. "Don't worry little fellow, none of this is real."

He looks at me sincerely. "I wish that was true but I have the marks to prove that it's all very real." He holds up his arm and I gently take a hold of it brushing my fingers over the red wounds. I feel the pain in my own arm and the heat of the tears seeping from my own eyes.

This little boy does seem real and why can I feel his pain like it's my own? "Where are your parents?" I ask him.

The little boy chokes back his tears. "My mommy is dead. My older brother is dying of AIDS and can't protect me anymore. My father hurt my sister and made her lose her eye and now she is too scared to speak. It's just Dad and us. He scares me." He grasps onto my hand tightly. "Please, you must help me. You must die so that I can live."

"What the fuck, kid? That's insane; how could my death possibly help you?"

He looks at me with his piercing blue eyes, pleading with me. "Justin, I am you and you are me. If you continue to live I will no longer be you and I will die. If you cut your unhappy life short now then I can live and we both can start a new life full of freedom and happiness."

I scramble away from the young boy in dismay. "What the fuck is going on? I don't understand."

The world around me starts twisting and turning then roots from trees are coming through the floor of the house cracking the foundation. The walls slowly begin to vanish as dirt forms under my bare feet. I can smell the refreshing scent of a spring rain, then I see a woman walking towards me through the mist. Her skin is golden and her womanly form is barely covered with white Lennon's. There is an elegance in her walk and an unearthly glow radiates from her whole being.

Moving closer she takes my hand in hers. "Come with me, dear child." Her voice is gentle and kind. I follow her through the trees then see that the dirt is turning to sand and the trees are disappearing. The air around me is getting warmer and warmer turning into a painful heat. The smell of dust engulfs my lungs. I begin coughing.

The woman gently pats my back. "Dear child, I know it takes time to get used to the heat and dust. You are home, my young one. For the first time in centuries you are with me again." I see a small tear form in her eye as she touches my cheek. "You have always been so beautiful in mind and spirit. Brian is also beautiful. He is made for you and you are made for him. I created you to always be together. Alas, life has handed you one bad circumstance after another. You are to be reborn into a new life my son."

Looking beyond her I see the sun's rays glistening from the tall pyramids landscaping the desolate desert. She leads me into one of the pyramids and it's surprisingly cool and damp. Hieroglyphics caress the walls. Taking hold of my hand she walks me through the pictures on the walls. "These are all my immortals, we cannot live on in the same body but I can help you to be reborn from one life into another. I am your mother and I no longer want to see you in pain."

My voice is weak; "My mother? How could you be my mother?"

Her gentle laugh caresses me. "I am your mother the Goddess Isis." She smiles at me lovingly. Then she has me sit on a stone while she dabs rose oil on my forehead and neck. She softly kisses me where she dabbed the oil then her expression turns serious. "My son, you will be reborn again. Tragic events need to take place to bring you back again. I am sorry for this pain but you must take your own life. I know it is wrong and frowned upon but in this case it's different. This is the only way, otherwise all will be lost. Your brother will die, my love. He is such a young spirit and so scared. You are old in spirit, we have been together through the centuries. You need to take your brother's place. I guarantee you a better life. Gabriel will be saved through your sacrifice. The man that you call father in this life will never cause anyone pain again." She kisses my ear again. "Wake up, my son, wake up."

I wake up and find myself in the same home from my vision, lying in my own filth. My head feels foggy and my legs are weak and wobbly when I stand. I slowly make my way down the hall to the dingy bathroom. The smell of urine and mold burns my nostrils and black grime clings to the porcelain tub. I strip my clothes and step into the shower. The odors are making me queasy so I quickly wash my body and clothes, ringing them out; I put them back on damp.

I hurry out of the bathroom and the house, escaping the hell into the freezing morning air. My body is shivering, the chill seeping deep into my bones. I look up and down the street frantically trying to figure out where I am. As I run through yards I find someone has left clothes out on a line and they are surprisingly dry in the cold weather. I grab a pair of sweats and make my way to the side yard and change swiftly.

As I stand in the middle of the road trying to gain my bearings my mind is flooded with images of Molly. My whole being cringes as my mind pictures her lying in a hospital bed. My thoughts are whirling in complete desperation. I make my way to the nearest hospital and for once luck is with me when I ask for Molly Taylor and am ushered right to her room.

When I walk into her room I see her frail body nestled in blankets and as I move closer my heart sinks when I see the bandage over her eye. I grab her hand and kiss it as I sink down on the bed next to her. Molly opens her eyes in confusion, lost in her fear, then I see the recognition in her one eye as she really sees me. She grasps onto me and clings desperately taking radical, gasping breaths.

The emotions well inside me as I pull her into a tight hug and caress her hair. Seeing her in this state I'm not sure if I can tell her what is to come, but I know I need to prepare her for my death. She needs to know what will happen.

I kiss her hair and start to speak to her with a voice that is harsh and raspy with tears. I clear my throat and begin again, "Molly, I need to talk to you."

She looks up at me with her blue eye that is so wise beyond its years. She nods sagely and I can see my own life fading into her crystal orb of sapphire.

Her cheeks are moist and I wipe the stains with my fingertip as I tilt her chin to me. "I love you, Molly, with all my heart and soul. We can no longer live in this purgatory of hate our father has created for us."

She nods her head in understanding.

"I know an excuse has already been made for your condition and the police are blind to the truth, but I can do something about it, Molly."

She swallows hard as I continue to speak to her softly.

"It all falls on me and I will take care of you but by doing so I need to leave."

She gasps in horror and holds onto me tighter, her nails digging into my skin. I grimace at the pain and try to put on a strong front for her. I continue to talk, telling her of the vision and what I need to do.

An animalistic cry boils over from the core of her being. I can see that her spirit is overflowing with a frantic fear. "No no! You can't leave me! You can't die, Justin!" Her exhausted body slumps in defeat as she curls into a ball on the bed and whispers, "I'll be all alone."

I spoon behind her and rub soft circles on her back. "You won't be alone. You'll have Brian with you. You'll need to be there for each other. I don't want to leave you, love, but you've got to understand that I have no choice. No matter what, I will die, Molly. This way justice will be served. I promise I will return to you and Brian. I will come back in a new body and we will meet in 17 years."

Molly rolls her small frame into me and innocently asks, "What will your name be?"

I smile knowing she understands now. "Gabriel. My name will be Gabriel, sweetheart."

She giggles in surprise. "You'll be my baby Brother?"

I kiss her on the nose. "You got it, kiddo." I slowly stand up and turn to leave.

I hear the desperation in her voice. "Justin, stop."

Turning around I see she has a stuffed animal in her hands. As I step closer I'm intrigued to see that it's a white rabbit. I raise my brow. "What's this?"

She smiles. "I had a dream and I need to give you this. The golden lady with the pyramids told me to give this to you. She says you are the sun." Molly scrunches her brow as she tries to recall the exact words. "You are a new beginning and the white rabbit represents your travel and new goals." Then she giggles, "It's also to remind you to be on time."

"Molly, when did you have this dream?"

"Just now."

"But you're awake," I reply in astonished awe.

"I know," she returns simply. Suddenly she grasps onto me one last time. "I love you. I love you always, big brother." She cries into my shirt dampening every inch of my chest.

"Love you too, Squirt." I kiss her one last time on the forehead. Making amends for my transgressions, I leave her to say good-bye to my only other true love before my transition.

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Molly's POV present day

Sitting up at the edge of the bed Brian wraps his arms around my neck and shoulders from behind. I can smell the scent of sex on him and I hastily turn to him. "So did you bring one of your tricks to meet me? That's so unlike you," I say with a sarcastic drawl.

Brian's eyes pierce into my soul then he scoffs, "Hmmm, I think somebody needs to get laid."

"Apparently it's not you." I wink giving him a sardonic grin.

He knows me well and smirking he pulls me in closer and whispers in my ear, " Haven't you learned by now? You can't compete with my scorn."

I laugh at him as he places a playful kiss on my neck. I can see the outline of the man shadowing the door. He looks like he is becoming antsy. I lean forward out of Brian's grasp and beckon to him. "Come out of the darkness, white rabbit. You are late for a very important date," I say with a harsh lilt in my voice.

Hesitantly the young man ventures forward and I gasp as the light hits his features displaying the likeness to the body he inhabited before. Slowly I stand and Brian makes a grab for me but I am out of his reach. My movements are snakelike as I stalk closer to the young man. Softly I caress my hand across his cheek and I feel him shudder under the touch.

"Gabriel," I whisper as I kiss his forehead. I hear sighs of relief from both men as Gabriel falls into my arms and clings to me tightly, whimpering into my shoulder. My emotional shield goes down and I lose myself inside this boy/man in my arms. "I always knew you would come back to me, dear brother," I choke out, "even though your sacrifice hurt, I knew in my heart you did it for us."

Gabriel's grip loosens on me and Brian instinctively wraps his arms around his waist catching him mid-fall. Brian picks him up and lays him on the bed crawling in next to him. Gabriel's eyes are glazed over in shock.

"Brian, what just happened?"

Brian tenderly strokes Gabriel's face, sadness in his eyes as he speaks softly, "I think he is having a memory."

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