Thorns of the Daffodils

Chapter 1

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Brian's POV

I gaze into my reflection in the mirror not recognizing the person staring back at me. The emotions stir within me as I think of what has brought me to this transition in my life. Reaching over to the side table next to my vanity, I grab my pack of Marlboros, gently tapping the box on the small abrasion with in my inner wrist.

I remind myself of the pain and the loss I have endured this last week. I never let my gaze drift from the reflection that is haunting me now. Letting out a deep sigh I take out a cigarette and light it, inhaling deeply, feeling the soothing smoke traveling through my lungs, and easing the tension that has built up inside of me. I look deep within my green tinted eyes and blink for a moment, letting them adjust to the contacts. When I exhale the smoke I am transfixed as I watch the smoke seep into my reflection, distorting my features. It is difficult for me to see the man that I am and the woman that I am now forced to be.

I take another drag from my cigarette then I lay it in the crystal ash tray. Carefully I readjust the auburn colored wig, letting the spiral curls flow effortlessly over my shoulders... A couple small ringlets caress the sides of my face. I look over to the make-up Marilyn left out for me. I still can't believe I went running to that old drag queen when things got complicated in my life.

I think of William's deep, penetrating silver blue eyes and how he was always able to see through my soul, but there was nothing I could do to save his life. I gulp, remembering why I went to Marilyn. She has always been the one I could go to when we were kids, but then I fucked it all up. When we were fifteen and I asked him to fuck me. During that time Marilyn was still going by the name of Fredrick, but his true colors were shining through. I never thought our paths would cross again, but when they did I was too afraid to talk to her so I kept my distance. And maybe made enough rude remarks for her to keep away from me.

I sigh heavily then pick up the maroon tinted lipstick and touch up my lips. As I blot them together I look at the woman before me, and hell, if I was a muncher I would most definitely want to fuck me. I stand up, straightening out the creases in my deep purple dress... I am startled out of my thoughts when I hear someone knocking on the door. Before I can reply, the door opens and through the reflection in the mirror I see a young, blond man peek his head through.. I gasp slightly and am instantly drawn into his deep sapphire eyes, and right away I feel as though he can see right through me; much like William was once able to do. I try to swallow the lump in my throat as I think of the only man I ever had a relationship with. Now he's gone and his body is cold within the ground.

I feel a gentle hand on my arm. I didn't even see the young man come all the way into the room. He looks at me with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Why the fuck wouldn't I be?" I reply with a snap in my voice.

He shakes his head at me and speaks in a harsh tone. "Oh, I don't know, maybe the fact that you almost fucking passed out, and I just helped you to sit down so you wouldn't rumple your gown or break a hip."

I am startled when I realize I am sitting down. I offer no apologies, even though I am sorry I took my anger out on him. But that wouldn't be who I am if I offer such flimsy excuses. "Thank you," is all I say in return.

He smiles at me brightly. "You're welcome." He hands me a glass half full of Jim Beam.

I smile up at him. "How did you know I would need a double, of Beam?"

He chuckles softly and shrugs his shoulders. "Marilyn said this was your first show in a long time. She thought that you might need to be a little lubricated before you perform."

I laugh slightly... "Yeah, she has a point." I take the glass gratefully. I think back to when we where young and Fredrick and I dressed up in his mother's clothes. We put on a small show for his family. I will admit we were good, but it was nothing I would have ever lived my life doing. Now here I am, doing exactly what I said I would never do.

Closing my eyes, I tip the glass to my parted lips, letting the harsh fluid numb my tongue and throat. Savoring every last drop I suddenly look up, realizing the young man is watching me intensely. I smirk to myself. "You like what you see?"

He looks down at the floor nervously. "Oh, I'm sorry You're just…well umm...." he stammers.

I find myself slightly amused and forgetting about my troubles as I look at this young handsome man. I whisper huskily; "I'm What?"

He whispers back, looking me directly in the eyes. "You're beautiful." His words are so genuine and full of love it confuses me. I have never heard that tone from anyone else except for William, and I wonder for a brief moment if this kid is fucking with me.

I clear my throat and glare at him. "You do realize I'm a chick with a dick right?"

He chuckles softly. "You are in a drag club, so I would hope so." He winks at me and walks out the door. He peeks his head back in for a moment. "By the way, my name's Justin. I'm the Bartender. If I can get you anything else just let me know..."

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I walk out of the dressing room and run into Marilyn, who smiles at me. "There you are, gorgeous!" Delicately she takes hold of my hands and lifts my arms. "My, my, don't you look absolutely spectacular." She gasps in horror. "But I just realized, we forgot the finishing touches."

I raise my brow. "You got to be fucking kidding me. I'm in a dress, for fuck sake. What could we have possibly forgotten?!"

She smiles and then walks into another room and comes back laughing as she holds up two prosthetic breasts. I roll my eyes at her and open up the top of my dress, revealing the bra I have on. "If you must," I say impatiently. She places one breast in each side, then gropes them in to position. I clear my throat. "Excuse me, could you please leave my tits alone. I am a lady and do not put out on the first date," I drawl out sarcastically.

She shakes her head and laughs again. "You have never been a lady a day in your life, Brandy, and I didn't realize we were on a date." She winks at me and speaks slyly. "Because if I did know, I would make sure I got my money's worth..."

"Shit!" I huff out under my breath. She cocks her head and looks at me with concern. I answer her unasked question. "I'm a Brandy." I shudder slightly.

She pats me on the shoulder affectionately. "It was your idea to be named Brandy. If I remember your words correctly you said, 'If I have to live my life as a fucking woman I better be named after an alcoholic beverage.'"

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Justin's POV

Everything around me is spinning out of control, the noises in the club echo, and the liquor smells stronger than usual. I close my eyes for a moment and all I can see is Brandy's haunted green eyes. My thoughts drift to moments before, when I went into her dressing room to give her a drink. I could tell instantly there was something different about her, and when I looked deep into her penetrating eyes I could see a deep sadness that seemed to rip through her soul.

I shake my head because when I see her it doesn't seem right. She does not remind me of the regular drag queens I have met. I almost feel as though she doesn't want to be here, I would even go as far as to say she doesn't want to be in drag. I'm not sure why I feel the way I do.

I try to block my thoughts but I can't stop thinking of Brandy. I am startled out of my reverie when I hear the strumming of an acoustic guitar. I open my eyes and look up, and my eyes are instantly pulled into the haunted orbs that were invading my mind just seconds ago. Brandy sits on a stool with her ankles crossed, playing the guitar, and when she sings I am thrown off guard. She begins to sing the lyrics of the REM song 'Losing My Religion.'

Life is bigger

It's bigger than you

And you are not me

The lengths that I will go to

The distance in your eyes

Oh no I've said too much

I set it up

That's me in the corner

That's me in the spotlight

Losing my religion

Trying to keep up with you

And I don't know if I can do it

Oh no I've said too much

I haven't said enough

I thought that I heard you laughing

I thought that I heard you sing

I think I thought I saw you try

I pour another drink for a customer and feel like I'm working on autopilot. I am so drawn into her voice. It's very masculine, with a hint of femininity. Brandy's voice echoes throughout my mind and suddenly the club becomes quiet except for the music. I lean up against the back counter of the bar, taking everything in, and that is when I see the tears in her eyes. I feel as though I'm peeking into a very private moment and I can't help but wonder what her story is, and how she has come to know Marilyn.

Every whisper

Of every waking hour I'm

Choosing my confessions

Trying to keep an eye on you

Like a hurt lost and blinded fool

Oh no I've said too much

I set it up

Brandy's eyes seem to clear up and I realize something else, she is watching the audience intensely, almost like she is searching for someone or something. My eyes follow hers and I look at the group of five men gawking. I instantly get an extremely overwhelming and uneasy feeling. Brandy's tone becomes more intense, and even fierce, as I see the fire burning within her green eyes.

Consider this

The hint of the century

Consider this

The slip that brought me

To my knees failed

What if all these fantasies

Come flailing around

Now I've said too much

I thought that I heard you laughing

I thought that I heard you sing

I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream

That was just a dream

After Brandy finishes the song, the club becomes busy again. I watch intently as she leaves the stage and makes her way to the bar. Quickly, I make her a double Beam and hand it to her as she sits down on an empty stool. I am startled when I see a slight hint of fear in her eyes. I set the shot in front of her and she gulps it down quickly, then wrinkles her nose at me and growls harshly. "What the fuck? Do you water down your booze or something? This is fucking awful."

I smirk to myself and pour her another, speaking harshly as I slide the foul liquid in front of her. "Are you that much of a lush?"

She glares at me coldly. "That's none of your fucking business." She grabs the glass with shaky hands then gulps down the drink without a flinch.

I place my hands on the counter; leaning forward I speak to her sternly. "You're here complaining at my bar. You bet your ass it's my fucking business. So if for some reason you want me to leave you the fuck alone, I suggest you shut the fuck up, or be a little bit more appreciative!"

Her expression seems blank as though she doesn't give a shit that I just told her off, but her eyes twinkle with mischief as she takes out a cigarette and lights it. I swear I see a slight smirk caress her lips.

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