Solaced Tears

Chapter 6

WARNING ***References to animal cruelty****

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Sid's POV

I stare at Brian contemplating why he can't remember. I know I was a complete prick to him back then, and that he could do better than me. I know that. Brian deserves so much more and frankly I could never give him any more of myself. I told him I could be his fuck buddy and make him feel good from time to time, but I could never be there for him how he wanted me to be. I shake my head trying to get the vision of the hurt in his eyes out of my head. That does not explain his sudden misplacement of time. I slowly back away when I hear his cell phone ringing. Brian seems to be oblivious to my existence at the moment.

Leaning up against the brick building I listen carefully to his phone call, hoping to get a glimpse into the man I have been thinking about since that night we fucked. I feel a stab of jealousy in my heart when I realize he must be talking to his boyfriend.. I have always wanted the best for Brian, especially after everything he has been through. He needs someone to be there for him unconditionally, but I have to wonder about this guy. Brian's grandfather just passed away and he should be with him today, no matter what the family does or says.

I am pulled out of my thoughts when I hear Claire's brats fighting again.. I see Brian swiftly make his way over to the two boys. In the distance I can hear John blaming Brian for their Grandfather's death. I feel my anger rise within me, making me want to protect Brian from his nephew's malicious words. I quickly make my way over to them, and when I approach Brian seems to be in shock.

Brian tilts his head and a wicked glimmer sparkles within his hazel orbs. Without a word Brian quickly reaches for John's arm, pressing his thumb firmly against the nerve in his inner wrist. The boy cries out in pain when fingers spread out straight as he begins to breath heavily, then his legs buckle.

Brian laughs viciously. "You like picking on your little brother? Tsk, tsk, that's not very fair; is it now?" he says mockingly. He quickly spins John around to face the tree. locking the boy's knees in place with his own leg. I gasp when I hear the familiar clicking of a butterfly knife. Brian's thumb is still firmly pressed against the nerve on John's wrist. Brian holds the knife firmly in his other hand and I watch in horror and pride when Brain presses John's palm to the tree. It's an old trick that I once showed Brian. At the time I remember him being so afraid of the blade and now he is handling it like a pro. It amazes me he can remember this, yet he does not remember us fucking.

Brian's bitter laugh echoes in my ears. "Well John now it's time for your redemption. Are you sorry?" He traces the sharp point of the blade over the kid's fingers.

There is fear in John's voice. "Yes, yes I'm sorry."

Brian hisses and laughs again. "Ha, of course you're sorry, you little fucker. Only because you're afraid of this blade." Brian draws the knife back and plunges it into the tree. barely missing John's middle finger. John screeches out in terror, trying to squirm out of his uncle's grasp. Brian tightens his hold. "You better hold still sonny boy. You don't want to get hurt."

Panic reflects in John's eyes when Brian pulls the blade from the bark of the tree and plunges it back in, just missing his next finger. He continues this routine, rapidly picky up the pace. Brian begins to sing psychotically, as he continues; taunting the young boy. "One digit, two digit, three digit, Go!" Brian stops the taunting and an eerie silence settles in the morning air. Brian then aims the blade to the back of Johns hand nicking the flesh as he draws the knife down slowly. causing a small cut. "So John, you little prick," Brian growls "You still think it's funny to pick on your little brother?"

"No. No sir. It's not funny, not funny at all," he replies in a shaky voice

Brian swiftly flips the blade back and places his hand over John's, leaning into his ear. "Good, because if you did I was going to have to tell your mother about those Playgirls I found under your bed."

"You…you wouldn't!"

Brian smirks, pushing himself away from the tree. "Oh wouldn't I?"

"How…how did…did you know that? I.. I…"

Brian chuckles wickedly. "That you liked cock? Or that you had Playgirl under your bed?"

"B…bo…both," he stutters.

"I didn't, you just told me," Brian replies smugly and then turns away from a perplexed John. His mannerisms change gradually until a gentle kindness covers his previously hardened face. He lovingly embraces his nephew, Peter. Brian sits on the ground cradling the small frightened boy in his arms

Peter mumbles weakly; "He was going to hurt me."

Brian caresses Peters face tenderly. "Shh, no need to worry now, I'm here to take care of you." Brian soothingly rocks his small nephew as he sings a childhood lullaby.

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Brian's POV

I can vaguely hear John's malicious words cutting in to the depths my soul. Suddenly everything around me turns white, then fades to black. I feel the bile begin to rise as I hear my own childhood voice and the past plays out before my eyes. "No, No, No! Don't make me. Please. I don't want to.. I don't want to go." Looking across the yard I can see our friends and family laughing and enjoying the afternoon. I want to run to them but I'm so afraid of what my cousins may do to me if I don't do as they say..

Russell's harsh voice ripples through my gut. "What are you? Some kind of sissy?"

I glance down at the wooded hatch that leads underground. I peek inside the tunnel seeing dirt walls and I gulp heavily, feeling my heart clinch as sweat moistens my skin. I look him directly in the eyes, sporting as much courage as I possibly can. I then look over to my other cousin Danny who is smirking at me with an evil grin on his face. Both of my cousins share a look that frightens me. "I'm not scared. I just don't want to go."

Danny laughs wickedly and looks to Russell. "Yeah, he's a pussy boy."

I lift my chin in pride. "Am not."

He walks to me and gets his grubby face a little too close for my comfort. "Then prove it," he spits out hastily as he climbs down a rope ladder.

Russell grabs my shoulders and leads me closer to the edge of the opening. "Go down there," he points into the hollow earth

My heart pounds heavily at the realization this is really happening. I don't want to go down. I have a really bad feeling something will happen, yet more than anything I want to be accepted by both of my cousins.

I watch as Danny climbs down the rickety rope ladder through the narrow dirt tunnel.. He smiles up at me sweetly. "Come on Brian, it'll be fun. It's like a secret club house down here."

My mind is telling me no, but my feet continue to move forward until I find myself climbing down the ladder behind Danny. The sound echoes around us when he jumps down. I close my eyes for a moment as the panic and fear begin to overwhelm me. I wonder how I can get back up the ladder without being laughed at. I open my eyes again to see Russell begin to climb down. He looks at me. "Well go on chicken, jump down.." I nod my head and do as I'm told, realizing there is no way out.

Russell turns on a flashlight and I wonder why. I know it's dark in here but we have the light from above to light our way. Then suddenly I hear the creaking of the wooden hatch closing. Russell jumps down from the rope and laughs viciously as he turns off the flashlight. My heart feels like it is about to beat right out of my chest. I try to hold strong and not show them how scared I really am.

Russell's piercing laugh breaks through the silence of the darkness. I see a small dim light from the flash light as he holds it under his chin making his features look eerie and demonic. He grins wickedly. "Brian, are you afraid of the dark?" he growls.

I feel a lump forming in my throat and I shake my head no, looking directly into his cruel eyes. "No I'm not scared," I reply, surprisingly calm, but inside I am more scared than anything in the world. I know I can't trust him or Danny

My stomach feels queasy again when I think of Danny's cruel desire to harm small animals. I have witnessed his cruelty first hand. In the depth of my mind that is how I feel they see me; as a small animal. A rodent they can taunt, tease and harm. Why wouldn't they want to harm me? What am I to them, but a feeble scared little boy. I try to hold my jaw firmly as I feel it begin to shake..

I am surprised when Russell smiles at me with kindness. "Good. I knew there was a man in you yet." He pats me on the back then shines the light around our domain.. I can see roots from the plants above creeping through the dirt walls.

Danny also pats me on the back. "Isn't this so cool?"

I look around hesitantly "Yeah, real cool," I reply dryly.

Danny also takes out a flashlight and I wonder why I don't have one. I feel the weakness in my voice as I try to speak. "Do I get a flashlight too?"

Danny laughs. "You just stick with us kid and you'll be okay."

"Yeah, okay." But deep within my gut I know better. I want to run and hide as I feel that panic begin to rush through me again when I see a rickety wooden door.

Russell opens it, then smirks at me. He turns and walks inside and Danny follows behind him, then they both look at me. "Well, you coming?"

I nod my head yes and cautiously walk forward, cringing when a foul odor floods through my nostrils. My heart clenches and tears begin to flood my eyes. I am afraid what I may see when I think of all the awful things I have heard seen Danny do. I think of all those sweet loving animals he has harmed and I fear he has taken another life. I try to focus my eyes on my cousins, not wanting to see anything in the room. I know deep within my heart that evil lurks in this dirt cavern. I can feel it through my whole body.

Russell and Danny turn around and I see Russ shudder then stiffen for a split second before he composes himself. I see fear in his own eyes as they meet mine. He turns his head back around. "Hey Brian," he says tauntingly. "Why don't you come over and see this. It's really sick. I know you'll love it"

"No, I don't want to."

Danny turns to me and there is a malevolent gleam in his eyes. "I thought you were one of the boys, Brian, or are you a pussy like we thought?"

I step forward boldly. "I'm not a p…p…" I can't bring myself to say the word. I was always told it was bad. "I'm not weak," I reply louder than expected, hearing my own fear.

Danny laughs mockingly. "Okay, then, if you're not weak come over here."

I nod my head and walk forward, my heart beating rapidly. I close my eyes as the stench gets even stronger. I hear both of my cousins laughing at me, but I don't care. I can't and don't want to see whatever it is they are looking at.

I hear Russell whisper in my ear. "It's okay to close your eyes. Shut them tight. We already know you're scared. You can't fool us, sissy"

I gasp out, feeling my tears moistening my eyes. I want to be brave but he is right I am scared. I have never been so scared in my whole life. Danny takes hold of my hand and his voice echoes in my head. "I want you to meet my cat, fluffy. He laughs evilly as I feel the course fur of the feline under my fingertips and a stickiness that dampens them. My hand begins to tremble at the realization that it's blood as I lay my hand fully upon the stiff cold body . I continue to close my eyes tight. My heart aches thinking of the pain this creature must have gone through. I wish I could reverse time and do something to help it.

Tears brim from my lashes and that is when I hear Danny laughing. "You should have heard it crying for it's life, Brian, it was great; all that power."

I push the feline away from me and scream as my heart pounds in my chest. "Stop! Stop!" I shake my head and freely let loose of my tears. I look at my cousin. "How could you? How could you?"

He laughs and smiles. "Because it's fun, Brian." He begin sto rattle off the things he did to the animal.

I can't bear to hear it. I cover my hands over my ears and sing loudly, trying to tune out his hateful words. "Jesus loves the little children. All the children of the world." I hear my voice singing louder and louder as I clinch my eyes tight. I begin to withdraw into myself as terror engulfs me. I am startled when I hear a door slamming.

I let my singing die down and realize I am all alone. Oh god I'm all alone. I continue to keep my eyes closed as my lips tremble and my hands feel cold and clammy. I begin to shake violently and I'm too scared to move so I sit down upon the cold earth. The loose dirt soothes my trembling hands. I scream out in anguish fearing that no one can hear me with the doors closed. I am trapped within the hollow earth, where my nightmares exist.

My body trembles in fright and I open my eyes, trying to see through the darkness as panic rises in my chest making my heart pound. I try to make may way to the door which is now closed. I pound at the wood pleading to be let out, crying at the top of my lungs. Suddenly I hear cruel, hysterical laughter coming from my cousins. Pushing at the door I feel it open a little. I sigh a breath of relief and try to push it open. My cousins are holding the door shut.

Sliding down the rickety wooden frame I feel my tears rushing over my lashes. I sink to the ground letting my fingers dig in to the dirt. My chest heaves as animalistic cries escape my throat.

The soothing sound of a grand piano breaks through my pain and I am amazed by the beauty of it. Even in this dark, frightening place the sound of heaven reaches my heart. The familiar voice of my friend Silvia sings a lullaby and I wonder how she always knows when I need her the most.

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I am startled when I open my eyes to see that I am on the ground rocking Peter. He thanks me profusely for helping him, but I can't remember anything and I am scared.. How can I not know what happened just moments ago? I see the fear in John and I am even more terrified. All I can remember are the horrible memories of my past.

John looks to me with pleading eyes. "Uncle Brian, please don't tell mom what you found in my room, okay. And I won't tell her about the knife, okay?" His eyes are bugged out and I feel my heart clench at the thought of a knife being involved. I hate knives or any sharp object.

I know I can't show my own fear or let him know that I have no idea what just transpired. I clear my throat and look him in the eyes. "If for any reason you tell your mother or you try to hurt your brother again I will tell your mother what I found. You got that clear?" I growl not even knowing what it is I had found.. Fuck! What is wrong with me? He shakes his head. "Promise?"

Peter stands up wiping his tears away and then leans over and kisses my forehead. "Uncle Bri, you're pretty cool," he giggles. "Someday you'll have to teach me that knife trick."

I hear Silvia chuckle and then she speaks through me. "When you're older, Peter. Much older."

She pats his face in a motherly fashion and then vanishes from my thoughts.

I watch as Peter runs off to play and John joins him. I stand watching them, lost in thought and confused about everything that has happened. My body begins to tremble and then I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. I feel the presence of someone sitting down next to me. Sid's voice sounds amused, but concerned. "That was some trick you pulled," he chuckles softly then reaches behind me. I feel his hand slightly brush my ass and then he reaches into my back pocket.

My breath hitches. "Sid, what that fuck are you doing?"

He laughs then pulls something out of my pocket. He holds the object in front of him and I am surprised to see a butterfly knife. How the fuck did that get into my pocket? Fuck! I don't even remember seeing one since the last time I saw Sid.

He clears his throat then releases the small latch and flicks the blade open, flipping and clicking It in place. He looks deep into my eyes like he is searching for something.. "Brian, where in the hell did you learn such a dangerous trick?" He winks and flips the knife again.

"Sid, please put down the knife. You know how much I hate those things. I don't want to see you get hurt"

Sid furrows his brow at me. "Brian, what the fuck is the matter with you?" I look at him quizzically and he continues. "One moment you're this sweet, tentative, confused boy I have always known then wham! In a matter of seconds your demeanor changes and you're this ruthless, confident, coldhearted, edgy asshole with no sense of morality. You do what you got to do to survive, not giving a shit who it may hurt?"

He looks me directly in the eyes and I feel a chill crawl up my spine as he shakes his head slightly. "I have been trying to figure why you can't remember us having sex and now I know. They're back, aren't they?" He watches me intensely waiting for my answer.

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