Take Me As I Am

Chapter 6

Brian's POV

I look up to Justin's bedroom window in contemplation, and then swallow hard. Well this is it. There's no turning back now. I carefully climb through his window and am instantly assaulted by the obvious sounds of sex. I'm sure that I must be hearing things, but then I move further into the room and see Justin and Daphne fucking on his bed. I gasp and my emotions build up inside me. This can't be fucking happening to me. On some level it's almost amusing because of my thoughts earlier in the shower. But in actuality this just fucking sucks. Why do I always give my heart and soul to someone just to have them crush me? Have I not learned my fucking lesson? Fuck! I feel so violated and foolish for trusting Daphne, and for giving all that I am to Justin. When I hear them both cry out their love for each other my heart breaks into pieces, but what bothers me the most is that I can't stop watching them.

Justin kisses her with so much passion as he thrusts deeper inside her and I can't believe I'm still standing here. What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel the malice inside me growing and festering, and all I want to do is grab him by the throat and hurt him. Hurt him for doing this to me; to us. I choke back my rage because I know I could never really hurt him, or Daphne. They both mean so much to me, but this betrayal is killing me inside and I wish everything could be okay.

There is part of me that wants to join in on the fun. Fuck! I am so fucking fucked. So I decide to do neither. I'm just going to leave. They can fucking have each other as far as I'm concerned. I'm too numb to really give a fuck and it hurts too much to process all this humiliation. I am just about to climb out the window when I hear Justin growl out in pleasure as he comes and then instantly I hear him dry heaving. I turn back to look at my boyfriend and best friend and then I see the empty rum bottle laying on the floor.

"Shit!" Instinctively I run over to Justin and pull him off Daphne.

She looks up at me in shock and horror. "Brian!"

Ignoring her, I cradle Justin in my arms and grab a nearby trash can, holding it under his face just moments before he empties his stomach. Sweat pours from his face as he retches violently.

Daphne sits up unsteadily and looks over at us, trying to focus her eyes. Suddenly I see reality setting in as she gasps. "Oh God, what did we do?"

Her stupidity and ignorance grates on my last nerve. "You don't know? Jesus Christ, you must be really wasted! You just fucked your best friend, you fucking twit!"

She hangs her head in shame. "Brian I…I'm so…"

"I don't want to hear any of your fucking excuses! Just put on some fucking clothes and get a damp cloth so I can clean him up. And get a glass of water; he doesn't need to get dehydrated."

Quickly she gets up and groans as her body sways, then she sits back down, holding her head. My attention is pulled from her when I hear Justin whimper and empty his stomach again. He leans on me, mumbling incoherently.

I feel my anger boiling up in me again as I look at Daphne holding her head. When I speak to her my tone is harsher than I intended. "I have no sympathy for you right now. You better go get that towel, now! Justin drank way too much and he needs to get this all out of his system." I glare at her again. "How could you both be so stupid?!"

She clears her throat and stands again, and when she turns to me I see the regret in her eyes. "It wasn't supposed to be this way," she says mournfully.

I shake my head at her, not wanting to hear anymore. She dresses quickly, then walks out of the room. I feel relieved just to hold Justin, but I'm scared that I am losing him. I rub small comforting circles on his back, and wish I had the courage to tell him how much he means to me, how much I truly love him. But now I feel so alone, and betrayed, not sure if I can ever trust him again, but I want to.

I am drawn out of my thoughts when I hear him cry out in pain. "Oh God, I'm so fucking sick." Softly, I brush the sweat matted hair from his eyes.

I look up when Daphne stumbles back into the room. She seems so lost, but I am still so fucking mad at her, at both of them, really. I am even more furious at myself for not seeing all of this sooner. She holds out the damp cloth and a glass of water. I move away from Justin and stand up, making sure he's balanced on the bed before I take the glass and cloth from her without even looking her in the eye. I kneel down in front of Justin and carefully clean his face, and then hold the glass to his lips. "Here drink this."

When he looks at me I see the confusion and tears in his eyes as he takes a drink. Once I see that he seems more settled, I move the trash can out of the way and begin to help him lie back in bed. I am surprised and relieved to see a condom on his softened cock. I raise a brow at Daphne when I speak to her, and the sarcasm drips from my tongue. "Well at least you both thought enough to play safe."

She has tears in her eyes. "Brian, I'm so sorry. I am so fucking sorry."

I try to ignore her apologies, but there is so much pain and remorse in her voice that I can't take it anymore. I can't handle hearing any more of her fucking bullshit. I look down at Justin and I don't know if he will ever fucking understand how much I love and hate him at this very moment.

Slowly I caress his cheek and glide my palm down his naked chest. This was supposed to be our night together. "Fuck!" I wonder when I became such a sentimental fool. My fingers brush down to his belly button and I glide them through his coarse and damp pubic hair until my hand touches his soft cock. Justin gasps softly under my touch, then he drifts back to sleep. I take a deep breath, holding back my emotions as I carefully unroll the condom off him and put it in the trash can. I cover him up with a blanket.

I hear Daphne still mumbling how sorry she is, and I continue to ignore her because I have no idea what to say. How can I just be like, 'oh, it's okay Daphne.' I just can't, and this fucking hurts, and now I could lose them both. They where both so fucking irresponsible and stupid, not even thinking about how it would affect me, or them, or our relationships. I turn to her with fire in my eyes. "Why did you do it?"

She gulps. "Do you want the truth?"

I laugh bitterly. "Well, that would be nice, don't you think? Considering I'm just about to lose my boyfriend to my best friend. I think the truth would be fucking nice. Now spill it!"

She lays her hand gently on my arm, and I pull it away, glaring at her. She shrinks back. "I was afraid of losing him." She runs her hand through her hair. "Fuck! I was afraid of losing you again too. When Justin told me that you two were going to have sex tonight I don't know…I lost it, and then with the alcohol in my system I just wasn't thinking. All I could fathom was that the two men I love the most in the world were in love with each other and not me. I knew that you and Justin could never love me like I love you. I realized that I will never be happy. I will never have what you two have. I will never have someone who loves me like you two fucking love each other and I freaked! I fucking freaked out and I regret it. Now I am going to lose you both and it's all my fault.

As she speaks, so many of my own fears rip through me. I had no idea she loved both of us so much, I swallow my pain and mask my expression as I growl at her, "You're right, it is your fault. But you weren't fucking yourself now, were you? Why did Justin agree to this stupid scheme?"

"He was fucking afraid of losing you to me. He was jealous of our bond, and I'm sorry, Brian, we both fucked up. We were just afraid of losing you, and each other."

"Well, you did it! You lost me! I hope you're fucking proud of yourself." I point to the window and speak to her sternly. "Get the fuck out of here! I can't look at you right now, you fucking whore!" As soon as I said it, I regretted it.

Daphne's eyes swell with tears and her lips quiver slightly, and all I want to do is hold her in my arms, but that would defeat the purpose. When she speaks, her voice is soft and shaky. "How can you call me that? I have only been with two men in my whole life, you and Justin. I have only been with the two men that I love, and you have the balls to call me a whore. You fucking hypocrite. I love you! Fuck! I love Justin. I'm so fucking stupid."

"I said get the fuck out." She looks at me with so much pain and grief, wanting reassurance that we are okay, but I can't give her that, not now.

"Brian, please listen to me. I'm sorry."

"I said get the fuck out. Now!"

I watch as she unsteadily tries to climb out the window and I feel guilty for making her leave like this. Without a second thought I rush over and gently take her by the arm, helping her back through the window. She looks at me in shock and confusion. "Brian, what are you doing? I thought you hated me?"

Gently I wrap my arms around her and bury my head in to her silky hair. I whisper softly in her ear. "I could never hate you or Justin."

She wraps her arms around me and stands on her tiptoes, kissing me on the lips, then gently she draws back and speaks softly. "I have always loved you."

I feel the tears swelling in my eyes because I never thought anyone could love me, and now I have Justin and Daphne. I hold back my emotions and whisper softly. "Me too. Always have, always will." Without hesitation I lean down, capturing her plump lips in a passionate kiss."

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Daphne's POV

My heart skips a beat when I feel Brian's lips covering mine gently, and then my heart melts as 'Forever' by KISS begins to play softly in the background. I open my lips, gliding my tongue against his, savoring his taste and his essence. I wrap my hand around the back of his neck drawing him deeper into the kiss.

I gotta tell you what I'm feelin' inside,

I could lie to myself, but it's true

There's no denying when I look in your eyes,

Girl, I'm out of my head over you

And I lived so long believin' all love is blind

But everything about you is tellin' me this time

Brian draws back and his hazel eyes burn into my soul. I gasp slightly at the intensity in his eyes. I jump slightly when I feel his hand caress my cheek. He whispers softly, "I can't lose you or Justin. I will do anything to keep you with me. I know that sounds so fucking pathetic, but I can't imagine a life without either of you."

It's forever, this time I know and there's no doubt in my mind

Forever, until my life is thru, girl, I'll be lovin' you forever

I hear the echo of a promise I made

When you're strong you can stand on your own

But those words grow distant as I look at your face

No, I don't wanna go it alone

I never thought I'd lay my heart on the line

But everything about you is tellin' me this time

"Brian?" I move up to kiss him again and delicately he presses his two fingers on my lips and whispers. "Not now. Not like this. I want us, all of us, to sit down and talk about this. I don't want a drunken fuck. I've had enough of those to last a lifetime.

I'm startled by his words, they seem so effortless, so thought out, and so God damn fucking romantic. "You know, Brian, you truly are a closet romantic, aren't you?"

Oooh I see my future when I look in your eyes

It took your love to make my heart come alive

Cos I lived my life believin' all love is blind

But everything about you is tellin' me this time

He looks at me longingly, and then kisses me softly. "I will deny it if you ever bring it up again."

It's forever, this time I know and there's no doubt in my mind

Forever, until my life is thru, girl, I'll be lovin' you forever - yeah!

I laugh softly. "Your secret's safe with me."

Brian nods his head in approval, then caresses my cheek lovingly as the song comes to an end. His gaze matches mine and he gulps and turns away, walking towards Justin's bed. I watch as he strips down to his briefs and crawls into the bed spooning up behind Justin, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's slender form. Justin turns into Brian's arms and speaks weakly. "Brian, I am so sorry I … I…"

Brian stops his words with a chaste kiss, and then looks up at me. "Daphne, come here." His words are husky and full of desire. Slowly I make my way to the bed and take off my clothes, leaving on only my bra and panties. I hear Brian take in a deep breath as he watches me intensely. He moves the cover back so I can get in.

When I get in the bed I look at him, not sure exactly what to expect. Brian reaches over and gently lays his hand on my hip, and without any more hesitation I wrap my arm around Justin and Brian.

Justin looks back at me in confusion and I see the alcohol is still in his system and then he slurs. "What's going on?"

Brian kisses him on forehead. "Get some sleep. We'll talk about this in the morning."

Justin lays his head down on Brian's chest and whispers, "Okay."

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