Take Me As I Am

Chapter 5

Three weeks later

Justin's POV

Daphne and I are both sitting on my bedroom floor watching Head Banger's Ball, drinking a cheap bottle of Rum that I stole from my mom's closet. I look over at my best friend in my drunken haze. "Ha! My mom's a stupid cunt. She thinks I don't know she drinks, but I do. In fact I think she's helped me secure my love for rum." I tip the bottle towards Daph.

Daphne grabs the bottle from me and laughs. "I can't believe your mom doesn't even know where her bottles are disappearing to."

I lean my head against my bed and huff out a bitter laugh. "She is such a fucking hypocrite. She's always saying drinking, sex, and all the fun shit in life is evil, yet here she is drinking in her fucking closet. She fucking forgot my birthday. No gift, no nothing…damn bitch. But hey, at least I have a fucking bottle of rum for my birthday party!"

Daphne looks at me and I can see affection in her eyes that confuses me somewhat. Gently she caresses my cheek. "Well, she's a fucking bitch." I am startled when it looks like she might kiss me, but she simply draws back and smiles, handing me back the bottle. "Happy fucking Birthday, Justin!"

I take the bottle from her and take a big gulp, feeling the warmth of the alcohol coursing through my body. "Yup. Happy fucking birthday to me." I smile when I hear the familiar drum beat of the song 'Crazy, Crazy Nights' on the TV and Daphne screeches with joy, crawling over to turn it up even louder. She stands up and starts singing along loudly with the music.

"Here's a little song for everybody out there.

People try to take my soul away

But I don't hear the rap that they all say

They try to tell us we don't belong,

That's all right, we're millions strong

This is my music, it makes me proud,

these are my people and this is my crowd"

I watch her in amusement as she mimics Paul Stanley's moves. She combs her fingers through her hair, bunching it up in a seductive grasp, and pouts her lips as she thrusts her hips in time with the music.

"These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights

these are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights"

When I laugh she shakes her head wildly at me as she grins mischievously. "You know you want to sing with me." She holds out her hand to help me stand up. I laugh, realizing how fucking drunk I am. We begin to sing at the top of our lungs, swaying to the music.

"Sometimes days are so hard to survive,

Oh yeah A million ways to bury you alive

Hey, the sun goes down like a bad, bad dream

You're wound up tight, gotta let off steam

They say they can break you again and again

If life is a radio, turn it up to ten."

I take another swig of rum and begin to mimic Gene Simmons. Daphne laughs and gets more into her dancing as we both lose ourselves in the music.

"Ohh, these are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights, come on

These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights, yeah, whoo

And they try to tell us that we don't belong

But that's alright, we're millions strong

You are my people, you are my crowd

This is our music, we love it loud

Yeah, and nobody's gonna change me

'Cause that's who I am, ooh."

Daphne screams again and sexily combs her fingers through her hair again. She raises her voice to speak above the music. "God, they are so fucking hot! They make me horny!"

"These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights, oh yeah

These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights, oh, oh

These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights, yeah."

As the song ends I fall back on my bed, laughing. "Anything makes you horny. You're the most horniest girl I have ever met. You're such a slut."

She slaps me playfully. "I am not, but speaking of sluts, where's your boyfriend?" I see a roguish grin spread across her face.

I slap her playfully. "He's changed."

"I know."

I scrunch my nose at her. "Then why would you say that?"

She sighs then rolls on her side to face me. "Because that's my lame ass way of asking if your guys have had sex yet."

I sit up slightly mortified. "That's none of your business.'

Her face grows serious. "I'm sorry for calling Brian a slut. I want you to know I don't feel that way anymore. I understand why he did some of the things he did."

I nod my head in understanding. "It's okay. He would probably be the first one to call himself that. He really looks down on himself a lot, but I know the truth. I know he's faithful to me. To answer your question, no, we haven't slept together yet."

She sits up straight. "What!? Really!?"

I bite my lower lips and then smile wickedly. "Tonight is going to be our first night together." I shrug my shoulders. "Well, I'm kind of hoping it will be, anyway."

"Wow, Justin, that is some awesome birthday gift." I see a slight glimpse of sadness in her eyes and then it's gone. She smiles softly, and slurs her words slightly. "Are you sure you don't want a trial run with me before he gets here?"

Delicately I caress her cheek. "Daphne, you're my best friend in this whole fucked up world and as tempting as it would be, and has been, I can't ruin our friendship or what I have with Brian, to have one night with you."

She swallows hard and I can see the tears forming in her eyes. "I sometimes already feel like I've lost you both. I love you and Brian so much," she gulps. "You have no idea how much I love you. I love you so much it hurts. Sometimes it hurts for me to see you and Brian together. I try not to let it, but it does. Brian was my first and only. I know I joke around about sex but I've never been with anyone else except for my fucking hand. Now that I can't have him or you, I want to just have one moment with you, so I can remember you both, always."

I'm confused by everything she is trying to tell me. I know what she is saying, but it is not completely registering in my dazed mind. "Daphne, you're not making any sense."

She wipes away her tears. "I know, it doesn't make sense to me either." She looks me straight in the eyes. "I love you. I have loved you since the day we met." She runs her fingers through her hair. "Fuck! I'm just being a stupid girl."

Softly I cup her chin with my hand. "You're not a stupid girl. I love you too."

She growls in frustration. "You don't understand. I'm fucking in love with you, Justin. I want you! Don't you get it?! I want you and Brian. I want you both in my life; and not just as friends, but as more."

I study her closely and I can see how conflicted she is by telling me her heart's desire, Fuck, I'm conflicted too, because I do love Daphne. I always have, but Brian is the true love of my life. I think about my boyfriend, and the last three weeks we have had together, and it's been amazing.

I have felt self conscious at times because I have noticed the glances Brian and Daphne share and the strong bond they have. I can tell they both care and love each other very much. I sometimes worry that Brian would leave me for Daphne. I know that Brian and I are both gay, but there is just something about Daphne that we both love and cherish. I swallow nervously and speak the truth. "It hurts me too. I mean I can see the bond you both share, and the love you once had for each other. I'm afraid Brian will leave me for you. I worry every day."

She looks horrified and kisses my forehead. "Oh God, no, Justin! He loves you. He loves you so much. I know he hasn't said it, but I see it in his soul. He loves you so much."

"Then why do I feel like I'm not good enough for him?"

"Because we are teenagers, and life sucks that way."

I chuckle at her comment. "Well, that's one way of looking at it." She lays her head on my shoulder looking up at me. My breath catches in my throat as I see the desire in her exotic eyes. Delicately I trace her plump, pink lips with my finger and she kisses it enticingly. "Jesus, Daphne, I never realized how beautiful you are until now." She gives me a strange look and I swallow hard, stuttering uncertainly. "I mean…I… I've always known you were... I mean are.

She bats her eyes at me in wonder. "You really think so?"

A sheepish smile graces my lips. "Yeah, I do think so." I'm so confused about what to do, especially in my inebriated state. "I don't know what to do," I whisper softly as I look into her expectant eyes.

I want to be with her so desperately but I am fucking afraid of the repercussions when Brian finds out. Part of me hopes he will also need her too, so all of us can be together. Without any more hesitation, I lean forward and softly kiss her on the lips. Daphne moans, parting her lips and lets me snake my tongue into her sweet mouth. I can feel her smile as she slides her tongue against mine. She cups her hand around the back of my neck, drawing me in closer, deepening the kiss. I gently rub a small circle next to her ear with my thumb, and then slowly and sensually glide my hand down her neck and shoulders. She gasps when my hand covers her small breast. I let my thumb brush over the material of her shirt that covers her hardened nipple.

Daphne presses her fingertips firmly into the flesh of my neck, her warm breath sending shivers though my whole body. I moan longingly when I feel her other hand rub my cock through the material. "Oh God," I cry into her mouth just before plunging my tongue in deeper.

Daphne gasps, and then draws back, speaking with desire in her voice. "Justin." Her eyes are heavy with desire and I have never seen her look more beautiful. When I sit up to take off my shirt I feel lightheaded from all the rum I've had, but I want to be with her so desperately. I want to be able to share that bond that she and Brian have. In the back of my mind I know this is wrong, but right now it feels so right.

She sits up unsteadily and I catch her in my arms, and then she giggles as she kisses my chin, while running her hand down my chest. She backs away with a playful smirk, licking her lips as she seductively takes off her t-shirt, revealing her pink lacy bra.

I never thought I would find a woman attractive, but right here, right now, I am so fucking turned on. She leans over the bed and grabs the bottle of rum. She then moves closer to me, taking another swig. Daphne leans over and places her lips over mine. When I open my mouth and feel the warm liquid flow over my tongue, I swallow the harsh fluid, knowing I shouldn't because I am already feeling queasy. Instinctively I grab the bottle from her and set it on my dresser. I wrap my hand around the back of her neck drawing her into a passion filled kiss. Slowly I lower her back on the bed covering my body over hers, grinding my hard cock against her leg as our passion takes over.

Daphne guides me to sit back up as she unclasps the front of her bra, and I am shocked I am not running away screaming. For some reason having her here with me like this makes me feel safe. I bite my lip and lean down to kiss her. "You're so beautiful."

She smiles up at me. "You're so drunk." Then she laughs. "But so I am," she slurs. Grabbing the bottle from the dresser she erotically pours it over her breasts, letting the warm fluid caress her nipples. And run down to her tight stomach. I move in and lick my way down her neck, until our moans echo throughout the room

*****

Brian's POV

I lean my forehead against the shower wall, letting the hot water penetrate into my skin. I gasp as I feel so many emotions coursing through me. I know I'm late to go to Justin's, but truth be told I'm fucking scared to death of what will happen when I get there. He told me a week ago that all he wanted for his birthday was for us to make love. "Fuck!" The last person I had sex with that I cared about was Daphne, and that turned out so well. I shake my head and all I can see is the pain in her face every time I kiss Justin or hold him close. She claims she is fine with our relationship, but it hurts me so much knowing how much it hurts her to see us together. Daphne puts up a brave front and I admire her for that. I'm afraid that after Justin and I are together totally and completely, that I might lose her again. I'm also afraid I won't be enough for Justin. He is such a good person and deserves so much more. What if I fuck this up and end up hurting him too?

Slowly, I run my hands through my now shortened hair. So much has changed in my life since Justin and I have been together. I know feel more at peace with my past, even though at times it hurts more because I have been able to admit to myself what really happened. Daphne and Justin have really helped me through this. They have been my sole support. I find myself drinking and drugging less, and I am so thankful to finally be able to get through the day without being totally high. My drug buddies don't get it and keep asking why I've started hanging out with the two freaks. They don't fucking know anything.

God, I love Justin so much, Daphne too. In a perfect world I could actually see all of us together. I know that sounds so bizarre but that's how I feel. I can't imagine one without the other. I know that can, and never will be. It hurt to see the pain in Justin's eyes when he found out that Daphne and I had slept together. He never mentioned it again, but it must be haunting him. I know how much he worries about everything. I shake all the odd thoughts out of my head, not understanding exactly where they are coming from.

I step out of the shower and make my way to the misty mirror, wiping it off with my hand. Water droplets begin to roll down the mirror. I comb my hair with my fingers and I am amazed to see that I don't look half bad with short hair. I grab the scissors and put them back up in the cabinet and then get dressed to go to Justin's.

I sit on my bed for a couple moments rehearsing how things may go in my head, and I realize that, no matter what, it will turn out how it is supposed to be. I am startled out of my thoughts when I hear a loud bang in the room next door and my father's drunken slur echoing through the walls. Quickly I grab my duffle bag and the Jim Beam that's sitting on my dresser.

I take a long swig then hold up the bottle in the direction of the loud noises coming from my parent's room. "Cheers to you, Dad." I slam the bottle back down. "You Goddamn fucking prick!"

With that I climb out my window. No matter what is going to happen between Justin and me tonight, it will be amazing.

Why stick around here waiting for what Dad will dish out to me? I hate when he gets like this and I can hear it now when he sees my haircut. "Pretty boy has gone and cut his hair. Now he thinks he's a real man."

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