Take Me As I Am

Chapter 3

Brian’s POV

As I walk into Daphne’s room I am instantly bombarded with so many emotions. This place holds so many memories; some good and some bad. I am slightly relieved to see that no one is here.

I sit down on her bed reflecting on our shared past. I hate that I pushed her away when I was 14, and now that I’m 18 you would think I could be man enough to own up to my mistakes. It’s difficult knowing how much our sleeping together really hurt her. I never even realized until now. Shit, how could I have been so stupid to even come here that night, and cause her even more pain after her grandfather passed away.

I thought everything was okay between us when she came to my house a couple days later and we slept together again. I had no idea she had fallen in love with me. I remember telling her it was just a fuck, something to help her feel good and help her cope with life around her. At the time she said she understood and even agreed. God, I am such a shit!

I realize now that I pushed her away because I wanted to protect her from all the torment and bullshit in my own life. I was using drugs, alcohol and sex to escape my own pain and I knew she was better than that.

I look over at her dresser and I see a picture frame that I know once held a photo of Daphne, her grandparents and me from our trip to California the summer before my fourteenth birthday. I stand and pick it up, noticing instantly that the picture is bent in half, only showing Daphne and her grandparents. My heart aches knowing she has erased me so completely from her life. Without hesitation I open the back of the frame taking the picture out and unfolding it. I feel my emotions stirring when I think of how close we were back then I used to be able to tell her everything. Well everything except the part where I am gay, and let my coach fuck me.

She seems so cool about Justin being gay. In fact she is encouraging me to talk to him and to figure things out.

*****

Justin’s POV

On my way to the restroom I heard Daphne open her bedroom door and growl at someone. I couldn’t wait to get back and see what all the commotion was about. Unfortunately it took me awhile to get back. Her grandmother asked me to help her move the sofa. She said she was tired of how the living room looked. I was glad to help her since she has been so amazing to me. She lets me stay the night when my mom is working her midnight shifts at the hospital.

When we are done moving the sofa she thanks me and I kiss her on the cheek, causing her to smile brightly. Then I make my way back to Daph’s Room. “Hey Daph, who in the hell were you barking at in here?” I am startled when hazel eyes meet mine and Daphne is nowhere in sight. “Brian, what are you doing here?”

He smiles and speaks softly. “I’m here to see you.”

I can’t help but return the smile. “I hope you’re here to see me in a positive, life affirming way.”

He looks at me slyly, and then chuckles. “Yes,” he smirks. “I think it is, anyway.”

I nod and walk closer to him, suddenly noticing the photo he is holding. Part of me is angry at him for invading my friend’s privacy, but then I see the torment in his eyes and they reflect the same emotions that I see in Daphne’s, whenever she looks at that photo.

I’ve asked Daphne many times about the person from her past that she is avoiding. I remember the first time I asked her, she smiled sadly and told me it was just an old friend. She never told me who it was. I look at Brian and then down at the picture, and am absolutely stunned to see a younger Brian with his arm around Daphne. I have so many questions, but I know now may not be the best time to ask. I clear my throat and take the photo from Brian, studying it closer. He watches me intensely and all I can say is, “I had no idea you and Daphne used to be friends.”

I can see the tears threatening to form in his eyes as he chokes back his emotions. “Best friends.” He takes the photo from my hand and carefully places it back in the frame without bending it back.

I can see how much he misses her and I know in my heart that Daphne misses him too or she wouldn’t have reacted so strongly when I told her who I liked. Tenderly I caress my fingertips across Brian’s cheek. “I’m sorry, Brian, I didn’t know.”

He smiles sadly and then covers my hand with his. “Sorry is bullshit. Besides, you have no reason to apologize. It’s in the past.“

I can see the flood of emotions and pain cross over his face. “Do you miss her?” I ask. I’m not sure why I’m asking something I already know in my heart to be true.

He swallows hard, and then replies, “Yes.” He closes his eyes for a moment, looking deep in thought. When he opens them I can see affection and confusion in his eyes, as he gently cups my chin in his hand. He tenderly brushes his thumb over my lips and clears his throat. “I’m not here to talk about the past. I’m here to talk about what I said on the phone earlier.”

I nod my head in understanding. “I was hoping that was why you were here. So is it true, am I your type?”

He looks at me intensely and I become nervous, wondering if he is here to tell me to fuck off, or just to let me down easy. I’m startled when I feel his lips firmly upon mine and a gentle hand caressing the side of my neck, then gliding over my shoulder and down my back.

My breath hitches in my throat. This is the first time a man has ever kissed me or touched me in such an intimate manner. My lips and body feel numb and tingly all at once as his soft lips move against mine. My heart beats fast when I feel my cock become hard. In a moment of passion I wrap my hand around the back of his neck, deepening the kiss.

A gasp escapes my lips when Brian rests the palm of his hand at the base of my spine, his fingers lightly touching my ass. I can feel him smile as he snakes his tongue into my mouth. The kiss is filled with passion and fervent desire. When Brian begins to pull away from our kiss I become a little anxious, and fearful that this may be all there ever will be between us, and I can’t let this end; not yet. What if he changes his mind and wants to walk away from me? In a moment of pure desperation I knead my fingers into the back of his neck, bringing his lips back to mine, kissing him even harder. I am pleasantly surprised to hear him moan, and then I feel his hand firmly cup my ass as he pulls me even closer to him. I groan loudly when I feel his hard cock against me. Instinctively, I wrap my other arm around his back, moving my own hand to his ass and squeezing ever so slightly as I plunge my tongue deeper into his mouth. He thrusts his tongue against mine again as our moans blend into each other.

I am startled when Brian tears himself away from me, panting, with a look of approval and maybe some concern on his face. “Fuck!” I raise my brow at him to explain his statement, and he chuckles softly, kissing me again, this time chastely on the lips. He draws back with a smirk on his face. “Who would have thought little Justy Taylor, who used to bring his Bible to school, could kiss like a rabid beast?”

I slap him playfully. “Fuck you! I never brought my Bible to school.” He raises his brow at me and I sheepishly hold my arms up in surrender. “Okay, okay, I used to bring my Bible to school. I’m suck a fucking dork.”

He shakes his head and speaks softly. “You’re not a dork, you just have strong conviction. That’s one of the reasons I value your friendship so much.” He swallows hard and I can see how difficult it is for him to say this to me. I have never seen him look so vulnerable before as he continues to speak. “We both have strong convictions. Granted, mine are at the other end of the spectrum, but strong just the same.” He steps out of our embrace and runs his hands through his long chestnut hair. “Fuck! What the fuck are we doing, Justin? I can’t do this to you. I can’t hurt you.”

His words hit me hard and I close my eyes for a moment. I know he is trying to protect me, from himself, but what he doesn’t understand is that I know him better than he knows himself. “Who say’s I’ll let you hurt me?”

He steps close to me, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck and he speaks with intensity in his voice. “It’s unavoidable, Justin. I know nothing about relationships. Fuck, I have never had one before.” He shakes his head. “Sure I fucked guys, and yes I’ve fucked girls.” He scrunches up his nose. “But I have never fucked a man I care about, let alone have a relationship.”

I feel my heart slowly breaking and I look down at he floor, not wanting to see, or hear, his rejection. I feel Brian softly cup his hand under my chin again, raising it so I can look at him. “I care about you too much, Justin. I don’t want to lose our friendship over this. I can talk to you about things I can’t tell anyone else.” He steps away again. “Fuck!”

His voice is filled with so many emotions as he continues. “ I even told you about that time my freshman year when I knocked that girl Jenny up. I didn’t love her. Shit, I didn’t even like her, but when she came and told me she had a fucking abortion, and it was my child, it tore me apart. I know I wouldn’t have made a good father. But the point is I had no choice, she didn’t even asked me. If I had known I would have done something to try and make a life for the child. At the very least I would have supported her through her pregnancy and we could have had someone adopt him or her. “No one, and I mean no one, knows how much that ripped me apart, but you. You’re the only one I can talk to about things like that. You’re the only one who knows the deepest desires of my heart. “ He looks so open and vulnerable as he quickly turns away from me. “I can’t lose that.”

I am so stunned by everything that has just happened that it does not dawn on me right away that he is leaving, until I see his hand on the doorknob. Quickly, I move to him, laying my hand on his shoulder. “Brian, please don’t go.”

He doesn’t turn to look at me, but I can see his shoulders slump. “Justin, don’t.”

Hastily, I turn him around, and he glares at me with a stunned expression, but stays quiet while I start to speak my heart. ”If you don’t want to hurt me, why are you hurting me now by walking away?” He turns his head away as not to look at me. I grab his chin more harshly than I planned to and stare into his beautiful hazel eyes. “Don’t you dare fucking look away from me now. I want an answer, Brian.”

He pushes me away. “Jesus fucking Christ! What is your problem? I already told you I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then why do I feel you’re holding something back from me?”

“Just drop it, Justin,” he growls.

“No.”

He runs his fingers through his hair then whispers so softly I can barely hear him. “I don’t want to get hurt, okay.” I’m surprised how much of himself he just now exposed to me.

“Brian, are you that daft? I love you.”

“You don’t love me, Justin, you can’t possibly even know what love is. You are way too young.”

“I have loved you from the first moment I saw you. You have no idea how much it means to me that you have confided things to me that you wouldn’t trust anyone else with. I can’t promise we won’t get hurt, but I want to try. I want to show you how much I love you.”

Brian gulps heavily then a slight smile graces his lips. “Are you sure?”

Unexpectedly I feel the cool breeze from the open door and Daphne’s voice rings through the room. “Will you two fucking do it and get it over with already? I’m getting cold out in that fucking garage.” She winks at me then places a cold beer in my hand and then hands one to Brian. He thanks her and wraps his hand around the back of my neck, kissing me tenderly. When he draws back he smiles and speaks softly. “I’m not sure if I can ever say it, but I hope to in time.”

Daphne sits on her bed and sighs. “Well it’s about time you two got that straightened out.” She looks up, surprised by her own words and laughs. “I meant that as a figure of speech, not that you’re straight.”

I am thankful to hear Brian laugh as he brings me into a tight embrace. “No more drama princess moments, okay?”

I grin up at him. “I promise, as long as you don’t have any more asshole moments.”

He nuzzles his head in my neck then speaks huskily in my ear. “Well, with the way you kissed me earlier I have a feeling you may like my asshole.”

Gently I caress his cheek and smile at his comment. He takes my hand and leads us over to where Daphne is sitting. He sits down and guides me to sit in between his legs, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close.

Daphne takes a drink of her beer and grins at us expectantly. “So, does this mean you’re, like, seeing each other?”

I look back at Brian and he gently brushes my hair out of my eyes and nods his head as he leans down and softly kisses me on the cheek.

*****

Daphne’s POV

I am pleased to see Brian kiss Justin's cheek, and I can feel that they have something special between them, despite my earlier reservations. I’ll be damned if I will let either one of those boys ruin this for me. I mean, hello, a girl’s got to have some kind of fantasy life, and seeing them together is making my mind and hormones go overtime. I am startled out of my little daydream when I hear Grandma knocking on my open bedroom door. I can’t help but admire how well she takes care of herself, even in her sixties Grams is a pretty good looking chick. Her mocha skin and dark curly hair that touches her shoulders, give her an almost exotic look. But what I love most about my grandma is that she is sassy as hell. I think that‘s where I get it from.

She watches us for a moment and there is an amused expression upon her face. I wave at her. "Hi, Grams.”

She winks at me then playfully growls. “You kids snagging my beer again?”

I hold up the bottle and smile mischievously. “Cheers?”

Grams chuckles softly. “ Just be careful, you three.” We all nod our heads in understanding. “I’ll bring in some extra blankets so you can sleep here. She looks at Brian intensely and then realization sets in. “Brian, is that you, sweetheart?”

He smiles brightly. “Yeah, Grams, it’s me.”

“Well, I’ll be damned. I haven’t seen you in a long time. Look at you, all grown up and handsome. She points to her cheek “You better get over here and give me some sugar before I’m too old to enjoy it.” She chuckles again. My Grams is such a flirt, and everyone falls for it, but I know better. If she was young she would be chasing these boys, trying to make them straight, just for a night of course.

Justin playfully jumps up and sits on my lap and kisses my cheek, then turns to Brian. “You better go give Grams some sugar, Brian. These women love that shit.” I can’t help but laugh, and then take advantage of his bubble butt sitting on me. I give him a good swat on the behind.

Justin cries out in mock pain, then rubs his ass as he sticks his tongue out at me. “Not fair.” Brian stands up, and also swats Justin’s ass. Justin looks at him in shock. “What the fuck was that for?”

Brian laughs good naturedly. “Because you’re being a twat.”

Brian then walks over and kisses Grams softly on the cheek, and she takes him into a warm embrace. “Damn, I have missed you, boy. You look good.”

He blushes and it amazes me that Grams, of all people, can make him blush. “Well, well, I bet you’re beating the boys off with a stick these days. You are so handsome.”

We all looked at her, stunned, and Brian gasps. “How did you know that I‘m gay?”

"Well one big clue was that fine young man who was just sitting on your lap. That was you kissing him, wasn’t it?"

“Yeah, it was.”

“Good. I think you two look great together.” I know my mouth is still open wide in shock. I have always known my Grams is cool, but she never ceases to amaze me. I glance at Brian and Justin and they both seem to be in as much shock as I am. Grams chuckles softly. “Now don’t look at me all surprised. I may be old, but I’m still rather hip. You kids are young yet, and you have your whole lives ahead of you. Enjoy every moment you can, and forgive each other for your past mistakes. Never hide who you are, but embrace your individuality.” She points her finger at us. “Because if you don‘t, you will regret it for the rest of your life.” She sighs heavily. “I know I regret a lot in my life. I am ashamed to say I lived a lie for many years” She turns and looks me directly in the eye. “Daphne, I loved and respected your grandfather very much, but he was not my true love.” She pauses for a moment to gather her thoughts . “My true love’s name was Vivian.”

I have no words to say as I listen to my grandmother’s confession. I feel completely numb, but Brian seems to have the courage to say what I wanted to. “You were in love with a woman?”

She nods her head and whispers. “I still am, even though it’s been forty years, or more, she still holds a special place in my heart.” Grams pats Brian’s cheek, then reaches her hand out to Justin. He stands and walks over to her. She holds both of their hands in hers and looks to Brian. “I know it’s hard for you to admit you care for anyone, let alone love them. Do me a favor and enjoy each other. Don’t let anyone else interfere with how you feel for each other. Let me tell you, no one else matters. Yes, people will give you shit, and they will say hateful things, but when it all comes down to it, none of their scorn or malice is worth your time, as long as you have faith in each other.”

She lets go of their hands and wipes a stray tear from her eyes. “I‘m sorry I got all emotional on you kids. I just see how much the world is changing, and I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes I did.”

Brian sits back down on the bed guiding Justin to sit on his lap, and I can see he has taken Gram’s words to heart. “What happened between you and Vivian? How come you’re not together now?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “Things were different back in my day. Vivian married George and...”

Before Grandma can finish her thought, it dawns on me. “Aunt Viv?”

Grams nods her head. “You know she’s not really your aunt. That’s just what you have always called her. We’ve been good friends for years, even if we are no longer romantically involved.”

Justin seems to be lost in thought and I can see his own emotions coming to the surface. “I bet it’s so hard loving your best friend and never being able to be with her.”

She closes her eyes. “It is difficult on us, but we have sworn we won’t cross that line as long as she is with her husband.” She wipes away another stray tear. “Anyway, you don’t need to hear the love woes of an old lady. I came in to ask if you all could help me move that old desk from the living room out to the garage.

*****

After we are done helping Grams I make my way back to my room I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head from learning about Gram’s past, and all the words of wisdom she shared with us today.

I am drawn out of my thoughts when I see that the picture in the frame on my dresser is unfolded. I feel my own emotions welling up in my chest as I walk over and pick it up. God, I miss Brian so much. Part of me hopes now that Brian and Justin are together that Brian and I could be friends again. I’m not sure if it’s possible, or if I can forgive him. His sudden abandonment of me still feels fresh and painful.

I am startled out of my thoughts when I feel a hand cover mine and a gentle kiss on my cheek. I turn around to face Brian, and he smiles at me, but I can see sadness in his eyes. I know at that moment that I’m willing to give him a second chance.

“What was the kiss for?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I heard that you women love that kind of shit.”

I can’t help but chuckle, and then I look down at the photo and back up at him. “Why did you take the picture out?”

He takes it from my hand and looks at it. “You shouldn’t have cut me out like that. It was a special day and you should never forget it, or me.”

I feel myself getting angry. “You’re the asshole who walked out of our friendship without an explanation.”

He looks away and mumbles. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s bullshit, Brian. You don’t do sorry. I want to know why.”

“Daphne.” He says my name in a warning tone. “I’m not ready to talk about it; not yet. I guarantee when I do it will be with you and Justin, but for now just know I was messed up. I still am, honestly. I didn’t want to take you down with me. I was fucked up, and it had nothing to do with you.”

I sigh, knowing that‘s all I‘ll get out of him for now. “Id like to put it all behind us and try to be friends again.”

He takes me into a warm embrace. “Me too.”

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