Take Me As I Am

Chapter 1

Justin's POV

Pittsburgh 1989

I lie on my back on Daphne's bed and let my thoughts wander as I look around her small room, studying the heavy metal posters that cover almost every inch of the wood paneled walls. God I love her room. Daphne is so free and able to be herself. Her grandmother doesn't have much money, but their home is always filled with love and understanding.

Being raised in my Bible belt family I have never really known how to be free, but now finally, for once in my life I am acting like the seventeen year old I should be. I've finally found an outlet for my frustrations by rebelling against my straight laced family. I've discovered that drinking, smoking and listening to heavy metal music is just the escape that I've so sorely needed. It's everything my mother despises and that makes it all the better.

My eyes wander over to one of the pictures above Daphne's bed and I feel my breath catch in my throat as I stare lustfully at Paul Stanley's deep penetrating brown eyes. His gaze pierces into my soul, making my cock hard as a rock. God, I have always found him to be attractive, but now as I look at the photo, I find my thoughts wandering to Brian Kinney. My breath catches in my throat as I think of how gorgeous he looked in homeroom today.

His long chestnut hair was damp from the rain and he walked in the room shaking his head and taking off his denim Motley Crue jacket, revealing his black 'Shout at the Devil' t-shirt that clung tightly to his chest. His torn Levis hugged him just as tightly, accentuating his well endowed cock. I turned my head quickly, hoping he did not see me looking at his cock. He flopped down in the chair next to me, kicking his feet up on his desk and I was instantly drawn into his scent of cigarette smoke and whiskey. I inhaled deeply, trying to control my cock from putting me into a very embarrassing circumstance.

Every day it is becoming more and more difficult to keep my feelings hidden deep inside. I have loved Brian from the moment I saw him almost four years ago, but I can't tell him how I feel. I know he does not do relationships, and as far as I know he is as straight as they come, but lately I have noticed the subtle looks he has given me. It makes me wonder if he is maybe gay or bi. I feel so alone with my secret sometimes. I am gay and no one knows. I wish I could talk to someone about it. There have been so many times I have wanted to tell Daphne, but I'm not sure if she will understand. We have been friends for so long that keeping this a secret is tearing me apart.

I am startled when I feel a tap on my forehead and I look up to see Daphne hovering over me with a mischievous grin on her face. "Hey, daydreamer."

I chuckle softly. "You caught me"

She climbs over me, accidentally brushing her leg across my erection. She lays down next to me, smirking. "So, are you going to tell me what you're thinking about, and who has given you that huge boner?"

I feel a blush spreading across my cheeks. "No."

She pouts and then pretends to cry. "My best friend hates me. He can't even talk to me." She sighs loudly then speaks dramatically. "No, no, let's not talk to Daphne, she may actually listen to me." Before she can finish her theatrical statement she begins to crack up laughing.

I throw my pillow at her teasingly. "Fuck you."

Her face suddenly grows serious. "You know that's not funny, Justin. I have offered to be your first." She laughs again. " God, I so can't be serious for a minute, can I?" She flops down on the bed. "So, who is she?

"Who is who?"

"Well Duh! The girl who has your thoughts wound up so tight, not to mention your jeans that are about to bust at the seams," she giggles.

I roll my eyes dramatically. "There is no girl."

"Yeah right. Fine! There is no girl." She reaches over me and turns on her stereo, flopping back down on the bed singing along to "Lick it Up" by Kiss. I look back up at the poster of Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons, letting the music vibrate through me, and I know it is now or never. Casually I turn onto my side and look into my best friend's eyes. "I think Paul Stanley is to die for."

She gasps, and then a bright smile crosses her lips as her eyes twinkle at me. She sits up clapping. "Oh my God! You finally, totally, just came out to me!"

"You mean it doesn't freak you out?"

"Fuck, why would it freak me out?"

I sigh in relief. "I don't know, maybe because he's a guy."

"So, what's the big fucking deal? I mean, I like guys."

I laugh and then tap her on forehead. "Hello, you're a girl. You're supposed to like guys."

She shrugs her shoulders. "So? You're a gay boy and you're supposed to like boys too. All this means is we have that much more in common. We can totally talk about our hot, lusty crushes." She flops back down on her bed and stares up at the poster. "God, Gene Simmons is so fucking hot!" Her voice becomes dreamy. "Have you ever thought of what that man can do with his tongue? God he makes me so horny just thinking about him licking and flicking at my clit and doing so much more."

I shiver at the thought. "Oh, that's just gross, Daphne! I so did not want to hear about your pussy." I shove my elbow in her side playfully. "But then again, the thought of Paul's lips around my cock does sound nice."

"Orgasmic even," she giggles. "Oh my God! That is just an amazing visual. I am so going to think about that the next time I masturbate."

"Ewww! Daph, that's sick!" I sit up and look down at her. I am amazed that she is okay with me being Gay and didn't make a big deal about it. I lean down and kiss her lightly on the forehead.

She smiles brightly. "What was that for?"

"For not freaking out and still being my friend." I lay back down turning towards her.

"Of course I'm your friend. Nothing will change that. I can see that you are so keeping something from me, though. So now that I know for sure it's not a she…who is he?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

I sigh heavily. "Brian Kinney."

She gasps and I am perplexed by the range of distressing emotions that play across her face. It starts with sadness, then confusion, and finally amusement. "No way, he is like totally a stoner, and a slut, may I add." It oddly seems to hurt for her to say those thing about him. I wonder why she would have so many emotions concerning him.

I shrug away the thought and defend Brian. "He's really sweet. I've gotten to know him, and I can talk to him honestly. He respects my point of view and I respect his."

"He is totally straight."

"Are you sure?"

"Come on, Justin, have you seen those skanks that drape themselves all over him. You know it's only because he has a big cock and gives them what they want."

I bite my lower lip and feel the heat rising in my cheeks. "I never noticed the size of his cock, is it really big?"

She bumps my shoulder with hers. "Liar, even I've noticed his dick. Oh God, and when he gets a boner in class, it's so breathtaking." I chuckle softly at her description and then she looks at me seriously. "Oh, he's hot alright, but totally wrong for you."

I feel my heart breaking knowing Daphne doesn't completely approve of Brian for me. I swallow hard and confess my true feelings. "I think I'm in love with him, Daph. He seems to really get me when I talk. He listens and I know he shares things with me he usually wouldn't with his stoner friends"

She bites her lower lip and I can see the concern in her eyes. "Then I guess the only thing you can do is follow your heart and ask him out, see what he says."

"Are you okay with that? I can tell the idea of me liking him upsets you."

She clears her throat. "No, it's not that. I just worry about you, and as your best friend," she smiles, "I have to make sure everyone you date is worthy of your time."

I smile back at her. "What if when I tell him he freaks out on me or fucking outs me to the whole school?"

"One thing I know about Brian Kinney, besides him being a slut and stoner. He's honest, kind, and I will admit, misunderstood. I judge him and I know I shouldn't. I've just known Brian longer than you have. That doesn't make my feelings right, and you shouldn't let them affect how you feel." I nod in understanding and she continues. "I have seen you two talk, and he does seem to respect you and your opinions. I do not think he would out you at all. I am just worried about you getting involved with someone with that kind of lifestyle."

"He's a good guy."

"I know he is. Don't listen to what I say, I'm just a fickle girl." She giggles and reaches past me, grabbing the phone. "You should call him." I shake my head and she laughs as she dials in his phone number, then puts the receiver to my ear.

I sigh heavily and feel extremely nervous when I hear his voice on the other end of the line. "Hello?" I clear my throat and try to speak but nothing comes out. "Is anyone there?"

Finally I am able to croak out; "Brian?"

His voice sounds so sensual and breathy. "Justin?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, what's up?"

"I'm just hanging at Daphne's listing to music."

"Oh, anything good?"

"Kiss"

"Wow really?" I can hear the amusement in his tone. "I thought you only listened to the Bible shit or Depeche Mode."

I feel myself getting slightly angry. "I don't listen to Bible shit, and I can listen to Kiss and Depeche Mode both. If I like them, why should it matter?"

He chuckles lightly over the phone. "I'm only fuckin' with you, Sunshine. You don't have to defend yourself with me. I think it's cool you're listening to the finer music of our generation."

I smile at his words. "Really?"

"Yeah really."

"Cool."

Brian chuckles softly and his voice sounds rather seductive and I know I must be hearing things. "So Justin, did you just call to talk about music or was there something else on your mind?"

"Um… I just …I um Just wanted to say hi."

I can hear him smirking over the phone if that's possible. "You only called to say hi? Why do I not believe you?" I feel completely flustered and it does not help that Daphne is giggling next to me. He laughs good naturedly. "I hear Daphne in the background. If you're calling to find out things about me for Daphne let her know I'm not interested. She's not my type."

I swallow hard. "That's not why I called… I mean I'm not calling for Daphne."

"Oh?"

"I just wanted to say hi, but now I am wondering why Daphne's not your type. I mean she's a pretty hot number. If she's not your type, then who is?" Daphne bites her lip and laughs at my antics.

I am startled when Brian clears his throat. "Well Justin, it was nice talking with you but I need to go."

"Wait, you didn't answer my question. Who's your type?"

Brian sighs heavily over the phone and whispers, "You are." Then he hangs up.

I sit there for a moment just holding the phone in stunned silence. Finally I hang up and flop on the bed next to my best friend with a goofy grin plastered on my face.

Daphne nudges me "So what did he say?"

I can't help but chuckle and turn to her "He said that I'm his type"

"No?"

"Yes."

"Oh my God, he is soooo in like with you. I'm happy for you Justin. I hope it works out for you two. "

"Me too."

"Justin?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for being a bitch earlier about Brian and I want you to know I am cool about you liking him. He really is a good guy."

"It's okay, I know you're just being a friend, and I understand your concerns."

"You know I love you right?"

I nod my head and kiss her forehead. "I love you too."

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