Porcelain Doll

Part 1

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Introduction

For a while now, I have felt a strong urge to write about my personal spiritual journey. I would like to thank you for taking the time to join me on this journey, some of you may at times have a sense of deja vu. To be honest, I have been hiding behind the characters of a television show for over a year now, and as comfortable as that was, I have felt the spirit calling me home, so to speak, telling me to be true to myself. To begin to tell on my story, I should, naturally, start at the beginning.

Before I was born, my mother married a man with whom, after they had been married for some time, he joined the satanic church of Anton LaVey and began practicing dark witchcraft. My mother eventually divorced him and married my father. I have been living with the insecurities and spiritually fearful stories from that period ever since. I have struggled my whole life with light and dark entities, and most of the time, I have felt completely and utterly alone.

I was born a natural witch to a very strict bible belt family. I remember hearing of these horrible encounters of my sibling and mother where they would be tormented by spirits and I too, growing up, had felt this oppression. For most of my life I was told that the way I believed was the temptation of evil and of the devil. I spent my whole life hiding from and being drawn to the darker way of life. I was extremely intrigued by the stories my family would tell of my mother's first husband. I felt so guilt ridden about my attraction to witchcraft that I spent every Sunday, morning and night, and each Wednesday, at the altar of our church praying that god would free my soul from these burdens; he never did. I was lost and confused and I did not understand witchcraft or Satanism or that there was a difference. I was told it was all the same and that it was all a temptation of Satan.

Six years ago, I met a woman who changed my life. I consider her brief moment in my life to be an amazing and spiritual gift. She help guide me on to this journey; she saw within me my spiritual gifts and opened my mind to begin to understand that the way I believed was not evil. She was the one who gave me my very first card reading and as scared as I was when she placed the cards on the table, I had never felt more alive.

Through my journeys, I still struggled with dark and light spirits, still feeling so pulled and confused. When my Grandfather passed away about 3 years ago, I went down a long dark spiral of alcohol abuse. During this time, I met some people online who were Satanists, and I began to study their way of life. I know this will be strange to say, but reading and studying about the dark path really set my head straight and I now see the difference. It took my small embrace with the dark side to actually see the light and the good around me and within myself. I no longer have the struggles I once did and I have learned to focus on the light.

My husband, children and I live a very open pagan lifestyle. I see the struggles within my children's lives as they are both natural psychics and fight with light and dark entities. I am thankful I have gone through what I went through so I can help them on their journeys. I honestly believe that is why I went through a lot of my past, so I can be strong for my son and daughter.

Please read the stories with an open mind. I know some of them may sound extremely bizarre and impossible but they are true. I am not writing them in any order, just as I feel led; we may be jumping around a bit, yet each story is self-contained as well as a part of the whole.

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