Eternity

Chapter 9

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Justin's POV

It's been three months since Brian asked me to move in and we've had our ups and downs, but for the most part it has been exhilarating. Not many people get to see the real Brian; the one who is vulnerable and kind. He guards his heart and soul very closely, but for some reason he has let me in. I have to admit I am afraid it will all come tumbling down on me and I will lose him.

I became so lost in thought that I forgot I had been painting. I pull back from my canvas and am confused by the image before me. I have not seen the eyes I'm staring into since I was sixteen. The deep green, haunted orbs pierce deep into every fiber of my being. Every emotion I felt on the day I met the young man comes flooding back to me. I try to shake the thought from my mind, but a part of me is unwilling to. I will never forget my first, he will always be a part of me no matter where I go or who I am with.

Sitting down on the sofa I smile at the memory, I was so young and so afraid. I knew I was gay but I was concerned about coming out and how it would change my life. Would it change the way my family and friends felt about me? When I first saw him I knew in that moment that he was the one.

I was at our local roller skating rink. It was a place to get away from my parents and be myself for awhile. I did not particularly care for skating but I enjoyed playing video games. I had been playing Pac-Man when abruptly I felt a change in the air around me. I had never felt anything like it before. A tingling sensation raised through me and I tried to concentrate on the game but the picture in front of me seemed distorted and the screen turned white. I closed my eyes and reopened them, trying to focus. The world around me was off kilter and I felt my hands begin to sweat as butterflies twisted in my stomach. The room became silent and looking around I could see people were talking but I could not hear them. Their movements became slower and slower until finally everything was still. Except for the pounding of my heart.

Turning my head, my eyes fell on the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He looked like a bad boy and that turned me on immediately. He was slightly taller than I am now, his form was lean, yet strong. His shaggy black hair hung into his eyes, and his tight, ripped blue Jeans clung to his body showing off all of his finest assets. I stifled a breath and panicked slightly when he started to approach me. He moved closer, giving me a wicked smirk. Seductively he took off his green army jacket, revealing a Cure t-shirt and his strong muscle tone.

Even now I can feel the breath hitching in my throat. I remember that the song 'Here Comes the Sun' by the Beatles was playing in the background. Causally he strolled up to me and I wanted to back away but I was drawn into his presence. I smiled up at him nervously. He faltered slightly and seemed taken back for a split second then his eyes softened and his facial features relaxed as he smiled back at me.

Gently he took my hand, moving it away from the game. Instinctively I turned my palm into his and interlinked our fingers. He seemed hesitant, then I watched as he looked at our hands then back at me. I felt my own grin widen as he chuckled innocently and smiled back. Carefully he cuffed his hand around my neck bringing me in closer, stopping for a moment to unconsciously lick his lips, then he leaned down to sensually cover his mouth over mine.

He took tender care as he slipped his tongue into my mouth. His warm breath against mine was driving me absolutely crazy. I wrapped my hand around his neck and deepened the kiss, letting my tongue trace his as our moans became one. I felt his fingers trace down my back, sending shivers down my spine. A whimper escaped from my lips when he grasped my ass firmly. I took in a breath of pleasure as his hardness pressed into my leg.

Pulling away, I looked deep into his soul, feeling his heavy breaths, warm against my sensitive skin. I delicately brushed my finger along his cheek and face then moved my hand to his neck. He moaned and tilted his head, letting me get a glimpse of a more vulnerable side of him. Running my hand over his ear I felt an earring. I moved my hand slightly to reveal a small silver skull. I couldn't help but chuckle as I whispered huskily into his ear. "You truly are a bad boy."

"You have no idea," he replied, tongue in cheek. Without uttering another word he took hold of my hand, leading me to one of the vacant reserved rooms. He closed and locked the door behind us. He stared at me intensely for a moment before devouring my mouth with his. This time the kiss was overpowering and full of lust. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and I thrust mine against his with great need. I had never felt anything this intense and full of passion before. His hand grazed my body gently as he turned me to face the wall, whispering soothing and endearing words. To this day I am not sure if he was aware of his proclamations of love and desire. His words became more conscious as he spoke softly in my ear. "I'll be careful. I know this is your first time." His warm breath against my neck made my whole body quiver and I let him take me to a new and safe place of passion and urgency.

After our bodies had joined as one, he straightened our clothing as we caught our breath. Compassionately he pulled me close in to his chest, softly tracing his finger over my jaw. He bent down, kissing me again and whispered, "Are you okay?" I know I must have grinned stupidly as I nodded my head yes. He gazed into my eyes for a long time, almost like he was looking for answers. Then he spoke softly. "What's your name?"

Suddenly I couldn't speak. I wasn't sure what to say. Part of me wanted to tell him my name, but I knew if I did then it would be real and I wouldn't be able to hide anymore. To this day I am unaware of why I made the decision I did, but I kept silent, never revealing my name to him. I remember seeing the pain of rejection cloud his eyes. He moved me out of his arms and in that moment all I wanted to do was reach out to tell him my name; to just say how he made me feel, but I couldn't.

Unlocking the door he turned to look at me as a single tear rolled down his cheek. He left and I have never seen him again. It's the biggest regret of my life. I try desperately not to think about it. I have Brian and he is everything I have ever wanted and needed, but I often wonder whatever happened to the young man who changed my life so many years ago.

Standing up I walk back over to the canvas. The colors around him are very psychedelic; much like some of the acid trips I had in my younger years. I laugh quietly, placing a kiss on my fingertips and pressing them onto the painting, letting the colors soak my skin. I am startled out of my thoughts as I hear the loft door slide open.

Brian walks up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist he rests his head on my shoulder then kisses my ear. "What's this?" He points to the painting. It's different than what you usually paint." He chuckles lightly. "The only words that come to mind right now are 'coo, coo ca choo'." Turning in Brian's arms he looks down at me with a serious expression. "Who's the guy in the painting?"

I am at a complete loss for words. If I tell him, will Brian act different, or even ask me to leave? I clear my throat and give him the most honest answer I can come up with. "Just an old ghost."

He backs away a little and I see pain in his hazel eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head. "Brian, I don't think you really want to hear about my past mistakes and regrets." He looks at me pointedly, with his eyes alone; he encourages me to continue. Letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding I start to speak. "He was my first. God, I was so young and so scared. Afterwards he asked me my name but I...I clammed up. For some reason I just couldn't tell him. He haunted my dreams for a long time and finally I had to let him go; free him from my thoughts. I haven't thought of him for a long time, then all of a sudden today, there he is, standing on my canvas just like it was yesterday."

Glancing at Brian, I can't decipher his expression. It is one I have never seen him wear before. He leans his forehead on mine again, wrapping his hand around my neck. His hazel orbs are raw with remorse and he clears his throat, then speaks. "No apologies and no regrets. Promise me that, okay?"

I caress his cheek with my fingertips. "I promise." I'm confused; there is something different about Brian. He seems so open and so closed at the same time and I wonder if it's my confession about this man from my past that upsets him.

Brian moves away from me, smiling mischievously. "Now come on, Sunshine, I only have thirty minutes before I have to go wedding dress hunting." He shivers exaggeratedly. "God forbid! Is that not the mother's job?"

Pulling him in close I laugh. "You want a bunch of lesbians helping her pick out her dress?"

He laughs with me. "Point taken, now get your cute ass upstairs so I can show it my appreciation."

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Brian's POV- Bridal Shop

Lindsay looks around the bridal shop with a twinkling gleam in her eyes. She smiles at me brightly before sitting on a cream color Victorian sofa. She places her hands between her knees. "I can't believe it Brian. Our little girl is getting married."

I raise my brow and take one of the hideous gowns Lindsay has picked out for Gwen to try on. "What I can't believe is this." I shake the dress at Lindsay. "It's a fucking tutu with daisies on it. Ugh!" I cringe and am amused by Lindsay's twisted glare.

"Brian, that's a beautiful dress. I think it would look great on her."

Just at that moment Gwen walks out with a horrified expression on her face and I can't help but laugh. The dress she has on has an old south look, complete with big hoop skirt.

Gwen glares at me. "Daddy, this is not funny. I ... I look like some…some...ahhh! I look like a freak!"

I hold up the long tulle dress in my hand and smooth it out a bit. "Here," I say as I walk over to Gwen with a smirk on my face. "Why not try this on? Your mother has the impression that it will look beautiful on you."

She stomps her foot much like she used to do when she was younger. "You two are so impossible!" she growls, turning on her heel and retreating back to her dressing room.

Looking over at Lindsay we both snicker at each other. "Okay, Brian, maybe you're right. These dresses are not really Gwen's style, are they?"

"You think?" I reply sarcastically.

Lindsay stands. "I'll go talk to her."

I gently put my hand on my dear friend's shoulder. "Let me, okay?" She nods her head in approval. Softly I knock on the dressing room door. "Guinevere, are you okay?"

She opens the door and tears are streaming down her face and she quickly throws herself into my arms. "Dad, I am so sorry I was being such a drama princess."

Pulling back I smile. "It's okay."

She looks down at the dress and then back up at me. "Where is Auntie Em? I thought that he..."

Before she could finish her thought Emmett burst down the hall. "I'm here! I'm here!" He stops in mid stride, covering his mouth in shock. "Oh my! What in heaven's name are you wearing, honey? This is simply awful!"

"Mom picked it out," she replies dryly.

Emmett lets out a gasp and starts unlacing Gwen's corset. "Oh well, say no more. Never ever, ever let a lesbian do a queen's job!" he says enthusiastically. "They have no sense of style. Don't you fret. I have plans for you; wonderful, fabulous plans!" He grabs her hand and drags her down the hall, the dress slowly sliding off her shoulders. "What are you, a size 8?"

She smiles. "Yes, size 8."

"Well I have some dresses picked out for you in a style I think you would like. I special ordered these just for you."

Lindsay looks at us with wide eyes. "What's going on?"

I grab her hand. "Come on Ma, Auntie Em has fabulous plans for our little girl." She smiles, relaxing a bit.

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Gwen's POV

Walking into the room Emmett has set up I let out a gasp. All around are the most beautiful dresses I have ever laid eyes on. All of them Celtic and medieval styled, in all different colors. "These are so stunning. I can't believe you special ordered them for me."

Emmett smiles at me. "You are my favorite niece, honey, of course I did."

I kiss him on the cheek and he pats me on the shoulder. "Well, baby, get to it. Find something that titillates you." He giggles and claps his hands at my obvious joy.

Right away I see the gown of my dreams. I grab the dress and Auntie Em's hand. "Come help me put this one on."

He smiles widely. "Why, of course."

Taking off the hideous gown from before, I put on the silk maroon under garment that hangs to my ankles. I pull the elastic and bring it up over my breasts. Emmett helps me into the outer garment. The top part is a corset made of black silk, designed with red dragons and orange and yellow Celtic Knots. Black velvet drapes down over my waist and hips revealing the maroon section in the middle.

"Okay, honey, I need you to suck in just a little bit so I can lace this up." He looks at me in the mirror over my shoulder as I am looking at myself. "I knew you would pick this one," he beams while pulling the corset tight. Letting out my breath I reach my hands up to my cleavage in astonishment. "Oh my God, Em, I have breasts!"

He laughs. "Well that's the marvelous thing about corsets, honey. They enhance the breast and thin out the waist. I wish they made something like that for men concerning the lower region," He is lost in thought for a moment, then laughs, waving his hands theatrically. "Oh well, what am I thinking about? I am well endowed, no need for such things. I have always wanted a firmer ass though. He turns around placing his hand on his hip looking at his ass the best he can. "What do you think? Should I get a butt job?"

Playfully I slap his arm. "You're so funny. I love you Auntie Em, and no, no butt job. You have a perfect ass. Hell, if I had a dick and happened to be a gay man and not family..." I step back and eye him up and down and smirking and winking playfully. "Yeah, I'd fuck you."

He grins from ear to ear putting his fingertips on his chest in shock. "Really? This old queen? Why, baby, you made my day.", He gets a dreamy faraway look and sighs. "Just maybe, some fine young thing will hit on me one day soon."

I can't help but giggle. "Well you never know. If Uncle Teddy can get the fine young things, you can too."

"Oh no! Uncle Teddy gets the tweaked out twinkies. No thank you." He puts his hand up shaking his head. "Well, now we've got to show you off. You look gorgeous."

Spinning around I take another look at the dress. "Thank you for finding this dress." I kiss him on the cheek. "I love you, Auntie."

He kisses me back. "I love you too, sweetheart. Now let's get your sleeves on and go show the parents."

I walk out to the room where mom and dad are, and I can feel the strong emotions rising in the room. Mom seems a bit confused and I instantly look at Daddy. He has a twinkle in his eye which means he approves.

"So what do you think?" I spin showing off my new gown.

Mom speaks up. "Honey, it's beautiful, but it's your wedding day. Don't you want to wear white?"

I am about to speak when daddy steps in. "Lindsay, it's not like she's a virgin or anything. It's her wedding." He glares at her sternly, "Not yours. If she wants to get married in black and maroon, let her. It's her day." He smiles at me fondly. "You look beautiful, pumpkin."

Mom smiles. "Honey, you do look beautiful. I'm sorry."

Dad smirks at her. "Forgive ma, she has always wanted a big hetero wedding with a big, white fluffy dress. So I take it you want this dress, or are you going to try on more?"

Looking down, I have a big grin on my face. "Nope, this will be it. What do you think Mother Mel will say?"

Dad mutters, "Who gives a fuck what she says?"

Mom slaps him on the stomach and he cries out in mock pain. She laughs at him. "Serves you right, Brian. Honestly, you two are worse than children." Mom takes hold of my hand. "I think Mother Mel will have to get used to it, but as long as she knows you're happy then she'll be happy."

"I'd be happy if she went far, far away," Dad said in a sing song voice.

Mom rewarded him with a frown. "Brian, stop!" She tries to slap him.

He jumps back. "What? I was just making a wish. God, what I would give for a bit of fairy dust right now," he replies sarcastically.

Auntie Em pretends to sprinkle fairy dust with glee. "Did someone make a wish?"

Dad clears his throat. "Yeah, that maybe you'll go away."

I watch as Emmett leaves the room and comes back. "Oh, oh, oh! I almost forgot the final touch." He brings out a wreath of maroon, yellow and orange flowers that match the cake perfectly. On the back hangs a maroon veil. He puts it on my head delicately. "Oh, that's just perfect honey." Quickly I run to the mirror and I could not agree more. It is everything I ever wanted and more.

After we buy the gown and veil Dad asks me, "So next week is your birthday. Any plans on what you want to do?"

"Well yesterday when I was out driving I noticed that old roller skating rink on Oak street has been re-opened. I thought it would be fun for all of us to go as a family." What I failed to mention was the powerful spiritual pull I had concerning the building and my almost desperate need to take Justin and Dad there. It was odd actually, but powerful nonetheless.

Mom squeals with delight. "Oh my God! That place is re-opened? Oh honey, that will be so much fun!" I smile in agreement as she gives me a hug.

I'm not sure if anyone else notices but my dad goes very pale all of a sudden and I see a glimpse of tears welling in his eyes. It lasts for only a split second before he quickly regains his composure by pushing his emotions away until they are no longer noticeable. "Sure, if that's what you want to do, but don't expect me to fucking roller skate."

Mom hits him playfully. "Party pooper. You know you like to skate. You were really good, I remember it well."

He smiles sheepishly. "No I wasn't."

I glance over to Dad and his eyes are still haunted. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it has to do with the roller rink. I have heard spirit works in mysterious ways, but I wish I had a glimpse of foresight on this one. I just hope I am not opening Pandora's box.

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Brian's POV

When I return home, the loft is silent. I walk over to Justin, who is asleep on the sofa. I kiss his lips and he doesn't wake. Making my way over to his painting I look at the young man on the canvas. Part of me wonders why this old ghost has came back to haunt my lover. After standing and staring at the painting for a long time I decide to take a shower.

I walk up the steps to my bedroom and I'm not sure exactly how to feel about what I saw and know. My emotions are spinning rapidly out of control within me. I am trying hard to not let Justin's past affect me, but it is all I can see and it's right there staring me in the face. It's flaunting something he once had that he wants back. I don't know if I could ever give him what he wants even though I am trying. I'm so afraid of failing him.

"Shit!" Running my fingers through my hair I walk over to my dresser and pull open the drawer. I take out an oval ivory container. I open it and pick up the small object inside, but do not look at it. I clasp my fingers tightly and walk into the bathroom.

I turn on the shower and clench the object forcefully, feeling a pain spark through my hand as the sharpness bites into my skin. The steam from the hot water begins to fill the room and I begin to relax, feeling more comfortable knowing Justin can't hear me. I softly hum an old tune from my past.

Opening my hand I look down at the silver skull that lies in my palm. The tears begin to swell in my eyes as I remember that night so many years ago. Moving towards the mirror, I wipe away the mist that is slowly coating the glass. I tilt my head slightly and put the ring in my ear, staring at my reflection.

I see a much more sophisticated presentation of the boy I once was. For a moment I savor the memory of that awkward teenager with green contacts and shaggy black dyed hair. I take out the earring and sing tenderly. "Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right." I push back my tears and close that part of my life once again. I have no intention of revealing my secret to Justin.

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