Eternity

Chapter 8

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Gwen's POV

Waking this morning I have a strange sensation that something of significance has happened between Justin and my father. When I call to check on Dad he is on his way out the door, and promises to meet me for lunch at our favorite Chinese restaurant.

At the restaurant I glance at my watch and notice he is running late. I chuckle to myself when he walks in right at that moment. He strides over causally, seeming cool and collected but I notice instantly the tension he has built up inside.

He leans over and kisses me on the cheek. "Sorry I'm late, Pumpkin. I was in a meeting that ran over."

I smile up at him. "It's okay, Daddy. I know you like to run fashionably late, plus sorry is bullshit, anyway." I smirk and playfully give him a wink.

He chuckles and sits down across from me. "Brat!" he says in a teasing tone as he unfolds and lays a cloth napkin over his lap. "I was surprised to hear from you this morning. I thought you would be, God forbid," he cringes and lowers his voice, "Fucking until...well, I thought it might be days until I heard from you. Is everything okay with you and Jonathan?" he asks sincerely and I can see the concern in his eyes.

I blush slightly. "Yeah, Dad, Jonathan and I are okay. We're actually better than okay."

He shakes his head in amusement. "Good, but I don't want to hear any of your kinky hetero shit. You can keep that all to yourself. As long as you are okay I have no reason to rip out Jonathan's throat." He picks up his menu and scans it over. "So, shall we order?"

After we place our order Dad pours us both a cup of hot ginseng tea. "I'm glad everything is okay between you two, but you never told me why the call so early this morning."

Feeling a bit nervous I take a sip of the hot tea, wondering how I am going to bring up the subject of Justin casually. "Do I really need a reason? I just wanted to talk to my father. I mean I did run out last night in a mad rush. I wanted to make sure you weren't mad." I sigh inwardly at my slight fib.

He shrugs his shoulders. "You had things to see, people to do."

We chitchat for a while about the wedding and family things until our food arrives. That's when I decide to wade into the water. Dad has not mentioned Justin but I can tell he is thinking about him. "Jonathan tells me Justin came into town early to surprise you last night. How is he doing?"

He is looking down when I ask and slightly fumbles his chopsticks, but recovers swiftly. He looks up and smiles. "He's fine." Dad's emotions are very well guarded but instantly I can sense the change inside his being. I can feel all the apprehension and love he holds for Justin. I can also sense his fear of all of these emotions he has never felt before. Focusing even more, I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my back that I know is not my own. "Daddy are you feeling okay? I worry about you and all the work you put in. Is your back okay?"

He looks up, startled, and has a puzzled expression on his face. "Gwen, how the fuck do you do that? You know you can be so freaky sometimes." He smiles suddenly, letting the harsh tone fade from his voice.

"Sorry, Dad, it's just that I worry, you know?" Fuck this is not going the direction I planned at all and now I fucking scared my dad. Why the fuck can't I keep my trap shut?

He puts his hand over mine. "It's okay, Pumpkin. I just hadn't mentioned it to anyone, but yes, my back has been troubling me off and on for a couple months now. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You can sense it much like your great grandmother could." He hesitates for a moment. Taking a deep breath he continues and his words take me off guard. "She also had the sight, just like you do."

"What? You mean you know about me? I mean..." I lower my voice. "You know about my spiritual gifts?"

He smiles sadly and pats my hand. "I've always known, but I wish it didn't haunt you like it does." He gets a far away look in his eyes.

"Grandmother?"

He shakes his head no, letting his hazel eyes pierce into the depths of my soul. He takes a hold of my hand and squeezes it lovingly. "Like me. I never wanted it to haunt you like it did me."

"I don't understand. You don't have this. You've never felt things like...like that I mean. You don't come across that way...no offense.." I know I am stumbling over my words but I'm confused. None of this makes sense. I can feel my body tensing slightly.

"Guinevere, relax and take some deep breaths." His voice begins calming me. "There you go, Pumpkin, that's better. Don't worry, I'm not offended in any way with what you just said. Trust me I worked hard to bring forth this cold hearted persona. I also learned very young how to tune it out. I mean my spiritual gift, as you so eloquently described it. I did not like feeling so much. It hurt to feel others hurting around me." He looks away from me and swallows hard. "It hurt to feel how my own father and mother truly felt about me." He clears his throat and his tone turns gruff. "Anyway, enough of that. So one day I just stopped feeling. It never bothered me again until the day you were born. It continued with Gus as well. Since we are bound by blood, we can sense each other's pain." He smirks then looks at me suspiciously. "That's the real reason you called this morning, isn't it? You sensed a change with Justin and I this morning, didn't you?"

I nod my head, my mind still whirling with all this new information. Dad chuckles and leans back in his chair with a smug expression on his face. "I thought so." His arrogance fades, leaving his emotions wide open. "I think Justin proposed to me this morning."

He takes a small green box out of his coat pocket and lays it on the table. I have never seen my father look so vulnerable before. I'm slightly confused because I thought Jonathan told me the ring was in a wooden box. I look at the box quizzically. "Did Justin give you a ring daddy?" I feel my voice hitch and become meek.

He laughs. "No." He opens the lid to show a platinum ring with small etchings of suns marked around it. "This is the real reason I was late for lunch. I ordered it last week and it just came in."

Reaching for the box I stop myself for a moment. "Is it okay if I hold the ring?" He nods his head yes with a baffled expression.

I just smile as I hold the small object in my hand. "Jewelry is very spiritual and sacred to me. It holds pieces of our soul so I always ask before I touch someone else's sacred space."

He smiles and nods his head in approval. "You're wise beyond your years. Grandmother once told me the same thing."

"She told me that too," I smirk at him mischievously.

"That can't be," he gasps. Then he lowers his voice so it's just above a whisper. "She passed away before you were born."

Glancing at my father, I shrug my shoulders shyly and speak softly. "As you said, I have the sight." Closing my hand around the ring I can feel the love my father has for Justin soaking through the metal. "When are you going to ask him?"

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Brian's POV

Shit, I never meant for Gwen to know about my inner secrets or about the ring. Fuck, how did I let all this happen? She clenches the ring tightly, smiling, and I can tell she knows how I truly feel, but it is hard for me to admit it to myself. I don't even know why I bought the ring. I just felt this overpowering urge to, but I never meant ...I mean I never thought I would ever give it to him. Now my little girl wants to know when, and I don't know what to say. I can feel the lump in my throat. "Guinevere, to be honest, I don't know. I don't know if I ever really planned to. I just don't think I can."

She chuckles softly. "Oh, Dad, for Christ's sake! You bought Justin a fucking ring with sunshine all over it. You call him sunshine but you never planned on giving him the ring?" She speaks softly but her words are very direct and to the point. "Have you fucking lost your mind? It's platinum, not some cheap ring you buy at the dollar store. It's a very expensive piece of jewelry and you never planned on giving it to him? Give it up, dad. You are so taken by him that you'll do things for him on a whim just to show your love. I know you're so fucking scared; so scared of being hurt, but you better figure out what you want and fast. If you don't give him this ring he is planning on giving you one. I don't know when, but I know he has one. I don't want to see either of you hurt, so you better decide what you are going to do, or what you want, before it's too late." Then she whispers, "Before you lose him for good."

I am so surprised with what she just told me, I am literally speechless. I open my mouth to speak and I can't. Finally I find my voice and the words start to tumble out of my mouth. "The thing that scares me the most is hurting him. If I push him away now, I can't hurt him later." I run my fingers through my hair, not believing this twist of fate. "Fuck, I can't believe he got me a ring too. Shit!"

"Daddy, stop it! If you push him away, what kind of logic is that? Pushing him away is hurting him. No matter what, in time you will hurt each other and then you'll make up. That is life, it's called a relationship, but the question, I guess, I am asking you is; do you think Justin is worth that kind of fight?"

Nodding my head, I look up and our eyes meet. "Yes, he is worth it."

She takes a deep breath, relaxing her shoulders. "Good, because he didn't buy you a ring. He fucking made it with all of his heart and soul. He doesn't know that I know. I shouldn't even be telling you, but I am, only because I want this to work between you two and keeping secrets like you two do is only going to complicate things. So stop holding back your emotions and do something about it!"

Even thought Gwen is telling the truth and giving me the simple facts, I still just want to run and hide. The world as I know it is changing, and I'm not sure if I like it or not. "What's the use? It's not legal for a same sex couples to get married anyway. It could never be."

"Be what? Love? It doesn't have to be legal. This fucking government knows jack shit about love. I see it in your spirit every time you're around Justin. Everyone sees it, even Uncle Michael, whom I know has loved you since childhood. We all want you to be happy."

"You and Mikey talked about me and Justin?" I know I should be mad that they talked behind my back or even about the way Gwen is talking to me, but for some reason I'm not mad. In fact, I am honestly touched that she is able to be so blunt with me.

Gwen chuckles softly. "Yeah, we went to Woody's last weekend. He is very happy you found someone. He's also a very goofy drunk. I had to drive him home. Uncle Ben was asleep so we talked in the living room when I dropped him off. We shared a joint. She shrugs nonchalantly and then giggles. He started talking about you and the crazy things you both used to do. He gets kind of a weepy when you get him high doesn't he?"

I can't help but laugh. "Yeah, he does, but I love him. I always have and always will, but never in the way that he wanted. We had some good times though, that's for sure."

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Brian's POV - Later that evening

When I return home from work I notice Justin packing his duffle bag. He looks up and smiles warily. I walk up behind him and snake my arm around his body, lightly kissing his neck just below his ear. "Where are you going?" I whisper huskily.

Justin turns slowly, placing his hands on my face. My heart sinks in my chest when I see the sad dullness clouding his eyes. "Brian, I think it's time I go. This morning it really sunk in to me that we want different things. As much as I want to settle down and be only with one person, I know you're not ready, and I can't be with you unless we want the same thing." His eyes are misty. "I love you too much, and I can't bear to be hurt again, so if I walk away now I..."

Leaning down, I capture his lips with mine and can feel my emotions taking over. My voice cracks slightly as I try to speak. "Justin, don't go." I pull out of his embrace and walk over to the window, lighting a cigarette. I wonder what I am going to say or do.

Justin walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. "Okay, if you want me to stay I will, but Brian I don't know how much longer I can do this."

Taking a deep drag, I let the smoke fill my lungs, then release it. I put out the cigarette. "Then don't do this. I don't want you to." I sound harsher than I meant to.

Justin gasps and I can see the tears teetering from his lashes. " Okay. Shit! I love you, Brian." He runs his fingers through his hair, then pulls away. I watch as he picks up his duffle bag and starts to walk out of the loft.

I know I can't let him go. I can't lose the only man who has ever given me feelings of love and of hope. I clear my throat. "Justin, I think you misunderstood me. I meant I don't want to continue as we were either." Walking over to him causally I take a hold of his left hand. I'm not ready to propose yet, but I want to a least ease his mind. Without words I touch his ring finger, caressing my thumb where I know the platinum sunshine ring should be. I look deep into his blue orbs. "When I said I wanted you to stay I didn't mean just for the night." I peer into his eyes hoping he understands exactly what I am telling him.

Justin lets out a gasp and a slight smile. "Why, Brian Kinney, are you proposing to me?"

I let out a sly laugh. "I didn't say that." I lean in and kiss him passionately. My lips travel up his neck, nibbling and taking in his essence, then I whisper into his ear. "Give me time, but for now, just remember I only want you." Suddenly I feel delight and serenity flowing through Justin's being and I realize that my children are no longer the only ones I am tuned into empathically.

Justin pulls away, looking deep within my soul. "I would like that." He grins, knowing not to say anything more. He kisses me softly and walks me backward toward the bedroom.

Slowly we remove each other's clothes, savoring every touch and taste. Laying him down on the bed I realize how much I am falling in love with this man, and how much I need to feel him; every part of him. Kissing him fervently, I reach over, grabbing a condom and lube. I lay down on my back and hand Justin the condom. He looks at me, slightly confused, then rips the package with his teeth. I let out a deep-throated moan just watching him. He is about to roll the condom on me when I move his hand away swiftly. "No." I clear my throat, taking the condom from him and rolling it gently onto his shaft. "Just be careful. It's been a long time."

He nods in understanding and smiles widely, knowing how much of myself I am truly giving to him. Our eyes lock while our bodies find a rhythm that reveals secret, hidden emotions.

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