Eternity

Chapter 23

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Brian's POV

My heart aches as I watch my mother walk away. I try to hold strong yet I only feel more weak. Taking in a deep breath I blink back the tears that try to escape me. My whole life I have always wanted a mother who loved me for who I am. When I saw her shaking Gus, so many memories of my youth came flooding back to me. I could no longer hold back the anger and pain that penetrates deep within my soul. I know I am not the best father in the world. I fuck up all the time. But I will never let Gus feel like he is any less than a man because he chooses a different life, or lifestyle than myself.

I stand outside letting the night breeze soothe my nerves. Closing my eyes I feel a shift of energies around me. I hold my breath as the heaviness befalls me. I let out a slight gasp and instantly I know my father is nearby. Why is he here now? Out of all the fucking days he chooses now to make himself known. I am about to walk inside the house when I feel a cool breeze glide over my shoulder. I know he is trying to tell me something. I shiver lightly as a strong amount of love and acceptance flows through me. I choke back my emotions, not understanding. Why would he love me now? For some unknown reason I know he does, that something on the other side has made him look over his life. I look over my shoulder and greet him. "Hi Pop."

Walking inside I hold back all my emotions so I can be strong for Gus, give him as much support as I possibly can. Moving toward the living room I hear muffled sobs, and my heart instantly goes out to him. Walking in the room, I am stunned yet relieved to see the sight before me. Justin's arms are wrapped around Gus in a caring embrace. Justin soothingly caressing Gus' hair back and whispers encouraging words in his ear. Zack and Sara are sitting on the sofa holding hands, looking at Gus with concern.

I try to speak and realize my emotions are too strong to talk. I clear my throat. Justin looks over at me and silently asks with his eyes if I'm alright. I nod my head and move toward Gus, placing my hand on his back. "She's gone and she is never allowed back here. I clear my throat and hesitate with my next words, yet I know they are true with all my heart. I know there is no other way to say it. "I'm sorry she said or did anything to hurt you."

Gus looks up at me pulling away from Justin's embrace. He wipes away his tears and chuckles softly, "I thought you always said sorry's bullshit."

I smirk at him and know, yup, that's my boy. "Usually it is, but in this case I am sorry you have a fucking bitch for a grandmother." I pull him into a hug and kiss him on the forehead. I look over to Zack and Sara nodding my head at them. They stand up and I guide my son into their embrace.

Justin walks over to me. I can see the sadness and concerns in his eyes. He gently caresses my cheek. I slightly flinch then lean into his touch and listen to his soft spoken words as he asks me, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, it will take time though." I smile weakly at him.

I watch as Gus, Zack and Sara make their way upstairs. Zack whispers something to Gus and comes back down the stairs. "Brian can I talk with you for a moment?"

Justin kisses me on the cheek lightly. He touches my arms and walks out of the room. I look up at Zack and sit down on a near by chair. "Okay."

He gives me a weary smile and sits down next to me. "I don't know where to begin." He looks down at his fingernails and then clutches his fist. He takes a deep breath and I see his body shake a little bit. He looks up and I can see the worry in his red eyes. "I felt so helpless. I always try to be so strong for Sara and Gus but tonight I...I did not know what to do."

His words go directly to my soul. I know exactly how he feels. I lay my hand on his trying to ease his mind somewhat. I clear my throat. "You are here for Gus. That is all that matters." He nods his head in agreement. His next words throw me off for a moment.

"Brian... I .. .I don't have it good; my family is pretty fucked up. I want to thank you for being there for Gus tonight. My father would rather see me burn than to ever stand up for me."

Looking at him I realize now why I have always liked the kid, In many ways he reminds me of myself when I was a lot younger. Yet he has not let the world make him stop caring. "I know how you feel. As you can see from my mother's actions tonight, the Kinney household was very difficult to grow up in." I am surprised I revealed so much of myself to this kid.

Zack nod shis head in understanding. "You're a good Dad to Gus." He gulps heavily. "If for some chance I am ever lucky enough to have a child, I hope I will be a good father."

"With the upbringing you have had you now know what not to do." I squeeze his hand and let go. "I fuck up. I know I do; but I try to do things the opposite of what my father and mother did. I wish I could say I was there for my kids all the time but I wasn't, mostly because I was afraid I would become my father." I clear my throat standing up. "Now go on, get out of here and take care of my son. I try to hold back my emotions. He smiles and I can see the sadness slowly drifting from his blue orbs.

Justin walks up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist. "He's right, you know. You are a good father?"

For some unknown reason Justin's words hit me hard. I turn into his arms, burying my head into the nape of his neck, feeling my emotions rising once again.

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Justin's POV

Closing my eyes, I can feel Brian shaking within my arms. His moist tears dampen my neck. My heart aches seeing my lover hurt so deeply. Gently I draw back taking hold of Brian's hand. He looks at me confused and I whisper, "Come on, let's get away from peering eyes that may come in here." He nods his head in understanding. I try not to let the anguish in my own heart take over when I see the desperation in his eyes.

Gradually I guide him upstairs. We enter one of the open bedrooms, closing and locking the door behind us. Brian looks down at me; his hazel orbs are haunted and lost. He closes his eyes tightly and I watch in concern as he stifles a breath then opens them again. Brian looks past me then walks absently to the bed. Laying down he turns away from me. His body quivers slightly. I hear a whimper part from his lips. Looking upon my lover I take his pain within myself. The heat of anger and confusion courses through my veins. Gasping out a breath, I realize all the pain he has endured this evening. Climbing on the bed next to Brian I wrap my arm around him. He hesitates then turns his body into mine, letting his tears fall freely. Caressing his hair back, tenderly I kiss him on the forehead.

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Brian's POV

I'm not sure what comes over me but I wonder why Justin even fucking cares. I am not worth it. I have never been worth it. I know I let the world perceive me as strong and even an asshole. Yet deep inside I'm a wreck. Every word of malice my mother has every caused upon me is surfacing into my thoughts. Her words are so hard for me to forget. How can I begin to forgive such hatred. I don't want anyone to see me like this, not even Justin. Laying down on the bed, I turn away from him.

My heart skips a beat as he engulfs me into a tender embrace. I feel myself unconsciously turning into his affection. Something I have always longed for and pushed away before Justin. Even with all the screaming in my own mind, I feel safe within his arms. I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Could this ever really work? Zack and Justin's words penetrate through my thoughts. "You are a good father." How could I possibly be a good father or lover? After all I was never taught how to love. How could I possibly be able to give him what he deserves? I know we have shared so much, even our past lives. Laying here now seems as the world around me is closing in, and I am more lost than I ever have been before.

I think of Gus and what he has. I am so glad he feels worthy enough of loving and of being loved in return. I know the moms have instilled that into him, god knows I had nothing to do with that. My thoughts wander to my own father, I can feel his presence near me once again. A cool breeze brushes down my back and a warmth settles soothingly on my back in comfort. I cave in to my emotions letting my tears drift from me. I gasp lightly not understanding what's going on in my thoughts. Is it really my father; am I imagining it? Am I truly feeling his heart breaking for me? I conclude it must my an illusion or delusion. Jack never cared for me in his life. The first amount of love I have ever felt from him was a few moments ago in the front yard. Fuck! What am I thinking? What the fuck? This can't be real. Justin brings me in closer and his own dampness of tears fall on me as he tenderly cups my face kissing my tears away.

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Jack's POV

I can hear my sonny boy's thoughts, they seep deep into my spirit. He's right, how can he possibly think he can be deserving of anything more, after how I treated him growing up. He deserved so much better from me, from his mother. Laying my hand upon his back, I just want him to know that he is worth everything and deserves so much in this world. I was the asshole. I should have been there for him, yet I never could be because I was never taught how to be there for him. Somehow Brian learned how to love. He really is a good father to my grandchildren. He definitely did not get that trait from me or his mother but he learned it somewhere. I think of Debbie. How much I despised that woman for knowing our secrets. But now I know she is the one who installed such kindness into my sonny boy, and I am thankful he had someone to go to.

Sitting down on the bed I lay my hand upon his back wanting him to feel all the emotions, all the love I really do have for him, that I was never able to show him before, because I was a drunken no good fool. I look down at him and his lover. They really have something so beautiful that only comes once in a lifetime. They are lucky to have it repeat over and over. I never believed in that crap until now. Heaven is nothing like Joan used to preach about. I'm just so proud of my sonny boy. He moved on with his life. He did better than his old man could ever think possible. I am suddenly surprised when I look at Justin. He is watching me intensely.

I'm not sure if he can hear me or understand me but I have to try. "I was an awful father to him." Justin nods his head and I know he heard me. I smile at him with so much emotions welling inside me. "Take good care of him for me; he is an amazing man. I am just now able to enjoy him for who he is."

I am about to stand up and leave when Justin places his hand over mine and I see him slightly shudder. He whispers, "Stay."

I whisper to him. :I need to go. Tell my sonny boy I love him and that I am proud of the father he has turned out to be and how he took care of his son."

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Brian's POV

I hear Justin's soft spoken word. I lift my head to see an unusual expression upon his face. "Justin, what is it?" I heard him say 'stay' but it made no sense to me.

He looks down at me smiling with moistness brimming on his lashes. He chokes out a laugh. "I should be the one asking you that." He caresses my cheek caringly. "Do you have any idea how much you are loved?"

I shake my head no, wondering why I am letting him see this vulnerable side of me so freely. Justin brushes his hand on my back and I see him looking past me.

I feel a chill run up and down my spine, then he looks back at me and speaks softly. "Your father never hated you, Brian. He loved you but he did not know how to be a father and more than anything he is proud of how you took care of Gus tonight."

I wrap my arms around Justin even tighter burying my head into his chest. I don't know how he knew or how he was able to tell me what I was feeling but he did. I am thankful for that, to have that conformation. It's a good feeling to know I'm not actually crazy. I chuckle softly then I feel my father's hand caress my hair. A cool breeze tickles the side of my face and then I feel him leave.

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Jack's POV

Before I leave I gently touch his hair. I'm so thankful Justin was able to tell him how I feel and now I feel I am able to move on. I will always be looking after him. I know for now he will be ok. He has someone who can be everything he has always needed. I kiss him briefly on the cheek. Justin smiles at me and I can see the thank you that twinkles within his eyes. I nod my head and smile at him in appreciation before I leave.

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Justin's POV

Jack smiles at me and I know he will always be watching over Brian. I can feel Brian's tense body relax. He looks up and smiles shyly. He brushes his fingers over my cheek and whispers. "How did you know?"

I wipe away a stray tear rolling down Brian cheek. "He told me."

Brain laughs good naturedly and sits up running his hands through his hair. "I'm not the only crazy one here?" He gasps out another laugh. "I felt him, you know."

I sit up and kiss him softy on his lips. "I know."

Brian's lips turn up into a smile, then he deepens the kiss. Carefully he lays me down on the bed, then he straddles my thighs and looks down at me. His eyes sparkle with understanding then he smirks at me playfully. "Why did you never tell me?"

I look up at him questioning. "Tell you what?" I am a bit confused at his statement.

He buries his head into my shoulder then looks me in the eyes. Tenderly brushing his hand along my jaw line, he whispers, "That you have the gift. I always wondered. It seems we were so connected." His voice becomes deeper and somewhat throatier. "Even when I did not want to be."

I let out a gasp. I have never shared my gift with anyone before, but Brian knew. "I honestly never thought about it before. You know it makes sense now, considering all we have gone through."

He chuckles lightly and smiles down at me, his tears fading. "Yeah it makes sense now." His eyes sparkle at me again, this time with a hint of lust.

Carefully we remove each other's clothing. All the doubt I saw in Brian's eyes earlier is gone. He seems more relaxed and free. There is a tenderness with every caress and touch Brian graces upon my body. I tingle under his affection as he slowly makes love to me.

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