Eternity

Eternity

Chapter 14

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Smashing Pumpkins (To Sheila)

Twilight fades

Through blistered Avalon

The sky's cruel torch

On arching autobahn

Into the uncertain divine

We scream into the last divine

You make me real

Strong as I feel

You make me real

Sheila rides on crashing nightingale

Intake eyes leave passing vapor trails

With blushing brilliance alive

Because it's time to arrive

You make me real

Strong as I feel

You make me real

Lately I just can't seem to believe

Discard my friends to change the scenery

It meant the world to hold a bruising faith

But now it's just a matter of grace

A summer storm graces all of me

Highway warm sing silent poetry

I could bring you the light

And take you home into the night

You make me real

Lately I just can't seem to believe

You make me real

Discard my friends to change the scenery

Strong as I feel

It meant the world to hold a bruising faith

You make me real

But now it's just a matter of grace

************************************************************************

Gus' POV

I sit down; taking a deep breath and Sara gently leans over and kisses me tenderly. Her warm breath upon my lips makes me feel alive. Gently she traces her fingers on my face. "I know you're worried," she says softly.

"Yeah," I say letting out another breath of air.

Zack's gentle fingers caress my hair and he kisses me softly on the cheek, making my breath hitch. "Don't let them get to you." He trails kisses to my waiting lips and his tongue pushes into my mouth, breathing all of his love and passion into me. I let myself relax into his warm embrace.

Sara lays her head on my lap and draws soft circles on my arm with her fingertips. It was difficult for me to bring them both to the party tonight. I was concerned Dad would throw a shit fit. I'm thankful Zack and Sara lead me away before he could express his point of view too loudly. I love my dad, but I am not really looking forward to the talk that I know is coming later.

I unconsciously brush my fingers through Sara's long red locks and she moans softly. Zack draws back, smiling slightly at me as he leans down and captures Sara's lips with his. I am so amazed by how much love he shows Sara and me. I feel whole with them beside me. We draw from each other's strength and comfort one another's sorrows.

The three of us are outcasts in a world of shattered souls and we have found comfort and solace in each other's spirits. People who we thought were friends have abandoned us because they view us as sick and wrong. For the first time in my life I am a part of something bigger than myself and I know with all my heart I am in love with both of them. It's hard for me to believe that something as beautiful as what Sara, Zack and I share with one another is seen as wrong in the eyes of society, and I fear even in the eyes of my parents.

I know mom doesn't get it. She thinks it is a phase. I can see her and dad talking now and I hate being looked on as a kid. I am fucking 17, almost 18; practically a man. I wish it wasn't so hard. All I want to do is make them proud, but I need to be my own man and make my own choices and mistakes.

Looking down at Sara and Zack I know this is not a mistake. We have been together for 2 months now. We haven't really told anyone, but the kids at school know. We get looked down upon and made fun of, but Zack could give a shit. He flips them off and then kisses us both.

Zack and I met in art class one afternoon when I had stayed late to paint. Sometimes my mind drifts off into its own place and I lose all comprehension of reality around me. I remember being jolted from my inner thoughts when I felt someone's warm breath on my neck.

"Your work is stunning." His voice is haunting yet soothing to my ears. Looking up I notice I had painted a black rose reflecting from a shattered mirror, blood seeping through the thorns. A woman's distorted face is imprinted in the remaining glass.

"Thank you," I whisper, turning around. I am immediately taken aback by the young man's beauty. His short brown hair brings out his elf-like features. His body is small in stature, yet I can see he is strong. I watch as he walks past me and picks up a painting I had been admiring for a couple of days. It's of a skeleton holding a glass of wine up to the side of its face. Through the glass is the image of a perfect man flawless in proportion, but flawed is distortion.

Smirking, I realize how similar we are. Our paintings have a lot of the same symbolism yet we have never met. I had already started painting mine before I saw his. "You the artist? " I nod my head toward him.

He laughs and it sends chills through my whole body. Zack smile widely. "It's uncanny, isn't it? We are so alike but I don't even know your name."

I walk to him blushing slightly. "I'm Gus."

He gazes into my eyes and I am completely lost. Quickly I am pulled out of my thoughts when I hear a female screeching down the hallway. "Get the fuck off me! " Zack and I both rush out into the hall and right away we notice a young woman being manhandled by some brute. Zack marches over in a fury punching the asshole in the face.

I feel my breath taken away for the second time that day when the girl looks up at me. Her features are angelic, her green eyes piercing through her thick black eye makeup. She is wearing a camouflage spaghetti strap shirt with black pants. She is breathing heavily as she thanks us. Before I know it Zack wraps his arms around me and the petite girl, who tells us her name is Sara. The three of us have been together ever since.

I am pulled out of my thoughts by my kindred spirits as they look at me with worried faces. "Gus, are you ok?" Sara asks softly.

"Yeah, why?"

Zack Looks at me in shock. "You didn't just hear what happened?"

Sitting up straight I look at them both expectantly. "Nooo," I draw out, then get more anxious when neither one says anything. "Shit, you're worrying me. What the fuck happened?"

Sara giggles. "Your dad's engaged and your sister wants it to be a double wedding."

"No fucking way! What did he say?"

Sara and Zack laugh goodheartedly and repeat in unison, "He said NO fucking way!"

Sara flops her head back onto my lap looking up at me. "So I see where you get your attitude from."

Playfully I smack her thigh. "Fuck you!"

She bats her eyes at me. "Is that an invitation?"

Zack stands up quickly and helps us both up. "We should go congratulate your dad." He winks at me and I am thankful for the interruption. He knows I'm not ready to make love with them yet. It's not that I don't want to. I do, but I see how sex has controlled my dad's life and I wonder if it is worth it. I ache for them both desperately, but I know it will happen as it should, when the time is right. I take hold of both their hands and we walk over to my family.

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Brian's POV

After the Roller rink we all head over to the Munchers' house. I am unable to keep my thoughts focused through singing happy birthday to Gwen. I can't believe they want to have a double wedding. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Quietly I sneak outside and am thankful to have a breath of air to myself. I light a cigarette and inhale deeply as I sit down.

I am not surprised to hear footsteps behind me and I know right away that it's Gus. I'm glad he followed me; I've been worried abut him. He has seemed so melancholy the last couple times I saw him. I know Lindsay wants me to have the talk with him, but I'm not sure it's necessary. "What's on your mind Gus?"

He sits down next to me and lights up his own cigarette and I see his hand shaking nervously. I have to admit it is hard for me to see Gus so on edge. He is usually so calm and collected. Then it really dawns on me; he's smoking. I realize I don't know him as well as I thought. "When did you start smoking?"

He jerks up his head surprised. "What?"

I take another drag then hold up my cigarette as I repeat the words clearly and sarcastically, "When. Did. You. Start. Smoking?"

He quickly tries to hide the cigarette and I start laughing. "Too late Gus, I've already seen you; now answer the fucking question."

"About five months ago," he replies weakly.

"Does mom know?" He shakes his head no. I tilt my head and smirk at him. "Well, your secret's safe with me."

Gus puts out the cig and speaks softly, "Thank you." He gets up to walk away.

"Gus, you know we need to talk."

"I know." He sits back down and looks at me expectantly and suddenly I find myself not knowing what to say.

Taking another drag I rub my nose then clear my throat. "Your mother wanted you to know that it's okay to like pussy and it's okay to like cock, but not at the same time."

Gus looks at me horrified. "Ah! It sounds so dirty when you say it. I figured she would have you talk to me, but it's really none of your business who I'm with." Gus watches me, but I stay silent. "Well, aren't you going to yell at me and tell me I'm disgusting? Or tell me to break up with them?" His voice is aggravated and gruff.

"No."

"What? Why not? That's what mom wants you to do, isn't it?"

I growl under my breath, "I'm not my parents. If your mother wants you to know something she should tell you herself instead of pussyfooting around the issue." I look at him pointedly. "Personally, I don't want to know where you get off. That is something a father just does not want to hear about. I want you safe. Make sure you and Zack wear condoms and Sara is on the pill." I shudder at the repulsive image that comes into my head and I clear my throat again. "I am too fucking young to be a grandpa yet."

I look out into the yard and enjoy the silence, letting out a breath of relief that the conversation is over. I'm not sure what to think of Gus and his relationship, but he looks happy with Zack and Sara. I saw the way he looks at them and how the two seem to adore him. It seems odd to say it, but they seem to really love each other with no boundaries. Who would have thought Brian Kinney noticing and accepting love? I chuckle to myself, forgetting that I'm not alone.

"What's so funny, dad?"

"I'm just pondering how life changes is all." I flick my cigarette onto the cement watching the sparks burn out. I glance over at Gus and he smiles up at me then lays his head on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around him and am reminded of when he was younger. Now he's grown up and a young man. I feel my emotions welling up inside.

Gus draws away from my embrace. "Dad?" I feel my heart sink and I'm not sure I'm ready to hear what he may ask."

"Yeah?"

He lights up another cigarette. "I want you to know that Zack, Sara and I haven't had sex yet." He blushes slightly as he continues, "I'm not sure if I am ready. I want to; God I want to, but it's so complicated you know?"

I let out a breath I did not realize I was holding, and nod my head in acknowledgment. I still need to confirm my suspicions though. "Are you telling me you're still a virgin?"

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Gus' POV

I nearly choke on the smoke I just inhaled but I don't answer the question. I know how Dad is about sex. He is so open and free. I don't want him to think I am stupid or naive about it, because I am not really in the mood for a birds and bees talk either.

Dad's sounds a bit irritated. "Well, are you going to answer the fucking question?"

I feel myself grow angry. "Yeah Dad, I'm still a fucking virgin. Are you disappointed that I'm not playing the field like you?" I watch as sadness clouds over his eyes and he lays his head in his hands. I notice him shake for a moment, and then he pulls himself together. I can't ever remember seeing this side of him before. He seems so open and vulnerable.

When he speaks his voice is gruff. "Gus, I don't want you to be like me. What I want more than anything is for you to be happy." He looks at me and then looks away. "You have two mothers who love you, and I love you. Your life is so different than mine was growing up. I never had a family who gave a fuck, so I found places where I could be touched and feel wanted. The feeling never lasted though and I never wanted it. That is until now; since I found Justin."

Dad stands up and whispers, "I am proud of you." I watch as he walks out into the yard, the darkness engulfing him. He lights a cigarette and the smoke drifts through the air. I stand up ready to apologize to him. I want him to know I'm sorry for my harsh words and for acting like a selfish prick. Just as I am about to walk over to him I feel a hand drop onto my shoulder.

Return to Eternity