Absolution

Chapter 18

Kevin, My wonderful and dear husband you have been my rock and a shoulder to cry on while hidden doors opened in my mind. I thank you for being here for me and letting me borrow your personalities, you all have been a shelter for me during this dark time. I love every part of you with all of my heart and soul… hugs and sloppy kisses, your Immortal beloved.

============================================================

Brian's POV

Walking down the hospital corridor, I firmly grab Justin's hand, He smiles at me lovingly, but the worry is evident in his voice; "Brian are you sure you want me here? I don't want to cause you any more problems with your family, especially when your grandfather is so ill."

I stop walking and pull Justin to face me, my emotions are so heavy that it's hard to speak; "Justin Listen to me," I swallow hard and look away from him clearing my throat. Then I turn back to look into those crystal blue eyes, that have such a hold on the depths of my heart. "I could not be here doing this now if it wasn't for you. I don't give a fuck what my family says about you, or about us for that matter," I wrap my arms tightly around him and pull him closer, kissing him softly on the forehead.

Justin reaches his hand up to gently caress my cheek. It almost looks like he wants to say something but he keeps silent looking into my soul. He reaches up kissing me tenderly on the lips. I lean my forehead on his; "Justin thank you for coming with me, you have no idea how much I need you now." I can hear the crack in my own voice; "How much you mean to me."

"I love you Brian; I would do anything for you." The words flow from his lips so effortlessly and I wish I was able to express my feelings how he does, to be so full of love and stable of mind. Right now I am thankful I am the only one in my thoughts the chatter has silenced and I wonder if it is the calm before the storm.

Walking into the hospital room Justin squeezes my hand and I feel the glares trying to invade our refuge. Mentally I try to prepare myself, grasping Justin's hand tighter ignoring the gasps and dirty looks aimed at us. Slowly we walk to grandfather's bedside. His skin is so pale and I have to hold back the whimper trying to escape my lips, pushing back the tears and keeping them at bay. I need to be strong, but I'm finding it difficult to keep focused, knowing he is suffering and wanting to die.

Grandfather turns to me and smiles weakly; "Brian."

I let go of Justin's hand and placed my hand on grandfather's, giving him a kiss on the forehead; "Hi Grandpa, how are you feeling?"

He tries to laugh but all I see is the sadness in his eyes; "Not good, not good at all."

Rubbing his arms I look into his eyes and see he does not have much longer in this world. I want to hold onto his spirit tightly not letting him go but I know he needs to travel on. I try to choke back my pain; "I hope you're feeling better soon Grandpa." I know it is not possible, he is very ill but I do hope, I always hope for him to feel better.

A small tear escape grandfather's eye and I softly caress his white hair, not sure what to say. What words of hope can you possibly give someone when this might be the last time you see them? I can feel Justin behind me and he supportively puts his hand on my shoulder. In that moment I know there is only one thing I can say; "I love you Grandpa."

Grandfather takes a hold of my hand and pats it with his other; "I love you too Brian. No matter what anyone may say about you I love you." He looks over to Justin and smiles lightly, reaching over he takes a hold of Justin's hand and places it on mine and covers our hands with his. Grandfather's words are soft and tender; "Justin take care of my boy. He needs someone to love him; he has not had an easy life."

I can feel the tears of relief flowing down my cheeks. I'm stunned by grandfather's words and grateful for his love.

Justin speaks softly; "I love your grandson with all my heart and I will take care of him as long as he will have me."

Grandfather pats our hands; "You have both made your bed, no matter what anyone tells you, you need to stay in it. Nobody else matters but you, and if you are happy that makes me happy." He looks at us with misty eyes that are filled with love. I can tell he is getting very tired his hands relax letting go of ours

Justin leans over kissing grandfather on the cheek; "Thank you."

Just before Grandfather eyes flutter off to sleep he smiles wearily; "You're both good boys."

Justin and I watch grandfather sleep for a moment, then Justin turns to me with pure affection in his eyes and a tender voice; "He's right you know."

Casually I caress Justin's cheek with my fingertips; "Right about what?"

He takes hold of my hands and whispers; "That you're good."

Justin's words hit me directly in the heart making it difficult to breathe regularly. I was not told I was good often and only my grandfather has ever uttered those words to me. Hearing them from Justin's lips overwhelms me. I tremble slightly and Justin wraps his arms around me bringing me in close.

I pull away gently and look to my lover. Suddenly I realize that everything I have ever needed or wanted is standing right here before me. Not caring who was in the room or of any consequences it may cause; I cup Justin's chin and lean down giving him a sensual kiss, a whimper escaping our lips. I can hear the angry chatter of my family in the room but I choose to not respond. Their gasps and rude comments are not worth my time. Taking Justin's hand in mine we walk through the icy glares of my family and out of the room.

============================================================

I sit on the passenger side of Justin's car and look out reflecting on the events that have just taken place. I am flabbergasted with how well grandfather took my relationship with Justin, even encouraging it by saying you made your bed now stay in it. He is very old fashioned that way. No matter how tough things got with his wife Alice he always told me, 'you know Brian I know things are not good now but I married her for better or for worse.' He shrugged his shoulders and I could see the small tear escaping his eyes solemnly he says; 'too bad I got the worse.'

Looking over to Justin he turns to me and smiles lightly, covering my hand with his and I come to the realization; I have the better. I smile back at him through my broken emotions. Justin pulls the car over to the side of the road turning so he can caress my cheek; "Brian what are you thinking about?"

I place my hand over his on my cheek and lean into our touch; "I was thinking of you. How my life has changed for the better and how you have made me a better person."

He looks down then back up and I can see the sorrow in his eyes; "Brian how can you say that? Ever since I have come into your life things have become worse."

Scooting closer to him I lean in giving him a chaste kiss and rub my thumb over his lips; "That's not true, you have made me so much stronger. I know it seems bad right now and it is bad, but that's not your fault."

"It's all my fault Brian. If you hadn't met me, if we hadn't..."

"Justin stop okay." Taking a deep breath I continue; "Listen to me. It's not your fault. These choices were all mine to make. I chose to hide, you didn't do that. You helped me realize the truth of who I am. I was so miserable living this lie and now I am free from those burdens, I have new ones but we can get through it together. I can't do it without you."

"I'm sorry Brian, that you have more to deal with. I never meant to..."

"Are you listening to me Justin? I want this. I want you, I could not ask for a better person in my life. My grandfather helped me see that today. When he accepted you in my life without any doubt it made me realize that all the crap with my family and my religion means nothing. But I can't do this without you. I love you with all of my soul and all of my heart; I want to spend..."

Before I can finish my words Justin kisses me urgently with great passion and I can feel our tears blending into each other. Pulling back breathlessly he whispers; "I want to spend my forever with you."

I take both his hands in mine; "Me too, me too," I let out a gasp noticing the sorrow I still hold inside. "Right now Justin I am so scared of losing my grandfather. I know it will be very soon and knowing I have you in my life will make it easier to say good bye and to want to go on living. You make me want to live. Right now though," I let out a nervous laugh, "before I didn't want to be here and I still don't want to be here." Justin looks at me with concern, and I quickly put him at ease. "I mean I don't want to be in this town, sometimes I just want to get away but I have nowhere to go."

Justin lets out a laugh; "Thank God. You scared me Brian I thought you were giving me your last rights," he playful hits me; "fuck never scare me like that again. Okay let's go."

"What you mean just leave now?"

He chuckles playfully; "Just for a couple hours. I want to take you to a special place of mine and it's a ways out of town. We can get away and think for awhile; just time for us alone."

I smile from ear to ear thankful for what he is giving me; "I would like that."

We drive to the outskirts of town and Justin pulls over to a small deli; "They have the best sandwiches here. I thought we could have a picnic."

I kiss him on the nose; "I think that's a good idea. I am rather hungry."

Ordering our sandwiches I notice he also orders a plain loaf of bread. I give him confused look but Justin smiles at me brightly and causally says; "You'll see."

We grab our sandwiches, loaf of bread and some bottles of water then head out to our destination. The further we get the more serene and peaceful everything seems. Justin turns on to a small dirt road and drives a little way into an orchard of trees. Justin gets out of the car and grabs the bread and a blanket from the back seat. I grab our food and drinks following him.

He smiles at me brightly; "This is my sanctuary. Where I come to find peace."

Looking around I notice a small pond inside of the grove of trees, with ducks and even some Geese. The scenery is just breathtaking and I set the food down and take Justin into my arms; "This is so amazing."

He leans into my embrace kissing me softly on the lips whispering; "You're amazing." Justin pulls away and grins at me opening the bag of bread, he walks closer to the pond tearing off pieces and tossing them to the ducks. For a moment I stand back watching the sunlight glisten upon his body and silky blonde hair. He turns and smiles at me, making my heart simply melt and I wonder how I have become so lucky to have this man in my life.

Walking up behind Justin I wrap my arms around his stomach, leaning my head on his shoulder "Hey," I whisper seductively into his ear.

"Hey yourself stud. You want to help me feed the ducks?" He turns in to me with a sexy gleam in his eyes; "Maybe if we feed them they'll leave us alone for a bit," he chuckles and winks, handing me some bread. We spend a couple moments feeding the ducks and geese. From time to time I steal glances at my lover thinking how beautiful he is. Every time I look at him he smiles even brighter.

Peering down at the ground, I noticed we are swarmed by feathered creatures; some of the geese are becoming very aggressive, bucking their heads and trying to nip at my legs. I quickly try to move and they follow honking loudly. Justin laughs good heartedly taking a handful of bread he throws it forcefully into the pond. Grabbing my hand we run up shore and watch the crazed birds attack the remaining bread as we fall on the ground laughing.

For the first time in days I am genuinely happy. Even though I know the darkness is not too far away; this moment right now is all that matters. Justin scoots closer to me kissing me softly. I pull him close and deepen the kiss entering my tongue into Justin's mouth. He lets out a whimper and moans my name, making my whole body tingle sensually, desiring every part of this man before me. Lightly I stroke his back and Justin does the same to me, disappearing deeper and deeper into each other's pleasure.

He nibbles on my neck sweetly then speaks softly into my ear; "Brian I want you to make love to me."

Looking around I see how desolate our surroundings are and smile mischievously; "Are you sure?"

He chuckles then cups his hands on each side of my face; "I'm sure. More than anything I want to feel you inside me, loving me, because I know together we will always be okay, no matter what this fucking world puts us through."

Reluctantly we part long enough to lay the blanket down. In moments he has me in another passionate kiss laying him down on the blanket, I slowly unbutton his shirt. I plant soft kisses on his chest and delicately lick each of his nipples then suck each one gently. Justin lets out a gasp and as I glance at my lover I see the longing twinkling in his eyes. He notices me watching him and licks his lips sensually. Slowly I undress him, loving the feel of his small body underneath me. Carefully he takes my shirt off gliding his fingers over my chest and arms. I feel my erection growing harder with each touch. Taking off the rest of our clothes, I slowly make my way up his body kissing, licking and sucking every part of his sensitive skin I come in contact with. Justin writhes underneath me moaning with satisfaction.

Justin thrusts his hard cock into my thigh and I let out my own groan of desire. I capture his lips in a heated lip lock pushing my tongue in his mouth. We become tangled in our lust, only pulling apart for air. Justin's warm breath sends shivers through my spine; "Oh God Justin," I kiss him again, "I need you so much."

He looks at me smiling with unshed tears in his eyes; "I need you too Brian, more than anything. I just can believe it has taken me so long to find you." I deepen our kiss and rub our bodies together feeling his heat rise into me.

Softly I speak in his ear; "Roll over." His sapphire blues twinkle seductively as he turns. I lick down his back lightly suckling his tender skin. With every kiss I whisper my love and he moans, encouraging me to take him to another level of ecstasy. I roll him back to face me and he smiles shyly as I capture his lips with mine.

I find a condom and lube, carefully preparing him I kiss his belly and lube my finger. Justin lets out a moan as I slide my finger inside him; he pushes back wanting more. Sliding in another finger I gently open him. The sound of my lover's groans penetrate through me, I let out my own moan then he licks his lips, pulling me down to him as he fervently gropes my back with his fingertips. It sends my emotions over the top and I bury my head into his neck letting my tears flow freely accepting his love. He cradles me in close as I put on the condom and slowly enter him. We both let out tearful gasps and I pull back and see the love and certainty of our unity in his sapphire blue eyes. Rocking against each other he tightens his legs around my thighs as he whispers confessions of devotion, interlocking out fingers we move as one.

Justin's body shakes underneath me and I slow down my pace looking down at him with worry; "Are you okay?"

He nods his head yes; "I'm fine. I just can't believe how much I have fallen in love with you. We haven't known each other long and already I don't know what I would do with out you."

Brushing Justin's damp hair from his brow, I place my forehead on his and whisper; "I love you," as I continue to move in and out of him. I slide my hand in-between our bodies fisting his hard cock. Justin's warm breath lingers on my skin bringing me over the edge and simultaneously our orgasms overtake us. We both cry out in ecstasy. Staring into each other eyes panting; I see my whole life in his gaze. I take off the condom and tie it off throwing it to the side.

He smiles at me shyly and gently touches my arms; "That was amazing."

I chuckle sheepishly; "Thank you."

He seems confused; "Why are you thanking me? You did all the work," he blushes lightly.

I kiss him on the nose; "Thank you for loving me, for letting me forget my troubles for just a moment. I thank you for going with me to the hospital today," clasping tightly to Justin's hand I bring him close to me. "I still can't believe grandpa accepted us. I am so happy because no matter what anyone says it doesn't matter; it's just you and me now."

He smiles and kisses me tenderly; "I admit I was surprised. I wasn't sure what he might say, but I am so thankful he stood his ground and in front of your family. I am so proud of you for not letting their hateful words get to you as we walked out of the room."

"Nothing they say matters anymore." We lay on the blanket enjoying each other's embrace for a couple more moments.

After getting dressed we eat our lunch in a comfortable silence, taking in the sites and sounds surrounding us, lost in our own thoughts.

Return to Absolution