Absolution

Chapter 11

Justin's POV

Hearing happy laughter I look over to the counter and see Ruby and Emmett watching us. When I catch their eye they both run over to our table.

Emmett is the first to speak; "Baby I am so happy for you," he gives me a kiss on the cheek, "now, you must introduce me to this delectable young man."

Brian is blushing profusely as I introduce them. Brian half stands in the booth shaking Emmett's hand as he invites him to join us.

"Well, aren't you just the sweetest thing?" Emmett beams scooting into the booth across from us.

Ruby sits down next to Em with a mischievous grin on her face; "Brian remind me I need to stop by the Big Q before we go home."

He tilts his head questioning; "Ok. Any particular reason why?"

She looks around suspiciously making sure no one but our table can hear her; "I need to buy earplugs. I have a feeling it's going to get really loud in the apartment above me tonight."

Brian playfully slaps her hand. "Ruby stop, you're embarrassing me," he chuckles good-naturedly.

Emmett puts his hand over Ruby's; "Ear plugs? Oh heavens no! We should go to the adult store and find something that you could use to join in on the fun with." He smiles with and exaggerated shake of his head yes.

Ruby kisses Em on the cheek; "Where have you been all my life Gorgeous? You have brilliant ideas!"

Brian looks at the two shaking his head then leans to over to me; "I think she's met her match. I can tell they'll be playing verbal ping-pong from here on out."

"Let's hope so, then maybe we could sneak off and..." I stop my train of thought as I feel two sets of eyes peering at me intently, brimming with curiosity. "Well, um..." I clear my throat looking at Ruby and Emmett's pondering stares; "gotta get back to work now." I kiss Brian softly on the lips; "are you staying for dinner? I could take your order."

"Yeah were staying." He leans in to whisper in my ear; "I can sit here and admire your cute ass for awhile." He pulls away and I notice the smirk on his face.

I feel the redness in my cheeks as I blush. I rub my nose against his; "you're a naughty, naughty minister." He just chuckles lightly and pulls me into a kiss.

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Later that evening Justin's POV

Brian is resting comfortably on the sofa with his eyes at half-mast. I have a slight smile on my face as I watch my lover and talk on the phone with Daphne.

Her voice is ecstatic; "No way! That's how you met? Oh my God! That is so romantic."

I can't help but laugh; "I think you'll like him Daph."

"So when do I get to meet him?"

"When are you off next?"

"I kind of have tomorrow off. I only go in for three hours."

I ponder if tomorrow would be a good time for them to meet; "I'm not sure Daph. Tomorrow he's planning on coming out to his congregation."

There is a blood curdling; "What?" On the other end; "Shit that's going to be intense. Is he ready for that? Wait, of course he is, he has you." I can almost see her smile over the phone; "What time? I'll be there."

"Really?"

"Yeah really. Jesus Justin you're like only my best friend. Of course I want to be there for you and Brian. Plus this way I get to meet him too."

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

She giggles slightly; "I love you too."

I look over at Brian and he has a huge grin on his face beckoning for me to come over to him. When I do he gently pulls me on top of him and I can feel his erection against my thigh; "Daph I better go," I gasp, "something just came up."

I hear her laugh; "I'm sure it did Justin. I'll see you later, I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks Daph, I'll call you tomorrow."

After saying our good byes I hang up and find my self completely engulfed in Brian's embrace. He nibbles on my ear gently whispering; "So how did it go?"

I shrug my shoulder and smile; "It went good, she's coming with us to church tomorrow night. She wants to be there for us."

Brian nuzzles his head into my neck I let out a moan as I feel his warm breath against my skin; "You have the nicest friends Justin. Emmett was...shall I say fabulous? I can't wait to meet Daphne."

Turning so I can look down into Brian's hazel eyes I feel a slight change in him since he was at the diner this afternoon. His spirit seems freer and he seems surer of us. The hesitation is still there, but not like before. Gently I caress his face with my hand then lean in taking his lips with mine. Brian arches up into the kiss, sitting us both up as our tongues entwine. I wrap my legs around his hips and he stands up and carries me into the bedroom. We both chuckle as we almost fall then he regains his balance and resumes kissing me passionately.

As he lays me down on the bed Brian straddles my hips and looks at me with an intensely sweet smile.

"What?" I ask as I turn my blushing cheeks and try not to laugh.

His voice is husky with lust; "You," he kisses my belly then looks up again; "are the most amazing man I have ever met." My heart melts with his words. His gentle fingertips caress my arms as he spreads himself over me and interlocks our fingers; "I can't believe you agreed to move in with me."

Tilting my head to kiss him softly; "Debbie can be very persuasive," I tell him with a chuckle.

Playfully he slaps my thigh; "You're a little shit!"

I stick my tongue out at him and Brian captures it with his mouth devouring me with lustful, breathtaking kisses.

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Brian's POV

As we tenderly make love I study Justin's expressions carefully. I thrust in and out of him and our moans become one. I kiss his ear and neck thinking of all the years I have lost from living in my denial.

Earlier at the diner I felt free, but now I feel myself regressing. Swallowed up in fear and remorse, I can't hold back my emptiness as the tears well in my eyes. As I look into Justin's orbs I see they mirror my own. I no longer need to tell him how I feel, I can see in his eyes that he knows. It's amazes me that after knowing each other just a short time we are already in tuned to each other's feelings and needs. Even though we've had this instant bond I still feel myself withdrawing from him.

Justin's fingers dig into my back making me feel even more connected to him. I let out all my emotions as my body shakes in orgasm. As we lay breathing heavily onto each other I pull out and remove the condom. I lay staring at the ceiling wondering how things changed so fast.

It was only Sunday I was praising and worshiping Jesus, dancing unto his name. Three days later I am pondering if his deity even exists. If so why does shit like today happen?

Justin cuddles in close to my body and his warmth illuminates me. I kiss his forehead and feel like I want to hide from him, from myself, and from God.

I find myself playing a sick and twisted game in my mind. It's one that got me through shit time and time again. Usually it dealt with numbers and I hate numbers with a passion. If I did not cross the street before I counted to four I would hurt or even kill myself. That's how desperate I was to get out of my situations as a child. I never did it though, I always thought what would it do to my family; mostly my grandparents.

My Grandmothers and Grandfather were and are more like parents to me than Joan and Jack ever were. My grandmothers on both sides have passed away now leaving only my grandfather on my mother's side. I think about him and then about what I will do tomorrow. It is killing me how this will destroy him. I know he will love me know matter what and still accept me but in his time it was so taboo to be gay.

I wonder if it would be easier if I was not here. If maybe I should have taken my own life while I was young. I remember being 12 and holding a blade to my wrist, but I could never do it, I could never inflict the pain. The mind games though, I always played them deep in my subconscious. Even now I detour my thoughts, thinking of the game instead of what needs to be done. I should be analyzing the true issue at hand. Coming out to the congregation tomorrow.

I think again of my Grandfather staying in his care home. I feel bad I have not seen him since Sunday morning. Usually he goes to church with us then to dinner, but he was not feeling well this last Sunday. Shit today, I need to tell him before my mother does. I'm sure he's heard some of the rumors, but he is so kind and loving that I hope he will wait for the truth from me. He has always been that way. I cringe at the thought of what he may have been told already. I do fear he will be disgusted and push me away. I pray not because then I will have no family left that truly cares about me.

I roll over so Justin can't see the tears that are threatening to overflow. I feel him spooning close behind me drawing circles on my back with his fingers; "Brian?" His voice is soft and gentle but I can't respond. I feel my body start to tremble under his touch. "It's okay, you don't have to talk right now," he says sweetly.

His warm lips kiss my back gently upon each circle he caresses. I sigh into each stroke and his strength runs through me as he shows his love without words. I wonder if could ever love so fearlessly. The tears that once threatened to flow have now drenched my pillow. A whimper escapes from my lips and Justin pulls me even closer running his fingers through my hair.

Justin's POV

Brian's whole demeanor changes as we are making love. I pull him closer to me wanting and hoping to feel his thoughts and emotions. As I look into his hazel eyes I see it and then I feel sorrow in my own heart. I see his pain as he realizes the gravity of what tomorrow will bring for him. There is something else as well, something he has yet to tell me. Maybe something I will never know, but right now I am grateful just to be here holding and helping him.

I want him to open up to me and tell me all his secrets. Like now I feel his body tensing up as he turns away and my heart sinks. I feel him pushing me away for just a split second and it's just enough for me to wonder if there will be a time he will push me away for good. Because as I see it now I don't think I could live without him. We are both fucked up but my scars are only so deep where his are deep and jagged. I wonder how he even survived his youth.

Kissing him on the neck I feel him roll back over into me. Without looking at me Brian buries his head in my chest and grips my back. I realize in the last three days that I have seen so many dynamics of Brian. I've witnessed all his highs and lows. Its so refreshing to see how after all these circumstances in his life he is still human and full of emotions. Some would hide every feeling inside until they were hardened with empty lives. The frightening thing is, I could see him doing that as well. I can imagine him shutting himself off completely. Very few would know him or know his true feelings. The rest of the world could view him as heartless. I think he even knows it, I saw it this morning after he kicked his mother out of his home. He is at a crossroads right now and emotionally he could go either way. All I know is I wish I could take all his pain away

Brian's POV

I am upset with myself for letting my emotions get so out of control the last couple of days. I feel I have no strength and that my world is falling apart. The more I try to be in control the less control I have. Justin holds me close, protecting me and loving me. I roll into him slicking his bare chest with my tears. I feel his warm tears fall on my own neck. I fall asleep hanging onto his spirit and soul so I can find comfort in my dreams.

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