Absolution

Chapter 10

Brian's POV

Walking up the stairs to my apartment I hear a door open; "Brian," I find myself in Ruby's embrace; "Brian are you OK?" She pulls back to caress my face with both her hands.

I reach up and grab her hands with a smile; "Yeah I'll be OK." As I look into her concerned eyes alarms start to go off inside me; "why shouldn't I be OK?"

The sadness radiates off of her; "Brian it's awful. No one knows the truth and the stories are getting so out there."

"What are you talking about Ruby?"

Her body slumps; "Shit you don't know? Fuck!" She looks away from me.

I put a finger gently under her chin turning her head back to look me in the eye; "Tell me what's going on Ruby."

Nervously she fidgets through her pockets grabbing a pack of DJARUM Cigarettes. She takes one out and holds it up her hand shaking slightly.

"Give me one, I need a smoke," I grab the pack from her hand taking out a cig for myself.

She looks at me surprised; "Brian you don't smoke."

My nerves are twisting around in my soul; "I also never fucked a man until last night. My world is spinning out of control Ruby I don't think one little cigarette is going to kill me. So tell me what the hell is going on."

"Who are you and what did you do to my friend?" She smiles and pushes me playfully; "You're sassy, I like it." Ruby smiles brightly; "So you guys had sex?" I nod my head and feel the warmth of embarrassment glistening on my cheeks as we head to her porch both lighting up and inhaling. The cloves burn and tingle down my throat. "You must really love him."

"I don't know what love is, I wish I did, but I do know I care about him." I stare at her intensely; "So what's going on?" I try to keep the edge out of my voice; none of this is Ruby's fault after all.

Ruby sits down heavily on her lawn chair and I lower myself next to her; "Brian, shit! It's your fucking mom. She's trying to ruin your good name."

Taking a drag from my cigarette I look down to the ground feeling the hate for Joan rise through me; "I know." Puffing the smoke from my lungs I lightly cough; "She barged into my apartment this morning while Justin and I were making love. Luckily my room was locked so she didn't see us."

A gasp escapes Ruby's lips; "Fuck! No wonder the prayer chain has been activated. I hate those gossiping old biddies. Well the story keeps changing but the one fact that remains the same is that your mother is the one putting in the prayer request."

Rolling my eyes I let out a sigh; "OK hit me. Tell me what they're saying about me."

"That she came in your home and heard funny noises from the bedroom. She asked if you were OK. When you came out you smelled of sex and treated her rudely. She went in the room and found a woman in your bed."

I let out a laugh; "Well that's actually all correct except for the woman and coming in my room part. OK what else?"

"You were having sex with a heathen, Satan worshipper who has put a curse on you because you're such a good Christian boy." Ruby pats my face smirking; "Of course you could never possibly think of having sex of your own free will."

I take another drag letting out an embarrassed laugh with the smoke; "OK I know there's more. What else?"

"You've been having an affair with a married woman, that's why you have kept your relationship a secret. Your mother caught you two on the sofa in a not very Christian position." She winks at me and giggles; "Then you yelled and screamed for your mother to get out and that she was no longer welcome in your home. The best one of all though is that you had a harem of beautiful women in your apartment having their way with you, luring you with the works of the devil, trying to entrance you to the dark side."

Shaking my head I am not sure whether to laugh or cry; "What a fucking mess. What should I do?"

"Honestly Brian I know your life is a whirlwind right now, but I think it would be best to come clean and break your ties from this shit. I know you and you can't live this lie anymore. Look at the wonderful man you met. It will destroy you not to have him fully in your life. Whatever you decide I will stand behind you and I know Justin will as well."

Standing up I put out my cigarette as the tears start creeping down my face; "I need to see him Ruby. I can't do this if I don't know for sure he will stand beside me."

She stands taking my hand in hers; "I think we should go have some dinner."

"I can't possibly think about eating now."

"Sure you can. I bet you won't mind having something at the Liberty Diner, There was a note on your door when I went to check on you. Justin was called into work tonight so he said he would see you later."

I kiss her on the cheek; "Oh Ruby what would I do without you in my business?"

"You would be lost," she smirks, "now let's go," she snuffs out her cig with a flourish.

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Justin's POV

The Diner is quiet for once this afternoon. I sit down at the counter to rest my feet and let my thoughts finally focus on Brian. During work I tried not to, but the more I tried the more he was there, cemented into my brain and my heart.

I am amazed at how much my life has changed in three days. Meeting Brian, breaking up with Ethan. I do hope Ethan is handling things well, I wish no harm on him but I could no longer live trapped in that hopeless situation. Brian has brought out emotions in me I have never felt before. I have looked so hard for this connection and once believed I had it with Ethan. Ironically I was wrong and I found it with a man who is in the closet.

I will stand by him every step of the way. It's difficult to see someone you love and care for go through this process. Now I find myself having to go back in the closet as well. Hiding for his sake. I wonder if I'm ready to pretend again. Deep down inside I know I have to be. He'll need all the support he can get.

I know Brian doesn't want to hide. I saw it in his eyes this morning, but his fear of his mother is so strong. I was so proud when he stood up to her, but I fear his conscience will get him in the end and he'll end up apologizing to her even though she is totally to blame. I can only hold my breath and hope he can stay strong and not let that happen.

I am jolted out of my thoughts when I feel warm arms wrap around my neck and shoulders and a light kiss on the cheek. "Hey Baby," says Emmett sweetly.

I can't help but smile at his kind and gentle nature; "Hey Em."

He sits down on the stool next to me and his eyes dart directly toward the door; "Mmm mm, look at that delicious dish walking in."

I smile and turn around to cheek out the guy and find myself looking directly into the beautiful, but sad hazel eyes I was lost in this morning. I get up without saying a word to Em and walk to Brian. I can hear Emmett gasping in surprise behind me as Brian pulls me into a passionate kiss. My mind is spinning as I try to figure out why he is kissing me in public unafraid of who will see. I fall into his plump lips that taste of cloves and nicotine and it's driving me absolutely wild.

Brian caresses my neck then pulls away smiling as he leans his forehead against mine; "I missed you," he whispers.

I look deep within his orbs and see sadness and perhaps a bit of melancholy; "Brian is everything ok?"

He shakes his head no and his voice is soft; "Can we talk, or are you busy?"

"I was just taking a break, we have time to talk." I hold his hand as I lead him to a table. Sitting down across from Brian I notice Ruby for the first time, "Oh hi Ruby," I blush, "I'm sorry I didn't see you there."

She lets out a chuckle; "Of course you didn't. With your tongue down Brian's throat how could you notice me?" She winks playfully; "I personally was enjoying the show."

Brian ducks his head down and laughs; "Ruby stop! You're embarrassing me."

She kisses him on the cheek; "You know I only tease the ones I love." She gets up; "I'll let you two have a moment to talk."

"Thank you," Brian says softly. He grasps my hands tightly and I see the intensity grow in his face, "Justin I..."

He pauses and I feel a knot beginning to form in my stomach, "Brian what's going on?"

He gulps heavily as his hands begin to shake in mine. The sadness in his eyes is evident with every word spoken. Brian explains everything that has happened since we parted late this morning. My heart is burdened with guilt for bringing him into this situation and I feel so angry at the same time as he speaks of his mother. I don't understand how a mother could destroy her own child that way without even having all the facts. He tells me it's because he hurt her today and if she is in pain then everyone must suffer with her.

I'm almost afraid to ask but I need to know what is in store for the two of us; "What are we going to do?"

He looks at me with a shocked expression, "We?" He lays his head on our entwined hands and I feel wetness from his tears. He finally looks up at me again; "I was hoping you would say that."

"Why wouldn't I be here for you Brian?"

He lets out a nervous laugh and shrugs; "I wasn't sure if you would or not Justin. Today I found out that everyone I ever cared about, was there for, counseled, my congregation, my friends, my family have all turned on me except for Ruby. They made up lies and spread rumors all based on one thing my mother said. It's difficult for me to know who to trust."

I get up and slide into the booth next to him. He turns to me and looks down as I put my hands on his legs; "Brian listen to me. Are you listening?" I wait until he nods his head. "I am not them. I will not turn my back on you. What they are doing is hateful and cruel," I soften my voice, "Have you decided what you're going to do about the situation?"

"Yeah I have. I'm coming out to the congregation tomorrow night and resigning from my ministry," Brian turns away from me pinching the bridge of his nose, "Will you be there?" He asks meekly.

I am so nervous and frightened for him as I reach my hand out and touch his face; "Of course I'll be there, but I want you to be sure this is what you really want. You can tell them something else. You don't have to come out now if you're not ready."

He pulls my hand away harshly and there is a fire burning in his eyes; "I don't care what they think anymore." He speaks again and his voice and touch are more tender; "I can't live my life pleasing others, always doing what they want. For once I am thinking of myself and of what I need and want. Now I just have to figure out what I'm going to do about a job and a roommate."

Debbie reaches over filling both cups on our table with coffee then sits down across from us; "You're hired."

Brian and I both look at her confused; "Hired?"

She laughs as she pats Brian on the cheek; "You need a job and I need a waiter so Sunshine here won't have to keep working double shifts," she has a mischievous grin on her face, "and as for a roommate what about sunshine? I hear he needs a place and you need a roommate. I say it sounds like a done deal to me."

Brian looks stunned; "Deb I don't know."

She smiles kindly; "Don't think, just do. I'll see you next Monday at 10 am sharp."

Brian turns to me with a sheepish grin; "So what do you think?"

I know what he is asking but I have to tease him a bit; "I think I will be seeing you Monday morning at work."

"Not that part! The other part."

I shrug my shoulders; "Well it's not really logical. I mean we just met," I can see him trying to cover his emotions. I can tell he is confused about why he's even asking me to do this yet also hopeful. I continue; "But nothing that's happened between us has been very logical. I mean you don't really want some stranger moving in do you? Maybe it is a good idea cause you already know me and I know you. We might as well give it a shot." I smile at him mischievously.

"Really?"

"Yeah really," I whisper. Brian cups both hands around my face and kisses me passionately.

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