Getting It Right

The First Meeting

Brian looked up from his meal. It was the first time he had been to the diner for two weeks, since….. Oh, he had seen Debbie and she had told him what a fool he was, but she hadn't been as hard on him as she sometimes was. It was almost as if she didn't think it was all his fault this time. But was it? He turned back to his bacon and eggs. The habitual turkey sandwich didn't seem like it would do. Ted had told him that whoever chose the music to play at the diner was on a western music kick, and Emm had added that it was not only western music, but old western music from the 1940s, like what his family used to play way back, down south. Brian wasn't listening to it. It was a good thing. Red Foley was belting out:

"I'm sending you a big bouquet of roses,

One for every time you broke my heart,

And as the door of love between us closes,

Tears will fall as petals when we part."

Brian turned back to his food. It didn't taste good. Nothing did. He felt old, maybe forty. He had gained a pound and a half in the last two weeks and he didn't even care. He was concentrating on his work these days. He was working long hours, longer really than he needed to. He had tried drugs and they hadn't helped. Liquor hadn't either. Tricks were the worst of all. They meant he had to spend time in the loft and Brian didn't want to spend time in the loft anymore. He only went there to sleep and he wasn't sleeping much. God, the coffee was bitter. "They used to make good coffee here" he thought, "but this stuff sucks."

"I begged you to be different but you'll always be untrue,

I'm tired of forgiving, now there's nothing left to do."

The door of the diner opened to admit a slight blond-haired young man, whose eyes froze as they saw Brian. It had been a long time. "Hey" muttered Justin. "Hey yourself" replied Brian.

"Thanks for the publicity stuff you did for Rage" Justin managed to get out. "Mikey showed it to me and it's great."

"I'm glad you and Mikey patched up your problems, Brian said. "Yeah," Justin responded. "It was dumb, and with us working together on the comic book and me working in the store, too, it was just dumb."

"Dumb," the word echoed through Brian's consciousness, "Dumb. Dumb, Dumb."

"How are things going?" Brian asked.

"Oh I'm getting my fill of classical violin music but the competition is coming up soon and practice makes perfect," was Justin's answer. He wanted to say that the violin music was the only thing that was perfect, that his life was not perfect, in fact it was pretty awful. He liked Ethan and Ethan was nice, but he didn't love Ethan, and between missing Brian and feeling that he was deceiving Ethan, his life was far from perfect. But he didn't say that. What he said was "And how are things with you?"

"You made our lover's lane a road of sorrow,

Till at last we had to say goodbye.

You're leaving me to face each new tomorrow

With a broken heart you taught to cry."

"I'm doing well," Brian said, "Working night and day. It's more work than fun, being a partner." When he said that, they both thought the same thing: "It is hard work being a partner. Maybe if we had worked harder, we would still be partners." But neither one said it, would say it, or even could say it. They had never been very good at communicating with each other, even in the best of times. And these were not the best of times.

"I'm here to give Debbie some sketches I made for her PFLAG group meeting. She asked me to do them," Justin explained his presence at the diner. He didn't say that they were a peace offering. Debbie had reamed him out, too. She had figured there was blame enough for everybody She had managed to get Mikey and Justin back on speaking terms but she knew that if Justin and Brian were to get back together, they would have to work out most of their problems themselves. If she saw that they were trying to do that, she would certainly be willing to help, or whatever, but she was watching all of this out of the corner of her eye, and she wasn't seeing what she needed or wanted to see.

"I see you're not having the turkey" Justin volunteered.

"I'm not doing a lot of things I used to do." Brian responded. There could have been more said but that time had not yet come.

"See, ya, Brian," Justin managed to say, stifling what he wanted to say. "Take care Justin" said Brian, as he didn't say what he wanted to say. Brian's eyes followed Justin as he walked toward Debbie, handed her the sketches, and exchanged a few words. Red Foley was finished singing. The next number was by the great Hank Williams, whom neither Brian nor Justin would have known. And they weren't listening as Hank began one of his earlier hits.

"Today I passed you on the street, and my heart fell at your feet,

I can't help it if I'm still in love with you."

Brian's eyes followed Justin as he left Deb and walked toward and out the door. Then he looked back at his bacon and eggs. He could eat no more. He hurt.

"A picture from the past came slowly stealing,

As I brushed your arm and walked so close to you.

Then suddenly I got that old time feeling,

I can't help it if I'm still in love with you."

Justin walked down the street heading back to Ethan's, actually his and Ethan's, apartment. Those who knew Justin's jaunty stride would not have recognized it. His heart was heavy. His feet were heavy. He felt old, maybe thirty. Then something flashed into his mind. The music at the diner. What was that hick singing?

"It's hard to believe another's lips will kiss you,

And hold you just the way I used to do.

Oh, heaven only knows how much I miss you,

I can't help it if I'm still in love with you."

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