Dreaming Out Loud

It was early on a lazy Friday evening and with no special plans, the guys were seated in front of the fake flames. They had been there almost an hour without anything being said. That's how it was some nights. Brian liked it that way. He enjoyed just dreaming about how happy he was while holding on for dear life to the kid who had made it all possible.

Justin liked it too, but he was the one who usually initiated conversation. Brian often thought that Justin had a brain like a computer and that he could hear the hum when it was turned on. That didn't seem possible but Brian knew there was a special connection between himself and the twink, and he thought he could tell when Justin was wondering about something. Maybe he could. He was right that evening. He figured Justin was about to break the silence. That was OK with Brian too. As long as he was holding on for dear life to the kid who made his life so happy.

"Brian," Justin announced, "Do you miss the wild and crazy times we used to have?"

"Don't we still have wild and crazy times?" Brian asked him. "Aren't we having a wild and crazy time right now?"

"I can see it's gonna be hard to talk to you tonight," Justin issued a mild protest, "You must be in one of your strong and silent moods. You know what I'm talking about. We haven't been to Babylon for weeks."

"What's at Babylon?" Brian wanted to know.

"OK," Justin complained, "You're thinking of something else and you're too busy to talk to me so just go ahead and think about whatever it is you're thinking about. I'll just sit here and do nothing."

"You will not," Brian complained back. "You never do nothing. You're resting your head on my shoulder and you're holding my hand and you're making me happy, and that's not nothing."

Justin smiled contentedly. "You're just saying that because you want to think about something else and not me," he surmised, "But I'm going to pretend that you mean it because that makes me feel good."

"You know I mean it, you little twink," Brian squeezed the kid even closer to himself. "But we both know that's not going to shut you up so go ahead and talk. Not that you wouldn't anyhow."

No," Justin concluded, "I'm not going to talk at all. You just go ahead and think about whatever you were thinking about. I won't bother you."

Brian had to grin at that remark. "Baby, you always bother me. And you know you bother me. And you enjoy bothering me," he admitted. "But it's the kind of bother I like and I don't want you to quit. I don't even want you to quit talking so if you want to talk, talk."

"You're sure I won't interrupt what you were thinking about?" Justin continued.

"Sunshine," Brian gritted his teeth ever so slightly, "I was thinking about you. That's what I was thinking about if that's what you want to know. And right now maybe I just might be glad for the interruption because of what I just might be thinking about you right now."

"Sometimes you do say the most romantic things, Bri," Justin cajoled, "But I was just wondering if you missed the old days. We've quit doing a lot of things we used to do a lot of, and I just wondered if you were missing them. You know I want you to be happy."

"Like what would I be missing?" Brian wanted to know.

"Well, like dancing at Babylon, for one thing," Justin suggested.

"Justin Baby, I don't think you were ever really comfortable with the Babylon scene at all. I think you went there just to please me, or maybe just to keep an eye on me. And we still dance at Babylon," Brian replied, "Maybe not as often as we used to, but we still do. And we dance here too. So what would I have to complain about?"

"Well you only have me to dance with here," Justin reminded him. "You used to dance with a whole lot of guys at Babylon."

"But I don't now," Brian insisted. "The last couple of times we were at Babylon you were the only one I danced with.

"You danced with Michael a couple of times," Justin corrected him.

"Michael doesn't count," Brian laughed, "And you know it. You don't mind me dancing with Michael. You don't even mind if I sometimes kiss Michael goodnight, and neither does Ben. You guys know how it is with me and Mikey. Right?"

"Of course I'm not jealous of Michael," Justin maintained, "At least not any more jealous of Michael than of any other guy you might be with. I think Michael is safe enough and I'm not complaining. You're still the hottest guy in Pittsburgh though, Bri, and sometimes I worry about all the things you've given up for me. I don't want you to be missing them."

"Do I act like I'm missing them?" Brian asked him.

"No," Justin admitted, "But you could be missing them anyhow without saying anything. Sometimes you just sit so quietly and I wonder if you're not wishing for some of the old stuff,"

"You know," Brian mused, "This has to be one of our weirder conversations and we have had some weird conversations. Am I missing something?"

"Of course not," Justin responded, "I don't know what you mean."

"You know, Twink," Brian came back, "I'm beginning to think I know what I mean and I want you to do me a favor. Can you promise me you won't say another word for fifteen minutes? OK?"

"Of course I can keep quiet for fifteen minutes," Justin responded, "If my talking bothers you so much."

"Don't get in a snit, Baby," Brian smiled at him. "I love you but I know how your mind works too. Now just shut up for that fifteen minutes.

Brian pulled just a little bit away from Justin, drew out his cell phone and dialed a familiar number. "Mikey," he said when he got through, "Justin has a headache and he just went out to the drug store to get something for it. What time did he arrange for us to meet you at Babylon tonight?" "Ten o'clock." "I don't think he's going to be over the headache by then so maybe we ought to postpone that, OK?" Then he hung up the phone. "So?" he asked Justin.

"Mmmmm," Justin answered.

"What do you mean 'Mmmmm'?" Brian wanted to know.

"My fifteen minutes aren't up yet," Justin mumbled through a closed mouth.

"You goofy little twink," Brian laughed, moving over to kiss the kid, "I wish you would quit trying so damn hard to make me happy. You make me happy without trying."

"Well I just thought…," Justin began to explain before he was interrupted.

"You can call Mikey back in a minute and see when we can reschedule Babylon," Brian told him, "I want to spend tonight with you and only you. Now can I get back to my dreaming about you. You might just try doing some dreaming, Baby. That can be a lot of fun too."

"I do a lot of dreaming already, Bri," Justin defended himself, "I just do some of my dreaming out loud."

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