Santa Claus is Coming to Town

It was two days before Christmas. Justin was pacing nervously back and forth in the loft. Brian was singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" in a voice that might have sent Santa flying in the opposite direction.

"I'm scared," Justin told Brian. "You have to learn to say 'No,'" Brian answered during a pause in his singing. "You're right, just like you always are, Brian. Next time you…," Justin said. "Forget it! Don't go there!" Brian countered, "You agreed to play Santa Claus. You didn't choose to consult my expert advice. Now you have a problem I could have saved you from."

Daphne was on her way over with the Santa Claus suit. She had been delegated to find a Santa Claus for the Christmas party in the wing of Childrens' Hospital where she volunteered. In a short two hours, Justin was going to be jolly old St. Nicholas for 30 young sick patients. It sounded like fun when he told Daphne he would do it but the idea terrified him now. Brian resumed "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."

"You're mean," Justin told him. "Would it be better if I were on pitch?" Brian asked. "No," Justin answered, "But it would be better if I hadn't fallen in love with a sadist." "You didn't fall in love with a sadist," Brian shot back, "You fell in love with a kind, caring guy, and then you turned him into a sadist." Justin smiled but he was still frightened out of his wits.

The buzzer sounded from downstairs. Justin jumped six feet. It was Daphne. She came up to the loft bearing a large box. "Get into this suit, Justin. Then we'll help you with the beard," she said.

"I would be glad to help but the big star here would accuse me of torturing him if I do," Brian declined. Justin took the box and unhappily headed into the bedroom to put it on. Brian sang "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" a little louder so that Justin could still hear it while he dressed, but his pitch was unimproved.

After a few quiet minutes, Justin cried, "Daphne," and emerged into the room, finishing, "This suit doesn't fit. It's too big." He was obviously right. The arms of the suit were four inches too long; the pants bulged; and Justin looked like the funniest Santa ever. "This suit isn't the one I tried on," he wailed, "Everyone will laugh at me."

"Shit," Daphne said, "I brought the wrong suit. We'll never make it if I go back and get the right one and you can't play Santa in that suit." Then she turned her eyes toward Brian. "Hey Brian," she said, "You could do it." Brian stopped singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."

"Yes Brian," Justin chimed in, "You could do it. You would be perfect. Those kids have to have a Santa Claus, and you've got to do it. I'll get this suit off and then you can put it on." "I won't," Brian started to say. "Yes you will," Justin commanded in his most authoritative voice. It almost scared Brian. Then Justin began to sing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" in way better pitch than Brian could have ever achieved.

The suit fit Brian so well that he began to think he was the victim of a plot. "This stomach pillow is not comfortable," he grumbled. "Look in the mirror," Justin laughed, "That may be you in ten years. Maybe this is a warning." "Cut it out." Brian demanded.

"I'm just so sorry that I can't be a part of this festive occasion," Justin whined humorously. "Wait a minute," Daphne remembered, "You can, Justin. Jimmy O'Neil got sick so I have a spare elf costume in the trunk of the car. I'll go get it." "Don't bother, Daff," Justin told her. "Bother, Daff," Brian ordered, "Go get the little elf suit and we'll see if it fits the real-life little elf. "I won't," Justin started to say. "Oh yes you will," Brian declared in a voice that told Justin that, oh yes, he would. The elf outfit seemed like it had been tailor made for him and Justin began to think he was the victim of a plot. He wouldn't put it past Brian and Daphne to set him up.

So Daphne and two grumbling bringers of Christmas cheer eventually climbed aboard the elevator. Brian and Justin hoped that none of the other residents of the building would see them as they left. They were lucky. None did.

But there is good luck and there is bad luck. When they opened the door to go out, they were face to face with the three kings: Michael, Ted, and Emmett, bearing gifts. "Hi Santa," Michael chirped, and then came the moment of recognition. He howled: "Brian. Brian Kinney. Our own big, bad Brian with his little elf." Ted added: "I always thought of you as the Santa Claus type, Brian."

Emmett pretended that nothing was out of the ordinary. Perhaps he didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. "We thought we would deliver our Christmas gifts early, guys. We hope we're not inconveniencing you," he said.

Brian gritted his teeth and faked a smile. "We are leaving now to bring Christmas cheer to the world," he announced, "You are welcome here but we must not be delayed. Dear Michael has a key. You may leave your gifts and we thank you. Our gifts to you will come down the chimney. You can only hope they don't explode."

As Daphne and the two Christmas icons climbed into the car, Brian in the back because he couldn't fit in the front, the gift bearing Magi became a holiday chorus. Our heroes drove off to the strains of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."

And they got to Childrens' Hospital on time. The party went perfectly. The kids were delighted. Justin was the jolliest of elves. There were two others in competition. Brian was proclaimed the best Santa in recent history. Brian and Justin, as their alter egos Santa Claus and Elf-man, were asked to make unscheduled visits to children in other wings of the hospital and they gladly agreed. They were nearly two hours behind schedule leaving the hospital but they were a happy pair as Daphne drove then home. This was the stuff of which Christmas legends are fashioned.

Later that evening, Brian and Justin sat before the fire in their electric fireplace. "Today was one of the greatest times of my life," Justin said, "Those kids were so great. You were great, Brian. I love doing things with you."

Brian smiled suggestively. "Not that, Brian…Oh, that too, yes, that too… but other things." "Like being Santa Claus and his trusty elf?" Brian wondered. "Yes, like that," Justin answered. They pulled themselves closer together.

"This is going to be the best Christmas of my life," Justin exulted. "Wait till you see your present, Sweetie," Brian laughed, "I reserved you a hustler." "Oh Brian," Justin declared, "You're hopeless." "Then why do you keep on trying if I'm so hopeless?" Brian questioned. "Because you're oh so worth it," Justin responded. They couldn't pull themselves any closer together so they tightened their grip on one another and just sat there for a while. They didn't need to talk. They didn't want to talk

Silence can't last forever though. "Brian," Justin finally said, "I hope you won't be mad…." Brian stopped him there. "Sunshine," you promised me that we would spend Christmas Eve alone together. You know we'll be out most of Christmas day. If you messed that up…."

"Remember all the times I wanted us to spend time alone together and you wouldn't," Justin reminded him. "Ancient history," Brian retorted, "That was then. This is now. You didn't…" "No, I didn't," Justin said. "Why do you always presume I'll do the wrong thing?" Brian just rolled his eyes. No answer was the best answer to that.

So Justin continued: "Maybe it's worse than that. I told Daphne we would do it again next year." Brian just looked at Justin. Justin looked back at Brian. "Say something, Brian," Justin pleaded. Brian smiled. "So did I," he said.

Justin grabbed Brian and kissed him and Brian kissed him back. It was like a competition with no losers. During this kissing marathon, Brian stopped long enough to whisper in Justin's ear: "I also volunteered you for Easter Bunny." Justin whispered back: "I already tried on that costume. It's too big."

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