Guy-ded Tour

It was Sunday evening. The day's excitement had finally subsided and the guys were contentedly snuggling in front of the fake fireplace. Both of them knew what the subject of the evening's conversation would have to be, but they didn't begin talking for a while. They often said that they thought they could get through anything together, and they had just proved that.

A few minutes earlier, just before they had placed themselves in their usual positions on the floor, they had received a phone call from Malcolm. Abe had e-mailed Malcolm that he was safely back at Ohio State. Abe had asked Malcolm to thank all the guys for their hospitality, but especially Brian. Abe also said that meeting Brian had been the major event of his visit."

"Gee, Kinney," Justin initiated the conversation, "I think Abe fell for you just like everybody does. It's bad enough for me to have to fend off all of gay Pittsburgh but now the straights are falling for you too."

"It's OK, Twink," Brian mocked, "Abelard is very appealing but you know I'm stuck with you and that's just how it is."

"Stuck with me or stuck on me, Bri?" Justin sought clarification.

"Both, I guess," Brian admitted, "But maybe it's a good thing Abe doesn't live here. He's hot. I'm glad he had a good time while he was here though."

"Maybe he is hot," Justin conceded, "But not real swift, Brian. I don't think you want somebody around here who's not very sharp."

"No comment," Brian replied, "I think that's the best response to that statement.'

"Yeah," Justin allowed, "The comment you were likely to make would have probably not been well received."

"What did Mike and Ben have to say about Abe's visit?" Justin asked.

"Ben didn't say much but Mikey was not real keen on Abelard," Brian informed him, "Mike thinks Hunter will have in-law problems if he sticks with Malcolm. Hunter told him Abe was the only weird one in the family, and that Malcolm's parents don't even mind that he's gay. They're intellectuals. Mikey said if that was true, Abelard is probably adopted."

"Honey," Justin smiled at Brian, "I really know now that I can tell you anything so I'm going to tell you this. Hunter did not tell Mikey and Ben about Penelope. Penelope is Malcolm's sister and …."

"You know, Baby," Brian interrupted Justin, "Maybe there are some things you shouldn't tell me till I need to know. Not that you can't tell me anything, but sometimes it might just be better to wait."

"OK, if that's how you want it," Justin agreed, "But don't you be getting mad at me if I don't tell you everything I know."

"You already don't tell me everything you know, Twink," Brian laughed, "And you know I never get mad at you." That brought a smile to both of their faces and introduced a lull to their conversation.

"Brian," Justin asked, "Did Abe ever figure out that Heloise, that girl you introduced him to at Woody's, was really a guy?"

"I doubt it," Brian replied, "You know Jimmy was just Heloise for the day. He is usually Dorothea, but I figured Abelard would be more comfortable with Heloise than with Dorothea. Abe did ask Heloise though if she would be interested in coming to Columbus for a dance sometime."

"I hope 'she' didn't say 'yes' to that proposition," Justin laughed.

"Nope, 'she' told him that it might be awkward to have Abelard and Heloise together at a social function," Brian answered.

"Did he get it?" Justin wanted to know.

"Don't think so, but his mother will if he tells her," Brian figured, "But 'she' also told him that her brother played for Michigan State and Abe thought that might be a problem."

"So Abelard and Heloise can't make the connection any easier now than they did way back in the middle ages," Justin concluded. "That is so sad."

"Don't they say that history never repeats itself," Brian mused.

"I think they say that history always repeats itself," Justin corrected him.

"Then they're wrong," Brian insisted.

"Shit, Bri," Justin gibed, "One day with Abelard and you're a philosopher." Brian squeezed Justin and the conversation hit another lull.

"Didn't Abe have any questions about Babylon when you took him there, Brian? He was so interested in you that we might as well not have even been around," Justin reopened the discussion.

"Well I told him before we got there that the women had gone off to an all-girl picnic so it would be just about all guys," Brian said, "And that when the girls were gone the guys got dressed up in strange clothes and acted crazy, so there wasn't much need for questions."

"Well, he seemed fascinated by Emmett," Justin probed further, "How did you explain Emmett?"

"I told him that Emmett was a woman trying to act like a man," Brian revealed.

"And he believed that?" Justin wondered.

"Yep," Brian confirmed, "Abelard told me that he figured he had finally met a real live gay person."

"You did all that, didn't you?" Justin stood in awe, "And he swallowed all that bullshit. I don't know how you do it."

"Practice," Brian admitted.

"You're lucky he didn't go into the back room. I wonder how you would have explained the back room if he wanted to go in there?" Justin challenged him.

"He did ask about that," Brian bragged, "And I told him that it was an illegal gambling den, and that they bet on games so, as an athlete, he had to stay out of there."

"And you think you really conned Abelard, Smart Guy," Justin turned the tables, "Well, before he left, Abe told Malcolm that you tried to fool him but he saw right through you."

"I don't think so," Brian responded, "When Kinney cons 'em, they stay conned."

"Not Abelard," Justin crowed, "He figured you out. He told Malcolm that he could tell you were really straight and that you were just pretending to be gay to humor us. That news actually broke my heart, Brian Kinney. You have been deceiving me all this time."

"Pretty convincingly too, I guess?" Brian laughed at him.

"Yeah," Justin laughed back. "You conned me all right and I intend to stay conned, Brian."

"Life ain't easy, Sunshine," Brian consoled him, "But we have to take it as it comes. How's that for philosophy? We handled Abelard. Bring on Penelope. We're ready. I think I can handle Penelope, all right. What do you think?"

"Yeah," Justin agreed, "You could handle Penelope, but I'm not sure what'll happen if the twins come."

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