A Peculiar Problem

“I can solve your problem for you, JT,” Brian assured Justin as they were settling down on the floor of their loft – now half-decorated for the up-coming holiday festivities – with the fireplace blazing merrily away.

“How do you know I have a problem, Brian?” Justin responded with a question - and adding yet another. “And how can you be so sure you can solve the problem you think I have?”

“I know you, Sunshine,” Brian told him. “And so I know when something is bothering you – and I can usually solve anything that bothers you cause I am a great problem-solver – and if I can’t actually solve the problem at hand I can at least take your mind off of the problem….”

“Well I admit you can take my mind off my problems – most of the time at least…,” Justin told him in return. “But….”

Seeming to take that answer as a challenge, Brian stopped the conversation right then to demonstrate exactly how he proposed to take Justin’s mind off his problem – without even knowing at that point what the problem might be – and Brian decided eventually that he had been at least reasonably successful.

“Well did I take your mind off your problem?” Brian wondered aloud, in reopening the conversation.

“Yeah, I guess so, Sweetheart,” Justin had to admit. “But the problem is still there.”

“So tell me what it is,” Brian challenged him patiently. “And then I’ll solve it. Problems are easier to solve if you know what they are.”

“OK, Bri,” Justin told him, “me and Jason had lunch today at Burger Quick – Jason loves their Gigantic- Burger which is like fifteen pounds of meat – I tell him it’s unhealthy but he’s young and not worried about his health - and we got to talking about Christmas. Anyhow, we both had the afternoon free and we decided it would be a good time to go looking for our Charlie Brown Christmas trees. You know I want one for us and one for Gus – and Jason and Brandon want one too now….”

“If I didn’t know about Jason and Brandon I should have guessed,” Brian laughed. “And Mikey and Ben too – and Ted – and Emmett….”

“That’s it, Brian,” Justin interrupted Brian’s listing. “ That is the exact problem. I think Emmett was talking about it down at the Gay and Lesbian Center last week – like what a neat idea it is - and it seems like everybody down there has decided they want a Charlie Brown tree too. There are absolutely no ugly Christmas trees left on any of the lots. I might have to end up designing an artificial ugly tree.”

“Not a new idea at all, Honey. It’s been done already. I’ve already seen a lot of ugly artificial trees. Did you try Floyd down at the firemen’s lot?” Brian asked dubiously. “He always gets us a pretty ugly tree….”

“Do I look stupid, Kinney?” Justin had to grin. “Of course I tried Floyd first and he told me there’s been a rush on ugly trees this year. They have a load of beautiful trees but all the ugly ones are selling out. They think they may have to take some of the nice trees and uglify them if they want to sell them all….”

“Which kind of defeats the purpose of a Charlie Brown tree, I guess,” Brian wisely deduced. “So did you try anywhere else?”

“Yep,” Justin affirmed. “We went to three or four other places and it’s the same story everywhere. No ugly trees. I guess we could live without our own ugly tree but I don’t want Gus to be disappointed….”

“And we usually go shopping for ugly trees with Mikey, Babe,” Brian compounded the problem. “He depends on your keen artist’s eye to determine the really ugly trees from the run-of-the-mill ordinary ugly trees. He might have even been upset if you had got your trees without him ….”

“Yeah, I knew that, Bri,” Justin said. “And I was gonna have them save a tree for Mikey – or go with him when he went to get his - but now….”

“Now the problem has been turned over to Brian Kinney, the great problem-solver,” Brian pointed out. “So the problem is as good as solved….”

“Well you know I have confidence in you, Brian…” Justin replied – it being his turn to be dubious.

“You’re such a good friend of Cynthia, Baby,” Brian interrupted him. “So I guess you know her cousin, Marvin ….”

“Yeah, BK,” Justin recalled, “He has like – a dairy farm up Route 19 past Zelienople but ….”

“But you obviously do not know that Marvin also raises Christmas trees as a sideline, Mr. Taylor,” Brian informed him. “And I will make arrangements for us to go up there tomorrow afternoon and go into the wilds of Butler County and find our own perfectly ugly Charlie Brown Christmas tree….”

“Like we’ll be going into the woods with our axes over our shoulders, Bri?” Justin had to smile. “Like I did when I was the tin woodsman in our eighth grade production of Wizard of Oz?”

“Pretty much, Baby,” Brian affirmed, “and Jason can come too and Mikey – and whoever else you want to bring. I’ll bet we can find enough ugly trees for everybody….”

“That sounds like it just might work, Kinney,” Justin marveled. “Maybe you are the best problem-solver in the world. Should we start calling people right now?”

“Well we could,” Brian agreed. “Or we could just sit here right now and watch the fire….”

“Yeah,” Justin reconsidered. “We could call everybody tomorrow … if that wouldn’t be too late … or you could call Cynthia and get her to make the arrangements with Marv and I could call Jason and get him to call all the other people and we could be back here in five minutes….”

“Or we could make those calls in an hour or so.” Brian proposed. “ That wouldn’t be too late …”

At any rate, the discussion died out at this point for a considerable period. No phone calls were made so their postponement must have been agreed upon – tacitly at least. And it was a while before the conversation resumed too.

“Speaking of Charlie Brown trees, JT,” Brian reminded the kid. “We usually have to go over to Mikey’s and watch that holiday TV special about Charlie and his ugly tree – like we don’t know how it’s gonna come out after all these years - but you and Mikey still have to….”

“Hey, Kinney,” Justin turned the tables, “you and Mikey were watching that program every Christmas way back - before I was even born – so you can’t blame me for that….”

“Well you managed to escalate it, Taylor,” Brian maintained. “You can’t deny that. It used to be me and Mikey and the TV set. Now it’s like some huge religious ritual. And I know we’ll be going to Michael’s to see it too – cause that’s a tradition - so when is it this year?”

“Well it’s next Wednesday, Brian,” Justin told him hesitantly. “But this year we thought we’d observe it at Brandon and Jason’s for a change. Brandon is having dinner catered – and there’ll be Mikey and Ben, Malcolm and Hunter, Emmett and some new boy-friend, Ted and Blake, Johnny and Peter, Roger - and the girls are bringing Gus….”

“Maybe Burger Quick will cater, Sweetheart, and we’ll all have Gigantic-Burgers,” Brian laughed. “And then we might not live till Christmas….”

“I’ll warn Jason about that, Brian,” Justin laughed too. “Otherwise you might be right. You aren’t mad about the Charlie Brown TV party growing just a little bit?”

“Nope,” Brian squeezed him a little more tightly. “Not if that’s what you want. But let me give you a piece of advice, Mr. Taylor. Better not spring any stuff like that tomorrow when I have that axe over my shoulder.

“Do I look stupid, Kinney?” Justin grinned at him as they forgot to make those phone calls again.
 

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